Liu Jiangwei: "Success is desire, failure is desire." Desire is instinct, and it is difficult to control.
text/Liu Jiangwei
Eating, sexual desire, erotic desire, power desire, money desire, control desire, possessive desire, achievement desire, dominance desire, and dominance desire, etc. constitute the basic desire of human beings. Desire is an instinctive objective existence. Everyone has a unique desire and pursuit. This book is understandable, but it must be controlled. No matter what you pursue, you must stop at your own expense. No matter what shoes you buy, the most important thing is to fit your feet.
Desire is like water, just as appropriate, too much will cause disasters. The reason why we live tiring is often because we mistake desires for need, which makes ourselves exhausted and get deeper and deeper.
01 Desire is something that everyone has
Confucius said: "Eat, men and women, and the great desires of human beings are there." That is to say, human life is inseparable from two major things: to eat and reproduce offspring, which is human nature. Without these natural desires, people cannot survive, and there is no meaning to live. Desire is actually a need, a mentality that humans hope to meet their own needs. American sociologist Maslow divides it into five levels: 1. Physiology; 2. Safety; 3. Society; 4. Respect; 5. Self-realization.
These five desires are gradually satisfied from low to high. In this process of realization, desire is the internal motivation for people to produce various behaviors. In other words, it is precisely because people have the desire to satisfy their needs that they take practical actions to realize this desire, struggle, create, and enjoy the success brought by creation. And human happiness and happiness will also be produced in the process of creation and enjoyment. Therefore, ordinary people cannot be without desires or without trouble.
Desire is a nature for human beings. Reasonable desires can become our driving force for progress and ultimately bring us happiness; but unreasonable desires will make us fall into a quagmire that cannot be extricated, bringing more helplessness, pain, and confusion to our lives, and even making us give up on ourselves.
In other words, when desire is within the range of our ability, we can reap the happiness we desire; and when desire exceeds our ability, we will be firmly locked by the shackles of greed and become further and further away from happiness.
There was once a young man who successfully entered a Fortune 500 company after graduating from university, and he got a big order in the first month of joining the company, setting a new record in the business history of newcomers in this company. A large bonus, the praise of lovers, the envy of colleagues, the praise of superiors, and many praises began to fill his ears. As a result, this sudden sense of accomplishment made him feel a little satisfied. In this way, in the following year, he was completely captured by money and vanity, becoming a slave to desire, running around at work every day, and even using any means to get orders, the conflict with his colleagues began to become increasingly prominent. In the company, he was arrogant and his interpersonal relationship became more and more tense. Because he was pursuing money and fame, he spent less and less time with his lover, and the relationship between the two had cracks.
However, he was indifferent to all this, and his strong desire for success made him give up a lot of things. Once, he made a very unexpected mistake, but this mistake was not allowed to the company. His colleague's report completely fell into the abyss. Eventually, the company's leadership made a decision and he was fired by the company.
This heavy blow completely defeated him in one go. He fell ill and lay on the hospital bed. When he began to recall his life for more than a year, he suddenly realized that he had lost a lot in more than a year, blindly thinking that the more money he had, the more happiness he had. As a result, he could not remember how long he had not been with his parents, how long he had not talked to his lover, and how long he had not galloped on the court.
's sudden awakening made him regret.He called his parents, lovers, and friends one after another. He listened to familiar voices and kind greetings. Only then did he realize that money could not buy all happiness, and endless desires would only make himself farther and farther away from happiness. Each of us has desires, but not all desires can become reality. If a person wants to make himself happier, he does not increase his wealth, but reduces his desires. When we lower our desires, we will find that happiness is really within our reach, but we are just lost in desires.
A philosopher once said: "The reason why a person is happy is because his heart feels happy." Happiness is definitely a feeling of self, a kind of peace and coordination that comes from the depths of his heart. Whether a person is happy or not, whether he lives well or not, actually he must obey the voice of his heart.
One day, God and the angels held a special meeting in heaven. God said, "I want humans to find happiness after putting some effort. So let's discuss where is the best place to hide the secret of human happiness and happiness?" One of the angels said, "I think it should be hidden on the mountain. In this way, humans will definitely not discover it. They must make them make great efforts." After hearing this, God shook his head.
Another angel said, "Then hide it in the depths of the sea, humans will definitely not be able to discover it." God still shook his head when he heard this.
At this time, another angel spoke: "According to my opinion, it is better to hide the secret of happiness and joy in the hearts of human beings, because Human beings always look for their own happiness and joy outside, and no one ever thought of digging out the secret of happiness and joy in themselves. "
After hearing this, God thought this answer was very good.
From then on, the secret of happiness and joy has been hidden in everyone's heart. In fact, happiness is a feeling, it is around each of us, in every bit of life.
It can be seen that happiness is very simple for each of us, just like half a cup of water in a story. Some people say, "I only have half a cup of water." But some people say, "I still have half a cup of water!" Also, too much desire will make us feel happy, and happiness is sometimes just "half a cup of water".
In short, for humans, everyone has desires. Compared to a short life, not all desires can become reality.
Reasonable desires can allow us to reap the joy of success and let us touch happiness; while unreasonable desires can only make our lives flash like fireworks, making us unable to find our own happiness.
Happiness is actually in the hands of each of us. If we give up unreasonable desires, we will naturally be able to feel the happiness we longed for in our hearts, and will naturally give us a rich stroke of our beautiful life.
02 At the same time, without desire, there will be no success
Desire is sometimes a motivation to do things, which is very important for us, because when we encounter difficulties, potential desires can give us the motivation to overcome difficulties. Of course, people's desires are also diverse, and external manifestations vary from person to person.
Desire can become the number one driving force for action, desire can also drive us forward, and even desire can become the source of motivation for us to succeed, or it can also be said that there is no success without desire to a certain extent.
Of course, not all desires can become the driving force for our success. The most critical factor in the reason why desire can become the driving force for our success is whether it is adapted to our abilities and the real environment.
In Beijing, there is a boss Wang who is 45 years old this year.Many years ago, Boss Wang came to Beijing alone with more than 10,000 yuan. At first, he only operated a small restaurant, but now, he has dozens of large restaurants and a food processing factory in Beijing, with personal assets of nearly 100 million yuan. Boss Wang once said: "The bigger your dream is, the bigger your career is ." is what Boss Wang calls dream, but it is just another name for desire. From Boss Wang’s story, we can imagine how great the driving effect of desire on a person. Many of the desires of successful people come from real-world stimuli, and sometimes not positive stimuli.
When many successful people summarize their growth process, they often say: "I didn't expect that I would have these two tricks."
Why do these desires that even I think are not enough to realize become reality in the end? First of all, their desires or dreams are closer to reality and can be realized with just work hard. Secondly, this is the motivation and driving force that desire brings to them. We can imagine that their desire to change their identities and improve their social status provides a continuous stream of motivation and support for their struggle.
In short, people without desire cannot succeed. Without desire, it means without motivation. Without motivation, how can we achieve success? However, we must also understand that not all desires can become reality. Limited and tangible desires are the real motivation for us to move towards the palace of success, and also the guarantee for us to obtain happiness in life.
03 Desire is boundless, turning back is the shore
Human desires are infinite, but what is happiness? In fact, we all know that happiness is invisible or intangible. After all, happiness is a feeling of the soul and a perception of life. In other words, many people may think that happiness is very easy to obtain. In fact, we might as well look at how many people around us can say that they are happy? This is the human desire at work.
A gentleman accidentally knocked off the vase tray when he was moving a vase to bask in the sun.
So I went to the market to buy it. The shopping guide recommended him a pure gold pallet. At that time, he felt that there was nothing wrong with it, so he bought it. However, the shopping guide took the opportunity to guide him. Since the pallet has now become pure gold, the coffee table in the vase should be mahogany ; since the coffee table in the vase has become mahogany, then other furniture, such as beds, dressing tables and dining tables, , etc., should naturally be matched with noble mahogany. One piece after another, and in the end, the gentleman actually replaced the house and wife. Of course, this is just a fable. There is a saying that goes: "If you don't eat enough, you only have one worries; but if you eat enough, you have countless worries." In fact, this is the burden of desire.
At the beginning, human desires could be said to be small but humble and realistic. However, many factors such as the constant temptation from the outside world and the persuasion of others are like the air in the pump, which stretches the balloon called desire little by little, bulging. As a result, people have countless troubles.
As the saying goes, "A hole is big, and a wind is big." It is most appropriate to use this sentence to describe desire. Desire is a yeast hidden in the heart. In the sauce jar filled with jealousy, vanity and greed, it will ferment and change. A small piece will become bigger little by little, as big as a bucket, as big as a cow, so big that it surprises people.
A practitioner came to the temple to pay homage to the Zen master who practiced here, hoping to get the guidance of the Zen master to resolve the doubts in his heart.
The practitioner asked, "Zen Master, what is human desire?"
The practitioner glanced at the practitioner and said, "You go back first, come here at noon tomorrow. Remember not to eat or drink water."
Although the practitioner did not understand the Zen Master's intention, he still did it one by one. The next day, he came to the Zen master again.
"Are you thirsty and hungry now?" asked the Zen master.
"Yes, I can eat a cow now and drink a pool of water." The traveler replied.
The Zen master smiled and said, "Then come with me now."
The two of them walked a long way and came to a fruit forest. The Zen master handed the walker a huge pocket and said, "Now you can go to the fruit forest to pick delicious and attractive fruits, but you have to take them back to the temple to enjoy them. After that, you turned around and left.
When the sun sets, the walker finally came to the Zen master with a full bag of fruits, staggering and sweating.
"Now you can enjoy these delicious foods." "The Zen master said.
The practitioner couldn't wait to reach out and grab two big apples and chewed them in big mouthfuls. In an instant, the two apples were eaten clean by him. The practitioner stroked his bloated belly and looked at the Zen master in confusion.
"Are you still hungry now? Still thirsty? "The Zen Master asked.
"I can't eat anything now. ”
“Then what’s the use of these fruits that you have worked so hard to carry back but have not been eaten by you? "The Zen master pointed to the remaining fruits that were almost full of bags.
At this time, the walker suddenly realized. What we really need is "two apples" to satisfy our hunger, and those remaining desires are just useless burdens for us.
There was a story like this. A landlord visited a tribe leader, hoping to ask for a piece of land from the tribe leader. The leader said, you go west from here and make a mark. As long as you can walk back before the sun sets, the land between here and that mark is yours.
After the sun sets, the landlord still did not come back. It turned out that he had walked too far and finally died of exhaustion on the road.
I believe that the landlord has not forgotten the regulations that he must come back before the sun sets. He may even stop walking west more than once and prepare to go back. But at this moment, he thought, take a few more steps, so that he can get more land. In this way, desire leads him further and further away.
When we read this story, I believe many people will say that the landlord is too greedy. In fact, this is a temptation that many people cannot refuse. Because everyone has desires, it is human desires that many people even dare to try their own risks.
In short, desire is endless, and we cannot realize all our desires. Since we cannot fulfill all our desires, we will try to realize some wishes within our ability, which is actually a kind of happiness.
04 When desire loses control, it becomes the source of pain
Desire is the root of pain on the one hand, and on the other hand it is also the source of happiness. People without desire cannot know what happiness and pain are; and people with too many desires cannot feel the feeling of happiness. Each of us has desires, but not everyone's desire can eventually become reality.
As the saying goes, "A mountain looks high in one mountain" and "look at the top of the river". Yes, some people's desires are infinite. If this desire is realized, there is also that desire. Desire is more unrealistic than the other, which will inevitably bring pain. And this infinite desire that is out of reality will inevitably greatly reduce the happiness index.
In the jungle of South Africa, there are still primitive Sibro people living. Their hunting method is very simple, without hunting rifles, and even bows and arrows. It is to let the animals run into their trap by themselves.
Sibro people found a lot of mud, lay a mud of mud on the wetlands of the jungle, and then put a chicken or a hare on it, and then they started to wait.
Any animal that eats meat will be attracted by rabbits or chickens and step by step into traps. Animals that are trapped in passiveness will naturally attract larger animals.
Just like that, after a few days, many prey will be trapped on the mud. At this time, the Sibro people carried the wooden board and laid it on the mud to put the prey in their bags, which was easy.
Similarly, the Tenny people living on the Atlantic Island of Salatin have surprising similarities with the Sibro people. They have always lived a more primitive life, but their hunting method is not to use mud, but to use fine and dense sticky webs like spiders. They hang the sticky net on the tree, and birds, monkeys, and reptiles on the tree will fall into the trap.
Human beings have long entered the era of science and technology, and almost all fields have been improved. But strangely, people will still be fooled when faced with simple scams. In fact, human beings have not made any progress at this point. The reason is very simple. As long as people have desires, it is impossible to break those traps, including the most primitive and oldest traps.
Human greed is the root of human pain and the biggest obstacle to happiness. Human desires are infinite, and this is also an important reason why many people cannot be satisfied with their lives and think that they are unhappy.
There was once a king who held the power of the world. He should be satisfied, right? But in fact, he himself couldn't understand: why was he not satisfied with his life? Although he also consciously attended some interesting dinners and parties, these methods were useless and he always felt that there were some shortcomings.
One morning, the king decided to walk around the palace. When the king passed by the imperial kitchen , he heard someone humming a little song happily. Following the sound, the king saw that it was a chef singing, his face filled with happiness and joy. The king found it very strange, and he asked the chef why he was so happy? The chef replied, "Your Majesty, although I am just a chef, I have always tried my best to make my wife and son happy. We don't need much, there is a thatched hut on our heads and there is no shortage of warm food in our stomachs, so that's enough. The reason why I am so happy every day is because my family is happy every day."
Hearing this, the king asked the chef to retreat first, and then consulted the prime minister for this matter. The prime minister replied, "Your Majesty, I believe this chef has not become a '99 slave'."
The king asked in surprise, "'99 slave'? What is a '99 slave'?"
The prime minister replied, "Your Majesty, if you want to know exactly what a '99-clan slave' is, then first ask you to put 99 gold coins in a bag, and then put this bag in front of the chef's door. You will soon understand what a '99-clan slave' is." So, the king did as the prime minister said, and asked someone to put the cloth bag containing 99 gold coins in front of the happy chef's door.
When the chef came home, he found the cloth bag in front of the door. He curiously took the bag to the room. When he opened the cloth bag, he was very surprised and then ecstatic: gold coins! All are gold coins! So many gold coins! The chef poured all the gold coins in his bag on the table and started counting them, 99? The chef thought it shouldn't be this number, so he counted it over and over again, and it was indeed 99.
At this time, he began to wonder, there is no reason that there are only 99 pieces? No one will only install 99 pieces? So where did that gold coin go? The chef started searching at this time. He searched the entire room and the entire yard. It was not until he was exhausted that he was completely desperate and extremely depressed.
But he decided to start tomorrow and work harder and earn a gold coin as soon as possible so that his wealth can reach 100 gold coins.
However, because it was too hard to find gold coins at night, he woke up a little late the next morning and was in a very bad mood. He shouted at his wife and children, blaming them for not waking him in time, and even thought that they had affected his grand goal of earning a gold coins as soon as possible.
This time, he hurried to the imperial kitchen. He was no longer as happy as before, nor did he sing a song, nor did he whistle, but just worked hard, and did not even notice that the king was quietly observing him.
The king was very puzzled to see the chef's mood change so much, and couldn't figure out why he got so many gold coins without being ecstatic.
The king once again asked the prime minister. The prime minister replied: "Your Majesty, this chef has now officially joined the '99-clan slave'. The '99-clan slave' is such a type of person: they have many, but they are never satisfied, so they work hard and work hard for the extra one, hoping to achieve '100' as soon as possible."
In real life, isn’t this what many of us are like? When your career is booming and your wealth is growing day by day, are you happier than before, or is it the opposite?
Money can be exchanged for that kind of illusory happiness. Therefore, before striving to realize your desire, you must first figure out a truth: what are you pursuing? Then enjoy the joy of pursuit and gain.
05 Beware of the desire trap
In the eyes of many people, the more "desires" you realize, the happier you will be. But, is this really the case? Why sometimes the king's happiness index is lower than that of a chef?
In fact, happiness does not mean how much you have. Too much will become a roadblock that hinders your happiness. Because human desires are difficult to satisfy in many cases. If you have something, you will desire to have the next one, endlessly.
If you want to make yourself feel more happy, you can only restrain some unnecessary desires, such as house prices soaring, but you are not satisfied with your small residence. You know that you have to spend a lot of money in vain, but you still make up your mind to buy a house with a loan. This is actually adding a lot of trouble to yourself, and in the end you become a sucker, which is not worth the loss, let alone have any sense of happiness.
Xiaoyan planned to buy a new car, so she found a friend to accompany her to the car market to purchase. Xiaoyan is a working-classman and her income is very limited, so she set a bottom line for herself in advance: including registering a license, buying a car cannot exceed 100,000 yuan. As a result, Xiaoyan fell in love with a new car very early, so she took her friends directly to the 4S store today.
The shopping guide came towards him, with a professional smile and elegant gestures, skillfully introducing the performance, characteristics and price of this car. Xiaoyan also looked satisfied after listening to it. For Xiaoyan, this is indeed a very cost-effective car, and it also meets her selection criteria.
After having a rough understanding of the car, Xiaoyan is ready to sign the contract. However, when Xiaoyan and her friends walked to the glass table, the shopping guide smiled at them and said inadvertently: "Actually, this car is an old model from the previous two years. Recently, the company launched a new model. It has a more beautiful appearance and a more reasonable design. The price is only a few thousand yuan more expensive than this car. If you are interested, I can take you to take a look." Xiaoyan was a little moved because the design is more reasonable, and the price difference is not big.
Of course, the appearance of the new car is indeed much more beautiful. Xiaoyan was obviously moved and decided to give up buying the old car and buy a new car. At this moment, the shopping guide turned to Zhang Yan to recommend another series. She said: "In fact, the safety performance of this series of cars is slightly weaker. You might as well consider the xx series car. The price is only 6,000 yuan higher than the car you selected."
When Xiaoyan took a friend to the new car, Xiaoyan mocked herself: "I didn't expect that I just fell into the trap set by the shopping guide little by little. It turned out that the car I only planned to buy for 100,000 yuan, but the one who drove home was 120,000 yuan.My mortgage has just been paid off, and it seems that I have to mortgage the car again. "
Some people say that pain is reincarnation, but in fact these are the result of the continuous escalation of desire. people's dissatisfaction, human desires, and people's demands will make happiness that was already very close. Just like Xiaoyan in the story, she originally wanted to buy a car worth 100,000 yuan, but under the constant temptation of desire, she actually bought a car worth 120,000 yuan. It has to be said that too much desire will obviously bring us more dissatisfaction and will continue to lower our happiness index.
There was a female colleague who always chose the most fashionable one when she bought a mobile phone. But within a few months, new and popular styles appeared on the market. So she continued to buy new ones and sold them cheaply in the second-hand market. Her pursuit of fashion made her unable to stop, and she changed many mobile phones in a few years. Once she said with emotion that constantly changing mobile phones cost her tens of thousands of yuan, but the mobile phone she is using now is not the latest style. .
Another friend bought a new house before getting married. The area of the house is not particularly large. , is only more than 80 square meters, and the decoration is very simple and it doesn’t cost much money. My friend said that for his income, such an area and decoration are the most reasonable. If you buy a popular house of more than 100 square meters and then do a luxurious decoration, then in the next few years, he must consume in a moderate manner and repay the house payment in a planned manner, and life will not be so calm.
Friend said that after he moved into the new house, he felt very satisfied. He would not envy others with larger and more beautiful decorations, nor would he envy the luxurious villa, because that would make him unhappy for the rest of his life. We cannot say that this friend is a smart People know how to say "no" to desire. In our lives, how many people are being led by desire and going further and further, and they are less and less happy? ?
You should never expect it to completely eliminate our desire. What we can do is to trim it to make it more beautiful. Let your desires go, and it will be like a crazy-growing shrub, ugly. But if we can prune it frequently, then it can become a pleasing scenery. For fame and fortune, as long as it takes it well, uses it well, and benefits others, it will naturally not become a shackle of our souls.
6 Set the bottom line for desire, don’t let it destroy yourself
Since human desires are endless, then we should know how to set the bottom line for desire. As long as we strictly abide by this bottom line, we will not become slaves of desire, and we will feel happiness and happiness because we have achieved our established goals. Pain and happiness are actually just a difference in thought and a gap between a thread.
There was once a businessman who needed to go to the United States every year because of his work. In the United States, he once met a couple. On his 12th birthday, they gave him an lawnmower, as a gift. The son used it to mow the lawn for his neighbors. He used this money to buy Nike stocks, and made 80 dollars in less than 10 days.
In China, parents always teach their children how to learn, and rarely raise money in front of them, let alone teach them how to make money. This is actually the difference between culture and education between China and the United States. We cannot deny that China's basic education is good, but American education is more targeted and practical. After some thought, this businessman decided to educate his daughter about his financial affairs.
During a National Day holiday, the businessman took his daughter to the art exhibition, and an auction was held next to the exhibition hall. The businessman had a sudden inspiration: the auction hall is the most cruel and training place, and the opponent is right in front of him, and the world is determined. The bidder did not have too much time to think, nor did he maneuver. So the businessman briefly explained the auction rules to his daughter, and then took her to participate.
The businessman's daughter chose a musician's collection of tarot cards, and she admired the musician very much. The merchant told his daughter that this kind of tarot card is priced at 20 yuan normally, but because it is a collectible, it has feelings and history, so how much more are you willing to pay for your feelings and history?
After hearing this, my daughter thought about it and said she was willing to pay 100 yuan. The merchant said that, 100 yuan plus the original price of 20 yuan is your highest bid, and is also the bottom line. If you exceed this price, you must give up .
With the auctioneer's hammer sounding, the auction began. The daughter started raising the sign, and the businessman sat next to her, looking at her daughter looking very nervous, afraid that others would bid with her.
The businessman looked around and found that there were still many bidders, and the bidder did not give up because she was a child. The price has been increased to 100 yuan. At this time, the merchant's daughter was a little discouraged and muttered in a low voice: "Oh no, it's coming soon!"
When the merchant heard this, it was broken. This was the most taboo in the auction, and he showed off his trump card. The businessman touched his daughter with his elbow, and the daughter realized that she had said the wrong thing, but this was powerless to save. Tarot cards rose all the way, crossing the 120 yuan bottom line. daughter still wanted to hold the sign, but the businessman stopped her daughter's actions.
Walking out of the auction hall, the businessman comforted his depressed daughter: "Although you didn't get that tarot card, what you learned today is more valuable than this deck. First, human desire is endless . Today you learn to set the bottom line for desire , which is very good. Many people fail because they don't control the bottom line and become slaves of desire. Second, it doesn't matter, the key is to know where to lose. You made two technical mistakes today Wrong, One is to let the opponent see that he has insufficient experience; The other is to not say that, gives the trump card to others, which is a big taboo in the mall. In fact, in many cases, the level of competitors of is often comparable. Whoever wins in the end often depends on his mentality. auction is obviously a concentrated society, and the participants are your competitors, and you must find a way to defeat them. ”
After hearing this, my daughter smiled at the businessman, still with a look of loss on her face. The merchant asked her, if the owner of the tarot card was not the musician, would you still like it so much? The daughter shook her head and the businessman said, "Didn't you always ask me what product added value? This is actually the added value of products. "
"Actually, each of us is the same. You are now on the same starting line as the classmates in the class, but your position will be different after 10 years. Your social status and quality of life often depend on your added value - knowledge reserves, work experience and innovation ability . In fact, Dad can buy this deck of tarot cards as a gift for you, but I still hope that you can get it with your own abilities. Because in this process , you have grown up and gained something, this is the best gift I give you today. ”
As it is true, everyone’s desires are infinite. If we do not set the bottom line for our desires, then we will definitely become slaves of desires and eventually fall into an unextinguishable abyss , letting ourselves pass by the goddess of happiness. Only by setting the bottom line for our desires and being able to strictly abide by this bottom line can we ensure our happiness index and prevent endless desires from ruining our happiness.
07 It is difficult to be pure in one's heart and few desires; it is even more difficult to be indifferent and clear in one's ambitions
There is a war between people and desires that will never end without gunpowder. Either people suppress desires or enslave people . When desires are flooded, even if the thoughts are open, they cannot help but pull people into the abyss of fall. If a person is too greedy, his nature will become cowardly, and he may succumb to desire and do things that should not be done against his will.
There is a circulating in the market. One night, a few bosses who were full of wine and burping were talking, and one of them showed off to everyone, "I can call someone with just one phone number!" After that, he patted his chest and bet with everyone, "Who calls? If he doesn't come, I'll treat you tomorrow night, the whole thing! If he comes, you can treat me." After that, the boss took out his cell phone and called. A moment later, someone appeared in the hotel...
The truth of the matter cannot be verified, but there are indeed many such rumors. More than two thousand years ago, Confucius' student Zengzi had made a thorough analysis of the cause of this phenomenon. He said: "If you give me a gift, I will not be arrogant. I can do not fear... Those who receive others fear others, and those who give others are proud." Indeed, "Those who receive others are always afraid of others, and those who give others are always proud." This is the same as what the people often say, "eat others' short mouths and take others' hands short." If we accept the benefits of others for nothing, we will inevitably cater to other people's will, which will lead to our always passive position in front of the other side. And the giver often does not give it for free, and always has a certain purpose. Therefore, I would like to advise my friends to control their desires in the face of the benefits they have been given for no reason, otherwise they will be like the person who has come in a hurry, like a puppet at the mercy of someone, without a soul, dignity, integrity, and being led by the nose.
To avoid this kind of helplessness that is controlled by others, we need to restrain our desires on a reasonable scale, be clear-hearted but have few desires, be indifferent and keep our ambitions, so that we can always stay strong and live forever.
There is a similar scene in "A Chinese Ghost Story":
Ghost thought of possessing Ning Caichen, and asked him, "What do you want? I can satisfy you."
Ning Caichen replied, "I don't have any wishes."
Ghost asked him again, "Don't you want to get rich?"
Ning Caichen answered, "Don't you want to get rich?"
Ning Caichen answered, "Don't you want to be famous?"
Ning Caichen answered, "Don't you want to be famous?"
Ning Caichen answered, "Don't you want to be famous?"
Ning Caichen answered, "Don't you want to be famous."
Ghost still was unwilling to accept it: "Then do you like beauty? ”
Ning Caichen replied: "I don't like it."
There is no desire, and there is no way for ghosts to deal with people. Therefore, Mencius said: "There is nothing better than few desires to cultivate the heart. People have few desires. Even if there are no desires, there are few. People have many desires, and even if there are no desires, there are few." This is to warn us to restrain our increasingly expanding desires, otherwise our character will deteriorate, that is, the more we seek, the greater our loss.
Lin Zexu also has his own unique insights into this. His famous couplet: " The sea is full of tolerance, and the wall stands thousands of feet without desires, and the wall is strong without desire. The meaning of this sentence is: The reason why the sea is infinitely wide is because it can accommodate many rivers. Here we refer to the hearts of people ; The reason why the cliff can stand tall is because it has no worldly desires. It is based on the metaphor that only by being pure and having few desires can people reach the state of "righteousness (strong)".
When Lin Zexu banned smoking, he used it as his motto, intending to warn himself: Only by adopting the words of others can he learn from others' strengths and do things better; Only by eliminating selfish desires can he be as upright as a mountain and stand tall in the world. Lin Zexu was ordered to alert himself in times of national crisis. The spirit he advocated is really admirable and has great reference significance for us.
08 Limit desire to the scope permitted by morality
Desire will exist more or less, however, once there is greed that violates morality, whether one can suppress desire with morality and overcome greed is the watershed between a person's success and failure.
If you have desires, you will try every means to pursue them. If you cannot pursue them hard, you will suffer troubles. Throughout history, many greedy and fame have ruined their future and lives for this. Heshen, the favorite minister of the Qianlong period of the Qing Dynasty, was the most famous corrupt official in the world. It is said that his family property was more than the national treasury. However, such a corrupt official wrote a poem of insight before hanging himself:
The night is as bright as water, and I am so sleepy that I can't stretch.
A hundred years were originally a dream, and it was a waste of effort for 30 years.
The room is hard to calculate, and the wall is high and the spring cannot be seen.
The stars are ringing the cold moon, and the lonely ministers are crying.
I am sad about the past and amnesty.
There is not much material left in the rest of my life, and I let down Jiu Chu Ren.
The ancients said: "When a person is about to die, his words are good." This is a poem written by the corrupt official Heshen in prison. The two lines in the poem "I am sad about the past when facing the scenery, and I am sorry for this body when I am talented." can be called a stroke of genius. Looking at Heshen’s poems, he has a deep understanding! It’s a pity that desire hurt him, and he woke up too late.
Gu Kaizhi was the prefect of Wujun, the Eastern Jin Dynasty and Song Dynasty. Because of his simple politics and strict integrity, he was always respected by people.
One day, a friend of his came to visit him and told him: "Your son Gu Chuo, over the years, he has accumulated a lot of money by any means. Moreover, he is lending money and collecting high profits by any means. If he is not regulated, it will become more and more serious!"
Send his friend away, and Gu Kaizhi calls his son Gu Chuo. Ask Gu Chuo to open the box full of bonds. He looked carefully and found that there was no fake. He straightened his waist and suddenly called out loudly:
"Come here!"
Several servants ran over. They carried a box of bonds into the yard, lit a fire, and then suddenly put all the bonds into the fire.
After burning the bonds, Gu Kaizhi said to his servants again: "It is rumored that someone borrowed Gu Chuo's debts in the village. One is written off and there is no need to pay them back!" When the villagers, those who borrowed money and did not borrow money, heard this news, they praised Gu Kaizhi's character of being strict with himself, strict with his children, and honest and fair.
Wealth is a symbol of the development of human civilization. Pursuing wealth and owning wealth is not the weakness of human nature. The key is the way to obtain wealth.
A gentleman loves money and takes it with a good idea. The wealth earned through one's own wisdom and ability is a person's glory; using power to embezzle and accept bribes to accumulate wealth is violated by criminal law. Gu Kaizhi's son Gu Chuo made money by lending usury, which is an unkind and unjust act. Having ill-gotten wealth is not far from disaster. After all, Gu Kaizhi was very sensible. He designed to burn his son's bonds. On the surface, it made his son lose some property, but in the long run, it was an eradication of hidden dangers in his son's life, which was a wise move.
People who are pure and have few desires regard money and fame as external things. will not be controlled by desire. They can freely control the fate of people's lives and enjoy the joy of gaining without desire.
During the Eastern Jin Dynasty, Wu Yin's official position was recommended by his former neighbor Han Kangbo, and then he continued to be promoted. However, he did not let his life become luxurious with his official promotion and still lived a poor life. The subordinates were all a little puzzled. Someone once asked him: "You study hard and don't want to improve your life with your current status. Don't you feel a little at a disadvantage?"
Wu Yinzhi said: "If a person is studying and becoming an official just for greed for wealth, his life will be very vulgar and his life will be tasteless. Studying and becoming an official is a bad thing for these people, and it is a platform to promote their degeneration. What's the praise for? I don't want to be such a person." Wu Yinzhi receives his salary every month, and the first thing he does is to help poor relatives, friends and neighbors.His family did not agree at first, and often blamed him: "You are not greedy or not, this is rare among officials. Our family is not rich. If you give the salary you earned from your hard work to others for nothing, it is better to be a commoner than to be an official!"
In order to make your family understand him and do their work patiently, Wu Yinzhi advised them: "It is not easy to get rid of greed, it requires hard work all the time. I am also worried that once I become rich, I will start to pursue enjoyment. It is a good thing to be more miserable now!"
Wu Yinzhi is honest and virtuous. The court has repeatedly praised him and trusted him very much. When officials in the wealthy Guangzhou area were corruption scandals, the court appointed Wu Yinzhi as the governor of Guangzhou - at that time, he was the highest official in the Guangzhou area. After taking office in Guangzhou, Wu Yinzhi lived up to expectations and severely punished a large number of corrupt officials and illegal businessmen, making local customs more simple and officials abide by the law.
The great contribution of Wu Yinzhi to be able to be not greedy and respected should be remembered by his desireless heart. People without desire will not do things like chickens and dogs because of poverty, nor will they become extravagant because of wealth; people without desire will not flatter others because of power, nor will they make money and accumulate wealth.
We are often entangled by desire, and we are stirred by desire to eat and sleep well. Life is just a few decades, who can have no ideas? , and who doesn’t want to live more comfortably? Therefore, desire controls us like a headless fly, making us exhausted both body and mind, but it is difficult to get something. Have no desire but be happy. What we lack is a kind of indifferent and clear mind and the state of old monk entering into meditation. Try to explore this state and find the happy life that belongs to us.
Author Profile
Liu Jiangwei, from Rudong, Jiangsu, member of the Chinese Mathematical Society, editor-in-chief of editor of CNKI Dacheng Editor, special editor of "Curriculum Education Research", dean of Xuesitang Education Research Institute, dean of the Senior Training Institute of Teachers and Students, founder of "Liu Jiangwei Entrepreneurship Laboratory", founder of "YOUSTUDY Specialized Transfer Training". Member of Changzhou Psychological Counselors Association, holder of enterprise human resources manager (national professional qualification) certificate, holder of principal certificate of training institution of the Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security, family education instructor, innovation and entrepreneurship instructor, senior entrepreneurship instructor, senior enterprise trainer, senior etiquette trainer, senior business negotiation, senior project manager, senior administrative manager, senior professional manager, registered international professional manager (CIPM), registered international senior vocational trainer (CISPL), international registered human resources manager (ICHRM), registered international psychological counselor (CIPC), registered international senior etiquette trainer (CISET) .
