Author: Xuanzi (author of Fushu)
Once read a sentence in the book:
"Adult emotions are often the result of their own game with themselves. If you figure it out, you will send flowers all the way. If you can't figure it out, you will continue to draw the ground as a prison."
Life always gives us a series of difficult problems, no matter how you solve it, you will regret it.
When we are deeply trapped in right or wrong, love and hate, gain or loss, we are actually weaving a cage for ourselves.
Only by being sober in everything, not being obsessed with the past, and not being entangled in the present can we reach a better future.
The greatest wisdom in life is half understood, half forget it.
I understand that the three views are different, and I just want to argue
What is different views are ?
There is a very praiseworthy answer on the Internet:
"The different views do not mean that you like reading books and he likes to play games, but when you share the good sentences you read with him, he tells you that reading is useless;
different views do not mean that you like to travel, he likes to stay at home, but when you immerse yourself in the vastness and colorful world, he tells you that travel is meaningless."
Everyone can only think about problems from their own cognitive perspective. Many words are not speculative because of different views.
In the American drama " Friends ", there is a scene:
During a dinner, archaeologist Ross was surprised to hear that his friend Phoebe , who is a masseur, said that he did not believe in evolution theory .
He asked Phoebe why she didn't believe it. Phoebe said that she felt that the conclusion of Darwin 's research was too simple.
This made Ross unacceptable. He immediately told a lot of professional knowledge that wanted to convince Phoebe. Phoebe was unmoved after hearing this and still insisted on his point of view.
Ross said angrily: "Theory of evolution is not used to make you believe, but the scientific truth." After
Afterwards, he found Phoebe again with a box of scientific research reports, but Phoebe didn't even look at it, and said impatiently to Ross:
"Why do you insist on forcing everyone to agree with you?"
Finally, Ross had to leave helplessly.
As the saying goes, different positions are expensive; different cognitions are different, no arguments are not argued; different views are less talked about.
Ancient saying goes: "Only if you don't fight, no one in the world can compete with it."
Faced with people with different views, instead of forcibly persuading and falling into argument, it is better to remain silent and I am safe.
can be compatible with different opinions. It is a person's greatest wisdom to be calm and tolerant when facing different opinions than oneself, and tolerate those who do not argue.
Understand the impermanence of love and hate, just entanglement
I once saw a story online.
The girl was with the boy for three years. After an argument, the boy broke up with the girl, and the girl thought the boy was angry with her.
Until the boy left without answering the phone or replying the message, the girl realized that the boy had really changed.
But the girl didn't give up. She came to the boy's house and company, crying and begging him not to leave him.
But even though she lost all her self-esteem and was so humble that she still couldn't save this relationship.
Writer Susan Forward once said: "What brings a relationship into a tragic result is obsession."
There are too many relationships in the world that cannot withstand the test of the world, too many feelings, and cannot withstand the changes of time.
People's hearts are repeated, love and hate are impermanent. Instead of being unwilling to be entangled and struggling, it is better to let go of your obsession and let yourself go.
1944, 24-year-old talented woman from the Republic of China, met Li Yanling, a gentle, passionate and considerate university professor, and the two soon fell in love.
Although Li Yanling's fame and income are far less than her, Pan Liudai didn't care at all.
In love, she expressed her happiness and sweetness in articles many times.
Not long after, the two held a wedding in Shanghai. Pan Liudai, who was immersed in happiness, even published an article "I am Married" to swear to his marriage.
Unexpectedly, Li Yanling cheated less than half a year after marriage, and Pan Liudai was pregnant at this time.
After cheating, Li Yanling was no longer gentle and considerate to Pan Liudai, and often scolded her for a little bit of things.
Pan Liudai was not entangled with love. She decisively filed for divorce and completely cut off contact with Li Yanling.
After the divorce, Pan Liudai not only ushered in a career success, but also met Jiang Xiaozhong who truly loved him.
Many years later, when this marriage was mentioned again, Pan Liudai just said lightly: "That was just a failed marriage."
all say that adult feelings are not questioned or explained, they are suddenly separated, they are naturally reduced, and they are a kind of cold tacit understanding.
Mo Yan once said: "If you don't like it, you don't like it, there is no reason. Just like a gust of wind blows, what you have to do is pat the dust on your body, turn around, and walk away quietly."
Those who want to leave cannot be kept; those who don't love, don't bother with them, let go of the wrong ones to meet better ones.
Love is cut off, love and hate are impermanent, without leaving any sorrow or entanglement, is the most appropriate way for an adult to let go and the greatest wisdom.
It is understandable that gains and losses will go with the flow, just be careful
Valenda is a famous American performer of tightrope walking at high altitudes. He unfortunately fell and died in a major performance.
His wife said afterwards:
"I have always been worried that something might happen to this performance, because before he went on stage, he kept saying, 'This time is too important, and he cannot fail'.
And every time he performed successfully in the past, he only thought about walking the tightrope itself, and ignored what the result would bring." After
, psychologists called this mentality of over-valued results and worrying about gains and losses "Valenda mentality ".
Life is a process of constantly gaining and losing.
When a person cares too much about gains and losses, it often won’t make the result of things better, and in the end they will lose more.
Old Shanghai celebrity Yan Youyun at the age of 112. She has experienced the ups and downs of her life, but has always maintained an open-minded and optimistic attitude.
Once, her home was stolen, and many valuable items that had been treasured for many years were stolen.
The people around me came to comfort me when they found out, but she said:
"All bad things can happen, which is the lightest. I just lost my property, my life, health and family are not hurt."
When I was old, Yan Youyun, who loved beauty, spent a lot of time and money to inlaid and grind her teeth.
Once, when I was taking a taxi, the driver braked suddenly and knocked off her teeth that had been inlaid.
's daughter was beside her sadness and regret for her, but Yan Youyun smiled and said:
"It's okay, it's okay, it turns out that this tooth fell off by itself, maybe it doesn't want to install it."
Yan Youyun often says, get to the fate, don't worry about it, every moment in the present is the gift given by God, you must enjoy it well.
In the interview, when the media asked about the secrets of longevity, she shared: "Don't be sad about the past, don't worry about gains and losses, and always look forward."
As Haruki Murakami said:
" Life is so long, those gains and losses of a city and a pool are nothing compared to where you really want to go. "
Every time you get it, it is a gift of destiny; every loss is a kind of tempering and practice.
The best mentality and greatest wisdom are a person's best mentality and greatest wisdom.
I like a passage very much:
"If you can't figure it out, don't think about it; if you don't really think about it, delete it; if you can't keep it, don't.
Life is so short, why bother to be too embarrassed; if you are so tired, why continue to be tired.
Life is your own, life is your own, happiness is your own, you feel it yourself, and you make your own decision."
has experienced prosperity and vanity, and has been used to seeing the warm and coolness of human feelings, and is at peace with the impermanence and changes, and is at ease with the beginning and end of fate.
Don’t argue with right or wrong, don’t entangle love and hate, don’t care about gains and losses, because I understand, so I forget it.
for more than a lifetime, I hope we can all have the wisdom of life and always move towards the sun.
Author Profile : Xuanzi, a columnist of Fushu, a post-80s mother who wants to use words to heal herself and influence others. 's new book "Life Good" is being sold hot, and it is upgrading its life awareness with 5 million people. This article: Fushu, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu. It is not allowed to be reproduced without authorization. Infringement will be pursued.
