Colleagues often talk about the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Listening to their mess, I always thought my mother-in-law was very good; but since I had a child, I felt that the direction of things seemed a little confused.
1,
Chen Lei and I went to his house for the first time about a year after we confirmed our relationship.
Looking at the dishes placed on the table, I was also a little surprised: it was almost all the things I like to eat, and there were no scallions I hate.
I was satisfied with that meal and secretly rejoiced: Chen Lei’s taste at home is similar to mine, and he doesn’t have to settle for each other in terms of living habits after getting married.
Later I heard Chen Lei say that he accidentally said at home that I was very picky about eating food, liked to eat beef and shrimp, and did not eat chopped green onion. His mother remembered the unintentional sentence in his heart.
This made me involuntarily feel good about my future mother-in-law.
After meeting, my mother-in-law would call me about three days, ask about my work status, tell me to add more clothes and reduce them, and ask me to go back for dinner from time to time.
Even if Chen Lei is not at home, it doesn’t matter if I go alone. I treat me like a daughter-in-law.
I also think I have a good relationship with my expectant mother-in-law.
After getting married, my mother-in-law and father-in-law also moved to the same community under the name of taking care of us.
It is indeed as they said. When we go to work, our mother-in-law will come to the house to clean our room and clean our room. She will also prepare the food and put it on the table before we get home from get off work and can eat as soon as we enter the door.
In those years, I felt that I was living too happy: I kept a distance from my parents-in-law and enjoyed the benefits they brought. As a wife, I did not take on the responsibility of taking care of the family, and I also had the elderly to serve us.
Chen Lei in turn advised me: "Don't have any burden, my mother loves to mess around. Besides, she is retired and doesn't like to dance square dance, and doesn't like playing cards. If she doesn't find anything to pass the time for her, she will probably be even more sad."
Since Chen Lei has said this, I will be at ease.
2.
I found something different when I went home that day.
I forgot to wash the night before and the underwear I put in the bathroom was actually hung on the balcony!
I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable.
Since I was in the fifth grade of elementary school, I have washed my underwear by myself. Even my mother, I will not let her interfere. I always feel that this is my privacy. Being seen or interfered by others is to peek at my privacy.
I opened the wardrobe again, and the underwear piled up inside was sorted out in an orderly manner, and it was placed in different categories using storage grids. Looking at Chen Lei's wardrobe, it was similar to mine, and the underwear was all neatly folded and divided into several stacks according to the color.
At that moment, my heart suddenly felt like I was caught by a cat, and it was unspeakable.
The bedside head has been tidied up, and even the bedside table has been cleaned up again.
I suddenly remembered that our family planning supplies were placed on the head of the bedside of Chen Lei. Could it be that they were also cleaned up, right?
As expected, the things that were originally scattered in the drawer are now all packed in a beautiful small iron box!
On the night, Chen Lei and I talked about this, but Chen Lei disagreed: "What's the matter? My mother has cleaned up my clothes since she was a child. You are all women, and you don't have to see your things. There is nothing wrong with that. My mother has seen it a long time ago. It's no big deal!"
But I don't agree. Even if my mother-in-law took care of Chen Lei in this way before, now Chen Lei is already an adult and has his own family, some aspects of care seem too redundant.
After my repeated requests, Chen Lei agreed to talk to his mother-in-law.
It may be that Chen Lei touched his mother-in-law. Since then, she has entered the master bedroom and has never touched our personal supplies again.
3,
Before getting married, Chen Lei and I agreed to play for three years first and then consider having a baby after three years.
Just got married for a year, and my mother-in-law began to give birth.
She is not urging her on the surface, but is urging her through various fancy styles.
For example, when I went out to have a party with my friends, I would not mention a friend when I came back, but only mentioned how well-behaved other people's grandson was. When I went shopping with us, she didn't look at any clothes, and rushed straight to the infant and toddler clothing area, and then took out all kinds of small clothes to sway in front of us. She also bought books such as "Heidi's Pregnancy Encyclopedia" and "Concorde Expert's Pregnancy Encyclopedia" and placed them on our bedside when we were not here during the day.
In short, fancy styles give birth to everything.
However, as long as there is no urging on the surface, I can pretend that I don’t know. Anyway, according to her mother-in-law's personality, she would not tell me these things directly, she would only nag Chen Lei.
Sure enough, after a series of measures failed, she called Chen Lei home and released it after two hours.
I asked Chen Lei what his mother-in-law was looking for him.
"Isn't it just a matter of having a baby? She's embarrassed to tell you, she can only talk about me."
"What did mom say?"
"Ask why we are not pregnant yet? Is the posture wrong? I asked us to read more related books and learn effective postures. I also asked us if there is any problem with our health. You said this old lady, I clearly told her that she had rebirth after two years, but she was still anxious!"
Chen Lei was playful and still had a big boy's character. If he had a child now, he might be the one who lost the most. According to his words, I was about to be tied up by the child before I even had enough fun!
But no matter how unhappy Chen Lei was, he could not resist his mother-in-law's mumbling in his ears.
The third year of marriage, when we were supposed to be pregnant, our child was already born.
4.
When I was pregnant, I was almost confessed by my mother-in-law to become the Supreme Emperor.
As soon as she entered the house, she snatched my bag, for fear that my bag would affect the child; at night, she even had to wash my feet and wipe my body!
At that time, I was only over 120 pounds, and my child was pregnant quite steadily. Is there anything I can't do it by myself? Besides, isn’t Chen Lei still there? Even if you can't do it yourself, Chen Lei can still help me!
But my mother-in-law refused to rely on her and said that Chen Lei was frustrated and his movements were not serious. She was afraid that she would hurt the child accidentally, so she insisted on doing it herself.
After biting the bullet and "enjoying" my mother-in-law's service, I don't want to have a next time. I would rather not wash my feet or wipe my body.
For this reason, my mother-in-law complained to Chen Lei in private, saying that she didn't see it. Sometimes I have a stubborn temper.
When I had just given birth and was still in the hospital, my mother-in-law volunteered to take care of me, and drove Chen Lei back, nestled on the short sofa, and dealt with him for several nights.
I felt a little guilty and asked her to go back and change Chen Lei.
"What can he do here? I'll do it. You sleep with yours, don't worry about me."
The next day, the confinement nanny we hired was on duty, but the mother-in-law still didn't go back, and she and the confinement nanny were squeezed on the sofa.
"After all, confinement nanny is an outsider, and she is not that caring, so it is better for her family to come."
But there are some things I would rather be from outsiders than facing my mother-in-law.
For example, breast massage to induce milk.
My breast duct was a little blocked and the breasts were not smooth. My mother-in-law lifted my clothes and massaged me.
My mood at that time is really hard to describe.
In front of the doctor, you won’t feel embarrassed even if you are naked; in front of the confinement nanny, the same is true. In my eyes, they are all professionals. We are just their patients or the objects they need to take care of, and have no other identities. If
can be switched to others, will you still feel so open-minded?
I can't do it.
During the day, my mother-in-law also wants to pour me a urinary pot, change the pads, and wipe my body.
I felt extremely ashamed, but I couldn't move myself and could only let her mercy.
There were several times when Chen Lei was also on the scene. I signaled him to help me do these things. As soon as I said that, my mother-in-law stopped him: "Can he do these things? Forget it, I'll do it, don't dirty his hands."
At that time, I just hoped to be discharged from the hospital soon and return to my own small home.
5.
went home. I thought everything would be independent, but I thought I would hire a nanny to have a confinement nanny, and a month would be gone. But unexpectedly, my mother-in-law also moved in.
Chen Lei was very happy: "Mom has experience, so let her take care of you, and there is no need to find a nanny anymore."
Chen Lei was happy not only because he saved a lot of money, but more importantly, his mother-in-law didn't let him interfere in the child's affairs at all, and even had to take her to sleep with him at night, so he was happy.
But I don’t agree. The child is still in confinement and needs to eat milk at night. It’s inconvenience to live with my mother-in-law. It’s inconvenient for me to feed.
This time my mother-in-law listened to me.
It can be in the middle of the night. As long as the child makes a move, purr a few times or turns over, she will rush into our room as soon as she picks up the child and coaxes him.
For several days, my mother-in-law was worried that it would affect Chen Lei's sleep, so she simply asked Chen Lei to move to the guest room and live in the master bedroom.
is over, and I feel that my poor sleep affects milk production. I said to me, "I wake up at night, you don't have to get up. I carry the child to your side, pull your clothes apart and feed it to the child. You don't have to worry about it, sleep with you."
As I heard this, my head was over.
My mother-in-law does not have bad intentions, but I feel like I have become a fixed breastfeeding tool.
In one month, I can occasionally hug the child. Chen Lei’s time to hug the child is probably not an hour in total. The rest of the time is held by his mother-in-law. During the day, even when the child falls asleep, she will hold it and refuse to let go.
Isn’t it what Chen Lei and I should do? Why has it become a mother-in-law now?
6,
After maternity leave, I started working, and my mother-in-law also returned to her home, but we still needed them to help me take care of her when we were at work. What I thought was that after get off work, we would take the child back and take care of her.
Every morning, my mother-in-law comes to pick up the child. Sometimes before we get up, she rushes over without hesitation, holds the child and leaves, and doesn’t care whether the two adults on the bed are disheveled.
The weekend is no exception. As usual, I come to pick up my children at home around 6 o'clock.
Once, Chen Lei and I were in love with each other and went crazy, my mother-in-law rushed in again, scaring us both stunned on the spot.
My mother-in-law looked straight and walked around the big bed to the side of the small bed. She picked up the child and shouted the child's name while leaving Chen Lei alone, leaving me and I was so embarrassed that we were so embarrassed.
What makes me even more angry is that sometimes I can’t pick up the children from my mother-in-law!
"The child fell asleep, so he let him sleep here, and he woke up again when he was carried back."
"The child played for a day today, and was tired, didn't want to move anymore, and didn't want to go back with you."
But I clearly saw the child smiling and waving to me, how could he look a little tired?
There were several times when I forced the child back, and my mother-in-law was so angry that she cried at home, saying that I didn’t trust them.
has no choice but to let the child stay at her mother-in-law's house and not come back in the next few days, which is considered to be a compensation for her.
When it comes to children's issues, the mother-in-law always puts herself in the position of mother.
She remembers clearly how many clothes the child sneezes, coughs a few times, says a few words, and eats every detail; she must check what clothes the child wears every day.
When she was not satisfied with the clothes I put on the child, I went out and she changed the back of the child;
The cough medicine prescribed by the doctor, the child was still coughing once, and she would immediately change to her method;
When the child was sleeping, I would put some light music for him, and when I turned around, my mother-in-law would turn it off immediately, because the child was too young, which would affect his hearing!
7.
I told Chen Lei about these discomforts, and Chen Lei advised me: "Isn't this good? How easy we are."
I also complained to my friend, and my friend said to me: "You are content. With such a mother-in-law who has helped you with everything, why are you not satisfied? Do you have to do what you have to do yourself?"
I don't agree with this statement.
Since I have children, Chen Lei and I were naturally given the responsibility of our mother and father, rather than being deprived of this responsibility by our mother-in-law and then claiming to be our own good. I don't want to have such ease as
.
For example, Chen Lei was originally playful, but now he has a child. In theory, he has consciously had the responsibility of his father, but his mother-in-law's stubbornness made him not understand the responsibilities he had to fulfill as a father. Until now, he has not been able to get into the role.
The sorting of relationships in a family is first of all the husband-wife relationship, and then the parent-child relationship. The husband-wife relationship relies on the parent-child relationship. Only when the two experience the hardships of life, the difficulties and tests of childbirth together can they develop more stably; and in a stable husband-wife relationship, children can experience the love of their parents and form a good personality.
My mother-in-law's insertion made me start to feel resentful to her, and Chen Lei and I have completely opposite attitudes also made a gap between us. Moreover, Chen Lei and I have never experienced the hardship and happiness of raising children together, and each of us is still in our previous identities. Can the family with our own formation be stable?
The child is doting by his mother-in-law. It has not had much impact before he was one or two years old. But as he gets older, the more sensible the child becomes. My discipline on him will naturally reduce his power due to his mother-in-law's doting, which is likely to lead to personality deviations.
I am grateful to my mother-in-law for her meticulous care for us, but any kind of care has its own boundaries. It is not that the closer the better, nor is it that the more you help, the better. The care of the person who is in charge of the work will not only not make people grateful, but will instead pull the relationship further.
