That's because I also have the role of a father. Watching the weak children grow up day by day, I often recall the unfair treatment I was forced to accept at that age, and I feel extremely sad in my heart.

After thinking about it for a long time, I decided to start recalling and writing about my childhood experiences. Of course these experiences are very bad.

Why did you think of writing this? That's because I also have the role of a father. Watching the weak children grow up day by day, I often recall the unfair treatment I was forced to accept at that age, and I feel extremely sad in my heart. I am very afraid that I will become that kind of parent and force my children to suffer the same sins that I suffered when I was a child. So every time I am with my child, I am very nervous, and I am particularly afraid that the bad personality developed from my childhood experience will hurt him.

Fortunately, my self-control ability is not bad. Although my children are somewhat afraid of me, overall, I have basically controlled my strange emotions and have not caused any negative psychology to my children. And my children are very kind to me. And these have become my motivation to live. After all, I think all disasters will end with my generation. Even if I feel wronged in silence, I will not pass on any of the sins that the previous generation inflicted on me to my children.

Let’s start with the first thing I remember today.

I was probably less than 6 years old at that time. In that era, there were no such close-fitting thermal pants as now. Children in that era would wear home-made cotton pants in winter. Due to the lack of supplies, my family was not even willing to buy buttons, so they were too bulky. The cotton trousers are tied with long belts, and some are even overalls .

I remember it was a cold winter, because I put on the thickest pair of cotton pants at home, and my mother went to work early because of her work. Only my father and I are left at home. It was probably in the morning, and I wanted to poop, but I couldn't untie my cotton pants. The toilet in the courtyard was less than 200 meters away from my home. I ran home from the toilet again, and anxiously told my father that I couldn't open it. The buttons and straps on the cotton pants made me want to shit. My dad became anxious when he heard this, and he scolded me loudly, "You mlgbd are a waste, you can't unbutton the cotton pants you wear nmb! What the fuck! (There will be many pinyin initials like this in future articles. , it’s not that I like to curse, but my dad loves to curse, just like a shrew in a rural area. You can curse for a few minutes without repeating the same thing, and the curse is so catchy that you once doubt that cursing is normal speech. Moreover, swearing in dialect is particularly unpleasant. On the contrary, speaking normally requires studying the Chinese language well.) Then he reached out and unbuttoned a button for me. Maybe it was due to technology or economy, but the button was obvious. It was bigger than the button on the nose, so that it took him a second to unbutton it, so he said angrily, "I'm going to fuck him, my mother made this a penis thing, it's really difficult to do, I "Fuck you, motherfucker" and told me to do the rest by myself with disdain.

I was so frightened that my father scolded me so much that I almost had diarrhea, so after he told me to do it myself, I As if a dying person had received an amnesty, I quickly ran to the public toilet.

Unfortunately, I still peed on my cotton pants.

But at that time, I had no memory of the beating I received, so I didn’t take it seriously. After finishing my work, I picked up my pants and went home. When I entered the house, my dad was sweeping the floor. I told him that I had wet my cotton pants. My dad’s face immediately changed, his eyes widened, and his eyebrows stood up. Get up, he stood in front of me, like a mountain, he pointed at me with a broom and said, "nmlgb, I'm going to fuck you, dear n, get over here and let me see!" "

I was so frightened by the sudden scolding that I didn't dare to move. Unexpectedly, this irritated my father even more. He then said, "You mlgbd don't listen, do you? ! I'm going to fuck you." Then he kicked me out.

I felt like I flew for about two seconds. My chest began to feel a strong pressure, and I couldn't breathe. My teeth were flying because of my dad. The strength of my legs was too great, and my upper and lower teeth collided several times. What followed was pain in my waist when I was thrown to the ground, and the cold feeling of my palms rubbing against the concrete floor. The feeling of suffocating lasted for probably a few seconds. Only then did I realize that I was already half lying on the ground.The cotton crotch of my pants began to freeze, and the tops of my thighs were also cold.

Then my dad rushed up again, grabbed me by the collar of my neck, pulled me up like a chicken, and took off my cotton pants with three strokes. He glanced at the wet spot on his cotton pants, slapped me on the back of the head again and said, "I fuck you, dear, you wet your pants even when you're so big! I'll beat you to death." Then he started looking for a replacement pair of pants for me at home. .

Maybe I was unlucky that day. He searched for a long time and couldn't find any other cotton pants that could be replaced, and this made him angry for the second time. Then he went through all the wardrobes in the house again, scolding you as he went through, "Fuck you, where did your mother put the cotton pants, why can't I find them? You're such a jerk, I’ve been putting things everywhere all day long, but I can’t find them anywhere! There’s only such a big place in my house! Damn it!”

After he finished scolding me, he still couldn’t find any cotton pants for me to replace. , so I became the target of his anger again.

He grabbed the cotton pants that were soaked by my urine and started beating me crazily, completely ignoring my naked buttocks and shivering from the cold. The bag of the cotton trousers hit my head like a whip. It hurt so much that I felt like my skin was about to burst. From time to time, the buttons on the cotton trousers would catch on my face, hands, and buttocks. , and on the legs, as if a stone was tied to the end of the rope. While beating and scolding me, I could no longer hear what he was scolding at that time. The huge fear made me stay in place, not daring to run or put out my hand to block. The only sound in my ears was the sound of my cotton pants being pulled over. , my body also began to become numb, and I couldn't tell whether it was being slapped by my hands or by my cotton pants, and I could no longer feel whether I was kicked or hammered on my back.

I don’t know how long I was beaten and scolded by him. Just when I was about to regain consciousness, the aunt next door couldn’t stand listening anymore. She came to my door and said to my father, “Dalong, don’t stop.” You scolded the child, and his face turned purple from the cold. It’s so cold for him to sit on the concrete floor without wearing pants on such a cold day! If you can’t find any cotton pants, you can cover him with a quilt first. Then you can beat him and scold him. Can you find cotton pants? You can look for them slowly at home. I will take the child to my place and wash him.

My father angrily threatened to beat me to death. The neighbor's aunt didn't listen to him anymore, so she killed me. I woke up after dark. My mother came home from get off work and went to pick me up. I wanted to hold my mother and cry loudly, saying that my father had beaten me, but I saw him following me. My father was so scared that I didn’t dare to say a word.

Then I survived that day.

This was the first time I had been beaten since I could remember it. Well, it’s been about 29 years since this happened. I still remember the beginning of my childhood of abuse.