I went to the Education Bureau and asked, and the leader said: "You can take the college entrance examination if you want to? How can the national education plan be changed at will? Isn't that child's play?"
I also talked with my father, if I have the chance Can he support me when I apply for college? His answer was very firm: "No way!"
We do have a lot of children in our family, with four sisters and I am the second child. If it was really because of the heavy burden on the family, I might not be so unwilling, but it is not the case.
I remember that during the winter vacation of my first year in technical secondary school, I saw with my own eyes that there were even deposits and cash at home. My father’s account book recorded almost 8,700 yuan. According to my living standards at that time, I would not be able to use it up in more than 80 years.
and my sisters have all read it again, and my family is trying their best to satisfy them.
Therefore, I felt that I might not be my biological child, but I denied it. Because whether it’s looking at a photo or a momentary expression in daily life, we are all so similar.
I don't know why? Ever since I was a child, I have always tried so hard to be an obedient child in the eyes of my parents, but I was never noticed. I studied harder than others, hoping that my dreams would come true, but I couldn't do anything. What did I do wrong?
Under the control of such an emotion, I chose to commit suicide in the winter before graduation. That year, I was less than 20 years old.
Perhaps, in the eyes of many people, my current job is good and I have made some achievements; my life is also good and I have everything I should have; I myself often feel that I am in a good state, comfortable and leisurely. There is a saying in "The World" that because times are changing and the country is developing, most of us have lived a life that is "beautiful even if we think about it".
However, there is a regret in my heart that I can't get rid of, and it will come up occasionally.
A person's personality may mainly come from innate inheritance, but the influence of parents cannot be underestimated. Isn't there a saying that says: "Childhood injuries may take us a lifetime to heal." As mentioned in "Mr. Toad Goes to a Psychologist", there are many factors such as obedience, pleasing, and dependence in my character. Maybe I have been very stubborn throughout my life. Hard to get rid of.
Bi Shumin once mentioned life goals in an article, saying that some goals cannot be decided by ourselves. We only need to do what we want to do or can do.
So, I don’t beg to forget the unpleasantness of the past, but remembering it does not mean that I will definitely be unhappy.
