Facing my boyfriend’s affectionate hug around my waist, I subconsciously dodge and a look of disgust appeared on my face unconsciously.
My boyfriend was a little surprised and even embarrassed. He took back his hand, looked at me sadly and said, "We have been dating for half a year, and I have only held your hand. Why are you so resistant to my physical contact with you? You are very Do you hate me? "
This man who respects and cares for me is a little angry at the moment, but I understand him but don't know how to tell him.
I looked at him, and those unbearable memories came to my mind.
It was the summer vacation when I was in the fifth grade of elementary school, a very hot summer.
That day I was practicing riding a bicycle in the shade of the hospital. Because I had just learned it, my riding was not stable.
An old man suddenly appeared around the corner, and I ran straight into him before I could react.
Fortunately, my speed was not fast. The old man’s hand directly grasped my handlebar. I did not fall or hurt him.
I apologized hurriedly, and the old man looked at me with a smile, walked to me from the front of the car, caressed my back and said, "Look at you, why are you so panicked?"
But as he spoke, a pair of rough The hand suddenly touched my thigh.
Because the weather is very hot, I wear some loose shorts.
I was stunned for a moment, because it was obviously not an elder's comforting action for a child. When I reacted, his hand had already reached into my shorts.
I struggled slightly and he put his hand down.
I thought he was going to let me go, but he put his hand into my top again.
Those rough hands were rubbing my belly, and they kept climbing up, constantly touching my psychological bottom line.
People kept passing by, but no one noticed anything was wrong.
What outsiders see is a kind old man comforting a frightened child, but they don’t know that beneath this gentle surface are animals ready to invade, a child’s nightmare that lasts for years.
His hand finally stopped on my little vest. Because his acquaintance suddenly appeared, his hand quickly took off my top.
It was then that I truly understood that not all gentle faces have a pure heart.
Those people use this hypocritical face to deceive the people around them, and at the same time continue to persecute countless "Is" who are silent because of fear.
When I got home that day, I was confused. After a long ideological struggle, I finally did not tell my parents.
I was only eleven years old at that time. I had no idea how to explain this experience to my parents, let alone how my parents would react.
My discomfort only came from my own ignorant gender awareness and instinctive awareness of privacy protection. At that time, I was not even sure whether what he did was wrong.
It wasn’t until I grew up that I learned that there was a term called “obscenity”.
My parents have never given me a complete and correct sex education . After all, they are traditional parents who would be intimidated by a kiss scene in an idol drama and ask me to get a drink of water.
people can be well protected in the harbor of the family, without sex, without violence, without fear.
But this kind of protection only creates a fragile porcelain doll, vulnerable to real sexual abuse outside the home.
The obscenity in my childhood easily destroyed the ivory tower of my childhood. The silence and bewilderment with nowhere to tell also trapped me in those rough hands forever.
After that, I could not accept anyone touching my waist and thighs, including my parents and friends.
Once someone touches me, I will get goosebumps all over my body and instinctively dodge.
Fear continues to breed and spread. Obscenity brings not only physical discomfort to the victim, but also resists any normal physical contact and distorts the understanding of sex.
Once bitten by a snake, you will be afraid of snake bites for ten years.
Ten years have passed, and I still think of that old man’s smile.
He was talking to me calmly and calmly throughout the whole process of molesting me.
No one would think that an old man would do anything inappropriate to a child.
"Yes, old man, he just touched your leg. Why do you, a child, have so many bad thoughts?"
"How can a child as young as you have such dirty thoughts?"
But age never matters. The shield of gender, the good and evil associated with sex, never excludes age.
The person who is molested will be an old man who is paralyzed in bed, or a baby of several years old; the person who commits sexual assault will be a ten-year-old primary school student, or an old man in his seventies or eighties.
Our parents, and even society as a whole, are constantly teaching us how to protect ourselves from gender disadvantage.
But there is too little knowledge about how to deal with sexual assault.
Although times are developing, there are more and more diverse discussions about sex.
However, in the sensitive teenage years, during the critical period of forming sexual concepts, communication between people will still deliberately avoid the topic of sex.
We are terrified of sex; we are at a loss when it comes to sexual assault.
Unfortunately, until now, I still don’t have the courage to mention this past event to my parents or friends. The silence in my childhood made the unspeakable sense of shame stay with me until now and never disappear.
I feel helpless because of my parents’ overly conservative nature, but under their influence, I have become as ashamed to talk about sex as they are.
The environment always shapes and affects people's growth in a subtle way. Too many people who have been sexually assaulted do not have enough confidence to say goodbye to the past injury, and are still tortured and remain silent.
Sometimes I even feel lucky that nothing more extreme happened that day.
But I shouldn’t be lucky.
Sexual assault is never serious, and any harassing action is wrong.
The victim's happiness will stimulate the perpetrator's luck. The cost of trial and error will not leave any trace in their lives, but will only bring lifelong pain to the victim.
" Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise " said: "Only in the shower room, crying will not go out and gossip."
The reason why the rate of sexual assault of young girls is high is precisely because after it is revealed, The damage is even greater. After all, the price of bravery is to open the scars and face the storm of public opinion.
Therefore, girls must establish the awareness of protecting themselves at all times, clarify the sense of gender boundaries, and do not give others opportunities to take advantage of them.
also hopes that more parents or young people who are about to become parents can provide correct sex education to their children during their adolescence. Correct guidance is safer than letting children explore ignorantly.
How do flowers bloom? In addition to the flowers themselves, the cultivators also have to spend their efforts to water the beautiful birth.
Article Source: Cauliflower Dish
