Your lover is a mirror, reflecting the part of yourself that you least want to see.
At the beginning of love, all you see in him are beautiful things, and all he sees in you are beautiful things. We will magnify each other's advantages and ignore each other's shortcomings, so the two of us have sweet dreams together. I feel that I have met the best person, so happy, so happy,
Gradually, when the two people became familiar with each other, things went in the opposite direction. You project what you don't want to see or what you don't like onto the other person, and you magnify it several times. You see the shortcomings of the other person. Sometimes, you will have a strong negative evaluation of the other person because of one of his actions. For example, "Why is this person so lazy?" This is actually a kind of projection. Imagine that you don’t want to admit that you have a lazy side, and you also hate your lazy side. You can’t scold yourself every day, right? So when I see others being lazy, I really want to scold them.
Intimate relationships are the best time for you to understand yourself. You can dig out the shadow side hidden in your subconscious by observing the feelings and emotions you project on your partner. Therefore, intimate relationships are the best place for spiritual practice.
Three types of cross-border behaviors in close relationships
Many people are very patient and polite to outsiders, but they do not have that respect for their loved ones. That is because the boundaries between them and their loved ones are blurred, and they often act out of bounds.
There are three common boundary-crossing behaviors in relationships that infringe or interfere with the one you love.
1. Expectation.
The road to the grave is paved with expectations. Because if you have expectations, you will be disappointed, and then you will blame him: "You can obviously do this, why don't you do this, why do you treat me like this?"
The reason why you have such expectations for him is because you still lack a stable love inside. Your parents did not give it to you when you were a child. Now you are the only one who can give yourself this love. Placing all your expectations on your significant other is bound to lead to disappointment.
2.Control.
We often feel that we are too close and cannot help but cross the boundaries to control him and control his behavior to please ourselves. This is an absolute blow to intimacy.
The best way to get along is to respect each other's original lifestyle. Let the other person be whatever he is, unless he himself is willing to change. And when I'm with you, it's good that both of you are happy during this overlapping period of time.
3. Degeneration
In an intimate relationship, the one who is favored will usually regress to the behavior pattern of a child unconsciously, and unconsciously regard the other party as his or her parent. In more serious cases, they will unknowingly put all their hatred of their parents on each other and ask the other party to pay for it.
In this case, both parties in the intimate relationship are responsible for their own negative emotions. The regressed party should not dominate others, and the doting party should also admit his excessive accommodation, tolerance or dedication. At this time, you need to communicate your feelings with the other party sincerely and openly, instead of blindly blaming, complaining, or using degenerative behaviors to destroy the relationship between the two parties..
No one deserves to suffer, and no one does not deserve to enjoy happiness. If you take responsibility for yourself, stop looking outside, and return to your heart, you will get better and better.
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