Author/Shiyan Baihe Psychology Editor Qu Yaoqi/Shiyan Baihe Psychology Zou Yue Why do some people collapse when they encounter something unsatisfactory in life? Usually the more anxious they are, the more they will control the outside world, and the more they control the outside

Author / Shiyan Baihe Psychology Qu Yaoqi

Editor / Shiyan Baihe Psychology Zou Yue

Why do some people collapse when they encounter something unsatisfactory in life? Usually the more anxious they are, the more they will control the outside world, and the more they control the outside world, the more anxious they will be.

There is a type of people in life who desperately hope that everything that happens in life will develop according to their control. If this thing is beyond their control, it will make them feel extremely anxious.

We can imagine that a person subconsciously hopes that he can control everything in the world, but when this thing is out of his control, it may frustrate his narcissism. Even if something very small goes out of control, they will feel the rage caused by their subconscious narcissistic frustration.

For example, a child did not complete his homework within the specified time. For example, when he went out to have breakfast, the waiter added chopped green onions to the noodles without his consent. For another example, a family member may accidentally put the cup that he usually puts on the left side of the dining table on the right side. These very small variables in life will not cause strong emotional doubts for normal people, but for anxious and extremely controlling people, they will develop into a serious sense of loss of control.

Under normal circumstances, life is changing every moment, as long as most things are still within our expectations and control. But for anxious people, their hearts are so sensitive and fragile. They try to keep everything 100% under their control, but this is impossible. Therefore, any small loss of control may aggravate his anxiety, and the more anxious he is, the more he will try to alleviate his inner conflict 100% by controlling people or things outside.

This type of person feels that if he can 100% control the people or things in the outside world, then he can gain a sense of security. He imagined that gaining a sense of security would relieve his anxiety, so he fell into a vicious cycle of becoming more anxious and more controlling, and more controlling and more anxious.

Buddhism says that all things are impermanent, which is an accurate description of objective laws. It is our subconscious desire that everything can be 100% controlled by us, but the real objective law of development is that everything is impermanent.

Individual vulnerability: When there is no sense of security, it is a natural and constructive desire to have control. Such thoughts of controlling intentions are also associated with anxiety and depression. Insecurity is a bottomless pit: the more control you have, the more control you wish you had.

You never feel that you are safe enough, and you are destined to chase more and more secure things that you want. In the process of catching up, you feel more and more exhausted, and there are more and more uncontrollable events. You can't help but find that anxiety and depression have become the norm in your life.

If we can accept from a subconscious level that impermanence is the normal state of the development of things, the more we can let go of control over external people or things, thus reducing the anxiety caused by losing control. Of course, the main premise is that this unpredictable situation will not bring serious trauma to our lives.