"I came across "How to Make Friends with Better People Than You" written by Connie. It seems to be exactly what I need at the moment to overcome social fear, maintain existing network resources, learn to get along with strangers, break through my comfort zone, and look forward to

" I came across "How to Make Friends with People Better than You" written by Connie, and it seems to be exactly what I need now to overcome social fear, maintain existing network resources, learn to get along with strangers, break through my comfort zone, and look forward to meeting a better self. ”

In the past two years, I have always felt that I have social phobia, I am unwilling to make dinner appointments with others, I am afraid of trouble others, and I am afraid of communicating with the boss. I have been trying to live a comfortable and degenerate life in my own small circle, until one day I found that this circle was getting smaller and smaller.

1 Overcoming social fear

I don’t know if you have the same feeling as me. In the process of interacting with others, I don’t know how to get along with others. I always feel unconfident when interacting with older and more senior people, I don’t know how to start a topic, and I don’t know how to maintain network resources.

So how can you overcome social fear in social interactions? You can start with the following four steps.

First, enhance the ability of self-awareness from both internal and external aspects.

▶Look back on past experiences and understand yourself from your own life experiences.

• What achievements are we proud of?
• What failures taught us important lessons?
• What talents have you had since childhood? What are
• ’s best skills?
• What is your favorite environment?
• What can you do to enter a state of selflessness?
• What do you hate?
• What is your life goal?
• What is your career goal?
• Have you ever had a "peak moment" experience?

▶Be able to review and reflect on yourself frequently

This is a process of gradually accumulating self-awareness. Make a summary every once in a while to see what has been done well during this period and what needs to be worked on and improved.

I usually have the habit of making weekly, monthly and annual summaries and plans. The next step is to continue to deepen the plan and improve myself internally.

▶Learn to absorb feedback from relatives, friends, colleagues, and bosses around you.

This is an important manifestation of external self-awareness. Others may see strengths and values ​​that we ourselves are not aware of.

• For the advantages reported by others, truly internalize and strengthen them into ourselves and become usable equipment in the future.
• Regarding negative comments, we need to digest, analyze, and improve, and don't be discouraged.

Second, have a correct attitude and have a growth mindset.

The book "Lifelong Growth" has important inspiration and guidance for shaping a growth mindset. People with a growth mindset will regard every setback and failure as an opportunity to grow and learn. They will sum up lessons in time, correct mistakes, and get up immediately when they fall to prepare for the next action.

In terms of social interaction, it means treating every contact with others as an opportunity for your own growth and learning. This is the psychological preparation for social interaction.

Third, write a list of fears and compare them with facts.

In fact, many fears are unreal. You can make a list of your own fears and write down all the things you are worried about. The author listed several elements of the fear list, which I feel is quite empathetic to most people.

After making a list of fears, you need to compare it with reality, think carefully about how different your illusions will be from the facts, and seriously imagine other people's reactions and possible scenarios.

2 An effective way to make friends

After working, although I have met a lot of people, my close friends seem to be getting fewer and fewer. Although the phone calls are constant at work, there are very few people I can play with during holidays. From the beginning of college to now, for 16 years, my network resources seem to be very few. Looking back now, it is precisely because of my laziness and cowardice that I have missed out on many high-quality resources.

So how can introverts break through themselves and use their own advantages to socialize?

First of all, you need to put socializing on your schedule, set social activities for yourself, and have a plan every week. For example, dining with friends every week, attending a social event once a month, etc.

Secondly, establish a one-to-one relationship. You can meet up with only one person at a time, have an in-depth chat, and follow up within 24 hours after the meeting.

Again, create opportunities for yourself to speak and speak, let others come to you, and change from passive to active.This requires you to deepen your professional knowledge and have certain insights in a certain field, so that you can win opportunities to give speeches, speeches, and lectures.

Fourth, combine movement and stillness to recharge yourself in time and don't drain your energy. You can find a frequency of going out that suits you and give yourself enough rest time.

Fifth, have the courage to step out of your comfort zone and build confidence bit by bit. Review and summarize after each small achievement.

How can we make the other party feel good about us and establish further links when we come into contact with them?

When you first meet someone, starting from the common ground and discovering the other person’s concerns is an important step in creating an effective connection with the other person. Generally speaking, common schools, majors, occupations, experiences, ages, hobbies, etc. can make it easier for the other party to remember you and be willing to connect with you.

Everyone has characteristics. Show your highlights and characteristics. Be a rich and interesting person who can talk about things that you are particularly passionate about.

A good interpersonal relationship starts from creating value for others. Usually accumulate your own value, explore your own advantages, and see the value you can provide to others.

There are so many people in your circle of friends, how do you turn acquaintances into your friends?

First of all, you need to systematically manage your personal network resources.

Several key points for long-term management and maintenance of human connections:

Recording points: Write down the specific information of the first meeting and the main content of the conversation on the back of the business card or in the notes of the mobile phone contact, so that the connection can be quickly reestablished when meeting again.

• Meeting time
• Meeting place
• Intermediary introducer
• Appearance and characteristics, if there is a group photo, it can be stored in the avatar of the mobile contact
• Main topics of discussion (industry information, job search, hobbies, Family situation, children's situation, difficulties faced, etc.)
• Main common points
• The other party's concerns
• Matters and action points that need to be followed up

Timely follow-up: Timely follow-up after meeting, including the person you just met, and the person who introduced this connection to you should follow up at the same time. Within 24 hours of meeting, be sure to send the other party a follow-up WeChat or text message.

• expressed that it was nice to meet the other person.
• thanked the other person for taking the time out of his busy schedule to mention some important content of your conversation and the inspiration you received.
• There are also the following actions you need to take, such as asking the other person to have lunch, or sending the other person an article or message you promised.

Opportunities to contact this network again:

• When you see an article or a piece of information, you really feel that this is useful to your network;
• Your network has changed jobs or been promoted;
• Your own situation has changed, such as having one more person. Educational background or job change;
• You suddenly think of someone and want to say hello;
• Someone introduces you to a common friend of yours;
• You also want to further discuss some issues mentioned in the last meeting;
• The status of the person you both know has changed.

classification settings and daily maintenance.

Classify each connection according to its importance.

• Important business partners need to be contacted once a month, meet or call to chat;
• Our important mentors and endorsers need to be contacted once every 6-8 weeks, you can simply greet them and let them know your movements.
• If the relationship is not that important, contact us once a quarter, either by calling or sending WeChat.
• For leaders with whom you have only met once or at a much higher level, you only need to contact them once a year. During the Spring Festival, you can use WeChat or call to send New Year greetings. You can make a phone call or leave a voice message on WeChat. The message does not need to be long, but you must call the other person by their honorific name, say auspicious New Year greetings, and express your gratitude to the other person and your desire to get together next year.
• can mark reminders on the electronic calendar, such as birthday reminders, anniversary reminders, etc., send blessings to friends on that day, and can also send voice messages or text messages.

Online cannot replace offline network maintenance and management.

Don’t be a diver for thousands of years. Likes, comments, private chats, and group chats are all ways to maintain your connections. But updating your circle of friends cannot replace one-on-one face-to-face time. You can take time to eat, drink tea, exercise, give each other gifts, invite each other to participate in interesting activities, etc.

Whenever you go to a place for business or tourism, you can get together with local friends, or you can call them to greet them. When you come back from your trip, bring some local gifts to your friends.

3 Try to make social networking a habit.

How can we make network building a habit? In the past, I always liked to hide in the office alone at noon to eat and watch videos. When I went out to attend academic conferences, I was obsessed with learning more knowledge. I wasted a lot of time watching videos. There were obviously many opportunities to play an important role in the club, but I felt that too much of my time was wasted. After reading this book, I realized that I had wasted so many opportunities to socialize upward over the years.

At noon on working days, make more use of your lunch time to build connections. With , you can make appointments with your colleagues, bosses, and partners, or you can invite online contacts who want to enhance friendship for dinner. Prepare a few more topics before the meal to avoid the embarrassment of not knowing what to talk about while eating.

Don’t waste any meeting opportunities, make connections at meetings. Because knowledge of can be acquired through daily study, opportunities to use meetings to build connections are not always available. So how can we make effective use of meeting opportunities?

• First of all, make full preparations before the meeting and understand who will attend the meeting. You can also find the organizing committee, recommend yourself to help and make good suggestions, and contribute your time and energy. After getting first-hand information about and , study the participants carefully and prepare topics that can be discussed during the meeting.
• After arriving at the venue, try to get to know more people in places where everyone gathers, such as the bar counter, buffet table, snack table, etc. You can start by commenting on the food, chatting with people around you about what they do, exchanging business cards, and saying that you will add them on WeChat later.
• Be sure to sit in the front row during a meeting and prepare some good questions in your mind. Not only will it help you concentrate, but it will also easily attract the attention of the meeting host, speakers and guests, which will facilitate increased interaction with guests and organizers.
• After the meeting, immediately go to the front and introduce yourself to the guests. Thank them for answering the questions and giving you a lot of inspiration. If it is convenient, you can exchange business cards, WeChat messages, or even meet up to see you again.

Don’t waste time wandering around on the Internet, use the fragmented time to pay attention to others. makes good use of the time of fragment painting to check social networks at any time without diving. Likes on WeChat are just a breeze. When writing comments, you should sincerely discover the highlights of your friends and praise them, and interact with each other through private messages when you have questions. Targeted communication is a very effective way to build connections.

Don’t be alone, find a community organization that you like to participate in, and become a volunteer and organizer.

Don’t forget those who have helped you, be grateful, help others and spread kindness.

Network is not a thread, but a network. Gather contacts, integrate resources, and be a connector.

Don’t let people take things for granted. Develop the habit of recording and following up.

Network is like a snowball. As long as you make good use of every contact with others and leave a positive, proactive and reliable impression on others, I believe your network resources will become wider and wider, and things will become smoother and smoother. From now on, let’s manage our network well together!

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number	things to fear	Comparison results with reality
	Worry about dressing inappropriately and others not liking me	Others may not necessarily notice how I dress, as long as I don’t dress in weird clothes, overexposed, or inappropriate.
	Worry about being clumsy with my tongue and falling into awkward conversations	Although I am not eloquent, in fact everyone pays more attention to what they say and does not ask me to speak too much.
Worry that others will think I am boring, worthless and unwilling to contact me I can focus on how to provide value to others, and others may need my help more Worry about being isolated without knowing anyone I am not necessarily the only stranger. Others may also feel lonely. I can take the initiative to talk to people who are traveling alone. I must be worried. Will screw up my speech As long as I am prepared, I should be confident Fourth, the practice of relaxation and the application of mindfulness meditation. Let all parts of your body go from tense to relaxed, and let your attention move from bottom to top with your body. Fully experiencing this process can help you learn to relax and reduce tension and fear. Relaxation practice steps: Sit on a chair, first curl up the ten toes, tighten them for 5 seconds, and then relax the toes; Hook the ankles upwards, tighten them for 5 seconds, and then relax; Clamp Legs for 5 seconds, relax; Lift your hips for 5 seconds, relax; Inhale and tighten your abdomen for 5 seconds, then relax; Stretch your arms, expand your chest forcefully for 5 seconds, relax; Raise your head for 5 seconds, relax.