- Hu Xinyu disappeared mysteriously, Song Mouran passed away unexpectedly (economist Song Qinghui eldest son), Wu Yifan incident...
In the past two years, the bad children "Zhu Chaoyang, Yan Liang, Pupu" in the film and television production " Secret Corner " have attracted public attention and brought people deeper thinking.
These disappearing children and falling stars have an inevitable relationship with family education .
- Yi Yang Qianxi exam, star celebrities rob the job of ordinary people?
The family's way of educating and creating family style shapes a child's most basic moral character, also determines a person's development and vision, and is related to the ultimate happiness in life.
famous developmental psychologist and doctoral supervisor of , Beijing Normal University School of Psychology, Professor Chen Huichang , conducted a follow-up study.
A 19-year study has been tracked and studied the social behavior and family education methods of 208 ordinary children since the age of 2. The research results found that each child has "two seeds" of self-control and initiative.
How to protect is a compulsory course that every parent and teacher needs to learn. How important are the two seeds of
? In realizing in the real specific life, how important are the two seeds of
?
When will the critical period for sowing seeds for children?
How to light up these two seeds in your child’s heart?
Only when these two seeds develop in a full, harmonious and healthy way can children gain a long-term and happier future.
with questions...
01
Which seed is missing from the town’s test worker?
Ma Junwei: In "The Deer and the Cauldron", he played Kangxi
- , before he was Yi Yang Qianxi's examination, and later, a well-known Hong Kong movie star Ma Junwei dropped out of high school and took the Peking University master's degree at the age of 49.
Is it the cheese they used to move the "small town test maker"?
- How important is it to develop in a full and balanced manner?
Professor Chen used two facts to tell
The first fact: In recent years, research by domestic and foreign psychologists found that The IQ of Chinese and Jews is the highest among all ethnic groups in the world, and the academic performance of Chinese primary and secondary school students is the best in the world.
After the 1980s, Chinese middle school students performed outstandingly in the International Olympic Mathematical and Physical and Chemical Competition, and Chinese primary school students’ math scores were significantly higher than those of American primary school students.
Second fact: Since 1901 to the present, the number of Jews who won the Nobel Prize in Science of has been more than 40 times that of Chinese.
Among famous universities in Europe and the United States, most of the famous Jewish professors are more famous than Chinese professors. Among American aerospace scientists, Jewish people account for about 60%, and there are very few Chinese.
Why are Chinese people not necessarily lower in intelligence than other ethnic groups, but few people have achieved high-level achievements?
The number of people who won the Nobel Prize marks the level of scientific research in a country. It is determined by many factors, one of which is education and culture.
For Chinese children, the growth soil of the first seed is relatively fertile, while the growth soil of the second seed is relatively barren. On the contrary, children in Western countries may have a growth environment of the first seed, but the growth soil of the second seed is relatively fertile.
research results show that the core quality of the first seed of
is self-control , the ability to control oneself, learn the knowledge and skills expected by society according to the requirements put forward by the external environment, and complete the tasks required by adults; the core component of
The core component of the second seed is initiative and creativity , which is the ability to spontaneously do what you like to do based on your own inner interests, motivation and desire. ”
also pointed out that
, as an educator, must reflect on these facts.For parents, it is the responsibility to improve the growth environment of the second seed of children while developing the environmental advantages of the first seed of while improving the growth environment of the second seed of children.
In the simplest words, family education and school education are more task-oriented, lacking the cultivation of initiative and creative thinking.
is why " town questioner " is frequently popular.
"Small town tester" can be roughly understood as poor students who are born in rural areas or small towns, study hard, are good at taking exams, and enter first-class universities in the college entrance examination, but lack a certain vision and social resources.
We can see that if we only focus on the gap brought by the original family and birth, it will actually bring about a vicious cycle that even if we study hard for many years, no matter how hard we try, it will be useless.
Professor Chen found through biography analysis of Nobel Prize winners and other high-achievers that
The psychological conditions required to achieve high-level achievements include:
01 The huge inner interest and high enthusiasm for things you are interested in
02 Unstoppable and spontaneous learning behavior
03 Strong growth motivation (transcendence, peak motivation)
04 Anti-trend spirit
05 Independence, creativity, innovation, seeking the opposite sex
06 tireless work attitude and tenacious spirit of overcoming difficulties
The results show that the first 5 items are closely related to initiative, and only one about self-control.
However, my country's traditional culture does not support or promote the first five items related to initiative.
Only the sixth related to self-control is in line with the concepts we have always advocated, such as "-head hanging beam , a bone-bone", "ten years of hardship", and "drops of water wear away stones". "
This is why "small town test-doctors" are obsessed with the gap in their background, and the injustice of society is painful and numb.
This is why the harmonious and balanced development of two seeds is the ideal state for a person to grow.
so too much emphasis on the cultivation of initiative or self-control Raising is all about going from one extreme to another.
How to sow seeds to make the seeds grow
changes
With the development of the times, contemporary family education has also changed.
gives me the most obvious change,
first is birth The number of children has declined. Some reports say that obstetrics and gynecology hospitals are deserted, and the kindergarten enrollment rate is in a cliff-like manner.
second is the refinement of family raising methods. It is normal for a family of four or five to revolve around a child.
third is the urgency of pursuing self-free life.
young people leave small towns and go to big cities to find love. All choices: occupation, employment, When getting married and having children, lifestyles must be a state of "I make the decision in my life".
. Looking for an inner unchange from change is a topic given to each of us by this era.
family education expert, Beijing Normal University Professor Zhao Zhongxin mentioned the eight major changes in family education since the reform and opening up.
/The purpose of having children has changed.
The concept of raising children to prevent old age has become a kind of spiritual comfort
/The number of children in the family has changed
In the past, simply pursued quantity, gradually shifted to the pursuit of quality, with few and fineness, one or two are enough, or choose not to have children
/Family education is empty The previous emphasis on
from the past extensive to intensive intensive intensive , that is, from shallow till rough farming, broad planting and thin harvesting, gradually transfer to intensive tillage, increase the yield per unit area
/family raising and education to protect children, While the socialization component is increasing, it has also caused some new problems.
The relationship between children and parents is becoming more and more difficult to ignore, because many things that require parents to do themselves have been transferred to society and others
/Education methods have changed
In the past families in China, there were many educational methods that were rough. After the reform and opening up, due to the decrease in children, parents attached great importance to their children, and the phenomenon of beating and scolding them became less and less
/Family education moved from the closed to the open
/Family education has shifted from the past closed to the open
/Family education has gradually weakened the constraints and impacts of family education on children’s education
Because now is an open society, many young people have left their hometowns, left their families, left their families to work and live even abroad. The family’s control over children’s education has greatly weakened
How do we grasp this balance? How to deal with the problem of paying attention to the cultivation of children’s self-control and willpower without suppressing their children’s nature?
Beginning
First of all, we need to understand that early education is a beginning and a critical period for a better life.
A person's growth cannot be separated from these two seeds
The book says that ten years of trees, a hundred years of trees
Professor Chen mentioned that
In family education, if the child ignores the cultivation and training of self-control during infancy, when the child enters kindergartens and primary schools, it will be difficult for them to adapt to the collective life that requires self-control, discipline and group cooperation. These children will taste the bitter fruit of poor adaptation to learning and society.
Then the guidance of early education is particularly important, and it can be said that the earlier the better.
is a critical period at the age of 2-5.
Cultivation of
01Automatic control
The most core in the process of cultivating children's self-control is self-control and compliance with rules.
has a famous marshmallow experiment that explains what we usually call delayed gratification ability.
Give a piece of candy to a 4-year-old child and tell him that you can eat it now or choose to wait for me to come back before eating. If so, you can get 2 pieces of candy.
That is to face the marshmallow in your hand, do you have the ability to resist the current temptation?
So just like we are shouting every day to lose weight, can we control ourselves from eating the cream cake, milk tea fried chicken in front of us, to achieve longer-term fat loss, body shape, health, etc.
At the same time, we will find that parents still have two misunderstandings in self-control development.
A child is still too young, so it doesn’t need to be deliberately trained?
2 homemade this thing, will it be available when you grow up?
There are many such phenomena today.
is doing nothing while waiting in line to do nucleic acid;
is in a hurry when the train is late, and the adults are anxious for the children to make trouble;
Before the family gathering, each child holds one ipad waiting for the meal;
Why?
Because everyone doesn’t know what to do when waiting, and there is even one way to play games when resting, watch your phone and play games.
In fact, children's self-control needs to be cultivated with purpose and consciousness.How to do
?
- Reduce interference in the environment
Give children time and environment free to explore
Don’t disturb them when the child is focused on something, whether it’s eating with a spoon, or playing with toys and becoming a “little destruction king”, or just squatting on the side of the road to observe how an snail crawls.
If you observe carefully, every exploration will make new discoveries.
- gives children the chance to delay
The friend is 3 years old and cannot express a sentence in a complete way. She came to me in a hurry.
The reason is very simple. Children lose too many opportunities to do it themselves and try it out during their growth.
Because the child pouted or had not opened his mouth, the water had been handed over and the bread and snacks were in place.
Adults become roundworms in children's belly, and they take care of all dirty and tiring work.
Of course, there are some special cases. Parents put the responsibility on themselves because they have lost their children and think that their second child should be taken good care of and protected.
or if you have a child in old age, the birth of a child is like an extremely precious gift. If you try your best to pamper, of course you have to pay a heavy price.
For example, Li Tianyi, the son of famous singer Li Shuangjiang , has now been renamed.
was detained for fighting and was later sentenced to 10 years in prison for rape. At that time, he was under 18 years old.
Image source network
Children learn to respect themselves at home, be respected, and only when they go out will respect others.
But respect does not mean spoiling.
02 Active
Einstein once said that everyone is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will think it is incompetent throughout its life.
The core element of cultivating initiative is one's own inner interests, that is, internal motivation.
What we need to do,
gives children space to choose freely, find the most shining place, what they are best at, and find a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence in the process of doing things.
Here we also emphasize the respect for children's
We say respecting children means should regard children as a "person" with unique nature and unique personality, a "free person" who is equal to anyone else.
After entering primary and secondary schools, parents and teachers should pay special attention to respecting their children's interests, hobbies, emotions, and their choices and judgments, personal privacy, and their ambitions and ambitions.
Whether parents are corporal punishment, insult, insult, loudly scold, humiliate, ridicule, and criticize in public.
No matter whether we are adults or children, I hope we all have an equal heart and protect these two seeds in our hearts.
One day, they will grow upward and be full of enthusiasm.
I am Lao Tian, the first time I challenged to write a long article.
The original intention remains unchanged, it is worth it.
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