survey data from the World Health Organization shows that among all mental health diseases, depression is one of the main causes of teenage diseases and disabilities.
In China, the detection rate of depression symptoms among adolescents aged 9 to 18 is about 14.81%.
Some people even say, "Children's depression has become a disease of the times."
Many parents can't figure it out:
"How can children we raise with our hearts and souls, so why are they depressed?"
"My children obviously have everything, why are they not happy?"
We interviewed 3 children who were once troubled by depression. From their stories, we may find the answer you want:
From childhood to adulthood, I lived for the certificate
From childhood to adulthood, my parents are my supervisors, correcting my words and deeds at all times.
They have a lot of expectations and plans for me. The favorite saying is: "You must be obedient, study hard, take 100 points in the exam, evaluate three good students, and take a prestigious school."
All things that have nothing to do with this must be cut off.
For a while, I liked to read comics, but my parents didn't let me watch it, so I secretly watched it in the room.
One day, I was fascinated by the sight. My mother suddenly pushed the door and pulled the comic book in my hand and tore it to pieces without any action. She was full of anger and shouted at me: "Stand up for me."
I was so scared that I trembled all over and cried and promised, "Mom, I must study hard, I must be obedient, please don't be angry."
My parents often said to me: "A stupid bird flies first, diligence can make up for your shortcomings." "This is your weakness." "It's okay to be smart, just put more stupid work." So, I always feel that I'm stupid.
The happiest time is when I brought the certificate, and it seems that I lived for the certificate.
However, they also want to add: "Don't be proud."
Finally, in 2017, I graduated from a master's degree from a well-known double first-class medical school in China and entered a well-known large hospital in China. Everyone was envious of it.
My parents were so happy. In their eyes: My future is full of flowers and finally I live their ideal appearance.
I also thought I would be happy, finally be financially free, and finally be myself.
But I was very panicked. When I thought about the future, I couldn't breathe and wanted to run away. I couldn't do anything and couldn't tell where I felt uncomfortable.
During the day, I could still hold on to work. At night, I fell on the verge of collapse. Later, I was soaked in tobacco and alcohol all night, like I grabbed a life-saving straw, out of control and decadent.
I also fell in love with a man who was full of lies and cheated money everywhere.
Behind the failed love and out of control life, only I know the sadness and tears brought to me by the split life. In those nights of insomnia and nightmares, only my phone will accompany me until dawn.
What's wrong with me?
Haven’t I already had the work and life that others envy?
What am I doing?
Several times, I lay in bed without eating or drinking for a day or two, motionless like a vegetative person, just to figure out what the meaning of my life is.
It’s easy to die. Once you close your eyes, your body stops functioning. It may only take a few minutes, and then, after leaving, the earth will still turn.
One day, I couldn’t get up even if I lay in bed. I felt like I was finished, so I didn’t go to the hospital to delay the patient.
So, I trembled with tears and sent my leader an application for resignation.
The leader gave me a long vacation.
I looked for help everywhere, and then came to Teacher Hailan's class. I plucked up the courage to ask her, "What's wrong with me?"
Teacher said kindly: "Child, because you have never lived a day as you wish."
My heart seemed to be hit by love and a light shone in. In the classroom, I was very lucky to have an opportunity to sort out Teacher Hailan.
I saw myself who was tightly bound by the high standards and strict requirements of my parents and teachers for 27 years.
I am like a puppet, my every move is controlled by others.
From childhood to adulthood, to clothes to what to wear, food to what major to learn, and what work to do, there is nothing I do myself.
No one has ever heard of what I want, and never asked what I am afraid of.
It seems that I am just a heartless person.
How many times have I been? I want to be deviant and no longer follow the rules; I want to run wildly and no longer study hard; I want to curse, no longer be gentle and elegant...
I dare not, I am afraid of my parents' disappointment and anger, fear of other people's eyes, and fear of myself becoming "bad".
I am not willing to give up. I want to live my own life too much. I have torn apart, so I started to use indulgence to escape.
When I let go of my self-confrontation and consumption, under the guidance of the teacher, I sucked my strength into my body, drove away the darkness, closed my eyes, I saw the incarnation of wisdom, which was my own appearance! The moment I ended, I felt the relaxation of my body and realized that deep down in my heart, I just wanted to find my lost self...
Comments:
Depression is the result of not following one's inner wishes in life for a long time.
Doing things that come from the heart is the core of eradicating depression.
In fact, life is caused by fear. Most fears are inner projections caused by past experiences.
Do things that come from the heart, move forward step by step, and depression will slowly leave you.
’s relationship with oneself is the basis of all relationships, and all external manifestations are just presentations of the inner world.
Go back to yourself again and again, explore yourself, understand yourself, see yourself, give yourself care, and grow yourself.
During the growth process, we constantly discover our own resources and plant flowers for ourselves; heal the trauma of the past and pull weeds for ourselves.
I cut my palm,
Blood flowed out, it was a little better...
My parents have never had a good relationship. They often quarrel, and they never avoid me.
When they were in the sixth grade, they quarreled again in the middle of the night. My father rushed into my room, grabbed me sleeping soundly, and shouted, "Look at your mother's face, do you look like a lunatic!"
I was awakened in my sleep, so scared that I didn't say a word.
Mom tells me every day about my father’s badness, and the conclusion is always: "Look, your father looks like this, for you to suffer less, for this family, how much I endure..." It seems that my mother is so miserable, it is all my fault.
When my father is angry, he will find fault and scold me. He greets me a lot of ugly words, just like I am his enemy.
The older I get, the more I hate them.
One day at the end of 2019, while the family was having a meal, my father made a man's remark, and his words were full of prejudice against women. I heard it and couldn't bear it. I slapped the table and stood up to refute, saying that he was "nonsense".
Dad was so angry that he shouted, "You actually dare to swear to me!"
I shouted loudly, "I just said, what are you doing!" Then he ran to his room, dad chased after him, kicked the door open, and slapped me hard.
slapped me, my head was depressed, and my face was covered with tears. My heart felt like a fire was burning, "I don't want to live anymore!" I ran to the roof and wanted to jump off the building.
My mother was frightened and ran to the roof to accompany me, holding me all the time. We cried together for an afternoon.
The conflict between me and my father intensified like this.
junior high school third grade, my grades were not ideal, and my father started scolding me again, "I have no one to give you beg for such a small score, what's the use, it's free to eat..."
I threw the bowl to the ground, ran to the bedroom, unscrewed the mineral water bottle, and poured the water on my head, and I felt that I would not explode immediately.
Often, I feel so uncomfortable that I can't breathe.
Sometimes, I will use a knife to scratch my palm and watch the blood flow out. The pain in my body makes me feel that I am still alive.
My mother found my wound and was frightened, so she took me to see a psychiatrist.
Psychologist asked me what I wish?
I said, "I hope my parents will get divorced quickly."
At that time, my mother burst into tears. She said she didn't understand. It was obviously a family, so why did life look like this?
In order to make us feel better, my mother comes to study at Happy Home.
As a result, her coach pointed out the root of the problem: "The child's problem is the family problem, and the most fundamental reason is that the parents have a bad relationship."
Coach said: "It is obvious that the parents are sick, but they want the child to take medicine!"
It turns out that all this is not my fault...
Mom has studied for a while and began to adjust the way she gets along with her father.
She no longer quarrels with her father, nor does she say bad things about her father. Sometimes my father couldn't hold on to his emotions and started yelling again. My mother either responded calmly or took me away from the scene to calm down and then go home.
Once, my mother took the initiative to talk about the past and apologized to me sincerely.
At that time, I was stunned and then I cried. I couldn't stop the grievance in my heart and flowed out loud.
After my mother changed, my father also changed. The frequency of yelling was smaller, and he would try to chat with me clumsyly.
One night in March this year, my father yelled at home because of work. After yelling at my mother, he yelled at me again.
I began to be impatient and started to yell at him: "Why are you doing that loud?" Then I slammed the door and went back to the room.
Then, I sent a message to my mother: "No one should call me, I don't want to be anyone's punching bag."
Mom quickly replied to the message: "This is not your fault, I know you are very uncomfortable at this moment...", and did not reason with me, nor did she defend her father.
My mother's calmness also affected me. I slowly calmed down and looked at my father outside, and I suddenly felt: It turned out that he was not that powerful, and there were many troubles and anxiety...
My mother said, this is called understanding.
Comments:
Children's current behavior is all the thunder buried by parents in the past.
Parents are the original and children are the copy. Each child is the mirror of the parents, reflecting the part that parents need to grow.
The root cause of the child’s problems is family problems. What is the problem with the
family?
. Disharmonious relationship between husband and wife makes children feel insecure;
problem is also the above three items. If a child has problems, the primary task of parents is not to repair and punish, blame, or complain about the child.
The most effective way to educate is: parents first learn to deal with their emotions, establish a good relationship with their children, set an example and be themselves, and their children will naturally become themselves.
"Problem Girl" thought, no one cares about
In the sixth grade of elementary school, the teacher regards me as a "Problem Girl".
I don’t understand: I don’t beat people or scold people, I just don’t accept the consequences and have many ideas. Is this the problem girl? When I was in the second grade of
Maybe because I have been independent since I was a child, I have a very strong resistance.
For example, when we were in junior high school, the teacher did not allow us to eat lollipops at school. You guys read that right, a specific lollipop.
Once, a few classmates and I stole the food and were caught by the teacher. The teacher notified me to call my parents. I was so angry that I stood at the school gate, outside the door of one foot and inside the door of the other, peeled a lollipop and put it in my mouth, shouting loudly, "I'll eat it, I'll piss you off."
The teacher doesn't like me, but my classmates like me very much.
Once, I was punished by the teacher to stand, but as soon as I stood up, seven or eight classmates stood up.
The teacher repeatedly looked for his parents and asked them to discipline me strictly and could no longer let my personality be "no fear of heaven and earth".
Every time, my mother wants to communicate with me. It is actually called communication, but it is actually criticism.
They also want to take me to see a psychiatrist. I will never go there. I am not sick at all, so they have problems.
When I was in the third year of junior high school, my parents suddenly said that my mother would accompany me to study in the United States. I was not prepared at all and was taken to a strange country and left my best friends.
The circle of local people is difficult for Asians to integrate into. No one pays attention to me in the United States, and I feel that others look down on me a little.
I became a completely lonely person, I couldn't understand what others said, let alone learn.
In China, the teacher doesn’t like me, but my grades are not bad, and I have friends; in the United States, I have nothing.
My only sustenance is to stay in front of the computer and wait for the domestic good friends to go online.
For half a month, I didn’t go out and saw people. I surfed the Internet all night and chatted with my classmates and watched anime.
One day, my mother saw me surfing the Internet again. After the persuasion failed, she cut off the network cable in anger.
At that time, I collapsed, as if my heart was poached, and hysterically tore all the books at home, smashed them around, and then collapsed on the ground and cried loudly. After
, I completely locked myself in the room and stopped communicating with anyone, whether online or offline. Later, I couldn't get up at all. I often felt unable to breathe and couldn't sleep all night. I felt that there was no light in this world.
I am depressed.
My condition scared my mother. She began to learn emotional management and self-care. It gradually changed. She no longer asked me and forced me. Sometimes, she couldn't help but scold me and apologize sincerely: "I'm sorry, I didn't respect you just now, and scolded you again."
When I was sad, she asked me: "Do you want to let my mother accompany you out for a walk?" We walked together in shopping malls and parks. My mother no longer mentioned school matters, just company.
Two years passed like this. When I was 18 years old, my mother said to me: "You are already an adult, and you must learn to support yourself."
I also have this plan, I have always longed for an independent and free life.
I found a job as a waiter in a fast food restaurant. It was very hard, but I was not afraid of hardship. It felt so good to support myself. Half a year later, the store manager asked me to start doing management work.
During the work process, I found that I was very interested in management, so I applied to the university’s chain management and management major. Although I had done a lot of homework in the past few years, I was never afraid of hardship...
Comment:
Every child is different. Please don’t transform your children because of social prejudice and our intentions.
- Ta is obviously an apple. You think watermelon is bigger, has a better taste, and quenches thirst, so you have to cultivate it into a watermelon;
- Ta may be just a daisy, but you like peonies and are more beautiful, and you hope that it will become the peony you like;
- Ta may be a fish, but you hope it will become an eagle...
Do you want your child to work hard for the success in your eyes, or let the child show his original qualities and talents? If it is an eagle, let it fly into the sky, if it is a rose, let it bloom and become the best self.
Every life has its unique texture and a journey of belongings.
As parents, we need to fully accept everything our children have and make them the best self. No matter what season they are open, we will appreciate it happily.
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