When you are in contact with people, do you often do this:
When you make eye contact with others, you feel nervous and afraid to look at each other's eyes directly;
I don’t know what to say when chatting with everyone, and always keep silent;
When I am alone with others, I feel anxious and shy, and I want to run away.
All the above problems are actually caused by our excessive social tension, which is the so-called "social anxiety".
In life, almost everyone may have the problem of "social anxiety".
Moderate social anxiety can help us maintain a sense of proportion in social interaction, but excessive social anxiety can greatly hinder our growth.
American clinical psychologist Ellen Hendrickson proposed in "How to Overcome Social Anxiety":
5span p1span _spanIt will hinder our work progress, hinder the deepening of love and friendship, and make us painful and lonely. "
good life, beginning to overcome social anxiety.
overly Cater to others and live your true self
In the Japanese drama " Nai's New Life", the heroine Oshima Nai is a good at _span3, who is good at welcoming and watching words.
In the workplace, in order to integrate into the group, I am always pleased with my colleagues, and my colleagues are regarded as good bullies.
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Immediately understand it, and take the initiative to confess guilt.
what colleagues are not willing to do,Nai has to take it all, so much so that he often works overtime by himself until late at night.
In love, in order not to lose her boyfriend, Nai never refuses any request from her boyfriend.
boyfriend casually said, "I like hair that is straight and smooth," so Nai gets up an hour earlier every day.
Straighten that end of the natural curl, and never slacken for a day.
In life, in order not to be hated by others, Nai desperately maintains a harmonious relationship, grieving himself to agree.
was dragged to check-in online celebrity shop by colleagues. When everyone took a selfie together, only Nai was ugly, but she did not dare to protest.
was even mocked by colleagues in front of her dressing style, Nai just smiled in embarrassment.
Unfortunately, Nai’s courtesy did not return the touch of colleagues, bosses and boyfriends.
Inadvertently, Nai discovered that several colleagues who usually "play well" complained that she was a dedicated outsourced worker in the small group.
Her boyfriend, whom she has always been proud of, even unscrupulously slandered her in front of colleagues, claiming to be with her because of "harmony in that respect."
Hearing all this, Nai’s inner world collapsed instantly and collapsed to the ground.
After waking up, Nai decided to leave his job and return to the countryside to start a new life.
Keep the curly hair you want to keep, do what you want to do, say what you want to say, and be your truest self.
Fan Shiqi said: "Don’t forget who you are in order to cater to others."
In order to cater, many people first consider the needs of others; in order to cater, they force themselves to do things that go against their hearts.
Although it seems to be very good at socializing on the surface, it has become what others expected and lost its original appearance.
The book "How to Overcome Social Anxiety" points out:
There are all kinds of circles in this world, there are all kinds of people, there is no need to keep catering to others because of yearning.
A person who is loyal to his heart will not be restrained by various emotions, and he can live the way he wants.
1 span strong
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1Be pleasing and pleasing to yourself
Bai Songyan said in "Bai Shuo": "The best way to destroy a person is to let him pursue perfection and achieve the ultimate."
If a person pursues perfection in everything in social interaction, he is too critical of what he is doing and how others are doing.
The result is that he is tired. People who get along with him for a long time will also feel tired.
once read an author’s share on the Internet. Her girlfriend’s colleague is a perfectionist and always likes to deliberately correct others when she finds that others are wrong.
For example, everyone tells a story together to liven up the atmosphere. If anyone accidentally misses a detail, she will always fill in the details in a timely manner.
If anyone accidentally makes a slip, she will always correct it continuously.
was originally a happy thing,It makes everyone feel very boring in an instant, and it's a terrible sight.
Also at work, she not only has high standards for herself, but also for others.
When others do not meet the standard she imagined, she will directly point out their shortcomings.
This "finding" approach made her very "unsocial".
People around her said that they were too stressed to get along with her, and they moved away from her. She also felt anxious and painful.
Gradually, she understood that it was pickiness and criticism that made herself in trouble.
She began to be more tolerant to herself, to relax her standards, and to others.
Once, when a colleague invited her to a noisy restaurant with tight parking spaces,She no longer focused on manipulating the conversation, but tried to listen and talk naturally, but instead, she had more fun.
author Ellen Hendrickson said: “It is useful to dare to be mediocre, and to be kind to yourself is also useful.
5
1span Your performance is perfect, but imperfection is the normal life.
Sometimes, dare to accept your own mediocrity and not excessively pursue perfection, which can make yourself happy and make others happy. . is the real wisdom
as Mo Yan said in the " sandalwood Penalty " in:
world of things, the most taboo It's perfect.
The moon in the sky, once it is complete, it will be bored; the fruit of the tree, once it is ripe, it will fall. _p
p0span Leave it short,To persevere.
Life is unsatisfactory for all times. Instead of trying hard, it is better to be less entangled and accept your own imperfections.
In this way, happiness will come like a shadow, and life will be pleasant.
there is a growing call to overcome the "social anxiety"
in the "How to Overcome In "Social Anxiety", the author Ellen Hendrickson believes:
"Overcoming social anxiety is a growth mindset that can help us grow and discern the truth."
However, when most people face social anxiety, they often choose various reasons to avoid it.
Because of this, they can relieve their inner anxiety and fear.
As everyone knows, avoiding it will only make us lose our energy more and more, and it will also make us more and more stagnant.
famous British scientist Cavendish has extreme social anxiety disorder.
He almost never participates in any social activities and never communicates directly with people.
Someone who wants to communicate scientific issues with Cavendish needs to walk to his vicinity and speak his own problems into the air.
If you try to talk to him face-to-face, you may scare him away.
Even the housekeeper who took care of him from an early age can only communicate with him by passing a note.
Cavendish almost lost the ability to communicate with people normally.Lost the opportunity to connect with the outside world.
No one can become an isolated island. This is the natural nature of human beings as social animals.
Therefore, it is not wise to refuse to socialize. Over time, you may become sensitive and fragile and overly nervous.
Ellen Hendrickson also suffered from severe social anxiety disorder many years ago.
But instead of keeping herself closed, she chose to face it bravely and work hard to overcome social anxiety to achieve what she is now.
Olympic athlete David King said when talking about his personal experience:
can be seen,To get rid of social anxiety, the best way is to face anxiety and overcome anxiety.
There is nothing scary about anxiety itself, what's scary is your attitude towards anxiety.
Once you give in to anxiety, it will become a thorn in your life and hinder you from moving forward.
In the face of social anxiety, don't always think about fighting it, but face it, accept it, and overcome it.
This is not only a person’s cognitive improvement, but also a person’s rapid growth.
the Internet has seen this to say:
we have so Longing for the waves of fate,It was only at the end that the most beautiful scenery in life was actually the calmness and calmness of the heart;
We used to look forward to the recognition of the outside world so much, and finally realized that the world is our own, and others. It doesn't matter.
Indeed, the world is so beautiful, don't waste yourself in social anxiety.
Learn to let go of the expectations of others and listen to your own inner desires; learn to accept the imperfections of life and find your own inner happiness.
Open yourself, the diversity and beauty of the world will be presented to you one by one.
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