I don't know if you have heard of the "Stockdale Paradox".
In 1965, the United States Admiral Stockdale was captured during the Vietnam War and detained in a prisoner of war camp.
Stockdale suffered more than 20 severe tortures, until he was released and returned to China 8 years later.
Most of the other American prisoners of war in the same prisoner of war camp were in much better health than Stockdale, but they died soon.
American scholar Jim went to interview him and asked: "In 8 years you have had many companions who died unfortunately. Why can you survive?"
brEr said:
I survived because I didn’t have high expectations for the future, and they died because they expected the future too much; _p7brp_span 5p7p0 they always look forward to being amnesty for Christmas, but they failed to do so after Christmas;The result was still not released...
This disappointment followed by disappointment, and soon ended in depression.
The "Stockdale Paradox" tells us a very simple truth:
The bigger the expectation, the bigger the disappointment. Once expectations are lost, the huge gap will cause you great psychological damage.
01
reduced expectations for "immediate success" of
many people total I want to do some big business and want to succeed in one fell swoop, so I look down on some small things and don't want to concentrate.
I always feel that the technical content of that matter is not enough, there is no barrier to this matter, there is no innovation, this matter is unsustainable, this matter has already been done... Talk about the company,Keep talking about development; not about financing, but about ideas. It sounds tall, but in fact nothing is achieved.
Confusion means that you can’t do big things and refuse to do small things. Fantasy is that you don’t want to do the things at hand, but just want to do things on the horizon.
In fact, any industry, any market, any demand, any small thing, to achieve the ultimate, there is a chance of success.
"If you don't do small things, big things are hard to come by". Every successful person has done little things quietly.
Lowering your expectation for "success in one fell swoop" will allow you to calm down and start quietly from small things; it will allow you to calm down when you encounter setbacks and start again without fear.
02
reduce expectations of others
writer Mad said: "I slowly understood why I am not happy,Because I always expect a result. "
read a book and expect it to make me feel profound, run for a while and look forward to it making me slim down, looking forward to other people’s good expectations... these preset expectations if It has been achieved. I take a long sigh of relief. If it is not achieved, I will blame myself.
It is a disaster to expect too much from anyone. _strong100p0 _strong100p5 block _strong100p0 expects too much from the lover, and it is easy to magnify the shortcomings of the other party and ignore the other party’s contribution; Sad, but also make yourself negative and low self-esteem;
expects the child too much, not only the child feels uncomfortable, but he also becomes irritable and irritable;
strong Friends expect too much,Then in this society, it is difficult for you to have a few true friends.
You can expect something from people, but you must grasp it.
The lover may be imperfect, but he is gentle and considerate to you; although the parents are not capable enough, they give everything to you; the child may not be good enough, but it is good to be filial and sensible; others do not help you is a duty , If you help, you must know how to be grateful...
When you lower your expectations, everything you see is beautiful. Life is not easy, but we must also know how to be happy.
03
lower expectations, strong own
smartest person The way to live is nothing more than: to reduce dependence,Lower expectations and stay passionate.
Don’t have high expectations for what hasn’t happened, as that will only make you feel sorry for the slightest failure;
Don’t have high expectations for the people around you, because others are not obliged to fulfill your expectations. Too much expectation of others is essentially an escape and evasion of one's own incompetence.
Rather than expecting, it is better to rely on yourself.
When your heart is strong, you are no longer afraid of loneliness; when you are financially independent, you have the confidence to solve problems.
Life in wind and rain, hold an umbrella by yourself. When you are strong enough, the world will be pleasant to you. May you live as your own ferryman and get what you want on your own.
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