Life flies by so fast. In the blink of an eye, I have survived seven years of sleepless nights, and my daughter has also celebrated her eighth birthday. Now I still can't sleep at night.
I made an appointment with a psychotherapist. My purpose was very clear. I wanted the doctor to help me reduce my anxiety and how to fall asleep quickly.
Since I was diagnosed with the disease in 2016, I have never fallen asleep at night. Even if I did, I would fall asleep by taking sleeping pills .
As this goes on day by day, in addition to my bad temper, my memory also deteriorates drastically. Since I was diagnosed with
disease, I have been taking various drugs, all of which have serious side effects. A large amount of hormones have made me obese, baby fat, and unable to sleep at night. There are also several immune preparations, all of which have side effects. , either melanin deposition or retinal blurring.
In the past few years, I have been relying on drugs to maintain my health. It is a vicious cycle. While controlling the condition, the side effects of various drugs are added, making people restless and depressed all day long.
I wanted to find another way to adjust, so I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and talked for an hour. It seemed that I knew the cause of my illness.
I made an appointment with the teacher’s assistant and arrived on time. In a consultation room, there is a tea table, sofa, and a very quiet small room. The psychiatrist came over and sat on the sofa opposite me, facing each other, with tea and tissue paper in between. She asked very gently, if you want me to help you solve your anxiety problem and improve your sleep quality, then tell me what is the thing that makes you most anxious now?
In fact, what I am most anxious about right now is that I can’t sleep. I want to sleep for a short while anytime and anywhere. I tell my family that no matter where they are, if they see me sleeping, never wake me up. , let me sleep for even a few minutes.
I am sleepy every day, and my eyes are too sleepy to open, but my mind is spinning rapidly. I think about so many regrettable pasts, things that have not happened in the future, and irrelevant things. Don’t think about it. , I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep for a while, even if I could just calm down and recuperate, but I couldn’t do that. I was thinking about something all day long and I couldn’t figure out why it was like this.
Teacher said, what is the reason for your anxiety?
I think it is my disease. When I was first diagnosed, it was said to be systemic lupus erythematosus . I have never heard of it. The doctor said it is not serious. As long as you actively cooperate with the treatment, there will be no problem. But I found it myself It can live for 5 years, and it may be much better if it is controlled well. In severe cases, it will affect various systems of the body, and conditions may occur at any time. Although you take various medicines, because there is currently no cure for this disease, it is just a matter of control. If it is well controlled, you will be like a normal person and your life will not be affected at all.
It is necessary to take medicines under good control. I have to take them all the time, and the medicines are very expensive, costing more than 2,000 yuan a month. Not only can I not go to work, but I also have to spend so much money every month. Don’t worry about medical expenses. You can’t be too tired to be afraid that the relapse will be more serious. Not only will the side effects of the medicine make you suffer all day long, but there will also be a lot of expenses. There are two children in school at home. My husband works alone to earn money, and I am a patient all day long. Staying at home all day long, unable to go out to work and having to spend money, how can I calm down? These things make me overwhelmed. I have been living in this kind of anxiety since seven years ago. Don't even know what a head is.
The doctor said that you always regard your disease as a little monster that is behind you all the time. No matter what you do, he will remind you that he is by your side, controlling your thoughts, and even Control your actions so you can't escape his presence.
You are afraid of him, and you are always thinking about him and wondering what he will do to you today and what he will do to me tomorrow. In short, you put him first and you are controlled by him.If you want to get rid of him, you have to overcome it from now on, forget about him, or think that he is somewhere, do what you want to do without thinking about him, but just do what you say, right now. At this moment, do whatever you have to do.
You regard him as a companion who follows you everywhere. You must learn to be independent and independent. Don't think about anything else but yourself, and do whatever you want.
It may be that the side effects of the medicine make it difficult to sleep. This inability to sleep makes you overthink and makes it even more difficult to control your thoughts. The most important thing now is not to regard the disease as your enemy, but to learn to live in peace with him, not to think about his horror, but to Think that he will get better, what will you do, what do you want to do, what do you want to accomplish.
The key is that after talking for a long time, he didn't tell me how to overcome this anxiety. When an hour came, he said that if he wanted to solve the substantive problem, he would make an appointment next time and have an in-depth conversation.
I was thinking on the way back. The difference between a psychotherapist and ordinary chats is that she can find the root of your troubles. You can discover the root of your troubles by yourself, and then you can tell it yourself. When we go in, we sign There is an agreement and confidentiality. Maybe because of this, we originally wanted to say those things that we usually don’t want to say and always keep in our hearts. On the one hand, this makes us feel relaxed. On the other hand, with the teacher’s comfort and persuasion, we said I felt much better after I came out, and the comfort was in place, which seemed to make people feel very relaxed.
When I got home at night, I took the medicine and I was able to sleep for a while. I seemed to be thinking less, maybe it was a psychological effect, and I felt a little relaxed.
