"Qiqi, your parents overcome all difficulties and cultivate you to become a talent. Why did you say you want to become a monk as soon as you graduate from college, and you didn't even listen to the advice of your parents and family members? What did you think?" My aunt was angry.

"Qiqi, your parents overcome all difficulties and cultivate you to become a talent. Why did you say you want to become a monk as soon as you graduate from college, and you didn't even listen to the advice of your parents and family members? What did you think?" My aunt was angry.

The family cannot understand why I, who have always been proud of, have seen through the world and become a monk. Actually, I have struggled, but I can't tell them. Until the appearance of a person completely reversed my life.

Narrator: Qiqi

Age: 29 years old

Occupation: Staff

01 Enrolled in a key university

My name is Qiqi. I was born in a poor rural family in Hunan in 1993. I also have a younger brother who is four years younger.

Although our family’s financial conditions are not good, our parents love me very much and almost respond to all their requests. At the same time, they were reluctant to let me do housework because they believed that knowledge changed my destiny, so they only let me concentrate on studying.

As my parents expected, I have always ranked among the best in my grades, and I was admitted to a key university in the capital with excellent results in the college entrance examination.

Relatives and friends congratulated each other, and at the same time, they did not forget to have high hopes: You are the hope of your family. If you study hard, you will find a good job, live a good life, and shine your family.

and my closest aunt touched my head and said, "When we talk about our Qiqi now, we feel that there is light on our faces."

I am immersed in praise and happiness, full of confidence in the future, and believe that as long as I study hard, my life will be better in the future. But after entering university, I realized that I was thinking too simple.

I used to being used to having clothes at home and having food. Now I have to live independently, and I feel particularly uncomfortable. Because of my poor self-care ability, I not only have to learn how to wash clothes, dry clothes, and clean the wardrobe, but also learn how to eat nutritionally balanced meals with as little money as possible.

Of course, I am a top student, and as long as I work hard, it is not difficult to learn these things. I only started to learn when I saw that others could take good care of myself, and I felt a little embarrassed and ashamed. I didn't tell my family, but I resisted all the pressure myself.

02 The impact of the gap between the rich and the poor

University is a good place to study and a small real society. Later I realized that the impact of the gap between the rich and the poor had a very important impact on my choices before and after graduation.

Because my family’s income is not enough to support my tuition, I applied for a student loan since my sophomore year. Afterwards, I started to make money while going to school, thinking about reducing the financial burden at home and accumulating some social experience.

One weekend, roommate Yimin asked me to go out shopping and buy clothes, saying that I would help me change my image. I said I had an appointment as a tutor in the morning and I would like to send flyers in the afternoon, so I will be there another day.

Yimin gently pinched my face and said, "Qiqi, why are you busy with these things every day? You have to join more clubs in college to expand your connections. Also, if you dress yourself up beautifully, you may meet your prince charming."

Looking at the harmless roommate of humans and animals, I naturally and generously told her that my family was not in good condition. I applied for a student loan and now I want to help reduce the burden on my parents.

Yimin looked at me with a surprised look and said with a smile: "It's true that my family is not in good condition. I can live a good life of 2,000 yuan a month, saving some money."

I think about my living expenses of 500 yuan, and sang heartlessly, "You live a happy life, I'm trying to survive."

We have a good relationship and often jokes. When we don't have to work part-time, she will take me to participate in club activities.

I found that she admires the minister of the External Relations Department very much. Indeed, this minister’s senior brother is handsome and talks very well, and he has brought back many sponsors.

It turns out that the senior brother's family is very rich, his parents are working hard in the business world, and he has also been influenced by his own business philosophy since he was a child, and these have added a lot of confidence and resources to him.

Slowly, I realized a truth: people are born really differently.Some people were born with a golden key in their arms, while others could not reach the starting point of others even if they struggled for a lifetime. It is said that all the great roads lead to Rome, but some people were born in Rome. How can others compare with him?

I often think: Although people are different in life and there is no distinction between noble and low, why do poor people experience so many worldly sufferings? This reminded me of my parents and felt a little painful in my heart.

03 Fascinated by Buddhist thoughts

Just as I started thinking about life, someone who understood me appeared beside me. And he almost changed my life trajectory.

In October 2013, shortly after the junior high school started, our school organized teachers and students to teach in Guizhou, and I am also a part of the teaching staff. The children who taught

are innocent and innocent. Their eager eyes that are deeply moved and hurt me.

"Why do they grow in remote and poor mountainous areas, and even the opportunity to learn is hard-won?" I said to myself.

Unexpectedly, the philosophy teacher next to me said, "You have compassion for the children and have great love."

I was shocked on the spot. Someone understood me so much, and I felt that I had found a soulmate. After

, I communicated more and more with the philosophy teacher. He told me that the more people want, the more painful it will be, and contentment will bring happiness. Buddhism teaches people to learn to let go. His words hit my heart.

In fact, since I was a junior, I was very confused because I couldn’t find the meaning of learning. I only know that I am the hope of the family, but studying hard is enough to compete with reality and change the family environment? I have deep doubts about this.

I mistakenly believe that no matter how hard I try, I can't become an upper-level person in the economy.

Under the guidance of the philosophy teacher, I believe that the reason why I am at a loss is that I want too much but cannot achieve it. I thought that if the mind is free, no matter how rich or poor we can live a happy life.

I want to see that everyone is happy, so I hope to save all living beings and liberate the human hearts.

After knowing my idea, the philosophy teacher introduced me to a temple in in , a suburb of Beijing. During my junior year's summer vacation, I went to stay for half a month.

In the temple, everyone is cultivating their minds and nature, not competing with the world, without desires or demands. Here, I felt a rare peace and felt very at ease.

After I came back from the temple, I was thinking about my practice, and learning the knowledge of books made me very painful. However, I dared not let my parents down and forced myself to finish my double degree with gritted my teeth.

04 The spiritual destination in confusion

I am very grateful to the philosophy teacher for giving me the understanding and guidance when I was confused and confused, and allowing me to find the spiritual destination and direction of struggle.

So as soon as I graduated, I couldn't wait to go to the temple. , and the luggage of books, clothes and quilts will be sent back to your hometown by express delivery. I wrote a letter to my parents telling them about my thoughts and pursuits, hoping that they can understand and support me.

But after reading the letter, my family felt that the sky was falling. they couldn't understand, nor could they understand my behavior, so they went crazy looking for me.

Aunt called me the most, and the content was roughly: If we encounter setbacks, we can face them together, but they cannot accept that I suddenly say that I will become a monk.

The family members do not understand the principle of "to become the big self, you need to sacrifice the ego". I couldn't explain it to them, so I stopped explaining it, but I didn't change my mind either.

Aunt changed her strategy when she persuaded me not to move. She said she wanted to visit me in the temple and bring me my favorite vegetarian dishes. I happily agreed to pick her up at the station near the temple.

However, what I don’t know is that there are also reporters from the TV station who come with my aunt.

The meeting process with my family was not pleasant. They still refused to listen to my advice when they saw me and insisted on doing my own way, which made them even more angry.

After the reporter's reminder, after my consent, they returned to the temple with me to understand the situation.The staff of the temple told them: Because I did not obtain the consent of my parents, and I had two years of student loans to repay, I did not meet the requirements for becoming a monk for the time being. Like other university graduates, I am a volunteer at the temple and voluntarily work in the temple for free. Whether to go or stay is up to me.

After listening to the staff’s explanation, the family finally breathed a sigh of relief. Of course, we still have our own opinions and no one is willing to give in.

05 The lost way

The reporter saw that we were in a stalemate, so he invited me to chat alone.

Unexpectedly, the words of the reporter from actually rewritten the direction of my life.

She knew the art of communication very well. After chatting for a while, I started talking. I expressed my hope that through practice, Buddhist thoughts can be carried forward and worldly suffering will be reduced. She understood and affirmed my thoughts, and then asked me what Buddhist thoughts were. I said that this is very profound and profound, and you need to study it in depth to understand one or two things.

She then asked me: "What prompted you to practice and reduce the sufferings of the world?"

I was silent for a long time and choked up and said my feelings about teaching back then. The children's helpless eyes wanted to change, which made people feel distressed. Although they were struggling hard, they were powerless to change anything.

reporter said gently: "It's like seeing the helpless self, right?"

I looked at her in surprise, tears bursting out from my eyes.

Yeah, I'm under a lot of pressure. Since I was a child, I have never been under pressure outside of study. Now I need to enter society, work hard alone, support my family, support my younger brother to go to school, and change the family's destiny. Can I do it on my own?

The deep feeling of powerlessness made me breathless, but I am the hope of the family and I cannot tell my vulnerability to my family. I have never really faced my heart.

I always thought I was strong and thought I had found the meaning of life, but I didn’t expect it to be just a mirror. It was not until this time that I realized that being the real self is more powerful.

reporters were silently accompanying me, and I thought a lot.

Finally, I decided that since the fate of practicing has not come, I should accept the reality, go back and find a job, pay off the loan, and integrate it into society step by step.

As my work gradually improved, my restless heart gradually calmed down. At home, looking at my parents' smiling faces, I felt very relieved and knew that I was right back.

Now, I am a mother for the first time. Looking at the soft little man in my arms, I can understand my parents in particular. When I thought of watching the child's back gradually fading away, I began to feel reluctant.

After honing in society, I had different ideas. I will make myself stronger, expand my influence, and do more good deeds to help more people. And practice is carried out in life.

written at the end

The halo of "The Pride of the Family" made Qiqi bear too much mental pressure, so when she was about to enter society and assume family responsibilities, she was afraid that she would disappoint her family.

In her subconscious, escaping is the best choice. Going to the temple to practice is the most advanced excuse to escape.

Due to too much psychological pressure, Qiqi cannot give herself enough strength to continue moving forward. On the contrary, she added a lot of imaginary difficulties to herself out of thin air.

But it turns out that when she really put herself into her work, those so-called difficulties will pass. When she finds her own rhythm, her life enters the best state.

Some graduates will inevitably experience various discomforts before entering society, just like Qiqi. Being entangled between family responsibilities and personal beliefs, being confused about the imminent entry into society, being confused about the meaning of life, and even finding some reasonable reasons to evade employment pressure.

The difficulty of getting out of the box is everyone should understand because everything is difficult at the beginning.But please also believe that difficulties are temporary and the road is taken out. As long as you bravely take the first step and work hard to improve yourself, the road ahead will be smoother and smoother.

Author: Mermaid

Reviewer: Pi Xiaoyun

Edited by: Flowers blooming season

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