Many patients say that after they get sick, they are too lazy to wash their faces, let alone dress up, as if their spirits are emptied and they have no heart to do anything.
And I am just the opposite. After I got sick, I cherish everything I currently have.
Even if I don’t go out for a day, the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is to put on a beautiful makeup. Even if I just go downstairs to get a courier, I have to carefully match a beautiful set of clothes.
Last time I went for a follow-up examination, a patient recognized me at a glance. It turned out that my skirt was too short and I sat in the group of patients who were examined. It was too eye-catching and didn’t look like a patient at all.
I still remember that when I have money, I will do whatever I want when I have time.
But in the end, what I waited for was not money and time, but cruel reality and ruthless disease.
When my eyes were closed and the 12-minute operation passed, I deeply realized that life was so fragile that I couldn't control it. I can never hope that tomorrow will be better than today. All I can do is to work hard to live a better day.
When I was lying on the hospital bed and couldn't move, I experienced the weakness and despair when facing the physical changes brought to us by the disease. I realized that if I don’t do many things, I really won’t have a chance. If I want to do some things, I can’t do them anymore.
So I told myself that as long as I can get better, run, walk, and live a good life, I must live enthusiastically and never waste every day. You must spend every day of your life the way you like.
Curious people often ask me: You are so young and you are really not sad? Are you willing? Are you not afraid of ?
Honest answer: Of course I am sad! Not willing to give up! Even more scared!
Maybe I am not beautiful, but I like myself so much. So how can I not be sad when I am disfigured? I live in my heart, a literary youth who once yearned for poetry and the distance, and worked hard to have the capital to leave at any time. But because of this disease, I have no capital to leave at any time, nor the physical conditions to leave at any time. Can I be willing to do it?
In the past twenty years of my growth, although I have not done any great achievements that benefit the country and the people, as an ordinary little person, I promised myself that I am still kind and insisted on listing some bad deeds. Maybe I have stepped on several ants while walking, but I have to encounter such a fate. How can I not be angry?
It has been 19 months since the operation. To be honest, I still can't believe that all this is true.
occasionally wakes up in the middle of the night and I still hope it's just going through a nightmare. Whenever my body feels a little uncomfortable this or that, I am extremely scared when I think that the group of hateful cancer cells may be active again, and when I think that they will kill me at any time.
One day, I will leave this world and my relatives and friends. My circle of friends will never be updated from one day, and my diary will not be followed by half. All my traces will stop unexpectedly and then slowly disappear... · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · But these unwillingness and fear, fear and sadness are meaningless. I have no choice but to do with all this.
Truthfully, now I wake up every morning and feel very grateful. The hands can still move, the heartbeat continues. This skin bag is still alive, how great! I can continue to do what I want to do and meet people I meet.
The wind and rain on the road of life may not necessarily pass, but the time of life is losing.
I don’t want to spend my time on sadness and sadness because of fear of death, and I can’t leave what I want to do tomorrow. I've tried many things, but I can't wait.
I have to live enthusiastically while today’s sunshine!
