"Leading Behind the Far" - Who is the person in need of help
The origin of the problem is not related to whether it is good or bad or right or wrong,
Because the essence of communication is not about good or bad or right or wrong, but about communication.
Both parties are willing to express themselves honestly and respect each other. Both parties can see the truth clearly, seek help from each other, or give help to each other.
When we see the truth clearly, we can distinguish the problem of the problem and the problem of belonging. According to the current situation, is this situation suitable for using the face-to-face information? How to use the face-to-face information?
Aware of several situations in which parents enter the problem area:
1. Some children's behaviors make parents feel excited. At this time, parents need to realize that they have entered the problem area.
2. When getting along with your children, parents’ needs are interfered with and they need their children’s cooperation. Then parents are in the problem area at this time.
3. The child is in the problem area. The child’s high emotions trigger the parents’ suppressed emotions, and then the parents also enter the problem area.
After these situations occur during communication, you can selectively use the facial information. In the first case, parents can directly use the facial information.
The second situation is that the parents’ needs are not met, and the parents are in the problem area and need the children to cooperate, so they need to selectively use the face-to-face information according to the child’s status. When the parents use face-to-face information, it may be accepted. Perhaps the child thinks that his needs also need to be met very much, refuse to accept and start to resist, and the two parties have a conflict. At this time, it is escalated to both parties in the problem area. As parents, we need to listen to the children first, let the children express themselves fully, and then choose the right opportunity to use face-to-face information. The two people come together to negotiate a solution that suits both parties to meet the needs of both parties.
The third situation is that both parties are in the problem area, and parents can choose 4 methods to deal with it.
The first type is to directly retaliate. The method is simple and meets the needs of parents. The child suffers from grievances from two aspects, on the one hand, it comes from the frustration brought by things, and on the other hand, it comes from the parents' disacceptance, accusations and criticisms of themselves. The double grievances make the child very frustrated. This method is not recommended. The second method of
is not recommended. Parents first package their emotions, listen to their children, accompany them, take their children out of the problem area, and then deal with their emotions.
The third type is that parents are in a very intense mood at this time and have no way to listen to their children. At this time, they can express their own information first, be responsible for their emotions first, and then listen to their children and bring them out of the problem area.
The fourth type is that parents are emotionally excited. First press the pause button to find a quiet place, or find something they like to do, adjust their emotional state, first walk out of the problem area, wait until their state is adjusted, then listen to the child and take the child out of the problem area.
For example: At 7 o'clock in the morning, it's time for the child to get up. By 7:25, the child has not been seen yet. At this time, parents will be anxious and anxious. At this time, the parents were in the problem area. Parents want their children to get up on time, so that they have enough time to wash and have relatively enough time to go to school, which will not affect their work time. This time, you can make the face-to-face information. Tell the child: "Baby, it's already 7:25 now. Mom will send you to school later. After sending you to school, I will go to work. I have a very important meeting today. You can't be late. Now I'm a little anxious. Can you cooperate with Mom to get up quickly?"
Behind the distance, it is a kind of companionship, a kind of distant look, and a kind of respect. We have both connections and space for each other. What I feel is not control or aloof, but sharing and influence.
I throw out my experience and wisdom, let you choose the part you need, create your own wisdom, and rush ahead of me. Just as Gibran said: Children are tomorrows that I can’t reach.
