Indeed, our love is closely related to this war from beginning to end. We didn't go to bed when we started being lovers because there were so many things to say. When we were bed for the first time, we suddenly heard the sound of victorious sounds like beasts shouting in the street. I went to the window and saw that it turned out that a German airship was shot down and burned. At this moment, Clater's love became my spiritual refuge.
I cannot escape the cruelty of war itself, but it can alleviate the pain caused by it. The cruel and terrifying war will crush me, and I have Clater's love; in this world full of hatred, she preserves love, from love in the simplest sense to love in the deepest sense, she has it, she is calm and stable, as stable as Mount Tai, which is the most precious to me.
The next morning after the German airship fell, I left her room and returned to my residence. On the way, I saw an old man selling "Bright red roses". I bought a bouquet of roses and asked him to deliver it to Clater after paying it.
People usually think that this old man won’t send flowers after taking the money. In fact, this is not the case. I believe he will definitely send it. From then on, "Bright Red Rose" became a sentence that I miss Clater often said.
Clater and I only spent three days of honeymoon, because we were too busy with work, we didn’t have more time. We went to a small inn near the swamp, and its signature is cat and violin .
This is the coldest season, and the water in the kettle has frozen until the morning. However, this swamp with whistle and cold winter water is quite suitable for our mood at this time: in the vastness of bleakness, there is a feeling of freedom. We take a long walk outside during the day, and have passionate sex at night, which completely resolves our painful feelings about the real world.
At first I didn’t know how deep my love for Clater was, and I always thought I had given all my love to Aduolin. Clater is much younger than Adolin and has no high social status. He likes to have fun in time, so I thought I was just having sex with her. It was only later that I gradually realized the important value of my relationship with Clater.
I was sentenced to half a year for opposing the war. There is only one thing that makes me uncomfortable in prison, and that is Clater's behavior. A year after we became lovers, she fell in love with another person, although she didn't expect it to affect our relationship.
I was actually particularly jealous and thought that third party was a big bad guy. Clater and I had a big argument over this and our relationship was destroyed. I was always worried about this in prison, and the intense jealousy almost made me crazy.
In fact, I didn’t think jealousy was a good emotion in the past. It would rather be overcome, but this time I was completely defeated by it. Due to jealousy, I couldn't fall asleep for two weeks and had to ask a doctor to prescribe sleeping pills to solve the problem.
—Autobiography
