" Descendants of the Sun " made a group of women who called their husbands last month turn against Hu Ge. I wonder how many people owed Baidu Song Joong Ki like me? It turns out that the new male god and national husband also have a dark history! In 2013, Song Joong-ki conducted 8 weeks of basic military training for recruits in the 22nd Division of the Gangwon-do. After less than a month of enlisting, he stole chocolate in the army and was caught by the instructor on the spot. Not only did his friend Lee Kwang-soo not comforted him, he also teased him on Twitter: "Is it really hard to endure?"
ha~Did you see it? Celebrities are also mortals and can make mistakes, let alone our children who are just starting out to school?
Haohao's mother complained: "Yesterday I went to the kindergarten to pick up Haohao with a bag of snacks. When he tore the packaging, he opened his mouth too big and spread all over the floor, and there was not much left in the bag! Haohao cried loudly and wanted to buy another bag, so I dragged him out of the campus and said, 'If you think crying can solve the problem, I will sit here with you until you don't cry!' This is not the first time! Every time the thing falls to the ground or breaks a little, he will cry and clamor and buy it again. Sometimes I promise to criticize him sometimes, but I think it still cannot solve the problem!"
Haohao is not very good at controlling the strength of the tearing of the packaging bag, spilling the food all over the floor, and then crying and crying for pain again? To be honest, Doudou will not tear the serrated packaging seal even at the age of three and a half. It really takes strength and skills to tear it open. Haohao is a little man. When he doesn’t master the skills, he will tear it open violently with the Hercules palm. How normal!
When children do "wrong things", we often get angry, believing that children have poor self-control, poor ability to judge right and wrong, and lack of strict punishment, resulting in repeated teachings. Therefore, it becomes natural to punish children. But we have never thought: taking action temporarily will not only prevent children from understanding where they are "wrong", but will also bring many wrong ideas and negative effects to children. Therefore, when children make mistakes, we might as well think about several questions first:
1, which one is more important, result or motivation?
Early this morning, Mengmeng said she wanted to buy a new phone, and she took a shower on her phone last night.
"Did you fall into the washing machine?" I asked.
Last night, my daughter ran over happily and said to me: Mom is very hard at work, I will help you with your work!
When I said this, my daughter held the dripping mobile phone in her left hand, and the new cell phone back case and battery in her right hand...
Mom, I washed it very carefully! The inside was also taken apart and cleaned with a toothbrush!
Then what?
has no more!
You didn’t get angry on the spot? !
Why? She is only four years old and knows that she needs to help with housework without knowing anything.
24℃ March, my cute words made me feel like spring breeze.
is not only for the cute daughter, but also for the cute and cute who has a great acceptance.
Children often only consider right or wrong or severity from the perspective of results, and do not look at the problem from the motivation. Why is this? Educational psychologist Piaget believes that the main reason why children's thinking stays at the perspective of results is that their mothers often scold their children based on the degree of material damage.
Yesterday, on the way to work, I accidentally heard the introduction of Sun Li on the radio and sang "Hidden The Magical of Perceived Growth" by Sun Li . This is a hundred-day gift from Sun Li after giving birth to her second baby, Xiaohua's sister, in 2014. The unexpected dialogue form lyrics touched my soft nerves and prompted me to reflect on the detours I took during Doudou's growth.
Mom: Baby
Baby: Hum?
Mom: Why is it drawn on the wall?
Baby: Mommy, it’s not that I want to be naughty, this dinosaur is too big to put it in the paper.
Mom: Baby
Baby: Hum?
Mom: Put the food in your mouth
Baby: Mommy, you have to eat with your hands, otherwise your hands will lose strength.
Once upon a time, I was also obsessed with cleanliness and only cared about Doudou drawing it on the snow-white wall. But last night, Zhuanzhuan broke my beloved white porcelain bowl, but I threw the porcelain pieces into the trash can so calmly, and then brought a durable plastic bowl for Zhuanzhuan, smiling and applauding her grabbing food from the bowl with her clumsy little fat hands.
Haohao in the opening story also has no malicious motive, but an unpleasant result occurred, right?
When we only value the results of things and ignore children's motivations, we cannot enter the inner world of children, and cannot understand the feeling of children when they want to do things well but fail. Of course, we cannot comfort children with considerate mood. At this time, if you scold and "trample" the child's kindness, the child's "kindness" will not be recognized and understood by us. Over time, he will look at others with a negative and negative perspective.
2. Individuals and groups, it depends on whether children of this age group will do this?
Do not analyze and summarize individuals, give the child a mean line, see where the child is in the age group, conduct correlation analysis, and find the gap.
Haohao's mother has a common problem, just like most anxious mothers, measuring their children by adult standards, so how can they do things well easily, why can't their children do well?
We might as well observe the "other people's children" around us. What is the level of growth, development and motor coordination ability of other three and a half years old children? Don’t use the point to lead the whole, just look at your own children’s shortcomings. In fact, most children’s fine exercises are different from those of adults. If you analyze the relationship, you will feel relieved. Our children can reach the average level. Why do we criticize him if we are healthy?
3. Does the same error occur repeatedly and persistent?
Criticism education should not be static or stand still. If the child repeats the same mistake, we should examine and find our own guidance mistakes, deviations, or expectations.
Heraclit says, "People cannot step into the same river twice" because thoughts and behaviors develop and change. But Haohao's mother said that the child often sprinkled food and would always cry loudly. Haohao has not changed. What's the problem? I think it's because my mother has never found the root cause of the problem. If we are not struggling to scold him or buy a new one, can we take Haohao first to study the broken packaging bags on hand together?
Anyway, the packaging bag has been torn, so why not use this broken packaging bag as a demonstration. The two of them demonstrated the correct way to open the packaging bag, and let Haohao practice the trick twice. The strength is nothing more than the experience of practice. After practicing, he will take the child to buy a new bag. He warned in advance: "We tear it gently and slantedly like we did just now." After eating
, we were not in a hurry to throw away the packaging bag, and let the child continue to tear a few tricks of the waste bag. I believe that soon, Haohao became a "tear-resistant" person.
4. Active and passive, how to make children who make mistakes receive guidance and suggestions?
The child who accidentally causes trouble must be uneasy. As parents, we should not be rushing to blame. The child will never be willing to be punished passively, and even refuses to admit his mistake because he is not convinced. We might as well say to the child with considerateness: "I know you don't want the result to be so bad. You are not malicious!" Positive psychological hints and affirmations to the child are necessary and effective. A tolerant attitude will guide the child to develop in a positive and positive way, and drive the child to actively admit his mistakes and improve his shortcomings and shortcomings.
Bob Hoover is a world-renowned test pilot, and he is always indispensable in the flight performance. However, according to Flight Operations magazine, after a flight performance, Hoover flew back to Los Angeles from San Diego as usual, but unexpectedly, at a height of 300 feet, the two engines stopped operating simultaneously. Hoover was quick to learn and successfully made a landing with his superb skills. Fortunately, no casualties were found, the plane he was flying was completely scrapped due to this accident.
As soon as Hoover landed, he immediately checked the plane's fuel - as he expected, this World War II propeller aircraft should have used gasoline, but it was mistakenly added with the fuel from the jet engine.
When he returned to the airport, Hoover immediately found a mechanic responsible for refueling. The young mechanic was trembling with fear for making a big mistake, and when he saw Hoover, he shed tears of regret. His mistake not only destroyed a costly plane, but also nearly killed three people.
How angry Hoover is is, you can imagine. The mechanic thought that this pilot, who was very meritorious and rigorous, would scold him bloodily, but unexpectedly, Hoover did not blame him, and did not even say a harsh word. Hoover held the mechanic's shoulder and said to him, "I believe you will never do this again. Come and serve my F-51 tomorrow."
What is the purpose of our discovery of the problem? It is to solve the problem. Compared to the angry blame when you are angry, accepting children's mistakes tolerantly is more conducive to long-term development.
5. Rules and love require persistent standards.
Treat children with the same mistakes, and each member of the family should unify a standard. This standard must not be: it depends on your mood!
Haohao's behavior has not improved. There is another reason. Sometimes, when the mother looks at Haohao crying pitifully, she buys a bag for her child. Sometimes, she criticizes and punishes her child if she fails to correct her. The lack of unified measurement standards causes confusion in the child's cognition.
We should use our words and deeds to tell our children that we should correct our mistakes, rather than crying. Maybe you make a mistake because you lack a certain skill. It doesn’t matter. Mom and Dad teach you; maybe you are a prank with bad motivation. Please understand others’ feelings and accept the corresponding punishment... In any case, we face and solve problems together, rather than crying.
PS: I bought the guzheng cover for Douduo last week and I received it yesterday, and the style is completely wrong! It would be fine if the fabric is rough, but it would also emit a huge smell of chemical potion if it was opened! The first time a buyer in more than ten years can't help but give a bad review!
didn't want the seller to call me to handle it in more than ten minutes, hoping that I would modify the review and give me a compensation of 15 yuan, and unconditional refund and exchange, and they can also accept payment for postage, etc.
I asked my colleague unexpectedly: If I give negative reviews every day, can I make a lot of money?
colleagues said, do you know how much impact your negative review will have on the seller? When he has a good review, he has a high reputation. Once he searches for the product name, he will display it on the homepage. A bad review can drag it back two or three pages. How often do you buy things on the fourth page? This has a huge impact on sales, and merchants hate bad reviews to the core! Even if you are respectful to you on the surface, a vicious curse is indispensable behind your back.
Yes, when faced with anyone's mistakes, whether they are obvious or insignificant, we should not give a bad review easily.
For online shopping, we can calmly communicate with the after-sales service to return and exchange; for children, how can we deny his efforts without asking the whole story?
Shui Yitian: Corporate operation analyst, published "Love Micro Management" for parenting double-material books, founder of Xinyue Zhuyin Culture Media Studio, Sohu mother and baby gold medal author, million blogger, family education writer, second mother born in the 1980s, personal public account:Shui Yitian
