The highly-watched table tennis player Fukuhara Ai 's divorce incident has touched the hearts of many netizens.
Fukuhara Ai ended her marriage with Jiang Hongjie in July last year, and was also exposed for her relationship with her current boyfriend.
Recently, according to Ai Fukuhara's best friend, Ai Fukuhara also brought her current boyfriend with him when she was having dinner with Ai Fukuhara.
also kept praising her current boyfriend for being polite and very good-looking, claiming that she is already in a semi-cohabitation state with her current boyfriend.
This "best friend" has really made a lot of news.
It is said that Ai Fukuhara introduced that she was flying everywhere because of her career in table tennis, and her boyfriend became the "man behind" who fully supported her and assisted her in handling family affairs.
And in order to accompany Ai Fukuhara, her boyfriend also resigned from the company and inherited the family business.
What is particularly surprising is that Ai Fukuhara revealed to her best friend that she plans to marry this person.
When talking about the divorce from Jiang Hongjie, he was very happy: "I finally divorced Jiang Hongjie!"
However, Ai Fukuhara did not mention the matter of the child's placement, which made the so-called "best friend" feel inappropriate. As soon as the
0 message was released, a considerable number of people who were watching Ai Fukuhara changed their impression of Ai Fukuhara. After all, most people supported Ai Jiang at the beginning.
And more people are wondering whether this "best friend" is a real best friend.
After all, there is no such thing as a "best friend" who exposes his bad news about his good sisters in public.
The housework of celebrities is too inconsistent with the right and wrong of black and white, and no one knows the twists and turns inside.
Not to mention intimacy, it involves deep human nature, so where can you simply comment on right or wrong?
is just a lot of netizens commented that Ai Fukuhara started a new relationship so easily.
originally thought the man was ruthless, but it turned out that the woman was more "ruthless" than the man.
A new relationship soon started soon after breaking up, is it really "ruthless"? Let's talk about it today.
01
Quickly starts a new relationship, perhaps it is a repressive rebound
Fukuhara Ai and Jiang Hongjie's love was envied by many people, and the mess after marriage was so sad.
It is said that although Ai Fukuhara is much better than her ex-husband Jiang Hongjie in her career and economy, she still has to take care of her husband and children like traditional Japanese women and contribute to her family.
And Ai Fukuhara's mother-in-law even said something similar to using Ai Fukuhara as a money-making machine, which made Ai Fukuhara very hurt.
A career-oriented woman who has achieved the world's top career in table tennis has received so many honors and praises, but she has to be the little woman behind a man at home. This huge gap in
I guess Ai Fukuhara is very disappointed.
And Ai Fukuhara's low posture in marriage is also heartbreaking.
When participating in a variety show with Jiang Hongjie, the two showed their love on the show and kissed more than 60 times.
Afterwards, the staff confirmed that this was a "performance" that Fukuhara Ai was forced to make in order to cooperate with Jiang Hongjie.
Of course, it is nothing to answer a kiss, but what is reflected behind it is that Ai Fukuhara is doing a small low in this relationship and accommodates the other person's low posture everywhere.
Even though some things have seriously exceeded her own wishes, she still put Jiang Hongjie's wishes first.
This is true for Ai Fukuhara, and it is even more so for many women with slightly weaker financial conditions in marriages.
"Husband is heaven", everything is based on the will of the husband, which seems to be a traditional virtue of Eastern women.
In our social collective consciousness, it seems that this is the "virtuous and kind" of virtue.
But today's era has long changed. Women can display their talents in various fields, and they can also play an equally important position and role as men.
But this "virtue" has become a shackle for many women to suppress themselves and aggrieved themselves.
The stronger the suppression, the greater the rebound power.
When suppressing oneself to a limit, one will strongly want to get rid of this relationship and even let himself go.
so we cannot completely blame any party in the marriage.
Jiang Hongjie may have some excessive words and deeds in the relationship, but this is also caused by Ai Fukuhara's permission and transfer of his own interests and his own boundaries.
This is why Ai Fukuhara told her best friend very easily that she finally divorced Jiang Hongjie.
This is not ruthless, it is precisely the proof that Ai Fukuhara once had many repressions in his marriage.
02
Quickly starts a new relationship and cannot heal trauma
A relationship from love for you to parting ways, this period must be accompanied by a lot of hurt and disappointment.
Different people suffer different levels of trauma, and the more severe the injury the person is, the more they are eager for a drug that can heal the wound quickly.
Take Ai Fukuhara's cross-border marriage as an example.
Ex-husband does not support his work and always lets himself be the little woman behind him;
But his boyfriend can give up his work for his career and help him manage everything in his family.
Compared with the previous relationship, such a boyfriend beats his ex-husband.
And Ai Fukuhara can finally become a pampered and given person from the relationship, and her experience in the relationship is completely different.
so it is easy to understand Ai Fukuhara's "no matter what you care about".
Her trauma in the previous relationship was healed by this relationship.
Many people have had this experience and have seen such an example around them:
Whether men and women have the urge to quickly enter the next relationship after a breakup.
They think that their trauma was entirely caused by the previous person, and only the next person can bring healing to themselves.
This is actually a misunderstanding and a way to push away your own strength and responsibility.
We can imagine that perhaps Jiang Hongjie was so pampered and cared for him so much when he first started pursuing Ai Fukuhara, which moved Ai Fukuhara's heart, but the relationship changed as he was everywhere.
How should Ai Fukuhara guarantee that her current boyfriend will always support herself and pamper herself like this, and will never change?
There is no one else except yourself.
If the party involved does not reflect on his behavioral patterns and thinking patterns;
only frames himself in the position of "victim", even if someone changes, the relationship will still change the soup and not the medicine, and the previous pain will likely reappear.
03
Self-growth is the beginning of a new relationship
There is a saying that describes intimate relationships that is very appropriate: "Dear, there is no one outside, only yourself.”
According to The theory of modern psychology , external relations are also the reaction and projection of the inner psychology.
If a person has no sense of value and always thinks that he is not good, then the other party says a word and rolls his eyes, and she will think that he is blaming and belittling himself.
There is a hook deep in his heart, so that the outside can evoke those bad feelings.
What we can do is to deal with the hook in our hearts, rather than trying to prevent others from "seducing" themselves.
For example, Xiaofang encountered such a "hook" on Valentine's Day two days ago.
Xiaofang was very much looking forward to having a romantic Valentine's Day with her husband. Early in the morning, she began to fantasize.
l1 My husband also remembered that it was Valentine's Day, so he asked her if she wanted to go out for dinner.
Xiaofang thought about it. Today, the traffic jams are everywhere, and she is not very interested in it.
Next, my husband stopped mentioning Valentine's Day.
So Xiaofang waited and waited for a day, but her husband did not express any other words, so he was very angry and wronged.
She couldn't figure out why other people's husband would send flowers, bags and money, but her husband would just ask so casually?
Xiaofang's anger was actually caused by the inner feeling of "not being loved" and "no one cares about me".
And she could only accept her husband expressing love in the way she imagined, and she had to express it without mentioning it.
Xiaofang thinks that she wants to tell her husband that she wants flowers, packages, and gifts, which loses the meaning of the festival, which proves that her husband does not love herself enough.
If we analyze it carefully, we will know that Xiaofang's requirements are extremely harsh and difficult.
Because no one is a worm in other people's belly, and everyone has their own affairs, it is impossible to prioritize the other party's needs in everything.
I want it yes, boldly suggest that if the other party cannot satisfy himself, find a way to satisfy himself. This is the way for adults to do things.
doesn’t want to say anything, and waits for the other party to guess, and the other party will get furious if he doesn’t guess correctly. This is childish childishness.
Because the other party can’t guess his thoughts, he concluded that the other party does not love him. This is probably not even a god.
If you don’t recognize your secret needs and unreasonable Beliefs, more and more similar things, Xiaofang will only think that she is not loved.
And her husband will also become more and more tired, which may eventually lead to a breakdown of the relationship.
The same principle applies to Ai Fukuhara.
If she still cannot maintain her boundaries, she still can't help but return to the low-stance mode in the relationship, and she may "train" her new boyfriend to be a person similar to her ex-husband.
Every relationship is an opportunity for growth. Growth is never about changing others, but about changing yourself.
I hope we can all use relationships to change our inner patterns and become the ones we really want to be.
At that time, a perfect love will definitely meet unexpectedly.
Author | Shunshui healer, with the Chinese Academy of Sciences psychological counselor qualification certificate and the IHNMA International Hypnosis Teacher qualification certificate, committed to exploring the depth and greatness of human nature.
