Oral / Lai Shengchuan
You
I
Say
My wife and I are very wonderful. Drama, Buddhism and family are completely connected. To understand us, we must understand it in this framework. We are alone and we are one. It's like the two of us add up to one of us. —— Lai Shengchuan
My wife and I have a wonderful life, and
Drama, Buddhism and family are completely connected.
To understand us, we must understand it in this framework.
We are not established alone, we are one.
is like the two of us add up to one of us.
—— Lai Shengchuan
In 1980, Lai Shengchuan (right) and Ding Naizhu were studying in the United States. Photo | Author provides
Naizhu and I are very happy and harmonious together for decades. And our relationship is constantly renewing and getting better and better. This is not something that ordinary people can get. So we cherish it very much.
has lived to the age of 60s, and we have seen so many partners. Some people were so beautiful at the beginning, but later sent private detectives; some were good at having a good career, but love was gone when their careers were bad; more people were happy when they saw two people with an immature heart together, but later they encountered many problems. We feel happy and very lucky, but we are not "take it for granted" as we say in English, which is a matter of course. This is very rare, so we must cherish and protect this relationship.
Our life is wonderful, drama, Buddhism and family are completely connected. To understand us, we must understand it in this framework. Including my eldest daughter, she married Zongsar Rinpoche's nephew. Now her son-in-law basically works with Zongsar Rinpoche, and my daughter is also helping.
Meet
Speaking of Naizhu, she is so special. She is a Ruyibao.
Nazhu and I met one day in 1974. I was in my sophomore year at that time. My main memory of college was singing and playing music in the folk song restaurant, playing music in the Aidia West restaurant, and living with a group of high school classmates. We lived in different universities and lived like a utopia.
At that time, a friend of National Taiwan University kept mentioning to me that there was a girl named Ding Naizhu in the Department of Philosophy of National Taiwan University. Just like when Fu University had an Hu Yinmeng , she was already a legendary figure. As soon as I entered Fuda University, I heard that Hu Yinmeng was dreaming. At that time, her name was , Hu Yinmie, . There are many such strange people in our era.
One night in Adia, there was a loft in the restaurant. They told me, "Let's go upstairs and meet a friend." That person was Ding Naizhu.
Adia is very young, I walked upstairs, and at that time I felt that I had seen her! And we have known each other for a long time. Then I felt that she was my wife.
But at that time I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend. Although we had a good impression of each other, we did not do anything forced. At that time, my thoughts were very simple. Although I thought it was her, I also had a girlfriend, so it was impossible to pursue her impulsively. It feels like seeing an old friend. But in fact, we have never seen it before.
Later we became friends, we were very good at chatting and chatting for a long time. But not boyfriend and girlfriend.
Two years later, when I was a senior, we naturally ended our relationship and got together.
1976-1978, after graduation, she helped in her uncle's law office. She was very glorious at that time, the kind of glory in the worldly perspective. A girl who graduated from National Taiwan University wore a cheongsam to do things because she liked it; she was also very simple and became popular in various units. I worked as a conscript for 2 years, but it was easy. I started working in a band and later transferred to be an English announcer, so I could continue playing music during that time, while planning to get married and study abroad.
I think it will happen naturally when we get married. I didn’t propose specifically, but I always had a tacit understanding between each other and we want to be together. Of course, I mentioned it to her at a time, but it was not the kind of person who knelt down and proposed to her. I asked her, let's be together, and she said yes.There was an episode at that time because she was one year older than me, and her father was quite traditional, especially in that era, I didn’t know how to pass her father’s level. As a result, God helped me, and an article happened to appear in the newspaper, saying that if the wife is older than the husband, the divorce rate is relatively low.
I will cut it out for my future father-in-law to show it. Sister Ding (Ding Naizhu)'s father was a famous political commentator in Taiwan at that time and wrote many books, such as "History of Beiyang Warlords", etc., and he didn't say anything after reading it. That means this matter is OK.
I later had a good relationship with him. Our family has no problem with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and her parents and I are also very good.
Lai Shengchuan Ding Naizhu’s wedding photo
undertake
I thought of two things.
One thing is that it happens before marriage. One day she was playing at my house, which was an old Japanese house on Shuangcheng Street, Taipei. I grew up there when I arrived in Taipei at the age of 12. At that time, there was a servant in the family. My mother thought she was a family member. Later, she stopped being a servant for us, but she still lived in our house and got married and had children there. One day, Naizhu and my servant’s son were at home. He was only three or four years old at that time. While playing, he suddenly bumped his head into the pillar, and blood was flowing, and I was almost scared to death. I can't imagine Naizhu's calmness at that time. She immediately asked me, where is your medicine? Is there any Yunnan Baiyao? I'll give it to her. I watched her holding the child and treated the wound calmly. She broke the wound with her hands and stuffed the medicine in it. Soon, the bleeding stopped.
I thought to myself, "Wow! The wife I want to marry is such a woman!"
This is the first time I have the opportunity to see her calmness and a kind of heroism.
In 1978, we got married and arrived in the United States more than a month later. In Berkeley , I studied drama (doctoral) and she studied education administration (master). At that time, there were several schools to choose from, and Berkeley did not have scholarships, so the tuition fee for a year was several thousand dollars, but we still chose Berkeley. Many people mistakenly think that we are rich families, but we are really not. When I was 14 years old, my father (who was a diplomat in the United States) passed away. The government gave my mother a subsidy of several thousand NT dollars a year. I dare not say that life is hard, but my mother worked hard to raise us. The same is true for Sister Ding’s family, but it is famous but does not have much money.
She saved a sum of money after two years of work, and I also saved some, and my mother gave me several thousand dollars. We put this money in a good friend, and this friend told us to ensure that we can give us much interest every month. But in less than two months, he collapsed and we never saw this friend again. We have no money either.
We told the school about this situation, and the school said that we can apply for tuition exemption in the next semester. But what should I do in life? What we have to face is whether we have to roll the bed and go home, because we really have no money. In this case, a person's personality is revealed.
She was calm to a certain extent, which made me really feel that having her in my life is the word "happiness". She can bear it alone.
She only said to me, "Now we have to find a way to make money by ourselves." At this time, she seemed calm and calm, without any fear. I thought of a classmate of my father. We called him Uncle Qian and opened a restaurant in , San Francisco . The phone number was still called by Naizhu, and Uncle Qian said, you can come to work on Friday. We drove over and started our working career.
It is a very luxurious restaurant. When we arrived, we sent us the uniform. I was the waiter and the one who held the plate was in charge of the closing. I was a yellow uniform. She worked as a captain at the front desk and was beautiful. On the first day, I was in a mess. The restaurant business was very good. I didn't stop from 5:30 pm to 11:00. Each table was overturned at least three times. I was under great pressure because I didn't know anything. I was scolded to the point of being stinky all day. "On the 12th, collect!" "On the 25th, collect!" "On the 25th, collect!" "Prepare the stage quickly!" I really felt thrown into the sea of fire.
When I got home that day, I was deeply impressed by it. We couldn’t speak a word and were so tired. At around 12 o'clock in the evening, we sat on the bed and looked at each other. But no complaints.
We were so tired that day that we lay down and fell asleep.
I originally studied for a doctorate smoothly, but I didn’t expect fate to cause me such a change. But when the next day continues, people can easily accept this fate.
I remember that day I earned more than 20 US dollars tips and was so happy. Later, I gradually became a runner-up and became more and more comfortable. I could earn more than 100 US dollars in a night. We also had scholarships, and the situation gradually got better.
story will be told further, and you will know that the most important thing in this family is the one who supports this family.
Naizhu has a photo taken when she got her master's degree. At that time, she was pregnant with Yunyun (the eldest daughter). The school hoped that she would continue to study for her PhD, but she gave up in order to take care of the children and to support me. She started looking for a job. I want to study for 5 years, and in the next 3 years she will take care of her children and work.
Lai Shengchuan's family (old photo)
is not like in China in the United States, and someone will take care of you after giving birth. When the child is called, he has to get up in the middle of the night to feed him. When he goes to kindergarten, he also picks him up and drops him off. If he catches a cold, he has to pick him up and pick him up in advance... At that time, I was still in school, so she started working and working in various restaurants. At the peak, I worked in 4 restaurants. Just last November, when I was in , San Francisco Bay Area, I drove around to where we used to live. At that time, I suddenly remembered a restaurant where she once worked, which was a fast food restaurant for students. It costs more than US dollars per serving, and the tip is only 20 cents. The place is very close to Berkeley. In a business district, there is a Korean overseas Chinese. The father and son are making simple meals there, and she is making everything there - serving and washing dishes, which only costs 4 yuan per hour. I asked, why do you want to do this? She said she thought they had worked hard and admired them very much.
In her life, she always wanted to help them when she saw others suffering.
This father and son have a big temper and can't do it, but as long as Nai Zhu is here, they can help them make it very well.
worked as a 4-household labour for about 1 year. She later found a formal job, but was far away from her home, on the other side of San Francisco. It was also her that she became prosperous as soon as she went to the company. She just lights up wherever she goes.
Practice
In fact, we are very disagreeable in many parts of our lives. What we eat is different, for example, if she eats chicken wings, I eat chicken breasts; if she eats spicy food, I don’t eat spicy food. There are different things to play and different hobbies. But that's OK, it's good. The inconsistency in life does not affect us at all, and that problem is zero for us. We have a deeper thing that is together, a pursuit. That kind of thing is done together, everything is done. That deeper pursuit is everything. What is that thing? is to pursue the essence of life and what is people doing when they live in the world.
We have a majority of parts that others cannot understand, and are the part of learning Buddhism. For us, practice is a very important part of pursuit. Our lives are wonderful. Drama, Buddhism and family are completely connected. These three things started almost at the same time.
This has to be said to go back to Naizhu's grandfather, his name is Ding Shi Monk , a monk of stone. This is his name later. His former name was Ding Huaijin, who was the one who made a revolution with Sun Yat-sen. He stopped playing and practiced secrets at home.
Naizhu was born in Hong Kong. When she was born, her name was Ding Nailei, but her grandfather wrote a letter from Yunnan to Hong Kong. I later saw this letter, which said that this granddaughter is destined to be Buddha, so please change his name to Naizhu.
But grandpa has never seen her before. Maybe her Buddhist fate will be there at this time.
When Naizhu was ten years old, the Hong Kong government arrested her father. After he was released, the whole family arrived in Taiwan.
I was born in the United States and arrived in Taiwan at the age of 12. We were like a mysterious agreement in the dark, we arrived in Taiwan from different places one after another.
What is even more incredible is that our teachers later practiced were in the same way as Grandpa Naizhu’s practice in Buddhism.
I was interested in Taoist thoughts since I was in college, so I went to National Taiwan University to listen.Because I played music, I became interested in national music, and she was also interested, so we went to learn the pipa together. Our teacher is Lin Gufang. He introduced us to a good friend named Chen Guoqin. Chen Guoqin was only in his twenties at that time and was a very powerful figure in Baguaquan . So we learned national music from Lin Gufang and Baguaquan from Chen Guoqin. One day, Chen Guoqin asked us if we were interested in listening to Tibetan Buddhism.
We said OK.
That place is located in Xindian Wufeng Mountain, which is near Taipei. Our first teacher is Master Lin from Wufeng Mountain. The connection between Taiwan and Tibetan Buddhism is very weak. Master Lin is a student of Master Qu, who came to Taiwan with Tibetan Buddhism. He and Naizhu's grandfather are the same.
So why do you not believe in cause and effect?
We were so confused about the Tibetan Buddhism. It was 1976 and it had a big impact on us. With such a foundation, in 1978, we decided to get married in Wufeng Mountain and then study abroad.
We just arrived in the United States and there is also a Buddhist center in Berkeley. After we moved, we always heard a strange sound. Later, we found that it was the sound of a peacock. When we opened the window, we saw a lama living opposite us. That is a very wonderful fate, and we always encounter things related to Buddhism.
Later, when we returned to Taiwan from the United States, we invited some living Buddhas to our homes to preach the Dharma. The first time we passed on for one or two months, our home became a place for gatherings. At that time, no one in Taiwan learned Tibetan Buddhism, so we studied it as academics.
We not only study Buddhism together, but also face life and death.
We met Dunsa Rinpoche in 1985. He was only in his early twenties and was the first time he came to Taiwan. I still remember Sister Ding came home and said, "It's amazing." Her identity was a translator back then. Others translated Tibetan into English, and she translated it from English to Chinese. She also translated Buddhism for the teacher. The early people who studied Tibetan Buddhism would feel very at ease when they saw her on stage and knew that as long as she translated it, it would definitely be very accurate. She really understands.
I have lived with her for so many years, and I don’t know how she learned a lot of things.
"How do you know this?" I asked.
"I just know." she said.
She taught me how to endure humiliation
You may not be able to imagine how busy we were at that time. I'm going crazy when directing dramas. I've been teaching in Taiwan for a long time, and the amount of teaching is two to three times that of ordinary professors. Because there is a shortage of people, no one teaches these classes. I was an associate professor back then, and 8 hours a week was enough, but I usually teach for more than twenty hours. At first, she worked in a computer company, had to run a theater troupe, raise funds for Buddhist activities, and also translate. Once, around 1990, she raised a lot of money for a large event for Zongsar Rinpoche. I thought to myself, okay, you are so tired, they have the foundation to build a temple. But I found that there are always new people who have new requirements to find her, and she will continue to do it.
Too many people come to her when they encounter something. She is the legendary Ruyi Treasure. If anyone has any questions to her, she will definitely let go of everything and solve your problems carefully and patiently.
Many people cannot understand our lives. Because we don't socialize. At a age, we don’t go out early, except for work, we are at home.
What exactly is Naizhu doing? I can reveal a little bit. Sometimes when I get home, I see someone in the living room again, and they are talking to Naizhu very quietly - another friend talks to Naizhu because of a problem in life.
She doesn't just do things for me, she does things for too many people. She has no discrimination against people who have nothing or people from large consortiums, no matter who they are.
But she didn't want to appear in front of the stage. She doesn't really want to act. Both Jin Shijie and I think she is the ideal candidate for Yun Zhifan in "Secret Love in Peach Blossom Land", but she just doesn't love her. If her personality is slightly different, she might be a big star. She has that charm, she has that ability in acting. But she retreated behind to help others.
Of course, I am the one who benefits the most from it.
I have a Singapore friend named Guo Baokun, who is also the "father of drama" in Singapore. In 1988 and 1989, he and Rong Nianzeng organized some seminars or lectures for Chinese elites, including Yu Qiuyu , Yang Shipeng and I were invited, so I became good friends with Guo Baokun.
In 1998, he suddenly called me and asked me, "Are you busy recently?" I said, "I'm very busy, I'm doing a new drama." Guo Baokun is a very typical and elegant Chinese who speaks northern dialect in Singapore. He said, if you have something, you might ask for help. I will have a performance in June, and I hope you will help me guide. I will go to the hospital tomorrow to remove a tumor. Maybe I can't help me. Can you help me?
I can't refuse when he says this.
The drama is "Red Sky" co-operated with the People's Art Theater. The starring is an old artist of the People's Art Theater such as Lin Liankun and . Our cooperation is very pleasant. He told me that you must come to Beijing to direct the drama.
By the end of 1998, we went to Beijing.
In fact, when Yang Shipeng helped us direct "The Death of a Salesman", we used Ying Ruocheng as the translation, so we asked Ying Ruocheng to come to Taiwan. Later, he asked Sister Ding to go to Beijing to play and took her everywhere. At that time, Sister Ding had a deep impression of Beijing. After she came back, she told me that we could slowly consider doing performances in the mainland.
2008 and 2009, we made a big change. For the first time, we have collaborated with the mainland to create a new work "Watch TV Together". This process is promoting many things. At the end of 2008, I made " Baodao One Village ". My daughter got married in 2009 and I was in the Hearing Impotence Olympics. For nearly two years, she has served as the director and producer, and has taken on all the tedious work. After that we started doing large-scale events.
Later, I encountered the "centennial celebration". At that time, Xiao Wanchang, the "Vice President" at that time, came to me personally. I didn't want to do it, so I hid and let Naizhu deal with it. In the end, less than a year left, they found me again, and to be honest, no one did it. Naizhu thought of her grandfather’s origins and said, “Just do it.”
didn't expect that it would be such a big rebound. (Note: Taiwan’s “Centenary Celebration” is in the election period. The celebration event planned and directed by Lai Shengchuan was captured by the green camp and criticized him for being criticized by him. He was caught in the “corruption case” storm and accused him of “climbing to the powerful”.)
When she recalled it later, she was also very regretful. She blamed herself. I kept comforting her, and I told her that there was no problem at all. I said, Whether it is good or bad in our lives, if we can accept it, the final result will be good. To be honest, for example, I can understand what the working class and the general public are thinking, and it only depends on those five years of working life. Why I understand human nature better is because of those 5 years. It seems like God has arranged it. Those 5 years were really hard, and you got too much stuff after you’ve worked hard.
Like this time, the "century" incident has dealt such a big blow to us. I still say the same thing: If you do something wrong and get scolded, you have to review it; if you do something wrong and get scolded, it is called practice.
You must learn to endure humiliation. Go and let others talk nonsense and don’t reply. These were what Naizhu taught me. My personality was not like this before. You misunderstood and slandered me. I did nothing wrong. I absolutely have to resist and cannot accept it.
She is really constantly teaching me, "No, you have to accept it." "You have to see clearly and fight back, it is useless." "People who know you believe it, and those who don't know you will always think it's like this." This is a very important lesson for me.
The blow she suffered at that time was because of me. She couldn't bear to see others treat me like this, so she blamed herself. On the other hand, I kept comforting her, "I have no problem at all. This is the decision I made in my life. I have made this decision, and I will not blame anyone." I have never blamed her for a second.
How did she feel that she misjudged that matter. But just like the time we were cheated of all the money, it was a turning point for us. And time will change a lot. Now, not many people remember this, and we are still very happy.
It also allows me to move forward in my life.
slowly shifted our focus, to the mainland, to the United States. Looking back at Taiwan, the stage is no longer there, although it was there once.
seems to have constant strong hints, allowing us to keep changing.
After that, we collaborated with Yanghua to perform in mainland China to perform in Wuzhen Drama Festival. " Dreams " can be remade, and we have a theater again. We are still so happy and have two (external) grandsons. Life is constantly moving forward, and it depends on these things. We have not stopped in Buddhism, but are constantly practicing. So that's it, we are living a busy life that ordinary people cannot understand.
The two of us add up is our
We have been together for decades, not only living together, but also working together.
Too many people don’t understand, we can work together. We have a clear division of labor, and I am in charge of creativity and she is in charge of production. Of course there are intersections, but we will discuss them. The communication between us has always been very good, and we have always cared about communication between us. If we haven’t spoken a day, we feel uncomfortable. Everything is mixed with what you say, including work, family, and Buddhist teachings. This feels very subtle.
Guo Baokun lived in our house for a while. He wrote a short article to talk about us. He said: Friends and family are not distinguished, work and leisure are not distinct... It is right to mix everything together.
When we lived in Yangmingshan before, the garage was our office, and I went through the kitchen and went to work. Yunyun always sees actors entering the house without ringing the doorbell, or people wearing monk's robes walking around at home. In the 1980s, at the peak of the family, there were one or two hundred people every night. They came to listen to the Dharma and stayed for two months.
Nazhu and I practiced separately, and we would talk to each other at any time if we had any experience. She won't have any questions, I must have asked her. I haven't touched me with a question she couldn't answer. I kept encouraging her to teach some classes, but she insisted on not accepting it.
She rarely has excessive emotions and has always been peaceful.
When we were doing "On That Distant Planet, One Grain of Sand", we collaborated with Zhang Xiaoyan (a famous Taiwanese variety show host). Gradually, she also had some understanding of Naizhu. Later, on the show she publicly said, "Ding Naizhu, if the house burns at this time, she will also say, 'Well, it's not bad. You can rebuild it after burning'."
"On That Distant Planet, One Grain of Sand"
"On That Distant Planet, One Grain of Sand"
"A Centenary" thing, when we were the most difficult time, she didn't feel much emotion. She just looked at the situation on the Internet every day and what else can we do.
She had a very good sleep, I had a bad sleep, and if she found that I couldn't sleep and was turning around in the middle of the night, she would give me a massage until I fell asleep. This has been the case for decades.
But she won't make others feel "I'm giving". If you really want to understand a person, you have to look at them from these subtle points.
She has too many things that are different from me. For example, if I accumulate things, she will throw them away; if she wants to reduce them, I want to increase them. We went out for a trip, she had no comments, I led all of them. She might think I'm a bit messy, but just say a few words and nothing else. We never complain about each other in these details.
I look at her now. Is the Chinese saying that is appropriate? It is the "partner half". This is a very profound feeling. "Other half" means that we are alone and we are one. It's like the two of us add up to one of us.
we cannot expect to be better, so we cherish it more. We don't show off either. I don’t think that couples should do this. It’s difficult to maintain love and emotions in the world. It’s not normal to be as harmonious as us – I’m willing to say that. So we cherish it very much.
So, if there is no deeper pursuit between husband and wife, it will easily disintegrate and collapse. If the relationship is based on money or simple attraction, that thing may disintegrate quickly and within a few years. That pursuit is not called a company going public or something, it is what you want to do and what life does in your short life.Only with such a deeper pursuit of each other can you have real topics to talk about. If your topic is always, "How is the Biaofang today? I sold a few tickets", I will get tired after two or three years; or "Do you love me, do I love you?", I will get tired after one year. This is not the case for real long-term.
We have been married for 38 years today. There must be something deeper, otherwise the two of them would have stopped talking long ago.
Over the years, both of us have found time to travel. For example, last year, when we went to the United States Oregon directing drama, I went a week earlier to some places we like, and there were only two people, staying quietly.
oral description | Lai Shengchuan compiled | "China News Weekly" reporter Ding Chenxin
originated from | China News Weekly Magazine (china-newsweek)
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