Teachers and parents, do you usually like to encourage or scold your children? Do you know what words your children are most afraid of saying? Do you know what your children like most about parents?
In fact, children's hearts are very fragile and they hope to be supported and understood. Every word of encouragement from parents will make children feel confident, but an inadvertent rude scolding is enough to cause them great harm.
Recently, a parent forum event announced the results of parent-child communication issues conducted by the Moral Education Research Office of Xiacheng District, Hangzhou and a primary school in Hangzhou. A total of 4,342 valid parent questionnaires and 2,245 valid student questionnaires were received in this survey.
questionnaire surveys respectively evaluate the five words that children dislike the parents say the most, and the five keywords that children most hope to hear the parents say. After reading it, netizens said that many of them were hit, and some people laughed at them as "Presbyterian Bear".
Come and see if you were shot?
Children are most annoying to hear parents say these 5 kinds of words, are you attracted to?
Let’s first look at the five words that hurt the children the most. Parents should be reminded to be merciful and not to hurt their children’s hearts with words.
"No comparison, there is no harm"
"You see how good other children are"
"Look at how smart other children are,
Look at you again"
...
Parents are always used to exaggerating the advantages of other children compared with their own children's shortcomings. But in fact, such words can easily bring a lot of shame to children and every sentence is heart-wrenching.
revolves around the topic of "homework"
"Go to do homework quickly"
"Don't be too slow, move quickly"
"Do you finish homework"
...
Similar words appear more frequently in surveys. But do you know? When "homework" becomes the focus of parent-child communication, it actually hurts the child's heart the most.
seems to remind people that they are actually "accusing"
"Why are you so stupid?"
"How can you do this?"
"Whatever you do is wrong"
"Why can't you do it every time"
...
Many times, parents' impatience is like a hammer, directly hitting the child's tender heart.
"No" sentence
"No TV is allowed"
"Don't play with your phone"
"I don't want to listen to your quibbling"
"Don't negotiate conditions with me"
...
"Arbitrary behavior" is not the best way of education. Fear does not mean convincing. Parents' prestige should not be used to force their children to submit.
is more "heartbreaking"
"Are you my biological child?"
"You disappointed me so much"
"I don't know what evil I did in my previous life"
...
If parents often say this, their children will become less and less convinced of themselves and feel that they can't do anything well.
Parents, after reading these, do you feel "heartbreaking"? In daily life, have you ever "harmed" your children like this?
The 5 keywords that children want to hear the most, have you said?
Survey shows that the five keywords are what children like or want their parents to say the most. Parents may as well talk to their children more. One day you will find that their children's abilities are beyond your imagination.
Accompany
"Let's think together"
"Go and go out together"
"I'll accompany you tonight"
...
Many parents are trapped in a misunderstanding, believing that working overtime and earning money is the best love for their children. But in fact, for children, it is much happier to spend an hour with them than to buy them a toy.
Scientific research shows that during the growth stage, children with parents are smarter, more optimistic and positive, and more likely to succeed than lonely children.
So parents, no matter how busy they are, take as much time as possible to accompany their children and let them have a happy childhood.
love
"I love your child"
"I really love you"
...
Every parent loves their children deeply, there is no doubt. However, most parents do not express their love for their children.
Maybe it’s shyness or bad-speaking, they have to hide their love in small things and let their children feel it themselves. However, parents are prone to ignore the power of language.
Parents should say more words to their children, such as "Mom and Dad love you very much" and "You will always be a good child for mom and Dad", so that children can accept their parents' love more intuitively and let their hearts grow the fruit of kindness.
Children who live in a loving environment will also become warm, kind, optimistic and positive.
supports
"Child, let go and go!
If it doesn't work, there will be a bite of food when you come back"
"I support you in painting"
...
When a child is young, parents need to pay attention to their children's needs and respond in a timely manner; they need to understand their children's interests and provide help within their ability; they respect their children's differences and wait patiently for their children's growth. As children grow up, parents need to continue to provide support for what their children like.
In addition to giving children support in action, emotional support is also very important to children. Emotional support includes: understanding and acceptance of children's emotions, encouragement and praise for their efforts and progress, tolerance and guidance for their wrong behaviors, and patience and attitude towards children's "wait for flowers to bloom"...
Encouragement
"You are the best in the eyes of parents"
" OK, no problem"
"You are so awesome, so amazing"
"Continue to work hard, children"
"No, it's great, you have made great progress compared to yourself, keep working hard"
...
Every child hopes to be recognized by their parents and become the pride of their parents, which will make them happy from the bottom of their hearts and be more motivated to do things.
We hope to have a good child, so we should not always blame the child and not be a "bad reviewer" in the child's life.
Autonomous
"We don't interfere with your decision, but we are responsible for the consequences"
"Child, go play, you must also have your own time"
"Do as you think"
...
Children always have to grow up, parents cannot take care of him for the rest of their lives, and they cannot take care of him for the rest of their lives.
So, during the growth of a child, all parents can do is to let go appropriately and let the child learn some basic life skills. Parents should support their children with an encouragement and guidance attitude, rather than being in charge or even taking on a big responsibility.
There are some things and some truths that children must experience in person before they can truly understand. Maybe children can really open up a world of wrong and unsuitable paths in your opinion.
The best love parents give to their children is the high-quality company of
!
A netizen read the survey results and joked: It was heartbreaking. I used to say that it was a naughty child, but I was caught in many cases of the situation reflected in the questionnaire. It seems that I am a "bear parent".
Of course, no one wants to become a "bear parent". We all want to give all our love to our children and try our best to educate our children to the best. However, we often ignore that sometimes the words and actions we say not only fail to gain the trust of our children, but also cause considerable "harm" to our children.
Check out the following survey results, perhaps, it will give you some inspiration to educate children and communicate with them.
Does the child confide in the first place to talk to his parents when encountering problems?
Children usually encounter various problems at school. Who will they tell them? Judging from the results of the questionnaire, parents' ideas are very different from their children's ideas.
In the student paper, the survey results show that
students encounter difficulties and troubles, 31.09% of them confide to their mothers, 11.27% of them confide to their fathers, 14.39% of them confide to their ancestors, 21.65% of them confide to their friends, and 21.6% of them think about solving their own problems and don’t confide to anyone.
. Among the parent books,
parents believe that their children will confide to their mothers, 17.66% will confide to their fathers, 4.72% will confide to their ancestors, 4.1% will confide to their friends, and 9.17% will confide to their own thinking and solving problems and not confide to anyone.
compares the data of the student questionnaire and the parent questionnaire. There is a considerable difference between the two, and some values are even several times higher.
Parents believe that the main way to talk to their relatives when their children encounter difficulties or troubles, especially mothers, are particularly important. In fact, although it is one of the most important ways for children to confide in their mothers when encountering difficulties and troubles, it is far from meeting parents' expectations. On the contrary, the proportion of people who ask friends to talk to or digest and solve it themselves is much higher.
Shen Hong, director of the Moral Education Research Office of Xiacheng District, Hangzhou, said that children are unwilling to think of their parents first when they have problems. The main reason is that many parents now have low communication quality with their children and have not achieved effective communication. Some parents chat with their children, but they are absent-minded and do not listen carefully to their children's stories. In this way, "being in Cao's camp and heart in Han" simply talks with the child and does not communicate in depth with the child, it is impossible to satisfy the child.
Parents have more time to play with their mobile phones than to accompany their children
0 The survey team also learned about the time for parent-child communication every day and the time for leisure and entertainment such as using mobile phones.
From the parent volume, no matter how busy work or life is, 8.12% of parents will leave 10 minutes every day to communicate with their children; 28.47% of parents will communicate between 10-30 minutes every day; 18.92% of parents will communicate between 30-60 minutes every day; 29.34% of parents will communicate with more than 1 hour every day; 15.14% of parents will not be guaranteed to communicate with each other every day.
However, 2.78% of parents use smartphones to entertain within 10 minutes every day, 17.42% of parents use smartphones to entertain within 10-30 minutes; 35.7% of parents use smartphones to enter within 30-60 minutes; 44.1% of parents use smartphones to enter within 1 hour.
. Less than 50% of parents who communicate with their children every day are guaranteed to have more than 30 minutes of communication time, while 80% of parents who use electronic devices to have more than 30 minutes of leisure and entertainment time every day are guaranteed to have more than 30 minutes of leisure and entertainment. Parents spend much more time playing with their mobile phones than spending with their children.
"Learning" is the main content of parent-child communication for many parents
What do parents and children like to talk about? The questionnaire shows that more than 90% of parents and students communicate with learning problems, followed by behavioral habits, reaching more than 85.27%. Class events reached more than 65%, interests and hobbies reached 64.56%, life skills reached more than 61.68%, and dating problems reached more than 50%. There is little exchange for international situation, national events, social hot topics and other content.
At the same time, the questionnaire also found that the child’s communication conflicts with his parents, and the dominant factor is his studies. Parental volumes account for 83.43% and student volumes account for 75.5%.
Through the survey results, we can see that in order to avoid these misunderstandings in parent-child communication, parents still need to give their children high-quality company.
Only when parents truly devote themselves to accompanying their children and entering their children's world can they achieve meticulous observation, truly understand their children's feelings, understand the inner needs behind their words and deeds, and feel their simplest and innocent joy, anger, sorrow and happiness.
Sometimes, what children want is really simple. Try to use children's thinking to understand all their strange thoughts and communicate with them in their language.
Cultivate children cannot rely on themselves to explore slowly - children cannot afford to wait!
You can’t just raising children and take detours - children can’t afford to miss it!
The most precious gift for children - Entering the Linyi positive parental system class, I am looking forward to this magic happening in your home.
Source: New Parents Online
