The American drama "The Great Mrs. Maisel" was once a hit and caused quite a lot of discussion. The heroine of the TV series, Mickey Maisel, has made three major events for her life very early: going to college, getting married, and having two or three children.

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Perfect woman is afraid of being denied

The American drama "The Great Lady Madame Maisel" was once a hit and has caused quite a lot of discussion. The heroine of the TV series, Mickey Maisel, has made three major events for her life very early: going to college, getting married, and having two or three children. The reality is as she wishes, the family is happy and the marriage is happy.

She has been working hard to play the social role in her dream:

Good daughter, good wife and good mother. After giving birth to two children, in order to maintain her figure, she measured her waist, legs and bust every day without any impact, and kept them within millimeters;

When her husband woke up every morning, the beautiful Mrs. Maisel had already put on exquisite makeup. Only after her husband went to bed and fell asleep would she tiptoe to the bathroom to remove her makeup;

In order to become a better virtuous support, she would accompany her comedian husband to the cafe to rehearse every day, and carefully record the reactions and laughs of the audience in each show in the notebook to help her husband perform more perfectly.

Mrs. Maisel carefully manages her life and makes herself a perfect woman without flaws, maintaining a perfect life in the eyes of the world. But it was Mrs. Maisel who worked hard like this that one day had to face the reality that her husband left her.

Mrs. Madame Maisel's life is also the dream of many real women: they are committed to building themselves into King Kong Barbie with perfect hair, looking forward to getting everyone's praise and meeting everyone's expectations. But under their meticulous appearance, they have an empty flaw: they are afraid of being denied and lack the courage to be hated.

There is a popular saying in "Silent Confession": Our whole life is to get rid of other people's expectations and find our true selves. How did

find the true self?

Japanese writers Kishimi Ichiro and Koga Shiken gave us an answer: Be yourself, you must have the courage to be disliked.

The book "The Courage of Being Hate" uses Adler's psychology to directly hit the common psychological problems of modern people: inferiority, timidity, and being mentally sensitive and nervous by complex interpersonal relationships and trivial matters in life, and more and more social fears. For some young people, it has become more difficult to interact with people normally and establish connections than difficult math problems.

This book is a professional psychology book, but it does not pile up a lot of rigid theories, but slowly unfolds with a conversation between an equally confused, sensitive and fragile young man and a philosopher. Everyone can see their own shadows in this young man, and can also find answers about life, self-worth, and interpersonal relationships from those conversations that are told.

The so-called freedom is to be hated by others. This is a sentence from a philosopher to warn the confused young people in the book.

Many people have seen this, and their values ​​have collapsed: since we were young, we have been taught to be a person who pursues perfection, and this pursuit of perfect standards has also turned us into people who put them in condoms: they say lies that are lip service, but it is difficult to see their own value; they suppress their dreams, but satisfy others' expectations...

We are afraid of being hated, longing to be accepted and recognized, but they throw themselves away in the expectant gaze of others, a person with a pleasing personality in Penang.

writer Chen Wenqian said: "If your success is exchanged for fear of being hated by others, then be careful, you may just live for others for the rest of your life!"

Only by having the courage to be hated can you find the door to your true happiness.

What is the source of unhappiness? It is a trouble from interpersonal relationships.

The popular Japanese drama "Clean Leisure" last year has gained a large-scale attention. One of the reasons why this drama portrays the heroine's flattering personality is so realistic.

8-year-old Nagi Oshima is an employee of a power plant in Tokyo.In order to get a peaceful life, she had to force herself to cater to others' gaze:

spend an hour every day to straighten her natural naturalness; she always trembles at her colleagues' faces, enduring unselfish and useless work that her colleagues have thrown over;

colleagues take selfies together, and in the photo, she squinted her eyes and dared not ask everyone to take another photo for herself;

boyfriend is not considerate to her at all and says ridiculed in front of others, but he dares not break up...

Natsumi Oshima is a representative of a docile and kind old man, but lost herself in interpersonal relationships: she is too addicted to the illusion of calm interpersonal relationships obtained by self-sacrifice. She tried her best to maintain her perfect image just to avoid being hated by others.

After seeing her life, many people said that they seemed to have been peeped at. The same is true for yourself in life, and you repeatedly suppress your true face in order to maintain peace in your interpersonal relationships.

Such a life is so tiring!

"The Courage of Being Hate" also says that the root of all unhappiness lies in the troubles in interpersonal relationships. All contradictions in interpersonal relationships are all about interfering in other people's life issues, or being interfered with by one's own life issues.

Someone once said that if you have too much trouble in interpersonal relationships, you must be too idle. Such a simple and crude answer may be the best summary of the sentence in the book: a true master of interpersonal relationships is to live your own life without fear of others' eyes.

Why should you have the courage to be hated?

"The Courage of Being Hate" does not ask us to take the initiative to make others hate and absorb the negative energy of others, but to be able to bravely maintain our pace of life when facing others hate.

At this season of "Talk Show Conference", twin talk show performer Yan Yiyan Yue faced criticism of the "body shadow" of women in today's society. Yang Tianzhen, as a mentor, summarized wonderfully: "(women) Don't be standardized, just like it yourself!"

final words from Yang Tianzhen, which is most appropriate. This agent with extraordinary weight and no advantage in appearance has been on the hot searches many times and always maintains a confident state.

Although the character image is controversial, it is undeniable that Yang Tianzhen is as her name suggests that she has a kind of innate innocence: her image is imperfect, but she bravely accepts herself and wears large-size women's clothing with peace of mind; for the sake of health, she chose gastric surgery, and some people mock her, and she also responded carelessly on social platforms: "I choose, I sacrifice, I bear it!"

Some people say that Yang Tianzhen is the most confident of everyone she has ever met. However, in the public's aesthetic perspective, she does not have the qualifications to be confident. Instead, people continue to humiliate her appearance and criticize her for hyping her for attracting attention. But Yang Tianzhen really takes advantage of the innocence of moving forward, the author’s truest self.

From her, we understand why women have the courage to be hated: in this world, there are too many fingers and sounds that we often have no choice in those secular standards; and the power to keep ourselves safe and not be swallowed by the torrent of external voices is the courage to be hated.

How can you have the courage to be hated?

In the program "Sisters Riding the Wind and Waves", when the beautiful and sexy goddess Zhang Yuqi slowly walked out of the stage on the trenched dance steps, we realized that it turns out that showing timidity has shortcomings, and can be so fresh and refined and cute. This lovely thing comes from the compromise that does not pursue the flawlessness of the white jade.

How to have the courage to be hated? Perhaps, it is such a power that does not refuse truth.

First of all, stay away from people who interfere in your life

What is true freedom? Adler said: True freedom is no longer seeking the recognition of others.

Because she is fat, Yang Tianzhen gave up showing her face in public eyes and giving up her pursuit of beauty? Because of the incongruence of limbs, Zhang Yuqi caters to others' eyes and gives up her dream of becoming a girl group to ride the wind and waves on the stage?

If you do this, it is equivalent to letting others participate in their own life issues, let others point fingers to them, and then live in other people's expectations for the rest of their lives.

So, the first point of having the courage to be hated is to remove the presence of others from one's own life: Adler summarized it, psychology is called topic separation.

The separation of topics is the entrance to dealing with interpersonal relationships: no matter what the other party does, how to deal with it is your own business. Only take on the responsibilities you should bear, and don’t be trembling about the emotions of others in interpersonal relationships, because dealing with his emotional problems is his life issue, not yours.

Secondly, the so-called pursuit of superiority refers to oneself constantly moving forward

Adler said: "A sound sense of inferiority complex does not come from comparison with others, but from comparison of "the ideal self".

It is true that in today's world where anxiety prevails, too many people regard life as a competition: their buildings should be taller than others, sports cars should be cooler than others, and children should be better than others...

These "should" that are natural for us to see are precisely the biggest obstacles for us to find true happiness. We are obsessed with the definition of success established by secular standards and place ourselves forever on a track without ends, but we find that we have fought all the way and ignored the most beautiful scenery.

From now on, turn the comparison standard into yourself. I don’t ask myself to be the best, but I ask today to make progress compared to yesterday’s me.

Finally, it is the goal of every modern person to have the courage to be content with ordinary

. But Adler said that life is a continuous moment of spinning and dancing in every moment.

Everyone regards life as a mountaineering, constantly refreshing the starting point, always thinking about reaching the top, but what should I do if I just can’t reach the top? Do you lose your fighting spirit and deny yourself over and over again?

doesn't have to be. Life is not a linear continuity, but an interweaving of some points. As long as you pursue your own efforts at every point in time, always keep yourself on the road, and ensure that you are worthy of your dancing moment at all times, what is the end that you can't reach?

Yang Tianzhen has a figure that transcends social aesthetics and her appearance moves forward in her own world; Zhang Yuqi is known as the master of Shunguai in the world, but she also rides the wind and waves in the girl group with her perseverance; Jin Chen faces the question of her crooked appearance and bravely fights back: her mouth is no longer crooked, I don’t like it anymore!

They are not perfect, not liked by everyone, but have the courage to be hated. Relax, you don't have to be a cosmic sweetheart that is perfect for everything and loved by everyone.

I remember that Queen Sammi Cheng once said to the world: "No matter how beautiful they are, they are not as noble as me!" Such arrogance and freedom are enviable.

I hope you can also have this kind of arrogance. It is not to be the best self, but to be better and better, and to like the current self more and more.

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