My friend's child Tongtong, a boy, 3 years old, grandparents chased him to feed him all day long. When it was time to eat, Tongtong always found various reasons not to eat at the dining table. Sometimes he took a toy to play with, sometimes he rode a tricycle to feed the child, and the whole family took turns to feed the child. When he was at the age of sending him to kindergarten, his friend was worried that Tongtong would not be able to sit down quietly and eat by himself when he went to kindergarten. He was preparing to set rules for Tongtong, get rid of the habit of chasing and feeding him, and let him eat by himself.
As a result, my friends were almost madly angry by Tongtong. I silently recited every day that the child is his biological child. My friend asked Tongtong to come to the dining table and sit in his seat when it was time to eat, stop all activities, and eat quietly; even if he didn't eat, he should sit quietly and watch everyone eat.
How could a 3-year-old boy who is used to being casual and lively and active? The more his friend forced Tongtong to do it, the more powerful Tongtong resisted, and cried and made a fuss. How could his grandparents bear it, and they compromised in an instant. My friend is very popular and insists that rules are rules and cannot make exceptions.
Isn’t it a habit that has been cultivated since childhood? Why do you even have to set rules for eating? Can parents distinguish between habits and rules?
Cultivate habits for small things, set rules for major things
1. Habit cultivation Good children
From the baby, parents start to cultivate various habits of the child, eat, drink, defecate, urinate, sleep, and the baby must adapt and get used to it, such as eating breast milk or formula milk, using diapers or diapers, waking up a few times at night, and whether to eat night milk, these are all parents, and they must cultivate their children's habits. To set rules for a newborn baby, how many times a day to eat milk and when to defecate, it is too funny and will make people laugh.
Children are older, and they should cultivate good habits of being polite and teach them the correct polite words. Hello, thank you; cultivate children's habit of independence and self-reliance, such as eating, add complementary foods from the child, prepare baby dining chairs for the child, and use special spoons and bowls to allow children to develop the habit of eating by themselves from an early age.
Good children are slowly cultivated by parents from every bit of good habits. When parents shout to set rules, it means that the children have already developed in the direction of naughty children and need to rely on rules to discipline them well.
2. Rules and discipline naughty children
When the child engages in bullying behavior such as swearing, beating, and biting in kindergarten, when the child starts to lie frequently, or always takes the toy home without the consent of other children, this is the time when parents set rules for their children.
Bad habits harm the child themselves, so the "bear behavior" of naughty children harms others. If they do not discipline and stop them, and do not establish corresponding rules, the consequences will be unimaginable.
Change habits, unbreakable rules
1. Different stages require different habits
0 habits, which will continue to change as children grow. When a child is 3-6 years old, his energy during the day is limited and he needs to sleep to supplement his energy, so he will have the habit of taking a nap; when a child is 7 years old, after he goes to elementary school, his energy during the day will be enough to support his day's life and study, and his nap habit will change.
The transfer of children's interests and hobbies will also cause changes in habits. For example, if a lazy little boy suddenly becomes obsessed with playing football, he will gradually develop early habits.
2. Rules are like seat belts, they are protection, not restraints
. The children will feel restricted and want to break the rules. It is said that without rules, there is no way to achieve the right direction. The purpose of rules is not to punish children's wrong behavior, but to protect children from going astray, going in the wrong direction of life, and helping children understand things and argue right and wrong.
Set rules for major events and break the rules, and children need to bear the corresponding consequences themselves. Aesop's fable tells the story of a thief and his mother. The mother knew that stealing something was wrong, and she indulged her child to break the rules and continue to steal until the thief steals more and more. She was caught and went to jail. The thief complained to her mother in prison and said, "I remember when I stole the first little thing, if you taught me a lesson without mercy, this might not have happened today."
Habits, only by limiting rules can we cultivate good children; but regulations cannot help children develop good habits.
habits that are willing to accept, strictly abide by
help children develop good habits. There will definitely be a lot of hardships in the early stage. At first, the children do not cooperate, and parents will use some means that seem useful but in fact they do not have much effect or are completely ineffective to force their children to implement them.
1, Rules cannot help children develop habits, but will only encourage negative behaviors.
Many parents mistakenly set rules for their children as cultivating good habits, but the result is completely different. When cultivating good habits of children, parents use too many punishment methods, such as confiscating children's toys. Parents believe that the children do not study hard and do not complete their homework on time because the children focus all their energy on playing with toys, so they confiscated their children's toys.
"Playing is not allowed before the homework is finished. Toys "A simple rule, the reason is very good. Children cannot play with toys before finishing their homework. When children start, they will inevitably get angry and lose their temper to express dissatisfaction. In the eyes of children, playing with toys and doing homework is two unrelated things. After parents have made a hard relationship for them, they can only make their children hate doing homework even more.
There is also, canceling children's entertainment activities, not allowing children to watch TV, stopping their snacks, and even beating children are ineffective in cultivating children's habits.
To let the child accept something from the bottom of his heart and develop a habit, he must let the child know what benefits he will do to him, and he can feel it in real life.
In the process of cultivating children's habits, if you encounter difficulties, you can try the five steps of habit development. Let us take helping the child develop the habit of brushing teeth as an example.
Step 1, let the child talk about his feelings and his needs (find questions). The child will react that the toothpaste tastes too spicy and the toothbrush is uncomfortable
Step 2, tell the parents' feelings and needs (find resonance). Only when you have healthy teeth can you have a good appetite and eat delicious food, and white teeth are more beautiful. But if you can't brush it yourself, your parents can help you brush it
Step 3, discuss together and find solutions that children and parents can accept (find a step). Then let's think about whether there is any good method, which can be the best of both worlds
Step 4, record all your thoughts, write only without comments (find a method). Buy a can of strawberries The odorous toothpaste or orange flavor can also be
Step 5: Screen the appropriate method and take action. Buy new toothpaste and toothbrush, brush it yourself, parents don’t help
2. Rules are not prohibited, rules must be empathetic.
helps children develop good habits, and mistakes will inevitably be made on the road to growth. When children engage in behaviors that break the rules, it does not mean that the child is a bad child. If the child makes mistakes, he may not realize that he is a family. You should help your child correct your mistakes in a timely manner, not like the mother in Aesop's fable.
bans children's behavior, but it is best to give the child a correct demonstration so that the child can empathize and correct his mistakes. For example, if the mother in Aesop's fable takes the child with her and returns the items and apologizes sincerely, then the child will not become a habitual stealing.
rules are the children's code of conduct; habits are behavioral Specific manifestations. Parents cultivate their children's habits and mistakes as rules, which actually deprives them of them, and reflect on their behavioral habits from the bottom of their hearts. Don't treat children's original rules as participants, but treat them as participants who abide by rules to cultivate good habits.
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