Not long ago, the famous actress Li Jiaxin posted a photo of herself bathing with her 8-year-old son on Weibo. In the photo, Michelle Reis is wearing a bikini and sitting in the bathtub with her son. Originally, I wanted to show my deep love between mother and son, but netizens didn't buy it and condemned Li Jiaxin. The main meaning was: my son is 8 years old and has a gender meaning, so it is obviously inappropriate to be too close.
Following Reis’s Weibo, there are many photos of kissing his son. In addition to Reis, the famous actor Hu Jun actually played mouth-to-mouth kisses at his daughter's birthday party, which was unacceptable. Many netizens said: At the right time, you need to express your love in the right way.
Expression of kissing and bathing together as love is not actually the true love of children, but the lack of parents in gender education. What is more difficult to accept than this is the self-exposed content of a 23-year-old Japanese actress Naomi Kitani on the show.
In the program, Kitami Naomi revealed that she often took a bath with her brother and father at home. Judging from the short film of the show, Naomi Kitami bathed with her brother and father without feeling embarrassed. Without any obstruction, I took a bath and chatted and watched a movie.
After the brother left, the father came in and bathed with his daughter. Not only was he not restrained, but he was considered to be a shared family happiness. After the short film was broadcast, not only the guests on the scene, but also netizens said: I was shocked and couldn't bear to look at it. It was too embarrassing!
China has its own saying "Children avoid mothers, and daughters avoid fathers". Even if the family is close, they cannot change clothes, go to the bathroom, kiss, bathe together, and sleep in front of the children when they grow up. The way of expressing love needs to be correct and reasonable, and both children and parents need love with a sense of boundary. Love without a sense of boundaries is actually a kind of ignorance and a traitor in parents' education.
has a sense of love called boundary. Expressing love has scale and proportion
American parenting expert Sears once said: " love children needs to be appropriate, and expressing love has scale and proportion . Only in this way can love not become a perverted cover." Whether it is between father and daughter or mother and son, the boundary between men and women needs to be maintained. Once family affection "surpasses" gender, the child is likely to become a "giant baby" or "Oedophilia/Oeda complex" in the future.
1. Love without a sense of boundaries is prone to Oedipus complex for children
The son of the neighbor's house has a relatively serious "Oedipus" plot. His parents divorced when he was 3 years old, and he grew up with his mother since childhood. My mother is a sentimental woman. Because she did not receive her husband's love, she spoiled her son as her "husband".
Once, my son was playing with the children in the yard outside and didn’t want to leave. No matter how his mother urged him, he said he wanted to play for a while. Later, his mother took out her "trump card": If you don't leave, I'll cry. Seeing that the mother was crying, the son hurried over to comfort the mother and said, "Be good, baby, dad loves you."
smels 0s of his son's comforting mother surprised everyone! But my mother felt very proud and proud. Little do they know that this kind of love without a sense of boundaries is clearly a son, but he becomes a father.
2. Love without a sense of boundary can easily raise children into "giant babies"
The famous Taiwanese actress Di Ying gave her son Sun Anzuo no boundaries: she slept naked with her son for 15 years, and her son would touch her mother's chest to fall asleep every night; usually the child was weaned at the age of 1, while Sun Anzuo was not weaned until she was 12 years old.
Di Ying's unlimited spoiling for her son has made her son develop a domineering and arrogant personality. In the end, when his son was 18 years old, he was sent to jail. A famous criminal psychologist once said: Unconditional spoiling of parents is the culprit of the giant baby.
In addition to Di Ying, the famous singer Li Shuangjiang has a son when he is old and loves his son Li Tianyi very much. I revealed that I had never beaten and scolded Li Tianyi, and I felt very distressed when I scolded him occasionally. Therefore, Li Tianyi's imprisonment seems to be accidental, but in fact it is inevitable.
Children who have no sense of boundaries are prone to losing their sense of independence and will not restrict their behavior.They are often made arrogant and arrogant. I want my children to have an independent consciousness and a happy life in the future. Parents need to let their children know the importance of a sense of boundaries.
Cultivate children’s sense of boundaries? We need to start with expressing love correctly
1. After the child is 3 years old, he will not take a bath with the opposite sex
The famous actor Huang Lei once caused heated discussion among netizens because of a Weibo post that bathed his second 5-year-old daughter: If your daughter is old, do you still use your father to bathe? Some netizens said: Children don’t know that they are all dirty thinking about adults.
Generally, children will have obvious gender awareness from the age of 3. Starting from the age of 3, it is best for the daughter to be bathed by the mother and the son to be bathed by the father. Teach children that they should not be in front of the opposite sex when changing clothes, taking a bath, going to the toilet, etc.
Like Reis, kissing his 8-year-old son and Hu Jun's daughter's mouth-to-mouth can easily destroy the child's physical boundaries. Compared with the behavior of Li Jiaxin and Hu Jun, Zhang Liang's gender education for his daughter is very good. Zhang Liang said: Never kiss his daughter's mouth, at most he can only kiss his forehead, cheeks, and arms. Because the father is the opposite sex after all, he should let his daughter develop a sense of self-protection from an early age.
3. Parents need to remind their children to pay attention to privacy protection
At first, parents need to instill the concept of privacy in their children so that children can gradually form the awareness of [protecting privacy]. Then in daily life, gradually help children establish privacy-protecting behaviors. For example, do not wear crotch pants, do not urinate or defecate anywhere, and close the door when going to the toilet.
As parents, you should learn and adapt to your children's growth. Taiwanese writer Long Yingtai once said: The so-called relationship between parents and children only means that your fate with him is to keep watching his back drift away in this life. Parents please do not control or spoil their children in the name of love.
The behavior of Reis, Hu Jun, and Naomi Kitaki made my views explode.
What is the closest action you have ever done with your child?
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