Love is always the oldest and freshest topic of human beings. Holding hands and living together is an ideal love. People who love each other are willing to give for each other, build a nest of love together, and show the supreme realm of love; parting ways halfway through is an unfortunate love, and sharing each other is a kind of love education; being alone, being domineering, and doing whatever you want is a selfish love. The weak side chooses to be tolerant and accommodating in the name of "love", and blindly cater to the other party is to indulge ugliness, humiliate and kindness, and eventually bury love into the grave.
text | Zhang Ling
"The evil! I want to know you, and my life will never fade away. There is no tomb in the mountains, the river water is exhausted, the winter thunder shakes, summer rain and snow, the heaven and earth are united, so I dare to die with you!"
This is a love poem in the folk songs of the Han Yuefu, and it is praised by later generations as the "godly product" in romance poems. What kind of love makes the protagonist point to the sky as an oath and the earth as evidence, and sighs out the masterpiece of loyal love?
"The Book of Songs·Weifeng·Mang" recalls the entire process of a woman from sweet love, happy marriage, to abuse and decisive breaking with a man. What kind of psychology made this ancient woman dare to love and hate, and say "no" to men condescendingly?
Maybe, because it is worthy, it is worthy of earth-shaking love; because it is not worth it, it requires rational braking and the courage to stop loss of noble love. The same applies to ancient and modern times.
bid farewell to the vassal marriage and let love leave the house in
Lin Hua Since childhood, he has been the "child of other people's family" among adults. However, this good girl who once made her parents proud made her parents worried since she fell in love.
Just as she was in her senior year, Lin Hua, who had already been preparing to take the postgraduate entrance examination in , suddenly told her mother that she would not take the postgraduate entrance examination because her boyfriend had to study in the United States after graduating from university and asked her to accompany her to study. After hearing this, Lin's mother was shocked and said to her daughter, "Absolutely not, you just want to die!"
The reason why Lin's mother was so arbitrary was because she did not favor the boy. I only saw someone and should not draw conclusions at will, but the boy's erratic eyes made her feel insecure. The young man is very handsome and has a good family background, but she is really worried about entrusting her baby daughter's life to him. However, no matter how she persuaded her, her daughter was determined to be in harmony with others. The mother and daughter were in a stalemate, and Lin’s father came forward to reconcile. The final agreement was that Lin Hua and the boy both succeeded in the postgraduate entrance examination, and Lin’s mother admitted that they were in a romantic relationship. But now, my daughter has to give up the postgraduate entrance examination and go to the United States to accompany her.
is so angry that Lin's mother is sick and refuses to take medicine and get injections. In desperation, Lin Hua came to her mother's bedside and said to her mother, "Why force me like this? Can't I take the exam?"
Lin Hua, who had good academic performance, also gambled and worked hard to succeed in the postgraduate entrance examination. However, the boy failed the exam, and because his GRE score was not enough, he did not succeed in applying for studying in the United States. Lin Hua comforted, "It doesn't matter! Work first, and take the exam next year."
No one expected that Lin Hua would be pregnant in September. The Lin family’s parents were in love with their daughter and agreed to have an abortion. However, the man's family firmly disagreed. The boy accompanied his mother to meet Lin Hua. After all the warm words of persuasion, Lin Hua changed his mind. She decided to apply to retain graduate qualifications and delay enrollment for one year and get married soon.
My parents couldn't resist their pregnant daughter, so they had to reluctantly follow the situation. After marriage, Lin Hua was at home and was at ease to give birth. Her life was pampering and living a favorable life quietly changed her mind and character. She no longer mentioned the issue of studying for a postgraduate degree, and her former ideals also disappeared from shopping, shopping, eating and drinking. After giving birth to a baby boy, Lin Hua's life became trivial. Despite the help of a nanny, she still felt busy and tired.
It is the autumn season again, and she is in a tangle of whether to go to graduate school or not. Her husband said to her: "The purpose of studying for a master's degree is to find a good job. Finding a good job is to make a lot of money. The family is not short of this money. If you have no worries about food and clothing, why should you leave us father and son to go to Beijing to go to school? Just stop going, accompany me at home and take care of the children. I will raise you!"
The words of her husband completely dispelled Lin Hua's idea of studying for a master's degree, and then she became a "good wife."The mother-in-law said, "Marry a man and get dressed and eat. A blessed woman doesn't have to be as ambitious as she wants, and doesn't have to work so hard." The husband said, "You were too strong when you went to school. In fact, I like your soft look more." Lin Hua smiled with satisfaction. At this time, she truly thought she was a happy woman.
When the child was two years old, Lin Hua's "happiness" began to shake. My husband is obsessed with playing mahjong. He spends most of his spare time with his friends at the wine table and card table, and he spends very little time with his wife and children. For this reason, the two often quarreled and the conflict became deeper and deeper. Once, the two quarreled fiercely, and the husband said arrogantly: "You eat our family, wear our family, and live a pampered life. What qualifications do you have to point fingers at me? Tell you Lin Hua, don't interfere with me, you need to change it. You should adapt as soon as possible. This will be the day in the future!"
That night, Lin Hua missed her mother very much. How much she wanted to throw herself into her mother's arms and cry! However, everything now is something she chooses against her parents’ wishes. How could she have the nerve to cry to her mother? Just let it go, living in a big house, driving a good car, and not having to worry about food or clothing. Isn’t it just a change of yourself? Then change it, for love! Lin Hua enlightened and comforted himself in his heart.
Although every time I go to see my mother Lin Hua, I dress up carefully and show a happy and sweet look, my mother still sees something from her daughter's eyes. Unfortunately, her daughter always responds to her with a sentence "I'm pretty good, don't worry." Three more years have passed, and Lin Hua's condition is getting worse and worse. Once, when I saw the roses falling petals in the vase at my best friend's house, she said quietly: "I am the one that is now like this flower, becoming increasingly declining and withered." Lin's mother saw the changes in her daughter and was anxious in her heart. Where did Lin Hua, who was sunny, enthusiastic, laughing and positive in the past go? He is less than 30 years old, why is he not energetic at all? Until one day, in a hotel, she met her son-in-law holding a girl's hand and playing, and suddenly she understood the reason for her daughter's change.
In my daughter's room, after some communication, my mother had to play the video taken on her mobile phone. Lin Hua was not surprised, a wry smile squeezed into the corner of his mouth, and two lines of clear tears rolled across his cheeks in an instant. In the warm boudoir of her mother's house, Lin Hua's feelings broke. She cried to her mother all the grievances and regrets she had accumulated over the years. Finally, she said, "I have changed myself according to their requirements, and I have no self, but why did he treat me like this?"
Mother Lin's heart was in a state of uproar, and she caressed her crying daughter with great distress. Finally, he said extremely calmly: "Huazi, get divorced! I will listen to my mother this time!"
Lin's mother suggested that his daughter should not have a penny from the man's family in addition to the child support. The reason she said was that her daughter was at home full-time in recent years and had not made money, so she naturally could not distribute other people's property; and the reason she was inner was that she wanted her daughter to truly "clean" from this vassal marriage. Only in this way can Lin Hua's fighting spirit be fundamentally inspired, and she wants to help her daughter find her former self. After all, she is less than 30 years old and still has a long way to go.
There is a book called "How to Don't Like a Person" that helps people identify bad partners, get rid of bad relationships, and welcome newborns. The book believes that in a relationship, if one party is trembling and walking on thin ice, always worrying about annoying the other party or losing the other party, then this is the bad impact of emotional abuse and long-term cold reception on a normal and compassionate person. This is also the consequence of when one party refuses to take responsibility for any of its own actions, while the other party actively absorbs all the guilt in order to maintain harmony.
"If you are so good that you are unreserved, the other party will dare to be so bad that you are unscrupulous." Catering and changing for someone who is not worthy of love like Lin Hua will ruin yourself; and Professor Lin's mother is a wise choice to brake, turn, or even turn the car and move away.
I struggle because I want to be worthy of you
At the dinner party before graduation in the senior year, Nan said in front of the whole class: "Please testify for me! Anya, I like you! If you are well, it will be my sunny day.Unfortunately, I am not worthy of loving you now. Give me 5 years. In 5 years, if you are not married yet, I will definitely solemnly court you! "
Anya didn't know that Nan had always been in love with her. Nan's confession at the dinner party made her feel both abrupt and embarrassing. On the day she left school, Nan found Anya again. He said that what he said on the night of the dinner was too abrupt, but he did not regret it. He just wanted to use this to motivate himself to work hard and finally achieve the goal of courting her. Anya said: "Let's not talk about our affairs for now. I think there is something wrong with your concept. If the two really love each other, they will not be worthy of this. "Nan smiled and said, "You are kind, I am very secular." Your home is in the city and has good conditions in all aspects, so naturally you can't understand the feeling of rural children in front of you. I have been inferior, but I don’t want to be inferior. I want to love with dignity, and I don’t want the people I love to be uttered for me. "
After 5 years of separation, they did not meet again. Nan went to Shanghai to study for a master's degree in architecture, and after graduation, he worked in a design institute for two years. Anya studied for a master's degree in the school, and after graduation, she went to a higher vocational college to be a teacher. In the past 5 years, she has never been in love. It's not that no one pursued or introduced it to her, but she just was not interested. Her mother asked in a hurry, and Anya replied: "Didn't you start to infiltrate the standards for choosing a spouse in me intentionally or unintentionally when I first entered puberty in junior high school, so that I can understand what are the valuable qualities of boys? Why, do you doubt your educational achievements? When I am 27 years old, I will get one for you. "Anya said that she was waiting for Nan subconsciously. The promise she made when she was young and frivolous. Wouldn't it be melted by the colorful neon lights on the beach? Anya didn't know.
On the 5th anniversary of graduation, Nan came back. When she met Anya, she held a big bouquet of red roses. He told her that he had come back to work in a design institute in the city and bought a two-bedroom house with a loan. He had just paid the down payment. Finally, Nan said: "Anya, I know you are not a material girl. Telling you these things may blaspheme your feelings. But, I am a man and I must be material. To love someone, you must create happiness for her with your own hands. Anya, I love you! "
" Do you think you are worthy of loving me now? "Anya looked at Nan with a angrily voice.
" At least I have fought for love! "Nan holding the rose, her eyes were firm.
" It seems that I'm waiting for you! "Anya reached out to take the red rose and buried her head in the fragrance of flowers.
Love requires ability. This ability is not only the love of me and me under the moon, the sweet words of coaxing and deceiving, nor is it the material satisfaction brought by relying on the leniency of parents, but the ability to inspire and awaken people's sleeping power and potential in their hearts and create happiness for love.
If the sky of love is sunny, it is definitely not the sunrise in the east and rain in the west. , but it should be that you are rising from the sunset, and I am shining brightly; I am setting, and you are full of colorful clouds. In the interaction of love, each of you is willing to give for each other, and each has its own gains and improvements. Only such love can last forever.
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