In most people's perception, " campus bullying " is limited to physical harm. In fact, sometimes, verbal bullying in will harm children much more than this .
In November last year, 15-year-old child star Shao Yibu suffered serious mental damage due to her classmates' rumor, slander and verbal attacks. In so much pain, she chose to jump off the 6th floor to seek relief.
Fortunately, during the process of falling from the building, she was briefly caught by cable and then fell to the ground. This gave her hope of survival. After three and a half months of treatment, Shao Yibu escaped from death and saved his life.
Because verbal bullying is more hidden, many parents and teachers mistakenly think it is a joke, so they do not interfere. However, this neglect by parents and teachers may lead to further increase of bullies, which will cause children to be bullied for a long time and cause serious mental harm to the children.
What is verbal bullying? What is kidding? How to distinguish the degree between jokes and bullying? How should parents teach their children to deal with verbal bullying correctly?
What is verbal bullying? What is kidding?
Verbal bullying usually refers to the bully using language such as sarcasm, ridicule, sarcasm, and insults to directly or indirectly attack others, resulting in damage to others' reputation and dignity, which in turn makes others feel embarrassed, angry, and frustrated.
In psychology, jokes are called game sex jokes. In order to create a pleasant atmosphere for everyone, the expressors can bring closer relationships between people through a kind tone and humorous language. At this time, the person who is being joked will not feel distressed and will be happy about jokes.
As the saying goes, "The person who speaks has no intention, and the person who listens has intention." The biggest difference between verbal bullying and jokes lies in the listener's understanding and feelings. Of course, it is no problem for people with certain cognitive abilities to identify whether the other party’s words are aggressive. But for younger children, they may not be able to distinguish them.
Studies have shown that for younger children, most of the behavior of jokes, will only see the negative side of the joke. Only older children will see the positive side of the joke.
can be seen, and the intention of jokes and verbal bullying is very subjective. The feelings the two bring to children are very different.
How to distinguish between jokes and bullying?
In the latest revised "Law of the People's Republic of China on the Protection of Minors" in my country, there is a provision: "Student bullying refers to the act of one party deliberately or maliciously committing bullying and insulting through physical, language and network means, causing personal injury, property loss or mental damage to the other party."
From the regulations, we can see that the perpetrator of bullying is aware that his actions will cause harm to the other party, but he does it on purpose. The person who joked that does not subjectively want to bring pain to the other party. Children who are joking do more with a fun and curious attitude.
There is another situation, that is, some children were jokingly at first and did not have malicious intentions. But when the other party clearly shows resistance, the kid who is joking still does not stop. At this time, the behavior changes from unintentional to intentionality, which may eventually develop into bullying.
For example, when sees fatter classmates, some children will nickname the other party in insulting language and deliberately call the other party a "fat pig". This behavior of is a bullying behavior . Among some students with good relationships, fatter friends will be called "national treasures". When the other party does not object and is willing to accept it, this is a joke. But when the other party expresses that he doesn't like being called this and the classmate still calls him that on purpose, then this behavior may develop into bullying.
How should parents teach their children to correctly deal with verbal bullying?
Some parents often blame their children when they learn that their children are being bullied: "You won't scold them back? Why is it so useless!" This practice not only fails to help their children solve the problem, but also makes their children think it is useless to tell their parents. In the future, when encountering similar situations, the children will no longer want to tell their parents.
So, when a child encounters verbal bullying, how should parents guide their children to deal with it correctly? Here are three methods.
The first method: calm ignorance method.
We can suggest that when someone deliberately attacks him with words, if you don’t know how to deal with it for a while, you can try to ignore the other person’s words directly. tells the child not to show fear, try to remain calm, pretend that the other person's words have not hurt him, and then walk away naturally.
Of course, don’t forget to tell your children and tell your parents or teachers about the incident afterwards to seek help from adults.
The second method: humorous response method.
This method is suitable for children with smart and sensitive reactions. When a child responds to the other party in a humorous way, he can make the other party feel that his attack not only fails to achieve the effect he wants, but may also make himself bored and stop attacking.
Here are some practical humorous response sentences. If the other party says to the child, "Get out", the child can respond, "I don't know, please show me!"; if the other party says the child is "ill", we can teach the child to reply, "It seems that he was infected by you"; when the other party says that the child is too fat, the child can respond, "Please don't ignore my height and connotation because of my width!"
The third method: direct expression method.
We can also encourage children to bravely tell the other party when facing verbal bullying: "It's not funny to do this, because it makes me feel unrespected. Please don't say such things to me again!"
At the same time, we should also tell children that in the process of direct expression, do not add some language that makes the other party feel threatened or provoked, so as not to trigger the other party's stronger attacks.
Finally, I would like to remind parents that is much more effective in preventing campus bullying than handling afterwards. In order to effectively prevent campus bullying, parents can usually tell their children some relevant knowledge, or simulate campus bullying scenarios with their children at home. allows children to learn to say "no" to campus bullying from consciousness and action!
