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For many years, when I was asked "Is there anything I regret in your life?", I mostly replied proudly: "No. Decision is to take responsibility, without regret." But now, if you ask me if I have regretted anything, yes, Meijun, I have two things.
Long Yingtai's mother Ying Meijun
dusk magnolia
the first thing happened, you were there.
The magnolia on the balcony is blooming, and the delicate fragrance swam into the house with the wind. He sat on the sofa.
He loves to drive and take you around, but he keeps getting car accidents. This time, in order to dodge, the emergency brake made you, who was sitting aside, break your arm. So this scene came: the three of us were sitting in the living room at dusk, your arms were wrapped in white gauze, hanging miserably on our chests. You are the witness, I am the judge, and the eighty-year-old boy with his head down sitting in front of me. I reached out and said, "Give me the key." He obediently put the key in the palm of my hand, and then placed the prepared driving license on the coffee table. There is no resistance at all.
What a clear and decisive daughter I am. What should he do if he hit someone to death one day? I hand over the keys, and when I want to go out to play, I will call a taxi and my children will pay for it.
Later I realized how self-righteous, rough and ignorant I am. You and his generation have made life full of two experiences: the trauma of war and the torture of poverty. The surviving ones, even in the peaceful and peaceful years, are mostly still cautious about life with insecurity and the subtle wounds deep in their hearts. A basket of fruits is always eaten first, and even the good ones become rotten; there are always leftovers in the refrigerator that you can't bear to throw away. If I imagine the situation of your generation with all my heart, I should know that no matter how much money I give him, he will never be willing to let the taxi take you around. He would say firmly, waste.
From the evening when the magnolia bloomed, he basically stopped going out. From the afternoon when the key was confiscated, he fell straight down, aging rapidly, and running towards death.
The previous generation will not pour out, the next generation will not experience it. Life is like the last light of dusk, instantly sinking into darkness.
Long Yingtai and mother
are just the second thing that mother
regrets, and it has something to do with you.
I can really see many of you.
I saw a girl with two thick braids following the adults to the mountain to collect rent, jumping along the way, stopping from time to time to pick wild flowers by the field, and talking to the adults endlessly, with crisp childish voices and loud bird songs all over the mountain intersecting.
I saw a girl wearing Yindanshilin cheongsam, who cut and sells cloth neatly in a satin shop, and sent the guests away with a generous manner. Then he put his hips on his hips and argued loudly in the street with a few arrogant soldiers, not giving in.
I saw an anxious woman holding the baby tightly in her hands, staring at every man who got off the boat on the rushing dock, looking for her lost husband; when it was dark, she squatted by a ditch, picked up the hammer and nailed it, and built a shed to shelter for the children.
I saw a woman tiptoing into the kitchen to make four boxes of hot bentoes in the early morning of the cold winter. I saw a woman with a grievance and humble tone, and borrowing money from her neighbors and friends for the sake of her child's tuition. I saw a woman sitting barefoot on the concrete floor weaving fishing nets, and a woman wearing long rain boots wade into the stream and mow grass and feeding pigs. I saw a woman who firmly declared to her husband that "my daughter is going to college." I saw a woman with a body like floating fluff and white glow, hanging her head down at her husband's farewell ceremony...
I clearly see you now.
You are sitting in a wheelchair, and the foreign guard is feeding you liquid food bite by bit. I sat in front of you, holding your thin hand covered with dark spots. My body temperature must have reached your heart through this grip, but at the same time I knew you didn't recognize me.
I regret it, why did you not realize that in the long years when you recognized me: I can, I should, treat you as a girlfriend?
What do girlfriends do with each other?
We often date - to watch a special movie, listen to a band in the distance, to enjoy a rare exhibition, to eat, walk, to drink coffee, to see a common old friend in the hospital. I once went to the cold Qingtiangang with two girlfriends of the same age at five o'clock in the morning to see how the sunrise lights up the mountains of grass. I once watched the stars on the beach of Taitung with a few young girlfriends until three in the morning. I used to watch the lemon-yellow moon rise from the horizon with my girlfriend of four different generations in the desert. I once rode a bicycle with a girlfriend who was twenty years older than me on the Rhine in Germany, and watched the river freeze on the Hudson River in New York.
I have a girlfriend who wrote letters. The letters she wrote are actually beautiful poems because she is a poet. I have a girlfriend who calls because she won't communicate with any electronic devices. When she called, she just wanted to say one thing: I was very "boreful"; the "boreful" she said was called "lost", but she was too proud and would never say she was lonely. I have a girlfriend who never watch movies and listens to concerts with me, but she has lunch once a month. She is my life tutor. Every time she eats, she will ask me directly if there are any questions that need guidance. Surprisingly, every time she gave me guidance, she really inspired me. She looks as cold as metal, and her heart is as gentle as white jade.
And you, Meijun, have never been on my "girlfriend" list.
You are just my mother.
Not read back
stop, people kept flowing by my side, what I was thinking about was you: When you were still walking as fast as you, why didn’t I have ever thought of taking you alone with me? Why didn’t I hold your hand tightly to see the world, and therefore completely missed the last mile of intimate gaze at you from old age to the deep sky?
Why did I liberate myself from the "mother" grid, but I didn't liberate you? Why do I want to give my girlfriends so much real care, and spend the time wandering with them, but I can't see a woman standing behind me. Her hair gradually turns white, her body gradually becomes weak, and her steps gradually become slower, and she looks at my hurried back without a single complaint?
Why did I just think of you as a woman as a girlfriend who also longs for watching movies, drinking coffee, climbing mountains in the morning to watch miraculous grass, and needs someone to call and say "boredom"?
I took out a wet tissue and gently wiped the corners of your mouth and eyes. You suddenly looked up at me - are you looking at me? There is so deep nothingness in your eyes, like a room, with the door half open, the cigarette smoke is lingering, the tea is still warm, but the person is gone. I lowered my head and kissed your forehead and said, "Do you know? I love you..."
What a late, empty, meaningless oath that was.
So I decided to write to you, treating you as a girlfriend who is twenty-six years older than me - Although the recipient of the letter was not read and did not reply.
This article is selected from Long Yingtai's new work "Eternal World"
As a daughter, Long Yingtai is filial to his mother
How can Long Yingtai spend Mother's Day when he is a mother?
Mother's Day
received email from Andre , which was a bit surprised. This guy is not a big deal of lightning strikes - for example, if he is in urgent need of money, he will not send an email to his mother. Somehow, there are such a large number of humans in their teens and twenties, in their vast, global dating networks - including email, MSN, Facebook, Bebo, Twitter, chat rooms, mobile phone messages, etc. "Mothers" are classified by them in the category of spam (trash) or "resource recycling barrel".
is simply unreasonable, but you have no way to do it. High technology allows you to "see" him. For example, in the middle of the night, if you are also working all night, and suddenly "ding" sounds, you know he is online.In other words, the ends of the world, like a radar screen, he appears at a fixed point. In other words, a fishing fire suddenly appeared in the vast sea, which was extremely clear. Although it may be thousands of miles away, that fixed point will reassure you - dear child, he is there.
But high technology also gave him an escape door - press a few buttons with your finger, and he can "isolate" you, let that "ding" sound never appear again, that small dot completely disappears from your "love" radar network.
Friend said, if you give you a computer camera, you can see your son on the computer. I said, are you kidding? Which son would like to install a "monitor" on his computer so that his mother could track her from thousands of miles away? This kind of thing is for lovers, not for mothers and sons.
I asked Andre, why don’t you write me an email?
He said: Mom, because I am very busy.
I said: You are very heartless. How much time did I spend with you when you were a child?
He said: Be more rational.
I said: Why can’t I communicate more with me?
He said: Because you write the same email and say the same words every time.
I said: No.
He said: Yes, you ask the same question every time, say the same words, repeat and repeat.
I said: How is it possible? You talk nonsense! How is it possible for me to be such a smart person?
Open Andre's email, he didn't say a word, just a website address and an image - "I'm bored network", with 4,000 clicks, and the theme is "Typical dialogue with my mother". The author uses comic techniques and voice to quickly draw a conversation between himself and his mother:
I went to visit my mother. Spending time in the kitchen together, she said, "I cooked fish. Do you like fish, right?"
I said, "Mom, I don't like fish."
She said, "Don't you like fish?"
I said, "Mom, I don't like fish."
She said, "It's tuna."
I said, "Thank you. I don't like fish."
She said, "I added celery."
I said, "I don't like fish."
She said, "But eating fish is very healthy."
She said, "But eating fish is very healthy."
She said, "I added celery."
I said, "I don't like fish."
She said, "But eating fish is very healthy."
She said, "But eating fish is very healthy."
ml0 I said, "I know, but I don't like fish."
She said, "Healthy people usually eat a lot of fish."
I said, "I know, but I don't eat fish."
She said, "Long-lived people eat more fish than chicken."
I said, "Yes, mom, but I don't like fish."
She said, "I'm not saying that you should eat fish every day, because eating too much fish is not good, many fish may contain mercury."
I said, "Yes, mom, but I don't worry about this problem , because I don’t eat fish anyway. "
She said, "Many people in civilized countries eat fish as their staple food."
I said, "I know, but I don’t eat fish."
She said, "Then have you checked the mercury content in your body?"
I said, "No, mom, because I don’t eat fish."
She said, "But mercury is not just in the fish."
I said, "I know, but I don’t eat fish anyway."
She said, "I really don’t eat fish?"
I said, "I really don't eat it."
She said, "I don't even eat tuna?"
I said, "Yes, I don't eat tuna."
She said, "Then have you tried tuna with celery?"
I said, "No."
She said, "I haven't tried it, how do you know if you don't like it?"
I said, "Mom, I really don't like eating fish."
She said, "Just try it."
So... I ate it and tasted a little. Afterwards, she said, "How is it? Is it delicious?"
I said, "I don't like it, mom, I really don't like fish."
She said, "Then try salmon next time. It's okay if you don't eat too much now, we're going to the restaurant anyway."
I said, "Okay, you can leave."
She said, "Don't you wear more clothes?"
I said, "It's not cold outside."
She said, "You add a coat."
I said, "It's not cold outside.”
She said, “Think about it. I want to add a coat. ”
I said, “You add it. It's really not cold outside. ”
She said, “I’ll help you get one? ”
I said, “I just went out, mom, it’s really not cold outside at all. ”
She said, “Oh, okay. It will get cold after a while. If you persist so much, wait and see, you will freeze to death later. "
We set off. When we arrived at the restaurant, we found that the customer was full and there was a long queue. At this time, my mother said, "Let's go to that seafood restaurant." "
This email is a Mother's Day gift from Andrei, right?
Long Yingtai : Born in a water plant in the countryside of Taiwan, China, grew up in a fishing village in the countryside. He studied in the United States for nine years, lived in Europe for thirteen years, and taught in Hong Kong for nine years. He entered the government twice and served in public office. It is an independent pen - it can be burned like wildfire, wild as rivers and seas, or it can be warm As if you see him. On December 1, 2014, he resigned from his post and returned to the "Silent Desk of a Literary". In September 2015, he served as "Kong Liang Qiaoling Outstanding Humanities Scholar" at the University of Hong Kong. In August 2017, he moved to Chaozhou Town, Pingtung, to take care of his mother, and began to write in the countryside.
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"Eternal World"
Long Yingtai Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House
Meijun is from Zhejiang. The man she fell in love with at the age of 20 is from Hunan. The road they have walked is thousands of miles of land and dust; with "warmness and respect", I am grateful for their country and dust, and gave me a classroom with a huge and earthly atmosphere, and taught life lessons. Some things in life are that they cannot be wasted... During the Forbidden Words and Walking Zen, Long Yingtai decided instantly: let go of everything, go back to his hometown to accompany his demented mother, and start writing letters...
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12 A touching poem dedicated to mother | Happy Mother’s Day!
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