Author | Mushroom Aunt
Edit | Zhang Guanzi
Editor | Tianya, Chen Chenchen
Recently, I watched "History of the King of HTML ".
video is adapted from a real story and tells the story of King George VI of England growing from a severe "stuttering patient" through self-acceptance, step by step into a "super speaker".
sounds like it is just a mediocre inspirational story, right?
However, in the male protagonist, I saw a valuable "freedom of acceptance" .
In psychology, we often talk about "acceptance":
says " native family ", we must learn to "accept" our parents,
says "intimate relationship", we must learn to "accept" our spouse,
says "parent-child relationship", we must learn to "accept" our children...
To a certain extent, accepting people and things around us is a symbol of a person's psychological maturity.
But while many people are trying to accept others, they forget a more important premise: self-acceptance.
As a result, they are deeply trapped in inner conflicts -
On the one hand, they want to try their best to meet other people's expectations,
On the other hand, when they cannot do it, they criticize themselves severely.
Perhaps, in our lives, we all need to complete some kind of reconciliation like George VI and find a freedom to accept ourselves:
knows that we cannot always meet expectations, and before accepting evaluations from external standards, we establish a firewall that "does not deny ourselves".
"The King Who Always Dissatisfied with You"
Before George VI became king, he was named Duke of Yorkshire and was the second prince of George V .
He looks handsome, cares about the people, and can do his best to assist the king in state affairs. He is a good prince in everyone's eyes.
But he has a fatal flaw - stuttering. Every time he gives a public speech, he will stutter so much that he can't speak and keeps being in a mess.
In the hearts of the people, the Duke and the Duke themselves, there is an expectation and standard for Duke :
is elegant,
is full of iron strength and propositions,
is full of justice and appeal when giving speeches...
, and the stuttering made the Duke fall into huge self-doubt:
This is not the duke that the people imagine,
is not the self that I am satisfied with in my heart!
So, in order to change his stutter and return to his perfect self, he implemented "simple and crude transformation" ——
I want to overturn and change a certain fact to make it meet my and everyone's expectations.
For this reason, the royal family searched for doctors everywhere and tried various treatment methods:
relied on smoking cigarettes to calm the nerves;
tried hard to relax the muscles of the throat;
had several marbles in his mouth to read...
But despair was that every continuous effort ended in failure, and the duke felt increasingly inferior and weak.
The result is:
The more he forces himself to change his stuttering, the more he cannot change it and falls into a vicious circle. Why is this happening to
?
Because, he cannot accept himself.
Once we see our fatal flaws and make ourselves unable to meet the expectations of the outside world, we will all have an instinctive energy:
"Why am I like this? No, this is not me!"
"I want to change myself and achieve the ideal in my heart."
However, when a person truly loves the "ideal self" rather than the "now self", it means:
He cannot face reality at all, nor has the power to change himself.
In other words, when facing your own shortcomings, if you just want to win back the city, make yourself perfect and conform to the expectations of the world.
Then, on this road, everyone will face a desperate situation.
Understand yourself and break through the difficulties
During the medical treatment, the Duke of York met Roger, a language trainer.
Just as the formal treatment began, Roger keenly learned:
On the surface, George VI's problem was physiological stuttering;
But in fact, it was a deep sense of shame in his heart.
This sense of shame comes from the way he was treated by his father when he was a child.
The Duke was a left-handed when he was a child. His father, George V, would often punish him in order to correct him.
Similarly, in order to correct his knee volute walking posture, the Duke was forced to wear metal splints day and night.
In order to make him change his stutter, the father would encourage his brother to laugh at him, thinking that this would stimulate him to speak well.
However, through punishment and ridicule, his changes may be promoted to a certain extent, but at the same time it will also convey a profound feeling to him:
The real me is not accepted by the outside world.
This is the source of George VI's shame.
Rogge knew that the duke's stutter was mostly due to his father's high expectations and his brother's pressure to be better.
Therefore, he began to encourage the duke to get out of the restrictions of his father and brother.
Even after the death of the old king, he repeatedly emphasized to the duke that you are better than your brother, you can break the rules, replace your brother, and sit on the throne.
But the Duke did not dare or believe that he could do this. He told Roger in fear and angrily:
This is a rebellion!
My father is the king, and my brother is also the king.
You don’t count anything, our treatment is over!
But unexpectedly, my brother did not want to be bound by national affairs, so he chose to abdicate soon. The Duke of Yorkshire really became king and became George VI.
The duke cried in panic. He could not accept his stuttering and became a king, let alone a king who could make pre-war mobilization speeches.
With the stimulation of the failure of the first public speech and the encouragement of his wife, George VI found Roger again.
Faced with George VI's fear and retreat, Roger told him:
You don't have to work and live with him and your brother's shadow;
You don't have to be afraid of those things like you were when you were five years old.
After hearing this, the king fell into deep thought. When facing the past again, he understood the doctor's hint:
You are not five years old anymore, and you can no longer react in the five-year-old way;
You have some old things, but you still have the choice to build new things.
Therefore, George VI began to try to break out of "the dilemma of pole pulling" and enter a new dimension to solve the problem.
This dimension is called "seeking truth from facts", which contains the meaning of "understanding one's essence" -
If our thinking has been stuck in the prison of the past, it will inevitably be self-satisfied and cause pain;
Only when we return to this moment can we truly understand ourselves and break through the limitations.
At this moment, I started to "speak" in my own way
get out of the old mode, which means to establish a new mode.
For the king, the first step in establishing a new model is to:
Abandon the shame that his father embedded in him and accept his true self.
For this reason, Roger decided to let the king find the best way to express himself and make himself most comfortable.
When training the king to speak, he began to add more personalized methods:
Turn stuttering into a pause in tone,
Use singing to replace speech,
Use swear words to relieve the displeasure caused by stuttering, etc.
This made George VI gradually experience:
It turns out that his physiological characteristics are not shameful,
It turns out that his real self can be accepted.
At this time, we came to the second step of the new model:
Use praise, encouragement, satirical, and sarcasm to let George VI vent his emotions.
Even during the rehearsal of the coronation ceremony, Roger also sat on the throne of the king to anger him:
Why can't I sit here?
You don’t want to be king.
Why do I waste my time listening to you?
George VI was indeed angry, and he began to scold Roger viciously:
Because I have the right to express it to others!
I have my voice!
This is his first time, expressing his emotions so fluently;
is also his first time, feeling his power so calmly.
When a person can speak in a strong tone and find his own rhythm, he begins to slowly gain a "sense of control".
At this time, he will no longer easily care about the opinions of the outside world, nor will he easily force himself to do things according to the requirements of the outside world.
Therefore, when the Archbishop questioned Rogue's medical qualifications and asked the king to accept the doctor he arranged, the king refused him very hard:
This is my own business;
On such a private issue, I will make my own decision.
If there is anything that can make a person the most powerful, it is:
Acknowledge your true emotions and express them in your own way.
When he delivered the mobilization speech before the World War II , Roger also did two things:
One is to turn off the flash so that the king would feel as if he had two evil eyes staring at him;
The other is to tell the king that just say it to me as a friend, it doesn't matter if it messes up.
This is to further help him rebuild his inner sense of control over himself and help him reach a reconciliation with the world:
You don’t need to care about the opinions and expectations of the people around you, you just need to be responsible for yourself;
You can treat others as friends who support you, rather than as a strict father.
Finally, with Rogue's help, the king completely walked out of the shadow of being punished by his father, broke through the restrictions, and completed this emotional pre-war speech.
Change the belief, I want to be my king
Information shows that George VI never cured his stutter in his lifetime.
But in the process of coexisting with stuttering, his multiple broadcasts made him a symbol of the power of the British anti-fascist one.
The story of George VI is like a magnified mirror that reflects the common shadow of many of us.
This world is like a large network that has been operating for many years, forming many conventional rules and standards.
When we become adults, we often involuntarily ask ourselves:
caters to the standards, embed ourselves into this world, and become an ideal self.
On the surface, the film tells the story of the king, which is very far away from us.
But in fact, behind it is a belief that we all need -
uses a kind of "freedom of acceptance" to compete with the world standards and become one's own king.
Objectively speaking, people are not born for unified standards, and we will inevitably realize that we do not conform to the world.
Therefore, under social standards, in order to be accepted by the world and others, many of us are like this -
Others have to buy a house,
Others have to take civil servants,
Others have to get married, and others have to get married...
Once you find that you can't do it, you feel that you have nothing, and you haven't moved with the world, and you fall into infinite inferiority and anxiety.
But "freedom of acceptance" allows us to establish a reasonable psychological order and stop the entanglement caused by gains and losses.
It contains both a kind of abandonment and a kind of reconciliation.
Give up your expectations for self-perfection and reconcile with your imperfect self.
This may be the most difficult part for everyone in reality:
Is life the only way to do this?
I reconciled my flaws, and
seems that I won’t get better by myself!
But acceptance does not stagnate, but can bring us more kindness and less self-criticism.
At this time, we can free up our energy from self-attack to explore ourselves.
Moreover, people grow up. As we explore life in depth, we will feel more and more natural on the road of self-meaning.
At that time, our evaluation of life was not just the standard of "Is it the same as everyone else", but had more dimensions of our own personal culture.
And, based on what you choose within yourself, it is not so easy to be overturned by external standards.
Therefore, in order to accept ourselves, we must maintain an open and gradual mentality -
allows ourselves to have a process to establish gradually stronger individuals and live this life in a self-consistent way.
Finally, do you know what the real definition of acceptance is?
The explanation from Wikipedia is that its source is Latin acquisitionscence "get peace", which is very close to the meaning of "argument".
The freedom of acceptance is a science about how to relax your body and mind in this world.
acquiesced to everything around you, accept it calmly,
and regard yourself as an equal place,
does not override, does not control, and lives truthfully.
In my heart, this is about a person’s true liberation.
Author profile: Miss Mushroom Aunt, a national second-level consultant, former editor-in-chief of large-scale dating websites, signed author of multiple media psychology columns, situational female writing healing promoter, and the public account "Miss Mushroom Aunt" (housewife-online). This article was originally published as the first public account Wu Zhihong (ID: wzhxlx)
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