The protagonists of the story are two brothers, one is the "unreliable" brother who is always enthusiastic and full of enthusiasm, and the other is the sensitive and timid "unconfident" brother. In order to see their beloved father who has passed away, the two brothers staged a h

took Doudou to watch Pixar's newly released "The Magic of /2" over the weekend. This was the first movie to watch since the epidemic, and Doudou was extremely excited.

The protagonists of the story are two brothers, one is 's "unreliable" brother who is always enthusiastic and full of enthusiasm, and the other is 's sensitive and timid "unconfident" brother . In order to meet their beloved father who has passed away, the two brothers Staged a heart-warming and healing fantasy adventure .

Pixar's family card is really hard to resist. The movie brings tears and laughter throughout the movie. Whether you are an adult or a child, you can always see yourself in the movie. For me, is definitely the shy and timid brother in the movie.

My younger brother Ian is timid by nature and doesn't like to talk. He has no friends in school. The classmate sitting behind him kept his feet on his stool for a long time, and he did not dare to say a word. On his 16th birthday,

, he mustered up the courage to meet his new self.

He wrote small goals in his notebook: communicate more, learn to drive, invite classmates to parties, and become a person like his father.

However, in driving class, even if he mustered up the courage to raise his hand first, he never dared to drive on the expressway;

invited his classmates to his birthday party, even if he wrote the lines in the palm of his hand and rehearsed them several times, the result was still Damn it;

What a familiar feeling. That timid brother made me vaguely see my own experience and worries about my children...

Doudou has been timid since he was a child, not to mention big bosses such as darkness and monsters. , he is afraid of even harmless bugs and loud noises.

is now almost 6 years old, and still has many things that make him nervous and even afraid of . For example, when I took him to get vaccinations, even though I had done enough homework before going out, when I saw the needle the nurse took out, Doudou was still scared and hid in a corner. In the end, even the cleaning aunt came up to encourage him... Less than 5 The injection process took just seconds and took almost an hour of back and forth...

went to the water park to play. The water was a little deeper, but he was too afraid to go. He tried his best to coax and coax him not to go deeper. When he saw Other children were playing happily in the water, and my teammates complained angrily, saying that children always like to cling to me. I am afraid of this and that. How can I be so timid? ! ... ...

I was also involved in anxiety: The child is so timid, is it because I don’t provide enough sense of security? Or is there something wrong with the child's personality?

My child is like this, why not?

To be honest, before I had a baby, I secretly hoped to have an outgoing baby. But Doudou's personality is easy to follow, and he doesn't get to know anyone by himself. He is a chatterbox at home. When he goes out, he is quiet and "manly". Not to mention taking the initiative to say hello, it is common for him to be shy and hide behind me when he sees strangers. .

I particularly sympathize with Doudou's tendency to be nervous and timid, but I can't help but relate my own negative experiences. projects worries and anxieties onto the child . I was anxious and worried about trying to change him, but when I forced him to slide down the high slide When I slid down and watched him cry helplessly, I also collapsed. At that moment, I seemed to see myself who was forced to be brave by my parents when I was a child...

Now it seems that the strong push from my parents when I was a child was in vain. Even at this age, I am still slow and introverted, and those who forced me to be brave , the only thing left is grievance and sourness, as well as disacceptance and doubt of oneself.

Why do I have to be what you want me to be?
I am just so introverted, this is who I am, why not?

I forgot that I also silently protested to my parents. I forgot, some things are born , such as the temperament of children - some children are like "dandelions" with very low requirements and tenacious vitality; some children are sensitive by nature, like "orchids" who are beautiful but delicate and difficult to maintain, and need Parents put in more energy.

" My child is like this! " When I wrote this sentence, the entanglement and noise in my heart became quiet.When I no longer regard the child's "sensitivity" as a shortcoming, when I begin to accept the child as he is and return to the child himself, I find that it is like turning over the other side of the coin:

• In your eyes, the child's "timidity" is actually a kind of "cautious" ;
• "shy" when seeing strangers hiding is actually a kind of "self-protection mechanism" ;
• "unsociable" playing by oneself is actually A kind of "focus" ;

is like the younger brother in the movie. Although he is afraid of everything, he is a person with magic. In reality, sensitive children are not people with "magic"?

A toolbox for sensitive children - "Psychological Flexibility"

Some people say that this kind of "acceptance" is a kind of advanced chicken soup for the soul. I do not deny that, indeed, children will never be able to develop the courage to face difficulties and the ability to deal with problems by simply accepting and waiting. Perhaps the child will hide in his own world and become less courageous and less confident, as if he is sitting on a rotating slide, sliding step by step into a growth black hole built by anxiety.

We can't change a child's innate temperament, but we can make timid and cautious children have better psychological quality, such children can also face the future bravely.

So, what can we do? What kind of help do -sensitive children need more?

The Center on the Developing Child of Harvard University in the United States believes:

We need to let children master simple skills of coping and adaptation, teach them how to stop crying, how to adjust their behavior, and how to delay gratification.
is like a toolbox, where children can find useful tools to solve the problems they encounter when facing pressure and challenges.

This toolbox is "psychological resilience" Resilience.

" Psychological Resilience " This ability to adapt to pressure and adversity, you can imagine that it is a spring of 's psychology. When faced with pressure and setbacks, the way to judge whether a spring is healthy and functioning properly is by looking at its "resilience".

How to increase children's psychological flexibility?

Research shows that everyone’s psychological flexibility will be affected by nature and nurture. "Psychological flexibility" is like a muscle, it can be exercised. How to provide just the right amount of acceptance and support to train children’s psychological flexibility? Let me share a little story about how I took Doudou to roller skating for the first time two days ago.

❶ Fully accept children's negative emotions

A roller skating training class was opened in the square in front of the community. Every time he saw a group of children of all sizes practicing enthusiastically, Doudou would stand there and watch for a long time. It was obvious that he was very interested.

I asked him: "Do you want to learn?"

Doudou hesitated, shook his head and said no.

If it were before, I might be worried and resist the child's fearful emotions. This time I did not deny him or push him, but I patted him and said, "Mom doesn't know how to roller skate either. It looks a bit awkward." How difficult is it ~"

tips: Regardless of temperament, accepting children is always the prerequisite for parenting . Especially for children with sensitive temperaments, only by accepting their nature and feeling loved can they develop a healthy self. On the contrary, if you always want to change your children, complain, blame or even punish them, they will be more likely to have behavioral problems.

❷ Gently push the child to the challenge area

A few days later, Doudou stood there and looked at it for a long time. I said to him: "How about we go see what roller skates are like?"

This time he I didn’t refuse and followed me to the training classroom. I observed how many wheels the roller skates had and how the children put on the roller skates and how they stood up...

He looked at him with interest, so I struck while the iron was hot and said to him, " How about we go try it? , you still come back and haven’t worn roller skates~"

Doudou immediately flinched with some vigilance. I remembered the movie I just took him to watch and said to him: "Look, the little brother in the movie just started. He didn't dare to drive the car on the expressway. He was still scared after that, but he still tried bravely. In the end, he did it. Is it ? We just sat on a chair to try out what it felt like to wear roller skates without standing. Get up."

Doudou nodded, and the teacher took him to choose his favorite roller skates and put on the shoes and protective gear smoothly. While

was wearing them, I guided him to observe the details of the roller skates. I said, "Wow, the equipment you are wearing now is so cool. It looks like an expedition team member!" Doudou also nodded happily.

tips: When children shrink from challenges and pressure, parents often push their children away: "Go, don't be so timid, it'll be okay!"

In fact, at this time, children need to gently give themselves some sense of security. and strength to take the crucial step of .

❸ Break down difficult tasks into small tasks

Seeing that Doudou was not so scared, the teacher said to him: "Do you want to stand up and try it?"

I encouraged him next to me: "Try wearing these shoes and standing on the ground again. It feels like mom and teacher are protecting you!"

Doudou didn't hesitate this time. The teacher helped him stand up on the spot. While demonstrating, the teacher said to him, "Try spreading your feet to imitate. Little duck, bend your knees slightly and put your little hands behind your back, okay?"

Step by step, Doudou not only challenged the little duck to stand up and stand parallel, but also practiced the duck walk for several rounds on the floor, and was happy at the end. They told me, "Mom, roller skating is so fun, I want to learn it!"

tips: Children are more likely to flinch when faced with big goals that seem difficult, but looks much better when broken down into small goals.

❹ Teach children small ways to deal with anxiety and stress

In addition to accepting children’s negative emotions, we also need to teach them to calmly view and regulate their bad moods . The body and mind are closely related, and children can relieve tension by relaxing their bodies.

consciously asked Doudou to practice the deep breathing method taught by Teacher Yijia in the emotion class - the " smell the flowers, blow out the candles " game.

Pretend to hold a flower in your hand, put it under your nose, and take a deep breath, just like smelling the fragrance of the flower.

Then take a long breath through your mouth and pretend to blow out the birthday candles.

helps children learn to take slow, deep breaths when they are nervous or anxious, letting them realize that they are safe now and there is no danger. In addition, teaches them some things to say to themselves when they are anxious :