This article comes from True Story Project (id: zhenshigushi1) . is welcome to follow and contribute . Those who meet the requirements will receive [1800 yuan or 2500 yuan/per article] remuneration.
’s parents, who have been married for thirty years, got divorced for the third time this year. In the long struggle of marriage, the mother expanded outward and finally worked hard to build a good career; the father retreated inward to compensate for his contribution to the family. This marriage journey full of hard work has never led to happiness.
Divorced for the third time
Mother Luo Fen tried not to save her marriage for the first time.
Two months ago, she came home from a business trip. Almost at the same time as the key was turned and the door lock was opened, her father, who was watching the computer at the dining table, clicked on the screen. Chen Shi, what are you looking at? she asked in a stern tone. Nothing, my father responded hastily.
Waiting until the early morning of the Dragon Boat Festival, she walked out of the master bedroom and went to the second bedroom to wake her father up. As soon as he entered the door, he saw his eyes dodge again and quickly stuffed his cell phone into the bed. She could no longer comfort herself. She stepped forward and tried to snatch the mobile phone from under the pillow, but he held her tightly. She shouted loudly: "Chen Shi, I'll give you a chance. If you let go, I can choose not to look. If I let go and you don't let go, this matter will never be over." After she finished speaking, she pressed her phone again. Didn't move.
The father did not speak or let go.
During the hour and a half drive back to the county seat from the city, they said nothing. When I got to the county, my mother went to help my grandmother cook. She saw her father walking into the living room, sitting on her aunt's recliner, looking at her phone with her feet up, "like a grandpa." Returning after lunch, as soon as I got home, my father was about to go out and said he had an appointment with friends to play mahjong.
Anger and sadness came to my heart at the same time. My mother had known for a long time that for almost 16 years, my father had been having ambiguous relationships with different women. But, right under her nose, why didn't he feel any guilt at all? How could he act like nothing happened? She began to pack her clothes and put them in her suitcase. She wanted to leave immediately, no matter where she went.
On June 15, 2021, her mother Luo Fen left home, wearing her usual black silk dress and carrying her luggage. That night, after her father finished playing mahjong, he sent a message asking her where she was? His mother felt disgusted and blocked all his WeChat and phone calls. My father sent another message to my mother’s best friend: Is my wife eating at your house? My friend replied, no.
It wasn’t until nine o’clock the next morning that my father felt guilty. He sent a message to his friend: "You ask her to come back, and I will pay more attention in the future. Please." At the end, he added a fist-holding and crying expression. After a while, the friend replied: "I'm afraid she won't come back. She said she wanted to live for herself." "I don't believe it, and I don't understand it either," said the father.
Two weeks after leaving home, my mother met and confronted my father, and finally found out the real situation: on the day of the Dragon Boat Festival, he was chatting with a "massage girl." The more my mother asked, the more my father said, until he said, "I did have a relationship with her."
For the first time, my father admitted to cheating. Over the years, my mother seemed to have gotten used to this. But what she couldn't accept was that these women were of vastly different class and image from her own, yet her father had feelings for them - and there were more than one. "Those who work in massage parlors, those who work as waitresses... all kinds of people, from all walks of life." She spoke very quickly, fearing that these words would stay in her mouth for too long. The mother decided to divorce.
This is the third divorce for the two. She and her father had divorced twice before.
My father, Chen Shi, cheated on me for the first time when I was seven years old. It was in 2005. My father found a smart and capable career-oriented woman. My mother filed for divorce. Two years later, my father returned home. In order to give me a complete family, my mother chose to remarry. This article comes from True Story Project (id: zhenshigushi1) . is welcome to follow and contribute . Those who meet the requirements will receive [1800 yuan or 2500 yuan/per article] remuneration. ’s parents, who have been married for thirty years, got divorced for the third time this year. In the long struggle of marriage, the mother expanded outward and finally worked hard to build a good career; the father retreated inward to compensate for his contribution to the family. This marriage journey full of hard work has never led to happiness. Divorced for the third time Mother Luo Fen tried not to save her marriage for the first time. Two months ago, she came home from a business trip. Almost at the same time as the key was turned and the door lock was opened, her father, who was watching the computer at the dining table, clicked on the screen. Chen Shi, what are you looking at? she asked in a stern tone. Nothing, my father responded hastily. Waiting until the early morning of the Dragon Boat Festival, she walked out of the master bedroom and went to the second bedroom to wake her father up. As soon as he entered the door, he saw his eyes dodge again and quickly stuffed his cell phone into the bed. She could no longer comfort herself. She stepped forward and tried to snatch the mobile phone from under the pillow, but he held her tightly. She shouted loudly: "Chen Shi, I'll give you a chance. If you let go, I can choose not to look. If I let go and you don't let go, this matter will never be over." After she finished speaking, she pressed her phone again. Didn't move. The father did not speak or let go. During the hour and a half drive back to the county seat from the city, they said nothing. When I got to the county, my mother went to help my grandmother cook. She saw her father walking into the living room, sitting on her aunt's recliner, looking at her phone with her feet up, "like a grandpa." Returning after lunch, as soon as I got home, my father was about to go out and said he had an appointment with friends to play mahjong. Anger and sadness came to my heart at the same time. My mother had known for a long time that for almost 16 years, my father had been having ambiguous relationships with different women. But, right under her nose, why didn't he feel any guilt at all? How could he act like nothing happened? She began to pack her clothes and put them in her suitcase. She wanted to leave immediately, no matter where she went. On June 15, 2021, her mother Luo Fen left home, wearing her usual black silk dress and carrying her luggage. That night, after her father finished playing mahjong, he sent a message asking her where she was? His mother felt disgusted and blocked all his WeChat and phone calls. My father sent another message to my mother’s best friend: Is my wife eating at your house? My friend replied, no. It wasn’t until nine o’clock the next morning that my father felt guilty. He sent a message to his friend: "You ask her to come back, and I will pay more attention in the future. Please." At the end, he added a fist-holding and crying expression. After a while, the friend replied: "I'm afraid she won't come back. She said she wanted to live for herself." "I don't believe it, and I don't understand it either," said the father. Two weeks after leaving home, my mother met and confronted my father, and finally found out the real situation: on the day of the Dragon Boat Festival, he was chatting with a "massage girl." The more my mother asked, the more my father said, until he said, "I did have a relationship with her." For the first time, my father admitted to cheating. Over the years, my mother seemed to have gotten used to this. But what she couldn't accept was that these women were of vastly different class and image from her own, yet her father had feelings for them - and there were more than one. "Those who work in massage parlors, those who work as waitresses... all kinds of people, from all walks of life." She spoke very quickly, fearing that these words would stay in her mouth for too long. The mother decided to divorce. This is the third divorce for the two. She and her father had divorced twice before. My father, Chen Shi, cheated on me for the first time when I was seven years old. It was in 2005. My father found a smart and capable career-oriented woman. My mother filed for divorce. Two years later, my father returned home. In order to give me a complete family, my mother chose to remarry.Soon, the work unit began to allocate houses. In order to be allocated two houses, they divorced again but did not get remarried. "It's just a document." My mother once thought - as long as there are feelings, the status on the document does not matter. In the next 16 years, they used various methods to try to save their marriage. The two lived as husband and wife, but Wei Xu was divorced. The emotional impact made my mother determined to start a business and achieve success, becoming the kind of career woman her father had preferred. His mistakes were forgiven, and the father who returned to the family also cooked and washed dishes, trying his best to make up for his contribution to the family. Between separation and union, their marriage continued to adjust, going back and forth in a cycle of advancement and retreat. But everything did not get better. As I grew up and my parents approached their final years, the significance of rescuing this marriage gradually faded away. When new conflicts arise, the mother feels she can let go. After leaving home, my mother moved back to a house in the old town. She sprayed the house with odor-clearing spray, caught mice for two days, cleaned it for three days, and moved the TV in the living room to the bedroom. Go and put two dictionaries underneath. After settling in, she inquired about her father and learned that he was still at home: watching TV and playing mahjong. But without her car, he had to take the bus for an hour and five minutes to go to work every day. At first, my father thought that my mother would be back in a few days. Three weeks after losing his mother, he began to panic. He couldn't figure out: in the past 30 years, he had been getting better and better, but in the eyes of his mother, he was getting worse and worse, "until it was a heinous crime." "The person I used to be is the person I am now. Why have I become a burden to her and a bastard?" He asked me to relay this to my mother. After hearing this, my mother frowned tightly, "It's like I have been tolerant for thirty years. He asked me why I am not tolerant now: I am tired of being tolerant, is it okay?" This time, it was my father who saved my mother, Saved the marriage. Happy Turn After his mother ran away from home, in a family of three, his father Chen Shi began to perform a one-man show. He opened all the kitchen cabinets, wiped them with rags, threw away the debris, and posted a before and after comparison picture with the text "Cleaning from chaos" and "Insects, expired items, including rice, were all removed." . He bought another mosquito trap, changed the faucet in the bathroom, washed the sheets and quilt covers in all the bedrooms, and dried them flatly on the rooftop. "The quilts are hanging on the roof, remember to come back and collect them." Picture | The photo posted by the father in the family group
At the end of the message, there is a grinning and hugging expression, and @mother. My mother never replied. Her father packed the stewed chicken soup and fried rice in a thermos bucket and gave it to her in the old house. "Fried meat with green pepper, stewed chicken, haha, she eats the thin ones, and I eat the fat ones." In the group, he was talking to himself as always.
An hour's drive later, he arrived at the old two-bedroom house that I moved into when I was in elementary school, thirteen years after marrying my mother. We lived there until I went to college. In the past few years, whenever my father and mother quarreled, my mother would move here. He put the food at his feet and knocked on the door, but there was no response. He fumbled around and took out a bunch of keys, picked out one, inserted it into the lock, and couldn't turn it.
He can't get into this old house. This time, the mother changed the door lock of the house.
deliberately lowered his attitude, even a little aggrieved. His father was fighting for the marriage not to break up. In a marriage of more than 30 years, he is undoubtedly at his lowest point. But this is not his original appearance.
The old house was the second house he bought after saving money when I was six years old. Five years ago, he bought his first two-bedroom apartment with an area of 60.28 square meters. When he moved that year, he saw the coffee table, bookcase, and TV he bought, like a river, flowing out of the 16-square-meter dormitory of the institute, filling a car, and flowing into the hard-won new house.
"That was a happy era, and everything was getting better." My father said.The marriage and love between the two began in such sweetness.
At that time, my father was working in a research institute. In 1990, at noon on a sultry summer day, he was sitting in a two-person office and saw his 23-year-old mother pushing open the door, "with short hair, long skirt, youthful and beautiful." The 27-year-old father looked at her and felt a "feeling of intimacy". He stood up immediately and said, ah, welcome.
He took his mother to the canteen to get a big bowl of rice. Mother couldn't finish the meal and was embarrassed not to eat. He helped her buy "bedding, covers, buckets, bowls, and washcloths" and helped her move into a dormitory: a 12-square-meter single room in a hotel. At that time, "the work unit was very poor, and the whole society was very poor." He still remembered that the hotel was converted into an air raid shelter, and the holes were dug during the War to Resist U.S. Aggression and Aid Korea.
He picked up his mother from the office door and went straight home. They fell in love, moved out of the hotel, and moved from one single room to another. At that time, compared to my mother, my father was older, had a higher professional title, and had a higher salary. They bought the bikes in the early 1990s. My father, who has medium hair, chain trousers, and toad glasses, often takes my mother, who wears a white dress, for rides and movies. In 1991, my father's salary rose to 100 yuan per month. During the same period, the monthly salary of a university associate professor or director of an institution was 140 yuan.
Recalling the old days, my mother looked up at my father slightly. He is the dominant figure in marriage and family. My father, who has a professional title of third-level researcher (equivalent to the level of a university professor), is still considered "prominent" in his old workplace. At that time, a mentality of "showing off wealth in poverty" was becoming popular among young people. At home, my father borrowed 2,000 yuan from his elder brother and bought a 21-inch Changhong TV , as well as a coffee table and bookcase. They got married on May 8, 1991, and held their wedding on December 20.
My mother still remembers that my father was the first researcher to buy back 8,000 yuan of Haier air conditioner . We were the first family to own a battery. "Anyone who has no electricity will come to us to borrow it." Later, my father I was also the first to buy a "network cat" (router). My mother connected four network cables to the port, stretched them out of the window, and connected them to the homes of four friends in the building. This way, each of her friends can have a room connected to the Internet.
html Life in the 1990s was like a small boat moving forward in a river with a fixed flow until it hit the rocks. In 2005, seven years after I was born, my father had an affair.
My father, who is engaged in scientific research, is an old intellectual who is enthusiastic, optimistic and loves beauty. Around 2005, a TV series starring an "enterprising and temperamental white-collar worker" was popular on the market. My father said that at that time, he and his mother lived a step-by-step, "traditional, simple" life, but the TV series showed another "ideal", a "female image that had never been seen in intellectual life."
html In the late 1980s, he was born in a rural area and graduated from a university with a master's degree and joined a research institute. Scientific researchers pay attention to the "three outputs": producing results, producing talents, and producing papers - my father believes that he does not fail in any of them. By the time he was in his early 30s, he was already known as an expert in his field of research and had served as director. Three years before retiring, he counted his provincial awards, "More than 10, but less than 10 in the province can surpass me."
But his father could never make money. In the 1990s, many research institutes in the institute began market-oriented reforms and established performance evaluations. However, the system in my father's workplace has stagnated, with "doing more and doing less". He considered starting a business overseas, but found that his simple personality made it difficult for him to cope with the business.
When my father cheated on me, I was seven years old and in the first grade of elementary school. The woman lived upstairs opposite. She had reddish-brown ear-length hair, bangs, red lips, and a black mole at the corner of her mouth. She was doing business, and she looked shrewd in a way that her mother didn't. She is a colleague of both parents, has a husband who is out of town all the time, and has a daughter who is in junior high school.
At first, the woman asked her father to go to her house to repair the light bulb, and the call was made directly to the landline at home. Later, the calls came more and more frequently. "Brother Chen, brother Chen, come and see how our home is decorated."That day, my mother was at home, and my father went out and didn't come back until almost 12 o'clock. My mother made several calls but didn't answer. She sent another message: If you don't come back in five minutes, you will have nothing to do with it.
2 At 8 o'clock, my father came home. Then there was a call from the woman at home. She heard her voice arrogantly: I asked for Chen Shi. My mother rushed out of the room and climbed up to the opposite floor to give it to her. Two slaps. The woman said that her father had a relationship with her and she must be responsible for it, otherwise she would go to the company to cause trouble.
The father admitted that this cheating was not a bad life with his mother. "When you encounter a more ideal model that you dream of, you will try harder, and even nine cows can't hold it back." After getting together, my father discovered that women are mean and selfish in private. Externally, he showed the gentle and wise white-collar temperament in the TV series. At the same time, his father's derailment also caused his mother's happiness to suddenly fall like a derailed train on the cliff. A passive, irresistible nightmare.
After the divorce, my ex-boyfriend from college approached my mother to get back together. My mother agreed, but she still could not forget her father. Once, my mother bought a TV and my father came to help install it. When my ex-boyfriend came back from get off work, he saw his father. At home. The burly man grabbed the tall and thin father, threw him to the ground and beat him. Grandma was in the room and saw blood pouring out from under the bridge of his nose.
The mother asked for help. Her ex-boyfriend broke up. The man took away her 30,000 yuan of savings and came back with a kitchen knife, his fingers bleeding. "If you chop me with a kitchen knife, we will all die together! "The man yelled. Grandma was frightened and dragged mother to the walkway. The neighbor in the yard ran down from the third floor and asked mother, is this the friend you are playing tricks on? Mother didn't speak, just cried.
Grandma ran to find her Father, tell me about your mother’s situation. That day, she saw her father’s tears. Her grandmother started to burn incense in the temple. The monk said that your daughter’s life is miserable, and you need to recite 1,200 Amitabha Buddhas every day to relieve her misfortune. Grandma recited it from morning to night, from getting up to evening, until she fell asleep.
Repairing Life
The result of the conflict is that my father has returned to the family. "'Since I accepted your return, we will face it together no matter what the situation is.' I will remember this sentence all my life. "My father recalled his mother at that time, his eyes lowered, "After all, it's not that your mother and I don't have feelings, it's my problem that caused this injury. "
After returning home, my father changed from the dominant figure at the beginning of the marriage to a guilty person with moral stains. His family status has completely changed.
Thinking of the kind of "career-oriented" women that my father had pursued, my mother She began to work harder and harder. She took off her boots when she went for a field trip, and her legs were covered with blood stains from leech bites. In a research team of more than a dozen people in the institute, she was often the only woman. People praise her for being "hard-working, hard-working, and quick to learn."
From the time I can remember my mother, I have been given the impression that she is strong and excellent. In high school, she was the only one of my grandmother's six children. She left the county and went to university in Beijing.
In 2014, her mother successfully started her own business and the company opened. She decorated a "president's office" for herself, with a dark brown solid wood desk in a translucent partition. ergonomic chair , a water dispenser, and a pot of money tree . Every day, she wears a black or dark blue dress, tattoos on her eyebrows, and light makeup, and she seems to answer endless calls in the living room at home. It became the "President's Office". At 9 o'clock in the morning, my mother would call here, calling "Mr. Wang", "Director Zhang", and "Director Lin" in a moderately beautiful voice. Sometimes at 10 o'clock in the evening, she would take people to the living room. Negotiate the contract.
My mother gradually became famous in the industry, and many projects found her. Most of the time, she leads 6 projects of different sizes by herself. She wrote in her circle of friends that "details determine success or failure" and "there are always more solutions than difficulties."
As a by-product of my mother’s entrepreneurial venture, I found myself receiving living expenses more and more frequently. At first it was once a month, then three times a month. I said, I don't need that much. My mother said, since my mother has made money, I will give you more. In the blink of an eye, I saw her circle of friends again: "Wake up early and stay up late at night for three meals a day, travel through wind and rain for food, rice, oil and salt." The picture was a photo of a train station. In recent years, she has begun to fall ill frequently, and her figure of less than 1.6 meters has become increasingly thin.
My father, who is a professor, has a slender figure and a high nose. He seems to be always full of energy and idle. After get off work, he played mahjong and went home after finishing the game at 11 o'clock at night. At home, he wears glasses, watches " vs. " and "blockbuster" movies, and speculates in Bitcoin. The sound of fighting and killing on the TV continued until two o'clock in the morning.
The father cannot help but feel the changes in the mother. As an expert, when meeting outside, he often hears others say: Are you Luo Fen's husband? You, Luo Fen, are very capable. My father smiled and said, indeed, I feel defeated. My father knew that my mother had overcome her fear of shopping malls and had become a fish in water in the business world.
I don’t know when I got used to the relationship setting between my parents that “female is strong and male is weak”. They went to buy clothes for me together, and what they finally bought were the styles my mother liked: she preferred solid colors, dark colors, and high-quality clothes. What my father likes is rich colors and complicated patterns. One day in junior high school, my mother had walked far away, and when she turned around, she saw my father still staying in front of a store.
"Gone, gone, what are you still doing?" Mother said loudly. My father didn't say anything. He picked up the hem of a rainbow-striped dress and watched with attention. "That doesn't look good!" said my mother. "Okay." The father said in a disappointed tone, put down his skirt and kept up the pace.
"Look at what your dad chose for you. That dress has nice flowers. We won't want him here next time." My mother held my hand, pointed to the dress, and pointed to my father beside me jokingly. . I heard my mother laugh and agreed, "That's right, I don't want him to come." My father wrinkled his nose and made an exaggerated expression of grievance.
At home, my father makes breakfast. He would get up from six to seven in the morning, put on a pair of shorts and stand in the kitchen, steaming eggs and hot steamed buns. After my mother and I finished washing up, he brought breakfast to the table, "Here, your mother eats the best steamed one, you eat the second best, and leave the steamed bad one for me." He made another appearance. Poor look.
"Oh, your dad is so enlightened." Mother teased. When
signed my homework, my mother signed "Parent: Luo Fen", and my father signed "Deputy Parent: Chen Shi" on the side. At the parent-teacher meeting, he also took the initiative to introduce himself as the deputy parent of his child. I boasted to my classmates that my father was so kind to my mother and left everything good to her. He was an authentic "raker".
Picture | After his mother left, his father made breakfast for himself
After his grandparents passed away, his father seemed to have never made any financial contribution to the family. My mother bought a new car and a new house for the family, and bought a house for my grandmother in the county. My father didn't pay a penny. At the same time, the father is in a weak position at home, and appears to be willing and content with himself.
My mother thought the same way, until my father had more and more "interests and hobbies" and began to feel a little "not caring about his heart." In the following years, when we went out together, my father, who walked quickly, often walked in front, looking down at his mobile phone, and soon he disappeared. "Hey! Where's your dad? He's not waiting for us!" Mother complained. She discovered that her father began to study stocks from morning to night and would not let go of his mobile phone.
When I was 14 years old, my father took advantage of my mother’s business trip to transfer all the money from the family’s bank card.After his mother came back, he solemnly told her: "I have made a major decision. We may make a lot of money!" He said that he had bought the stock certificates of a foreign company, which would be listed soon and would multiply many times.
"You are 100% deceived!" The mother almost spit on his face. "No, inside information. Look, it's going up," the father said.
My father was defrauded of 100,000 yuan. His mother later calculated that 100,000 was all the money that his father could use on their cards, and was most of their savings in the 21 years of marriage. “Now there is not a penny left, it’s all wasted.”
His mother mentioned this to him more than once. However, he never apologized and only admitted that he was deceived: "I went to invest, but the investment failed. Didn't I do it for us to have a better life?"
Four small hobbies
Later, the mother summarized the father's "four A little hobby": mahjong, women, stocks, Bitcoin. She gradually discovered that she was ranked behind her father's four hobbies and had no place in his life. My mother felt that her happy life train was starting to get out of control again.
When I was a sophomore in college, my mother bought a beautiful black SUV. At eight o'clock every morning, she drives from the east to work in the north. My father can't drive. My mother noticed that my father had become obsessed with giving rides to her.
At seven o'clock in the morning, one hour before departure, she heard her father calling two or three female colleagues in the same community: Sister, will you come to take the bus? Come to Gate 1, it's half past eight. My mother did not object to my colleagues coming to ride in the car. But she always felt angry when she heard her father pinch his throat and say "sister" softly.
Once, when she was driving home from the north gate, she met three of her colleagues who wanted to take a ride. As soon as the car was full, my father brought two more people and there was no room left. Without hesitation, my father left with his two female colleagues, saying they wanted to take a taxi home together.
On the way home, my mother heard her colleagues in the car joking: "Hey! You guys, Chen Shi, are okay. Why don't you take a taxi when you have a car?" The more she listened, the more angry she became.
After returning home, my mother and father had a quarrel. "They can't find a way out and want you to send them back?" she asked. "What's the point? We're all colleagues, you're too stingy. You're making such a fuss!" my father retorted. My mother was so angry that she couldn't speak.
Once again, she waited downstairs for more than half an hour and wanted to leave first. My father wouldn't let me. After a few arguments, he opened the car door, slammed it shut, and said: "It's great that you have a car!"
In 2020, my mother was diagnosed with diabetes.. She felt increasingly neglected by her father. Once, she said, I was hospitalized. My father didn't even ask why he was hospitalized. Once again, she went for coronary angiography . The doctor emphasized that the patient should not leave people for 24 hours, and her father also listened. In the evening, he went directly home.
The next day, her father "pretends" to accompany her for infusion. After hanging up the infusion bag, he turned his back to her, turned on the computer, and sorted out the photos. When the mother woke up from her sleep, she saw that the medicine bag had shriveled up and her own blood was flowing back into the thin infusion tube. "Get back here, not here!" she yelled at him.
During the Dragon Boat Festival week, when she came back from a business trip, she smelled a smell at home. Black smoke billowed from the kitchen. My father cooked a pot of roasted chicken with taro, turned on the fire, and went out to play mahjong. She looked excited, "Your dad almost burned down the house because of mahjong!"
However, my mother remembered that my father was not a man who didn't know how to take care of others. When he was a kid, he would take us hiking in the mountains. He would bring a few fresh peaches, put them together on two washed porcelain plates, wrap them tightly in a plastic bag, and put them in his backpack. After climbing to the top of the mountain, he took out the peaches, peeled and cut them with a folding saber, made a fruit plate, and handed it to us with a smile on his face.
Soon, my mother discovered that my father was still considerate, but no longer towards her.She happened to see his Taobao order, an order for seasonal cherries, and he placed six boxes and sent them to six different women - she only knew one, a waiter at the restaurant they often went to. That time, she didn't do anything, she just said coldly, you bought 6 boxes, but you didn't even think of giving one box to your daughter.
That summer, I was in the school dormitory and received endless cherries. Box after box of ripe red fruits from my father were piled at the door, and they quickly went bad.
I can't afford to drive your car
"I am no longer good enough for her," my father said, "I sometimes think like this, if I am no longer good enough for her, then I might as well find someone with less knowledge and culture. , Just be nice to me. I’ll see how I can live.”
After my mother became ill, my father increasingly felt that he had no right to speak.
When he learned that she had diabetes, he went to look up information, consulted doctor friends, and bought boxes of health care products. The mother refused to eat, thinking that he had been deceived again.
When he got up one morning, he cooked chicken soup and rice, setting aside all the oil, and served it to her. Mother is dissatisfied. "Are you trying to harm me? So much oil." He insisted: "I asked, there are so many people with high blood sugar and high blood sugar around. It's not that you can't eat them all, but you have to control them." My mother turned to look at me and curled her lips: "Nonsense. ! Do you think your father wants to harm me? "
He put his job in front of him and sat down without saying a word.
’s father said that since 2005, he has never thought of leaving home. After his grandparents moved out of the house, he took the initiative to do housework. "I never had a second thought about cooking and washing dishes." Although his career was in a mess, his father still believed that he was getting better and better at home in the past 16 years and became a Becoming more mature and family-oriented. He didn't expect that in his mother's words, he was getting worse and worse.
In 2019, my father invested 200,000 savings in Bitcoin, and almost all of it was lost. When the small coins he bought fell to the bottom, he gritted his teeth, swiped 30,000 yuan with his credit card, added the last position, and lost money again.
"Thirty thousand yuan is just a fraction to your mother, but it is the straw that breaks the camel's back to me." At that time, my mother's annual income had exceeded one million. She bought a set of 30,000 yuan worth of skin care products, threw away the clothes I bought from Taobao, and asked me if I needed a good watch.
That month, my father only had a few hundred dollars left. He didn't tell his mother about it. He bought a POS machine and used two credit cards. At the beginning of the month, he debited 30,000 from the first one and paid off the second one. At the end of the month, swipe out the second one and return the first one, which lasts for a year.
My father didn’t want my mother to know this. “One felt it shouldn’t be done, the other felt sorry, and the third felt it was a loss of face.” My father is indeed an expert in his field. But for many years, the institute has had no bonuses, and the monthly salary has only increased from 100 in 1991 to 4,000. When the institute finally reformed, he was close to retirement and had no chance to "catch up" with his mother.
"I have achieved a lot. But compared to many people in my life, I will always be worse than shit. I can only meet the basic food and clothing. I have no dignity, let alone get rich." My father said.
Picture | After my mother left home, my father showed him working overtime in the group at 10 o'clock at night, with the caption: I am old, useless, and already dizzy.
This year, my father told me several times: Your dad is old, his memory is no longer good, he can’t make money even if he wants to, and he is far inferior to your mother. After his mother became rich, he felt that his life became more and more depressed and his life became more useless. In the past, he was a cheerful and enthusiastic person who would eat out and "often entertain and treat guests." In the past few years, he has basically dared not express his position when settling accounts.
As the house grew bigger and bigger, my father felt that his small life was shrinking rapidly and becoming tight. He felt that no matter how much money his mother made, it seemed to have nothing to do with him.He summarized all the problems: "Your mother is getting better and better, but I have not been better at the same time. This is my biggest mistake."
Before his mother left home, he once jokingly mentioned his "one dream": Buy a 30,000 yuan "Laotou Le" and drive it from the community to the company to work. A few years ago, my father got a driver's license, but he was never good at driving. Over the years, my mother has bought two cars, and she is always at the steering wheel for short and long distances.
That day, my mother said, I can buy it for you. He said, no, this is my own driving dream. Mother also said, our family has a car and we can drive it for you. He said, I don’t have the skills to drive your car.
When his mother is at home, he is always busy with a smile on his face. After his mother left home, he kept his eyebrows downcast and mentioned similar words repeatedly. "How could I not be depressed?" "From the bottom of my heart, I am a self-respecting and aloof person." "I am a coward, unconvinced, and face-saving." The more he spoke, the faster he spoke, and the redder his face became, but he still couldn't straighten it out. Look at me. These hot words were like a pot of boiling water, rolling several times in his belly, boiling into a ball of steam, and pouring out after his mother left.
The failure of investment again and again made my father completely lose the possibility of regaining his family's economic status. And "when life is weak" and "dark times", he got to know those masseurs and waiters who "can bring comfort, help and comfort".
The huge stone weighing on his heart finally was thrown at his mother in the form of cheating.
Remarriage
After it was confirmed that her father had cheated on her, her mother had not been home for two weeks. She was particularly angry when she thought of the "girl" on her father's phone, the six boxes of cherries, and the infusion tube that returned blood.
had countless impulses and wanted to leave her father. Sometimes, she thinks about "the disgusting things he has done in his life" and she can't bear it. "I really want to kick him out." But when she really thinks about taking action, she can't bear it.
Picture | The meal my father eats when he is alone
When she was cooking in her old house, she saw a message from her father in the group. She ate one dish for a week, and she also ate the spoiled ones. She felt sad. We have been together for thirty years and have the same circle of friends. Although my mother is dissatisfied with my father, she still feels that she still has something to say to him.
More importantly, "To be honest, I still have feelings for him." She lowered her head, as if she didn't know how to continue. The final sound of the word "love" landed in the living room, and her expression softened.
A few days ago, in response to the mother's complaint about the "four hobbies", my father wrote a long message one by one, promising to make changes: delete the opposite sex, play less mahjong, stop speculating in coins, and try his best to make money.
He showed me this information. "I don't even know, am I atonement or maintaining something?" My father sighed, "I am no longer me. I already feel myself getting more and more depressed."
I thought of the photos of my father I had seen. Not long after he got back together with his mother, he went to the village to help the poor with technology. Old people came to listen to the class with their children on their backs, surrounded by wooden stools and mats. The father, who was in his thirties, wore a loose shirt, held a snow-white document, and spoke with a smile. The mother she used to be was not that strong, nor was she as heavy-footed as she is now.
html In the 130-year marriage, the parents, as intellectuals, were very worried. They had been trying to find dignity in the marriage and gain advantages over each other, until the intimate relationship turned into a competitive relationship. Their days also went from bright and sunny to dark clouds.
There is still one hurdle that my mother can’t get over. "Fundamentally speaking, Chen Shi is a person who wants to live a comfortable life and does not want to struggle." She said firmly. Suddenly, another anger rose in his eyebrows: "Don't he like women who are better and more capable than him? I did it, but he doesn't like it anymore!"
html In July, I returned home from Beijing, and my mother came back. Stayed at home for a few days.Every day, my father would go to the market and queue up to buy fruits and braised food. At night, slices of meat of varying colors pile up in the refrigerator, next to excess, neglected fruit. Mother no longer eats the food bought by father.
The next day, I will return to Beijing. This will also be my mother's last night at home. Father cooked a large table of dishes. After eating, my mother said she didn’t want any leftover food. The father insisted on staying. Mother said nothing, took the plate, and poured away all the leftovers. At night, she walked back to her bedroom and closed the door.
Father sat down on the stone gray sofa and turned on the TV. His gray polo shirt blended into the sofa, and his figure almost disappeared at home. After his mother filed for divorce, this almost 60-year-old man experienced insecurity for the first time. This week, my grandparents called my father to ask about it. My father said that Luo Fen was on a business trip and we just quarreled, "It was me who was not good to her, it was me who failed to take good care of her."
Picture | Father and mother took a group photo at the "My Heart to Heart Pavilion" in 1991, and became my father Thoughts that can’t be brought back. Illustration: While busy
was cleaning up the living room, my father found a photo. This was the first group photo they took while traveling in West Lake in the autumn of 1991, just after registering their marriage. The two of them stood directly under the plaque of "My Heart Connects Pavilion". Like all lovers in their twenties, they were wearing skirts and jeans and were close to each other.
My father looked at the photo, his back stooped, his eyelids drooped, and he was silent for a long time. Suddenly, he remembered the remarriage certificate that had been absent for 16 years, and he sat up and looked at me with a deep look: "I think what your mother and I need now is not a divorce, but a marriage." The living room fell into silence for a moment. of silence.
Separated by a wall, my mother turned the faucet in the bedroom. The pipes whimpered, and the water overflowed and fell to the ground in a trickle.
- END -
Written by Luo Siyu
The marriage and love between the two began in such sweetness.At that time, my father was working in a research institute. In 1990, at noon on a sultry summer day, he was sitting in a two-person office and saw his 23-year-old mother pushing open the door, "with short hair, long skirt, youthful and beautiful." The 27-year-old father looked at her and felt a "feeling of intimacy". He stood up immediately and said, ah, welcome.
He took his mother to the canteen to get a big bowl of rice. Mother couldn't finish the meal and was embarrassed not to eat. He helped her buy "bedding, covers, buckets, bowls, and washcloths" and helped her move into a dormitory: a 12-square-meter single room in a hotel. At that time, "the work unit was very poor, and the whole society was very poor." He still remembered that the hotel was converted into an air raid shelter, and the holes were dug during the War to Resist U.S. Aggression and Aid Korea.
He picked up his mother from the office door and went straight home. They fell in love, moved out of the hotel, and moved from one single room to another. At that time, compared to my mother, my father was older, had a higher professional title, and had a higher salary. They bought the bikes in the early 1990s. My father, who has medium hair, chain trousers, and toad glasses, often takes my mother, who wears a white dress, for rides and movies. In 1991, my father's salary rose to 100 yuan per month. During the same period, the monthly salary of a university associate professor or director of an institution was 140 yuan.
Recalling the old days, my mother looked up at my father slightly. He is the dominant figure in marriage and family. My father, who has a professional title of third-level researcher (equivalent to the level of a university professor), is still considered "prominent" in his old workplace. At that time, a mentality of "showing off wealth in poverty" was becoming popular among young people. At home, my father borrowed 2,000 yuan from his elder brother and bought a 21-inch Changhong TV , as well as a coffee table and bookcase. They got married on May 8, 1991, and held their wedding on December 20.
My mother still remembers that my father was the first researcher to buy back 8,000 yuan of Haier air conditioner . We were the first family to own a battery. "Anyone who has no electricity will come to us to borrow it." Later, my father I was also the first to buy a "network cat" (router). My mother connected four network cables to the port, stretched them out of the window, and connected them to the homes of four friends in the building. This way, each of her friends can have a room connected to the Internet.
html Life in the 1990s was like a small boat moving forward in a river with a fixed flow until it hit the rocks. In 2005, seven years after I was born, my father had an affair.
My father, who is engaged in scientific research, is an old intellectual who is enthusiastic, optimistic and loves beauty. Around 2005, a TV series starring an "enterprising and temperamental white-collar worker" was popular on the market. My father said that at that time, he and his mother lived a step-by-step, "traditional, simple" life, but the TV series showed another "ideal", a "female image that had never been seen in intellectual life."
html In the late 1980s, he was born in a rural area and graduated from a university with a master's degree and joined a research institute. Scientific researchers pay attention to the "three outputs": producing results, producing talents, and producing papers - my father believes that he does not fail in any of them. By the time he was in his early 30s, he was already known as an expert in his field of research and had served as director. Three years before retiring, he counted his provincial awards, "More than 10, but less than 10 in the province can surpass me."
But his father could never make money. In the 1990s, many research institutes in the institute began market-oriented reforms and established performance evaluations. However, the system in my father's workplace has stagnated, with "doing more and doing less". He considered starting a business overseas, but found that his simple personality made it difficult for him to cope with the business.
When my father cheated on me, I was seven years old and in the first grade of elementary school. The woman lived upstairs opposite. She had reddish-brown ear-length hair, bangs, red lips, and a black mole at the corner of her mouth. She was doing business, and she looked shrewd in a way that her mother didn't. She is a colleague of both parents, has a husband who is out of town all the time, and has a daughter who is in junior high school.
At first, the woman asked her father to go to her house to repair the light bulb, and the call was made directly to the landline at home. Later, the calls came more and more frequently. "Brother Chen, brother Chen, come and see how our home is decorated."That day, my mother was at home, and my father went out and didn't come back until almost 12 o'clock. My mother made several calls but didn't answer. She sent another message: If you don't come back in five minutes, you will have nothing to do with it.
2 At 8 o'clock, my father came home. Then there was a call from the woman at home. She heard her voice arrogantly: I asked for Chen Shi. My mother rushed out of the room and climbed up to the opposite floor to give it to her. Two slaps. The woman said that her father had a relationship with her and she must be responsible for it, otherwise she would go to the company to cause trouble.
The father admitted that this cheating was not a bad life with his mother. "When you encounter a more ideal model that you dream of, you will try harder, and even nine cows can't hold it back." After getting together, my father discovered that women are mean and selfish in private. Externally, he showed the gentle and wise white-collar temperament in the TV series. At the same time, his father's derailment also caused his mother's happiness to suddenly fall like a derailed train on the cliff. A passive, irresistible nightmare.
After the divorce, my ex-boyfriend from college approached my mother to get back together. My mother agreed, but she still could not forget her father. Once, my mother bought a TV and my father came to help install it. When my ex-boyfriend came back from get off work, he saw his father. At home. The burly man grabbed the tall and thin father, threw him to the ground and beat him. Grandma was in the room and saw blood pouring out from under the bridge of his nose.
The mother asked for help. Her ex-boyfriend broke up. The man took away her 30,000 yuan of savings and came back with a kitchen knife, his fingers bleeding. "If you chop me with a kitchen knife, we will all die together! "The man yelled. Grandma was frightened and dragged mother to the walkway. The neighbor in the yard ran down from the third floor and asked mother, is this the friend you are playing tricks on? Mother didn't speak, just cried.
Grandma ran to find her Father, tell me about your mother’s situation. That day, she saw her father’s tears. Her grandmother started to burn incense in the temple. The monk said that your daughter’s life is miserable, and you need to recite 1,200 Amitabha Buddhas every day to relieve her misfortune. Grandma recited it from morning to night, from getting up to evening, until she fell asleep.
Repairing Life
The result of the conflict is that my father has returned to the family. "'Since I accepted your return, we will face it together no matter what the situation is.' I will remember this sentence all my life. "My father recalled his mother at that time, his eyes lowered, "After all, it's not that your mother and I don't have feelings, it's my problem that caused this injury. "
After returning home, my father changed from the dominant figure at the beginning of the marriage to a guilty person with moral stains. His family status has completely changed.
Thinking of the kind of "career-oriented" women that my father had pursued, my mother She began to work harder and harder. She took off her boots when she went for a field trip, and her legs were covered with blood stains from leech bites. In a research team of more than a dozen people in the institute, she was often the only woman. People praise her for being "hard-working, hard-working, and quick to learn."
From the time I can remember my mother, I have been given the impression that she is strong and excellent. In high school, she was the only one of my grandmother's six children. She left the county and went to university in Beijing.
In 2014, her mother successfully started her own business and the company opened. She decorated a "president's office" for herself, with a dark brown solid wood desk in a translucent partition. ergonomic chair , a water dispenser, and a pot of money tree . Every day, she wears a black or dark blue dress, tattoos on her eyebrows, and light makeup, and she seems to answer endless calls in the living room at home. It became the "President's Office". At 9 o'clock in the morning, my mother would call here, calling "Mr. Wang", "Director Zhang", and "Director Lin" in a moderately beautiful voice. Sometimes at 10 o'clock in the evening, she would take people to the living room. Negotiate the contract.
My mother gradually became famous in the industry, and many projects found her. Most of the time, she leads 6 projects of different sizes by herself. She wrote in her circle of friends that "details determine success or failure" and "there are always more solutions than difficulties."
As a by-product of my mother’s entrepreneurial venture, I found myself receiving living expenses more and more frequently. At first it was once a month, then three times a month. I said, I don't need that much. My mother said, since my mother has made money, I will give you more. In the blink of an eye, I saw her circle of friends again: "Wake up early and stay up late at night for three meals a day, travel through wind and rain for food, rice, oil and salt." The picture was a photo of a train station. In recent years, she has begun to fall ill frequently, and her figure of less than 1.6 meters has become increasingly thin.
My father, who is a professor, has a slender figure and a high nose. He seems to be always full of energy and idle. After get off work, he played mahjong and went home after finishing the game at 11 o'clock at night. At home, he wears glasses, watches " vs. " and "blockbuster" movies, and speculates in Bitcoin. The sound of fighting and killing on the TV continued until two o'clock in the morning.
The father cannot help but feel the changes in the mother. As an expert, when meeting outside, he often hears others say: Are you Luo Fen's husband? You, Luo Fen, are very capable. My father smiled and said, indeed, I feel defeated. My father knew that my mother had overcome her fear of shopping malls and had become a fish in water in the business world.
I don’t know when I got used to the relationship setting between my parents that “female is strong and male is weak”. They went to buy clothes for me together, and what they finally bought were the styles my mother liked: she preferred solid colors, dark colors, and high-quality clothes. What my father likes is rich colors and complicated patterns. One day in junior high school, my mother had walked far away, and when she turned around, she saw my father still staying in front of a store.
"Gone, gone, what are you still doing?" Mother said loudly. My father didn't say anything. He picked up the hem of a rainbow-striped dress and watched with attention. "That doesn't look good!" said my mother. "Okay." The father said in a disappointed tone, put down his skirt and kept up the pace.
"Look at what your dad chose for you. That dress has nice flowers. We won't want him here next time." My mother held my hand, pointed to the dress, and pointed to my father beside me jokingly. . I heard my mother laugh and agreed, "That's right, I don't want him to come." My father wrinkled his nose and made an exaggerated expression of grievance.
At home, my father makes breakfast. He would get up from six to seven in the morning, put on a pair of shorts and stand in the kitchen, steaming eggs and hot steamed buns. After my mother and I finished washing up, he brought breakfast to the table, "Here, your mother eats the best steamed one, you eat the second best, and leave the steamed bad one for me." He made another appearance. Poor look.
"Oh, your dad is so enlightened." Mother teased. When
signed my homework, my mother signed "Parent: Luo Fen", and my father signed "Deputy Parent: Chen Shi" on the side. At the parent-teacher meeting, he also took the initiative to introduce himself as the deputy parent of his child. I boasted to my classmates that my father was so kind to my mother and left everything good to her. He was an authentic "raker".
Picture | After his mother left, his father made breakfast for himself
After his grandparents passed away, his father seemed to have never made any financial contribution to the family. My mother bought a new car and a new house for the family, and bought a house for my grandmother in the county. My father didn't pay a penny. At the same time, the father is in a weak position at home, and appears to be willing and content with himself.
My mother thought the same way, until my father had more and more "interests and hobbies" and began to feel a little "not caring about his heart." In the following years, when we went out together, my father, who walked quickly, often walked in front, looking down at his mobile phone, and soon he disappeared. "Hey! Where's your dad? He's not waiting for us!" Mother complained. She discovered that her father began to study stocks from morning to night and would not let go of his mobile phone.
When I was 14 years old, my father took advantage of my mother’s business trip to transfer all the money from the family’s bank card.After his mother came back, he solemnly told her: "I have made a major decision. We may make a lot of money!" He said that he had bought the stock certificates of a foreign company, which would be listed soon and would multiply many times.
"You are 100% deceived!" The mother almost spit on his face. "No, inside information. Look, it's going up," the father said.
My father was defrauded of 100,000 yuan. His mother later calculated that 100,000 was all the money that his father could use on their cards, and was most of their savings in the 21 years of marriage. “Now there is not a penny left, it’s all wasted.”
His mother mentioned this to him more than once. However, he never apologized and only admitted that he was deceived: "I went to invest, but the investment failed. Didn't I do it for us to have a better life?"
Four small hobbies
Later, the mother summarized the father's "four A little hobby": mahjong, women, stocks, Bitcoin. She gradually discovered that she was ranked behind her father's four hobbies and had no place in his life. My mother felt that her happy life train was starting to get out of control again.
When I was a sophomore in college, my mother bought a beautiful black SUV. At eight o'clock every morning, she drives from the east to work in the north. My father can't drive. My mother noticed that my father had become obsessed with giving rides to her.
At seven o'clock in the morning, one hour before departure, she heard her father calling two or three female colleagues in the same community: Sister, will you come to take the bus? Come to Gate 1, it's half past eight. My mother did not object to my colleagues coming to ride in the car. But she always felt angry when she heard her father pinch his throat and say "sister" softly.
Once, when she was driving home from the north gate, she met three of her colleagues who wanted to take a ride. As soon as the car was full, my father brought two more people and there was no room left. Without hesitation, my father left with his two female colleagues, saying they wanted to take a taxi home together.
On the way home, my mother heard her colleagues in the car joking: "Hey! You guys, Chen Shi, are okay. Why don't you take a taxi when you have a car?" The more she listened, the more angry she became.
After returning home, my mother and father had a quarrel. "They can't find a way out and want you to send them back?" she asked. "What's the point? We're all colleagues, you're too stingy. You're making such a fuss!" my father retorted. My mother was so angry that she couldn't speak.
Once again, she waited downstairs for more than half an hour and wanted to leave first. My father wouldn't let me. After a few arguments, he opened the car door, slammed it shut, and said: "It's great that you have a car!"
In 2020, my mother was diagnosed with diabetes.. She felt increasingly neglected by her father. Once, she said, I was hospitalized. My father didn't even ask why he was hospitalized. Once again, she went for coronary angiography . The doctor emphasized that the patient should not leave people for 24 hours, and her father also listened. In the evening, he went directly home.
The next day, her father "pretends" to accompany her for infusion. After hanging up the infusion bag, he turned his back to her, turned on the computer, and sorted out the photos. When the mother woke up from her sleep, she saw that the medicine bag had shriveled up and her own blood was flowing back into the thin infusion tube. "Get back here, not here!" she yelled at him.
During the Dragon Boat Festival week, when she came back from a business trip, she smelled a smell at home. Black smoke billowed from the kitchen. My father cooked a pot of roasted chicken with taro, turned on the fire, and went out to play mahjong. She looked excited, "Your dad almost burned down the house because of mahjong!"
However, my mother remembered that my father was not a man who didn't know how to take care of others. When he was a kid, he would take us hiking in the mountains. He would bring a few fresh peaches, put them together on two washed porcelain plates, wrap them tightly in a plastic bag, and put them in his backpack. After climbing to the top of the mountain, he took out the peaches, peeled and cut them with a folding saber, made a fruit plate, and handed it to us with a smile on his face.
Soon, my mother discovered that my father was still considerate, but no longer towards her.She happened to see his Taobao order, an order for seasonal cherries, and he placed six boxes and sent them to six different women - she only knew one, a waiter at the restaurant they often went to. That time, she didn't do anything, she just said coldly, you bought 6 boxes, but you didn't even think of giving one box to your daughter.
That summer, I was in the school dormitory and received endless cherries. Box after box of ripe red fruits from my father were piled at the door, and they quickly went bad.
I can't afford to drive your car
"I am no longer good enough for her," my father said, "I sometimes think like this, if I am no longer good enough for her, then I might as well find someone with less knowledge and culture. , Just be nice to me. I’ll see how I can live.”
After my mother became ill, my father increasingly felt that he had no right to speak.
When he learned that she had diabetes, he went to look up information, consulted doctor friends, and bought boxes of health care products. The mother refused to eat, thinking that he had been deceived again.
When he got up one morning, he cooked chicken soup and rice, setting aside all the oil, and served it to her. Mother is dissatisfied. "Are you trying to harm me? So much oil." He insisted: "I asked, there are so many people with high blood sugar and high blood sugar around. It's not that you can't eat them all, but you have to control them." My mother turned to look at me and curled her lips: "Nonsense. ! Do you think your father wants to harm me? "
He put his job in front of him and sat down without saying a word.
’s father said that since 2005, he has never thought of leaving home. After his grandparents moved out of the house, he took the initiative to do housework. "I never had a second thought about cooking and washing dishes." Although his career was in a mess, his father still believed that he was getting better and better at home in the past 16 years and became a Becoming more mature and family-oriented. He didn't expect that in his mother's words, he was getting worse and worse.
In 2019, my father invested 200,000 savings in Bitcoin, and almost all of it was lost. When the small coins he bought fell to the bottom, he gritted his teeth, swiped 30,000 yuan with his credit card, added the last position, and lost money again.
"Thirty thousand yuan is just a fraction to your mother, but it is the straw that breaks the camel's back to me." At that time, my mother's annual income had exceeded one million. She bought a set of 30,000 yuan worth of skin care products, threw away the clothes I bought from Taobao, and asked me if I needed a good watch.
That month, my father only had a few hundred dollars left. He didn't tell his mother about it. He bought a POS machine and used two credit cards. At the beginning of the month, he debited 30,000 from the first one and paid off the second one. At the end of the month, swipe out the second one and return the first one, which lasts for a year.
My father didn’t want my mother to know this. “One felt it shouldn’t be done, the other felt sorry, and the third felt it was a loss of face.” My father is indeed an expert in his field. But for many years, the institute has had no bonuses, and the monthly salary has only increased from 100 in 1991 to 4,000. When the institute finally reformed, he was close to retirement and had no chance to "catch up" with his mother.
"I have achieved a lot. But compared to many people in my life, I will always be worse than shit. I can only meet the basic food and clothing. I have no dignity, let alone get rich." My father said.
Picture | After my mother left home, my father showed him working overtime in the group at 10 o'clock at night, with the caption: I am old, useless, and already dizzy.
This year, my father told me several times: Your dad is old, his memory is no longer good, he can’t make money even if he wants to, and he is far inferior to your mother. After his mother became rich, he felt that his life became more and more depressed and his life became more useless. In the past, he was a cheerful and enthusiastic person who would eat out and "often entertain and treat guests." In the past few years, he has basically dared not express his position when settling accounts.
As the house grew bigger and bigger, my father felt that his small life was shrinking rapidly and becoming tight. He felt that no matter how much money his mother made, it seemed to have nothing to do with him.He summarized all the problems: "Your mother is getting better and better, but I have not been better at the same time. This is my biggest mistake."
Before his mother left home, he once jokingly mentioned his "one dream": Buy a 30,000 yuan "Laotou Le" and drive it from the community to the company to work. A few years ago, my father got a driver's license, but he was never good at driving. Over the years, my mother has bought two cars, and she is always at the steering wheel for short and long distances.
That day, my mother said, I can buy it for you. He said, no, this is my own driving dream. Mother also said, our family has a car and we can drive it for you. He said, I don’t have the skills to drive your car.
When his mother is at home, he is always busy with a smile on his face. After his mother left home, he kept his eyebrows downcast and mentioned similar words repeatedly. "How could I not be depressed?" "From the bottom of my heart, I am a self-respecting and aloof person." "I am a coward, unconvinced, and face-saving." The more he spoke, the faster he spoke, and the redder his face became, but he still couldn't straighten it out. Look at me. These hot words were like a pot of boiling water, rolling several times in his belly, boiling into a ball of steam, and pouring out after his mother left.
The failure of investment again and again made my father completely lose the possibility of regaining his family's economic status. And "when life is weak" and "dark times", he got to know those masseurs and waiters who "can bring comfort, help and comfort".
The huge stone weighing on his heart finally was thrown at his mother in the form of cheating.
Remarriage
After it was confirmed that her father had cheated on her, her mother had not been home for two weeks. She was particularly angry when she thought of the "girl" on her father's phone, the six boxes of cherries, and the infusion tube that returned blood.
had countless impulses and wanted to leave her father. Sometimes, she thinks about "the disgusting things he has done in his life" and she can't bear it. "I really want to kick him out." But when she really thinks about taking action, she can't bear it.
Picture | The meal my father eats when he is alone
When she was cooking in her old house, she saw a message from her father in the group. She ate one dish for a week, and she also ate the spoiled ones. She felt sad. We have been together for thirty years and have the same circle of friends. Although my mother is dissatisfied with my father, she still feels that she still has something to say to him.
More importantly, "To be honest, I still have feelings for him." She lowered her head, as if she didn't know how to continue. The final sound of the word "love" landed in the living room, and her expression softened.
A few days ago, in response to the mother's complaint about the "four hobbies", my father wrote a long message one by one, promising to make changes: delete the opposite sex, play less mahjong, stop speculating in coins, and try his best to make money.
He showed me this information. "I don't even know, am I atonement or maintaining something?" My father sighed, "I am no longer me. I already feel myself getting more and more depressed."
I thought of the photos of my father I had seen. Not long after he got back together with his mother, he went to the village to help the poor with technology. Old people came to listen to the class with their children on their backs, surrounded by wooden stools and mats. The father, who was in his thirties, wore a loose shirt, held a snow-white document, and spoke with a smile. The mother she used to be was not that strong, nor was she as heavy-footed as she is now.
html In the 130-year marriage, the parents, as intellectuals, were very worried. They had been trying to find dignity in the marriage and gain advantages over each other, until the intimate relationship turned into a competitive relationship. Their days also went from bright and sunny to dark clouds.
There is still one hurdle that my mother can’t get over. "Fundamentally speaking, Chen Shi is a person who wants to live a comfortable life and does not want to struggle." She said firmly. Suddenly, another anger rose in his eyebrows: "Don't he like women who are better and more capable than him? I did it, but he doesn't like it anymore!"
html In July, I returned home from Beijing, and my mother came back. Stayed at home for a few days.Every day, my father would go to the market and queue up to buy fruits and braised food. At night, slices of meat of varying colors pile up in the refrigerator, next to excess, neglected fruit. Mother no longer eats the food bought by father.
The next day, I will return to Beijing. This will also be my mother's last night at home. Father cooked a large table of dishes. After eating, my mother said she didn’t want any leftover food. The father insisted on staying. Mother said nothing, took the plate, and poured away all the leftovers. At night, she walked back to her bedroom and closed the door.
Father sat down on the stone gray sofa and turned on the TV. His gray polo shirt blended into the sofa, and his figure almost disappeared at home. After his mother filed for divorce, this almost 60-year-old man experienced insecurity for the first time. This week, my grandparents called my father to ask about it. My father said that Luo Fen was on a business trip and we just quarreled, "It was me who was not good to her, it was me who failed to take good care of her."
Picture | Father and mother took a group photo at the "My Heart to Heart Pavilion" in 1991, and became my father Thoughts that can’t be brought back. Illustration: While busy
was cleaning up the living room, my father found a photo. This was the first group photo they took while traveling in West Lake in the autumn of 1991, just after registering their marriage. The two of them stood directly under the plaque of "My Heart Connects Pavilion". Like all lovers in their twenties, they were wearing skirts and jeans and were close to each other.
My father looked at the photo, his back stooped, his eyelids drooped, and he was silent for a long time. Suddenly, he remembered the remarriage certificate that had been absent for 16 years, and he sat up and looked at me with a deep look: "I think what your mother and I need now is not a divorce, but a marriage." The living room fell into silence for a moment. of silence.
Separated by a wall, my mother turned the faucet in the bedroom. The pipes whimpered, and the water overflowed and fell to the ground in a trickle.
- END -
Written by Luo Siyu
