Countless people envy her family background, but those who know her know that she has been running for money all her life! If she could choose her own destiny, she might not want to be Zhang Ailing...

Countless people envy her family background, but everyone who knows her knows that she has been running for money all her life!

If she could choose her own destiny, she might not want to be Zhang Ailing...

一

On September 30, 1920, a baby girl was born in a luxurious house in the Shanghai public concession. Almost everyone envied this baby girl with "gold in her mouth" Key” girl born.

After all, my grandfather was Zhang Peilun, a famous official in the late Qing Dynasty, my grandmother was the daughter of Li Hongzhang, a famous official in the late Qing Dynasty, and my maternal great-grandfather was Huang Yisheng, admiral of the seven provinces navy...

Born into such a prominent family, even if the family direction In decline, the skinny camel is bigger than the horse.

However, no matter how prominent the family is, it can only provide financial support, and emotional support depends on the two people's mutual understanding.

Regarding the marriage of Zhang Ailing’s parents, they are obviously a good match, but the two people’s ideas are very different.

's behavior style, one is an individualist full of new ideas, and the other is an old conservative. The result is that after having children, the two people have more conflicts and separate.

For divorced families, the most harmed are the children.

After her mother left, Zhang Ailing initially lacked maternal love, but after her father remarried, the fatherly love in her heart also disappeared.

Even though her stepmother is still considered virtuous, in Zhang Ailing's eyes, it was her stepmother who robbed her father, so she was full of hostility towards this stepmother before she even entered the house.

When raising children, there will inevitably be scolding. Sometimes Zhang Ailing will resist when faced with the scolding of her stepmother, but this resistance is rewarded with a violent beating from her father and being locked up in the house...

This makes Zhang Ailing think that her thoughts are That's right: his father is no longer his father, and his stepmother is a very scheming woman.

Growing up in this situation, Zhang Ailing’s disgust for her father and stepmother has long been obvious!

She once accused her stepmother in a prose work: "If that woman was right in front of me, leaning on the iron railing, I would definitely push her off the balcony, and it would be over!"

She also described her father like this: "I divided the world. For two halves, light and dark, beauty and evil, god and devil, my father's side must be bad! "

Children who grow up in an indifferent family have extremely loveless and sensitive personalities.

Zhang Ailing has always been a spiritual rebel. She couldn't get love in her father's home, so she thought she might be able to get a little warmth from her mother.

So, when she was sixteen years old, she finally escaped from home and came to her mother Huang Yifan , but she did not get her mother's favor as she thought.

二

Maybe her mother loved her, but the way she loved her was not what she wanted.

Or maybe it was the absence of more than ten years, and her mother didn’t know how to be a mother, so her words and actions gradually broke her heart.

Her mother must have been happy when she saw Zhang Ailing. She hoped to train Zhang Ailing to become a Shanghai lady, so she asked Zhang Ailing to learn dancing and learn everything about the upper class society. However, Zhang Ailing always seemed out of place when facing everything around her, even to the This feels painful.

Seeing that her daughter could not grow up to be what she expected, she angrily said the words that Zhang Ailing will remember her whole life:

"I regret that I used to carefully take care of your typhoid fever. I would rather see you die than live and make you suffer everywhere." pain."

In fact, this sentence has three important points for the mother Huang Yifan:

First, she took good care of Zhang Ailing when she was sick;

Second, it expresses the anger that the daughter has failed to train her;

Third, seeing her daughter in such pain , Rather than letting her die, she also doesn't want her to continue to suffer.

However, in the sensitive ears of Zhang Ailing, there is only one important point: her mother's care for her was in vain and she failed her mother, so she wanted to let herself die. They haven't gotten along seriously for more than ten years, so they definitely don't have a close mother-daughter relationship, and they don't understand each other. After this sentence, the two gradually began to have a gap!

However, at this time, Zhang Ailing still hoped to gain the love of her mother. , so she controlled her temper.

Although she was at a loss in many situations, she still tried her best to please her mother.

Later, her mother Huang Yifan knew that Zhang Ailing could no longer be what she expected. The socialite has almost given up.

However, how could the mother have no expectations for her child?

After getting to know Zhang Ailing, she directly gave Zhang Ailing two choices: get married or study.

In Huang Yifan. It seems that the two choices I have given are actually only one choice for Zhang Ailing: studying.

The original intention is that Zhang Ailing can develop well in the things she is good at, and once she is capable, she will not have to rely on men in the future.

However, Zhang Ailing, who was in the rebellious period of youth and extremely sensitive inside, could not understand the overtones. She thought that her mother said this because she wanted to get rid of her as a dragster and stay together with her lover.

So Zhang Ailing was very worried. Angrily, he chose to go to school. At this time, the rift in the relationship between the two had begun to widen.

Once a person's thinking about something is fixed, it is difficult to change.

When Zhang Ailing chose to study, she may have felt deep down in her heart that her mother did not love her that much and that she was a selfish mother.

What finally made Zhang Ailing give up hope on maternal love:

She published many articles through her own efforts. In order to encourage her to keep up her efforts, the school teacher rewarded Zhang Ailing 800 yuan.

But after Zhang Ailing happily handed over the 800 yuan bonus to her mother, her mother's reaction was not happiness, nor was her words of encouragement, but silence.

When Zhang Ailing was taking a bath, her mother rushed into the bathroom from outside and wanted to check her daughter's body in the oldest way.

Only because she suspected that Zhang Ailing had a special relationship with the teacher, the teacher gave Zhang Ailing so much money.

This incident made Zhang Ailing feel very ashamed and directly angered Zhang Ailing.

What makes Zhang Ailing even more heartbroken is that her mother lost her winnings in gambling and seemed not to care about the love her daughter gave her.

At that time, Huang Yifan certainly did not expect that his excessive behavior and random spending would cause great harm to his daughter.

But this incident really made Zhang Ailing no longer have any hope for maternal love. She decided to work hard to make money and pay off her mother's support for herself. From then on, the two of them had nothing to do with each other.

三

In order to repay her mother's money, Zhang Ailing concentrated on writing to make money. Her novels also made her a hot topic in Shanghai.

When publishing her manuscripts, she never cares whether the publishing house is government-run or private. Whoever pays more will publish the manuscripts.

Everyone knows that Zhang Ailing is very concerned about the royalties, and they only think that this girl loves money as much as her life. However, this is actually the effort of a girl with low self-esteem who hopes to pay off her "debt" as soon as possible.

After Zhang Ailing became famous at the age of 23, Zhang Ailing asked her aunt to calculate her mother’s expenses and use two gold bars to offset her mother’s expenses.

The best thing in this world is money, and the worst thing is love.

At that time, Zhang Ailing felt that her mother did not love her, so she did not need to love her. She only needed to return the money to her, and her life would be settled!

When she gave the gold bars to her mother Huang Yifan, Huang Yifan began to panic. She knew that this was the beginning of a clear distinction between her daughter and herself.

From now on, it is estimated that no matter how difficult it is for the two people's worlds to intersect, Zhang Ailing will no longer be emotionally devoted to her.

Many things are not cherished when you have them, but you only understand how valuable they are when you lose them! But it's too late! No matter what you do, you can't make up for what you have done.

At this point, the mother and daughter, who were not close to each other in the first place, gradually became estranged, with almost no contact or contact. Even for Zhang Ailing to go to the United States, Huang Yifan only found out about it through others.

Later, Huang Yifan was seriously ill in London and wanted to see Zhang Ailing for the last time, so he asked someone to send a letter to Zhang Ailing.

After reading the letter, Zhang Ailing replied to her mother and attached one hundred dollars to the letter. This was the last thing that Zhang Ailing could do for her mother, who was in poverty at the time.

may have a clear conscience or a little guilt about this, but her guilt is not strong because she thinks her mother does not love her.

After Huang Yifan learned that her daughter was in trouble, she wrote her will, packed all the antiques in her hands into boxes, and asked others to send them to Zhang Ailing after her death.

This is the last thing this mother who "does not understand love" do for her daughter!

What Zhang Ailing received was not just a box of antiques, but also her mother’s love for her.

Zhang Ailing has been brooding about her mother not loving her for many years. The moment she received the antique, she began to let go and began to understand her mother's special love.

At this time, Zhang Ailing has gone through the baptism of time and has long removed her rebellion.

After receiving her mother's last gift, she began to recall the past, reflect on herself, and seriously reconcile with her past mother, her past self, and everything in the past.

But at this time, the trees are already quiet but the wind is not stopping, everything is a bit late!

When talking about her mother in her later years, Zhang Ailing once said: "One day, I will definitely go to her to apologize and ask her to leave a crack in that world for me."

If there really is that world, I think, Zhang Ailing's mother I will definitely leave the door open for my daughter and wait for her arrival!

Because no mother does not love her daughter, even if she did not know how to love her daughter in the right way...

It is said that Zhang Ailing died in loneliness, but maybe she was just waiting quietly for her mother to pick her up and go to another place. A world.

If her destiny could be chosen by herself, she might not want to be the famous Zhang Ailing in China. What she wants to be is the ordinary girl Zhang Ailing who was loved by her parents since she was a child...