1. If everyone in China gives me one dollar, then there will be one billion people in China who will lose one dollar.
2. A roommate in college does not smoke or drink, profess himself a good man. No matter how we coerce and induce, he does not smoke or drink. Until one day, a roommate said to him: "Look at the grave, people always put cigarettes and drinks when they go to the grave. You said you neither smoke nor drink. Will your son put a lollipop in you when he sees you in the future and pour a glass of hahaha?"
After hearing this, he embarked on the path of depravity with us.
3. Life is like a mirror. If you smile at it, it will tell you: You really don’t look very good.
4. My girlfriend asked, "Do you love me?"
"Love!"
asked again, "Do you like listening to me?"
"Like!"
asked again: "Then what you can't let go of the most now?"
She said: "Mobile phone!"
5. Our country is vast and has many rivers. There is a river called Bujiang, but no one has ever seen it because it was hidden by Yarlung.
6. Why do people who have mastered lock-opening skills do not steal banks and become lock-opening masters? Obviously it's because the latter makes a lot of money.
7. I felt uncomfortable at work today, so I took half a day off in the afternoon. Just came out after taking leave, damn! It feels much more comfortable, basically it's better.
8. Laziness is a very strange thing. You think it is boredom, burnout, depression, but in fact it is comfort, rest, comfort, and a kind of self-protection deeply engraved into everyone's DNA. It allows you to understand one thing: working hard may not necessarily lead to success, but not working hard will be easy.
9. After a bear cut off its toenails, it became a one-only person.
10. "Dear, what do you think of my figure?"
"It's pretty good!"
"You're lying, my best friend said I don't have a waist!"
"She's blind, she can't see such a thick waist?"
11. The girl said, "I'm not angry with you!" The waiter said, "The food will be fine now!"
12. "When a piece of paper falls on my head!"
"Huh?"
"I became a teacher!"
"I think you became three."
13. Me: "Goddess, let me tell you a cold joke."
Goddess "Okay, okay!"
me: "Then take off your clothes first!"
14. When I was practicing the warehouse down, I saw a car in front blocking the warehouse, so I poked my head out and shouted to the car: "Oh, that guy, please move the car..."
coach said coldly beside me: "In the future, if you buy a car, tell them if you don't have a speaker, can it be cheaper?"
15. After dinner with my father-in-law, he walked home. Seeing a girl from a wealthy family coming towards me, she smiled at me and said, "It's such a coincidence."
I was so embarrassed that I was at a loss. My father-in-law next to me replied to her, "Yes."
16. There are three hatreds in line: one hates someone who goes to the line, two hates not following the team in front, and three hates that there are too few people behind.
17. In order to pursue her girlfriend, I asked her to go to KTV, I ordered the song " Really love you "
As a result, she replied to the song "A thousand years later". . .
While I was full of frustration, I wisely clicked twice, "Borrow from the sky for another 500 years" to get her done. . .
18. What's wrong with relying on your face? It's better than relying on your shamelessness.
19. Three stupid things in life: 1. Talk to the boss. 2. Talk to my mother. 3. Be reasonable with your wife.
20. Me: "Don't ask me if I'm a single dog in the future. It's against the will of heaven when we gods and mortals fall in love!"
Roommate: "Damn, can single dogs evolve into shaking dogs now?"
(non-original, reprinted from the official account, please call me Xiangjie)
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