1. Generally speaking, working days are days when you don’t want to work. 2. Go shopping with my girlfriend. My girlfriend has a fancy to a coat. Male: Boss! How much does this dress cost? Boss: Eight hundred pieces! Man: Why are you so loud? I won’t buy it! 3. I went to the boss

1. Generally speaking, working days are days when you don’t want to work.

2. Go shopping with your girlfriend, and my girlfriend took a fancy to a coat. Male: Boss! How much does this dress cost?

Boss: Eight hundred pieces!

: Why are you so loud? I won’t buy it!

3. Go to the boss to apply for a rest date. When he entered the office, he heard a colleague say, "Okay, I'll go to bed tomorrow."

I quickly said, "I want to bed tomorrow too."

The boss was stunned and said, "Okay tomorrow you two will be together. If you can repair the toilet, you can change it."

4. Me: Why didn't you go to work today?

Cousin: The boss of the big tongue said that when I was going to work, I took the "sandpaper" for ten yuan, but I heard it as "burning paper"

Me: That would not fire you

Cousin said again: The boss saw that I bought the wrong one, so he asked him to take it out and throw it away. I told him, keep it, what if I use it again?

5. A fire broke out in the art museum. After the staff counted and sorted it out, they reported to their superiors: "Although the fire is serious, we are still lucky."

The superior breathed a little relieved and asked, "Only a few people were burned, right?"

staff shook their heads and said, "The paintings in the museum have basically been burned, but the most precious painting was fortunately stolen not long ago."

6. Fat man, a guilty man, committed the crime of huge amounts of fat unknown source.

7. Today I went to talk to my boss about the salary increase. I said tactfully: Boss, the living standards in the city are getting higher and higher, and I feel very stressed!

The boss nodded: Xiao Wang, I know what you said. From next month, you will be transferred to the township to develop the market. The consumption there is low, I believe it will greatly alleviate your pressure. . .

8. The elderly believe in everything, middle-aged people doubt everything, and young people understand everything.

9. When shopping with my girlfriend, a little kid came over and asked: Uncle, I am separated from my mother. Can you borrow your phone to use it?

I took out my phone and handed it to him and said: Just call me brother, otherwise my girlfriend will dislike me.

My girlfriend smiled aside and couldn't even straighten her waist. The little brat: It turns out that my brother has a girlfriend. No wonder my aunt smiled so happily.

10. The less time you spend on your phone before going to bed, the more time you have to play back when you work the next day.

11. In class, my deskmate spoke to me, but he was a little loud and heard by the teacher. The teacher asked: If you don’t concentrate on listening in class, what are you two talking about?

I said I didn’t say it, and my deskmate: I didn’t say it either.

The teacher criticized us: Can a slap sound?

Second-hand deskmate: Try it with your face!

12. I found that an old lady bargained very well. I followed her for three consecutive days and really saved some money.

This morning, I met the aunt again. I smiled at her, and the aunt waved to me with a strange expression and led me to the outside of the market. There were few people. She said to me earnestly: "Young man, I am always a good person to be your mother at my age..."

13. Don't think that losing weight is to change yourself, but growing flesh is also to change yourself.

14. When there is a large group of beautiful birds flying over your city, you not only look up and sigh at the beauty of life, but also think that these birds fly and shit! ! !

15. New Ye Gong Haolong: There was a military fan who liked the missile the most, and various models and performances were well known.As a result, one day several missiles flew towards his house, but the military fans were so scared that they fled immediately.

16. The school held a sports meeting. After the end, we found that the first person in the men's shot put and the fourth person in the 100-meter field were the same person.

At this time, a boy in the class said: Such a person is the most terrifying. He can't beat him or even run away.

17. A patient is preparing to undergo surgery.

Doctor: "Do you want general anesthesia or semi-annumbness?"

The patient said it should be slightly spicy.

18. The leader will not let you work overtime. The leader will only assign a task to you on Friday, and then tell you to have a good rest on weekends. There is no hurry to see it before going to work on Monday.

19. A colleague showed me the palmistry and said, "Oh, your hand is not good! You miss money! Just like me, I miss money too!"

At this time, a gust of cold wind came, and the boss suddenly appeared behind him and said, "What are you two muttering here if you don't work? Each of you is fined ten yuan!"

20. The roommate bought a pet pig to feed it in the dormitory. After half a year, a nest of piglets was born.

roommates were in a mess and asked in the dormitory: "Who did it?"

added again, and there was something wrong yesterday and it was not updated.

(not original, reprinted from the official account, please call me Xiangjie)