On July 30, at the 36th Popular Film Hundred Flowers Awards award ceremony, Yuan Quan won the Best Actress trophy for his wonderful performance in " Chinese Doctor ".
This is the third Hundred Flowers Award trophy that Yuan Quan has won, and also the first trophy for Best Actress. husband Xia Yu happily posted on Weibo: Congratulations on the baby’s mother!
Yuan Quan and Xia Yu have been husband and wife for 13 years, but they rarely show affection and are so low-key that many people don't know they are husband and wife. Many people in the comment area of
were surprised by this. These two people have very different external images. They are quiet and active, and have completely different character backgrounds. How could they be husband and wife?
Xia Yu is active and likes to post about skateboarding, magic, skiing and surfing; Yuan Quan is quiet and likes to take pictures of scenery, back figures, crowds and work.
They have different interests and lifestyles. However, it has been twenty years since they became a couple on campus.
It is said that to get married, you need to find someone who is similar to yourself, so why can you be so happy with a partner who is opposite to you?
One is active and the other is quiet. How do they get together?
Xia Yu’s parents divorced when he was 3 years old, and his father fostered him with his aunt. He has an active nature, and his strict aunt often punishes him corporally, which makes him feel aggrieved and he often cries secretly while hugging the cat.
"If my parents had not divorced, I wouldn't be so miserable."
Xia Yu felt that she was "like a small bean sprout", weak and wronged. In order to release his depression, he became obsessed with skateboarding. Every day after school, he would skate with three or five boys.
Unlike Xia Yu’s depression, Yuan Quan’s childhood was so happy that there were almost no impurities. Her parents and sister loved her very much. When she was 11 years old, Yuan Quan went to Beijing to study Peking Opera . It was her first time traveling far away.
Perhaps it was nostalgia that inspired her melancholy, and the originally lively Yuan Quan became increasingly quiet. She likes to stay alone and read. In order to avoid interacting with others, she even asks the doctor to help her pretend to be ill.
It was also at this time that the lives of Yuan Quan and Xia Yu were subtly misaligned:
Yuan Quan passed through a carefree childhood and ushered in a quiet and depressive adolescence; Adolescence;
With this movie, Xia Yu won the Venice Film Festival Best Actor, and her depressing life ushered in a turning point, and she reached the top in one turn.
Being popular at a young age has brought a lot of pressure. After Xia Yu joined in , many people were waiting to see how he would perform.
In the second year, Yuan Quan finished his arduous drama studies and entered the Chinese Opera, becoming Xia Yu's junior sister.
Xia Yu is watched by thousands of people, while Yuan Quan is unknown. They seem to be incomparable, but they are attracted to each other unknowingly. At that time, Yuan Quan was a little chubby and his appearance was not as attractive as it is now, but Xia Yu looked at her and remembered her immediately.
Xia Yu has been in love three times and is very proactive in relationships, while Yuan Quan is very conservative. Xia Yu asked her out ten times and refused eight times.
Fortunately, Xia Yu finally impressed Yuan Quan.
The two of them had already become lovers the year after they graduated from the Central Television Department.
After graduation, both Xia Yu and Yuan Quan devoted themselves to busy acting careers.
When Xia Yu was filming, Yuan Quan often visited the studio with food.
Xia Yu, who is active, takes Yuan Quan to try various new things when he has time, including skiing and skateboarding together. He also praises Yuan Quan for learning quickly.
The quiet Yuan Quan also encouraged Xia Yu when he hit a bottleneck in his acting, and worked with him on how to improve his acting skills.
They have very different personalities, but they work well together.
In 2003, Yuan Quan fell down while appearing in a play. During his hospitalization, Xia Yu went to deliver meals every day. When he was discharged, he took Yuan Quan to his aunt's house, and the whole family took care of her.
Under Xia Yu's careful protection, Yuan Quan quickly recovered;
When the two got married, Xia Yu did not want his parents to witness the marriage. Yuan Quan saw his knot at a glance and tried to avoid facing his parents.
So she told Xia Yu: "My parents-in-law are also my relatives."
The stiff relationship between Xia Yu and her parents gradually softened under the guidance of Yuan Quan.
They are two completely different people. They have quarreled and broken up together, but in the end they chose each other and have been together for 20 years.
They have different eyes, like two puzzle pieces of different shapes. When separated, they are complete. When put together, they become a greater perfection.
Perhaps, it is precisely because of the different perspectives of looking at the world that we can see the "blind spots" for each other, complement each other in companionship, and become better people together.
Complementary relationship makes the relationship 1+1=1
The gender book "Intimate Relationship" writes: We will tend to choose similar people to marry. The more common ground a couple has in common, the more affectionate they are;
But if the couple has different skills, they complement each other. , will also bring reward value and make the intimate relationship harmonious and happy.
Why?
The main reason is: It takes time to establish complementarity, and the time basis can bring about the emotional foundation. Therefore, once men and women start to learn from each other's strengths, the relationship will become stronger.
After Xia Yu and Yuan Quan’s daughter was born, Xia Yu’s mother came to visit. Xia Yu was very avoidant of her mother. Before leaving, she secretly converted the gifts she bought into money and gave them back to her. This made her mother feel that she had been “marked out” boundaries".
However, Yuan Quan took the initiative to chat with Xia Yu's mother, as warmly as half a daughter. When Xia Yu's father came to visit, Xia Yu refused to accept the gift, but Yuan Quan took the initiative to accept it.
In fact, Xia Yu seems to be indifferent to his parents. Every time his parents leave, he drinks alone. He loves his parents deeply, but he just doesn't know how to face them.
Having been in love for many years, Yuan Quan understands Xia Yu very well.
When he refused to have the reunion dinner, Yuan Quan deliberately provoked him: "It is a Chinese custom for sons to visit their parents during the New Year. Aren't you their son?"
Xia Yu had nothing to say, and obediently went to visit her parents, hiding her heart for many years. The knot was slowly resolved with the help of Yuan Quan.
Xia Yu’s original family is a pain. As his wife, Yuan Quan has been guiding Xia Yu to repair the relationship.
Similarly, the "fun-loving" Xia Yu is also helping Yuan Quan.
Jingjing is Yuan Quan’s protective color, but she is very lively at heart, but she just doesn’t know how to accept herself like this. The fun-loving Xia Yu teaches her step by step how to "play well".
Their relationship can be best described by Xia Yu’s words:
“I used to want to find someone who is 100%, I like and suitable for me, but now I understand that it is impossible, so I think the best way is not to Find someone who is 100%, but two people combined to achieve 100%."
have known each other and fallen in love for a long time, which exaggerated the character foundation of the two people, making them dyed with each other's color, and perfected and matured in the constant running-in and complementation.
From two people with 50% shortcomings, they grew together to become 100 % A better person.
A netizen on Zhihu said: “My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years, and now we have been separated for half a year, and all my happiness and sorrows still have his shadow.
Eating ice cream reminds me of our first date, watching cherry blossoms reminds me of the gifts he gave me, and even watching a movie and seeing a certain line reminds me of his unknown vulnerability in the dead of night.
However, these things did not make me bad. On the contrary, they made me know better how to live a good life. It seems that he is the missing building block in my heart, perfecting my whole life. "
No one is 100% perfect. Everyone has their own trauma: indifference of father's love, lack of maternal love, unfortunate childhood...
It is not easy for us to see problems in ourselves, but once we hold hands with someone who is different from ourselves, we will You will find the "unknown" self in the eyes of the other person.
Because the partner in an intimate relationship is also a mirror for us.
Those differences, those complementations, and those collisions, don't they accelerate our growth in another way?
As the saying goes: The best love is 1+1=1. Two imperfect people meet in the dojo of close relationships and transform into a more complete version of themselves.
The relationship that complements each other is the best for growth. Looks like
Did you know that one of the important factors that determines whether a relationship can blossom is complementarity.
This conclusion comes from a short-term friend and partner experiment conducted by American social psychologist Kerkhoff. In short-term intimate relationships, the driving force for lovers to develop and get along in the long term is complementary or similar personalities.
When two people are active and the other is silent, or both are static/both active, the relationship is most likely to last for a long time.
They have similar personalities. Feel attracted; their personalities are complementary, so that they can feel attracted and think about something deeper than passion and self-growth.
If you also want to gain a happy relationship from complementation, I have three suggestions:
. First, understand the differences of the other person.
Take a piece of paper and a pen and objectively list the overview of your partner's life experience: family of origin, growth experience, life experience...
Circle the differences between him and yourself in as much detail as possible. An overview of his life experience, and understanding why he is such a person and why he is different from me.
Then, practice anticipation in practice.
When there is a quarrel, try to recall his life experience and try to understand the source: Why did he say this? How did he feel when he said this? What is the difference between what he said and what he thought?
This can help us calm down more quickly, check with our partner, and ask ourselves if we understand everything. The more times we do this, the better we get to know our partner.
Finally, make a prediction.
When we understand the other party well enough, we can act based on our own understanding before the other party acts.
For example, if you know that the other person is afraid of society, you will help him avoid some situations that require social interaction; if you know that the other person has low self-esteem, you will often point out what he does well.
There is a barrel effect in psychology: Everyone's heart is a barrel with a missing edge. Before the barrel is complete, no matter how much love it is, it will leak out of the barrel.
Deep love can help each other "fill in the gaps" and repair the inner barrel, so that all love and being loved can have a safe place to put it.
complement each other, which is a kind of perfection that complements each other, perfecting oneself and the other.
Although each has its shortcomings, if we are in a complementary relationship, mutually beneficial, and free from excess, people will have unlimited possibilities to become perfect.
Between heaven and earth, how can anyone be willing to separate from such a relationship?
Planning | Yutian
Editor | Yutian
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-