psychology called the "Chiconi effect", which refers to: people have a deep memory of things that have not been processed or that have been processed.
and in the relationship, it is derived as: a person is obsessed with an unfinished relationship.
The reason why you can't forget your ex has a psychological basis; because people will always put in some beautification on "unreachable feelings" before starting the next relationship. What
can't get is always the best; in fact, it is not.
-01
Those who can't forget your ex
After breaking up, how long did it take you to forget your ex? I talked to some readers about this issue. Everyone forgets his predecessor at a different time; some forget it quickly, and some can’t forget it after more than a decade.
@王先生, 27 years old, single
"2 years, she is married, I am still single"
worked with my predecessor from university to graduation. We were together for 6 years, and finally faced the choice of long-distance relationship; her My parents disagree, and my parents also don't want me to go abroad to develop. Z1z
6 years of relationship, we can not make a concession, because we are the only children in the family, we need to consider the future and the future. It has been 2 years since
broke up. I heard that my ex is already married, and I am also going further and further on the road of blind date; however, everyone I meet is not as good as her.
@秦先生, 33 years old, 6 years of marriage
"I finally married someone who I don’t love"
I have been married to my wife for 6 years and have 2 children; I treat her and treat this family more with a sense of responsibility and Love for children; I transferred all the love for my wife to my children.
Because when I got married, I was sure that I didn't love her; but when I got married, I had to get married again.
Although life is a bit dull, there are no quarrels and conflicts, and dullness is not a kind of happiness.
Before getting married, my first love left because of an accident. At that time, we had been in love for almost 8 years; life is always a lot of ambiguities. Now every year when the first love leaves, I still remember it deeply.
But there is no way, people are no longer there, I will only live with my love for her.
@Ms.刘, 26 years old, in love
“Everyone you meet after breaking up wants to compare with your ex”
People’s attitudes towards feelings are actually the same; those who love you and love you are by your side every day The only person who makes you lack passion; he is good everywhere, but you don’t love enough.
And the person who left you, but it just makes you feel confused and never forget.
has been separated from my predecessor for more than a year, and my current state is: whoever falls in love with is the same.
I will subconsciously compare, compare the current and predecessor; maybe it is not long enough, when a certain time comes, I can forget the predecessor.
Many people forget the time of their predecessors, they are all different.
looks at similar questions on Zhihu, and has too many similar experiences and answers; many people are sharing the reasons for separating from their predecessors while talking about their current emotional experiences. One of the answers of
impressed me. A girl said that she had forgotten her boyfriend who had been in love for 4 years after only 1 month.
At a certain moment, she suddenly felt that she was relieved and no longer in love; with him, she just made herself worse and worse, more emotional, and less and more unable to find her direction.
But after separating from her boyfriend, she felt that she was reborn.
-02
You can’t forget your predecessor, it is likely that you are not doing well now. Z13z
may wish to compare your state before and after the breakup.
State 1: Before
broke up with your ex, you had a great time. Your ex brought you happiness, self-motivated, and brought you a sense of security and dependence. After the breakup, you feel as if you are missing something. The walking dead.
You are negative, sad, and unhappy about what you do.
State two:
is with your ex. You think it's good, but it's not amazing; although the ex is very considerate, gentle, and nice to you, you don't feel happy at all. After
broke up, you found your hobbies and your career is getting better and better; you become more temperamental, younger, and more willing to spend time and money to dress yourself up.
When you fall in love, you feel low self-esteem, but after breaking up, you become more and more confident.
The comparison of your state before and after breaking up is clear at a glance.
When you are having a good time, you will not think of your ex, because you have no time to think about the hurt and the unbearable love experience that your ex brought to you.
Especially, when you meet a better incumbent, and everything in the incumbent crushes the predecessor, you have no time to consider the good and bad of the predecessor.
Conversely, when you separated from your ex, you didn't live well at all; but you learned about your ex's life from elsewhere, and it's getting better and better. Of course you will be unwilling to compare
.
You might even think: If you were together, if you didn't break up, you would be better now.
You see, those who can't forget their predecessors just don't want to admit that they have a bad life; instead, they will blame others for the reason they can't forget their predecessors.
-03
Obsessiveness is too heavy, not necessarily a good thing
If you use obsession, persistence, and stubbornness in your career, then your career is likely to get better and better.
But if you use obsession in your feelings, then you will fail.
Whether you are in love or getting married, you can never do it arbitrarily by your own temperament.
You can have obsessions, but don't let your obsessions become a burden to the other person; don't let your obsessions hold your steps and make you stand still.
broke up with his ex. That is the person you loved so much. It is normal to be sad.
But if you always live in the past, are unwilling to let yourself accept reality, buy drunk every day, do not want to make progress, hurt the spring and autumn, then what is waiting for you will be your failure in life.
When you were 20 years old, you were broken in love. You can pull a bunch of buddies to accompany you, drink and do stupid things with you; when you are 25, you can’t be like this.
Because people have to grow up, you can't make you feel hopeless in your life every time you break in love; love is just an episode in life, and so is your predecessor.
You have a long road ahead, and you will meet better people. Don't let your current indulgence, negative, affect your life after 40 or 50.
Today’s topic:
Now thinking of your ex, how do you feel?
(The source network of the article with pictures, original text, infringement must be investigated)
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