Wen/Xueluowuchen
01
Watching the variety show "The Happiness Trio", I was deeply attracted by Yu Qian's wife Bai Huiming. She felt that she was a beautiful, gentle, bright and virtuous woman. I saw pictures of her when she was young in the
show, she looks beautiful and pure, especially eye-catching, especially men.
That's why Yu Qian caught her in so many groups and chased her wildly, thinking of trying to "cart" her home so that her beauty belonged to him alone. After the marriage, the two also spent unforgettable years together. Bai Huiming mentioned in the show that the two of them ate a plate of fried eggs under the blanket in the middle of the night wrapped in a big quilt.
Yu Qian would take Bai Huiming with him when he traveled. Although he was not a two-person tour, and Yu Qian's disciples were traveling with him, Bai Huiming still remembered the happiness of the time.
is just because of this, she talked about it with full face yearning in the show, saying that it was really good at the time: she and Yu Qian, two people, simply spend a small life together, there is nothing wrong in their hearts, and she feels satisfied every day.
But, and later, later, the days changed!
Yu Qian became more and more famous and performed more and more. He often left as he said, and left without saying hello.
Bai Huiming may not be used to it at first, the more frequent such things happen in the future, she will become accustomed to it, and she will carry everything in the family by herself, and no longer count on Yu Qian for help.
Yu Qian is also accustomed to working as a hand shopkeeper at home. When the two arrived at the hotel, the luggage was so heavy that Bai Huiming moved around by himself, and Yu Qian sat indifferently.
is a crosstalk actor who can talk so much on the stage. He makes the audience happy with each sentence. When he is at home with his wife, he doesn't even say anything. He is very taciturn and the contrast is very high, making people uncomfortable. In the
show, Yu Qian and Bai Huiming have very little interaction. Yu Qian has habitually ignored the existence of his wife. When he went to buy fishing rods, he left his wife aside and discussed the merits of fishing tools with the owner.
Bai Huiming was waiting to his death with boredom, and Yu Qian was still immersed in his own happiness without realizing it.
Everyone made an appointment to chop the bamboo. Yu Qian led his disciples and left Bai Huiming at home, completely disregarding her loneliness alone, because Yu Qian had long been accustomed to leaving her waiting.
Bai Huiming is not aggrieved by this situation, is it sad, is there no complaint?
She is full of grievances, she is sad, she complains a lot.
She wants her husband Yu Qian's care and attention, and wants him to respect her feelings, care about her emotions, and love her well.
But she was also used to forbearance and silence.
So, one is habitually ignored, the other is not actively expressed, the emotions of the two people are not interacted, and the feelings naturally cannot flow, then this marriage can only be suffocating.
02
celebrity couples are like this, and the same is true for ordinary couples-a true portrayal of a middle-aged couple: they have already slept separately, but they are too lazy to divorce.
Since his son went to college and left home, Liu Rong and her husband had nothing to say. The exchanges between them were limited to the topic of "children".
"I will work overtime at noon today, and you will go home to cook for the child."
"The child has changed his late self-study and will pick him up from school at six." Two sentences are also about children.
has almost zero emotional exchanges between husbands and wives. They have been married for many years, and they have no new feelings about their spouse for a long time. They hold hands as if they are touching their right hands.
When the child was at home, he could still use the child as an "introduction" to say a few words. When the child left, the two were relatively silent.
Liu Rong and Zhou Min even fooled around eating, the top priority in life.
When Zhou Min wanted to eat noodles, Liu Rong cooked him a pot of clear soup and noodles, not to mention shredded pork and green leafy vegetables. He didn't even put a drop of soy sauce on him.
"Is this for pigs?" Zhou Min said angrily.
"Are you a pig? You don't want to eat ready-made food. If you have the ability to do it yourself, there are so many things!" Liu Rong stunned back.
Since then, the two have eaten completely separate, one eats meat, one eats vegetables, one cooks first, eats later, and tastes later.I didn't stir the horse spoon in a rice pot, or eat at the same table, and no one could control each other.
If you don’t eat together and sleep in separate rooms, Liu Rong thinks Zhou Min’s snoring affects her sleep. Zhou Min doesn’t let her go, saying that Liu Rong always grinds his teeth and always wakes him up in the middle of the night, and he doesn’t want to sleep with her. A bed.
The two passed over, the less they looked like a family. Liu Rong simply stayed in the dormitory of the unit and did not go home because of the busy work.
03
It stands to reason that life has gone like this, and it doesn't make sense to make do, it is better to get a divorce.
is just like what is said in the Japanese drama "The Most Perfect Divorce": the worst outcome of
marriage is not divorce, but becoming a "mask couple". No expectation, no care, no love, but having to live together because of children or other reasons is the greatest misfortune of marriage.
Liu Rong and Zhou Min, as the lines in the play said, they cannot leave for the sake of their children.
The child is not married yet. In the future, if the child finds a partner and hears that the parents are divorced, the child will be looked down upon by the other’s family. This is the dereliction of the parents, so they cannot leave. There is another reason why
cannot be separated. The two have lived together for so many years. Their economic interests and personal connections have long been tied together. They cannot be separated at all. They can only make do with and deal with the passing. In the words of Zhou Min,
is: "I'm so old and divorced, it's not enough to make people around me laugh!"
Liu Rong also said: "Let's deal with it like this, just look at him if you like. At a glance, I didn’t want to pay attention to him, so I stayed far away from him, so I don’t want to look at him!" Liu Rong and Zhou Min, who are from
to middle-aged, have indifferent feelings to each other, but their views on marriage are surprisingly consistent. Let the days deal with it, and if you can make do, you will never get divorced, which is shameful.
But since you don’t get divorced, then change the way you get along with each other and make your life as good as possible!
No, resolutely do not change. I'm always "helping food", it's unnecessary.
Liu Rong and Zhou Min know that their marriage is in a "weak" state, but they still let it go. They both don't bother to explore new ways of getting along, and they don't want to change their existing lifestyle, which is troublesome.
Such a "tired" marriage, where is happiness at all?
04
People are most afraid of the word "weakness" when they arrive in middle-aged marriages, and hope to attract attention.
There are two practical ways to solve the "weak" marital status of middle-aged couples and keep them in step.
First of all, two people must have a common life goal, or study together, make progress together, or entertain and enjoy life together, or travel together and travel the world together.
Only when the husband and wife have a common goal, can they feel the power of mutual support from each other, and life will become full of warmth and beauty.
Secondly, if the communication between middle-aged couples is effective and benign, they cannot fail to communicate, let alone “violent” communication, and invalid communication.
Bai Huiming clearly desires Yu Qian to take herself to cut bamboo, but Bai Huiming does not know how to express himself.
As a result, Bai Huiming was unwilling to speak out what was in his heart, and Yu Qian was carelessly unable to feel his wife's intentions. As a result, Bai Huiming was wronged and Yu Qian was innocent.
Both spouses can directly express their needs to each other and convey their joy to each other; don’t be stingy between husbands and wives to say love to each other, say love out loud, don’t be ashamed to speak, and the lover is not ashamed.
hopes that middle-aged couples who are already in a "weak" state of marriage can have the courage to make changes to make their married life happier and the tree of emotions to last.
Most people's marriages will enter a period of flatness, especially when they are in middle age, this feeling of flatness and boredom will be more obvious, and many people will even take it for granted, thinking that life is like this.
But what I want to say is that marriage is like a beautiful flower. If you neglect to take care of it, or even forget to fertilize and water, how can it be as beautiful as ever?
Therefore, no matter what age you reach, you must manage your marriage with your heart. Speaking of the topic of marriage management, I hope you can come and read the book "Marriage Psychology".
This is a tool book that analyzes marriage in all aspects. It helps you understand marriage, business methods and methods, how to get along with each other, and the resolution of daily conflicts, etc., in this bookIt is reflected in the book.
hope that after reading this book, you will spend more time thinking about your marriage, let it rejuvenate and bloom as beautiful as yesterday.
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