01.
fan letter: Hello brother
, I am 33 years old, with a college degree and stable income. I have talked about breaking up for a half year before, and now I have another one, a few years older than me, I met online.
He worked in an agency, undergraduate, and after getting along with , he learned that he had a child after getting divorced, but he said the child would not follow him.
I asked him why he didn't tell me about the divorce before. He said that I didn't ask, so he didn't say anything. He will say whatever I ask in the future.
then explained the reason for his divorce to me clearly, and said that because his ex-wife refused to let him see the children, he paid all the children's expenses at one time at the time of divorce. During the process of getting along with
, he wanted to have a relationship with me. I disagree, and he did not force it. The problem now is that we have not seen our parents yet. My family will not agree with me to find a divorce and have children, but he thinks he can convince my parents. The feeling that
gives me is that I can do whatever I want, so I am very entangled whether to continue to associate with him.
I am afraid that there will be a lot of conflicts after marriage, and my parents think that I will be wronged, but he is very careful, not knowing whether this is his instinctive reaction or pretending to be when he is in love.
is nothing else to quarrel, because he follows me, so there is no way to quarrel, only his marital status makes me entangled with , I don’t know whether to continue.
If I continue, I don't know if I need a marriage, or if I need to find a boyfriend to save face... Very entangled.
hope that Brother Kai can give me some suggestions to help me analyze him. Now that people are really unsightly, I don't know if it is true or false, thank you.
Kai Zi replied: Hello girl
, chooses whether to enter a marriage with a man who has a history of marriage, the most important thing is to consider his own problems , not just analyze how he is.
It’s your decision whether to be together or not. As for what kind of person the other person is, you and him can’t see how you get along. I haven’t even seen it. I just pass the hundreds of words in your letter. Is the analysis clear?
So I can only give you a few directions to think about. Think about the following 4 questions yourself, and wonder if you want to continue getting along with him.
1. The degree of your understanding
How long have you known each other, and how deep you have been, this is a prerequisite for marriage. The degree of understanding of
also includes the influence of the family in front of him on the future.
Especially since he already has a child, his thoughts and attitudes about whether he will have another child after the new family is also very important.
2, each other's character
Two people live together, character determines his future treatment of your downline.
You talked to him for a while to find out that he was divorced and had children. This is obviously an insincerity.
His reason seems reasonable, saying that you didn't ask, but why didn't you fill in the personal information?
Anyway, the client does not tell the other about the marriage history, which is a very insincere performance.
You should also think about it, if there is any possibility that in the future he will not tell you, that is the reason.
For example, he cheated and betrayed. Could it be that you also said: You didn't ask me who I was good with, of course I didn't say. Do you think this can be established?
3. His relationship with the previous marriage:
This man, as a father, tells you very calmly that the woman will not let him recognize the child, so the child’s expenses are settled in one go.
Think about it, how much hatred is this? As the father of the child, he would not even see the child.
Of course, it may also be the problem of the woman, but he is a father, don't the father himself want to see the child?
Furthermore, legally speaking, both parties have the right to visit after the divorce. Is it because he is in trouble, or is he simply not fulfilling his responsibilities as a father?
4, the purpose of your own marriage
because of love, because of your so-called face, or because you want to get married?
02.
letter from fans:
kaizi hello, follow you for so long,I always have a knot in my heart and I want you to analyze it for me, what should I do.
I got married in August 2018. I was 35 years old and he was 41 years old.
After marriage, I found that he was machismo, grumpy, stubborn and unable to listen to other people's words, always nagging, sleeping and dreaming, often yelling and scared people.
His mother likes to tell him bad things about me, and often quarrels about a trivial matter.
For example, if we are going to travel a long distance to do errands, he has to dump the trash together. I said that your mother will do it when she is idle at home. Today we have something to do and time is too late, so let me quarrel.
and other trivial matters have quarreled countless times, and has said divorce no less than 20 times.
I am very disappointed with him in this family, and I mainly complain that I picked such a person for marriage.
used to have a boy with a temper a thousand times better than him. I said he would not be angry at all. The only drawback is that his work is unstable, and we can talk very well.
My current husband has nothing to like except for his stable job. I regret it very much. I am very careful. Every time I quarrel and say divorce, I have to ask me for a gift.
Later, he suddenly treated me much better. My heart became weak and I became pregnant, but the baby had a miscarriage when he was eight months old. He asked me to trouble me every other time.
Later, I sent him a message saying I don’t love you anymore. He yelled at me like a mad dog, let me go and leave this house immediately, and asked me for the gift money . I was so sad, I was too clumsy. How can I find such a person.
He apologized to me, and later he took the initiative and had a better attitude, but the knot in my heart couldn't be resolved, and I didn't want to live with him.
I know why they treat me better now, because they want to have children when they are older, he is coaxing me now and wants me to give him children.
quarreled and scolded me twice before letting me leave this house. The house is his pre-marital property. I am worried that the child will be given birth and there will be children when he does not need to coax me. He quarreled with me and quarreled with me. Let me leave that home again.
I am disappointed with the future of our marriage, I don't know what to do.
Kaizi replied: Hello girl
, since you will send a message to ask me, it means that you have not really planned to leave him. You do not have to go now, but you are afraid that after the child is born, You will be more passive.
Then you might as well talk to him about the future plan , some things always have to be faced. You can talk about
like this:
1, , because you always say divorce every time you quarrel with me, and you drove me twice, so I don’t feel safe and dare not have children;
2, , if you want to live a good life in the future, you can’t do it anymore. Summary of the betrothal gift;
3, , in order to make me believe that you are willing to live a good life, I hope you add my name to the house;
4, save a sum of money for the child, can not be used for other purposes;
if he can You can observe these points for a while. If
refuses to agree to these basic conditions, it means that he really has no sincerity . As for whether to continue with him, you have to weigh yourself and make a decision as soon as possible!
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