In life, we often see some girls, they often fall in love with no good ending.
This makes me wonder, why do some people always fail to succeed in their relationships and always be disappointed?
So, why do some people keep fighting and losing in love?
First of all, it must be that the love frame is not enough, and I don't know what I want.
Many times, we fall in love based on the feeling of the moment. Because many girls fall in love with each other, they may be attracted by his appearance and figure, and they feel very calling. Z1z
and other girls know boys, just like the suspension bridge effect of psychology.
is dependent on this boy in a certain place, so if he feels that this is a kind of love, he will fall into it. There is another type of
, that is, when he was most difficult, such as when he had just experienced a failed relationship, or when he was hit by a job search, he had a concern for the opposite sex. The concern of
made him magnify. He felt that this was love, so at this time, he just waited to enter into a love.
This is love without a frame. Once
falls into love without a frame, the lover we imagined may be an ideal partner at first.
But when two people get along for a period of time, we will find that the other party also has many shortcomings, and there is no way to accept it.
When a person continues to show themselves, we will also find that we have many shortcomings that the other party cannot accept.
If two people do not make good adjustments at this time, it is easy to feel disappointed in love. For example,
, like Zhang Liangying, she actually lacks a sense of framework for love.
Because she lived in her native family since she was a child, she lacked sufficient care for her from both parents.
Her lack of paternal love has caused her to rely heavily on each other in her relationship. Therefore, when she fell in love with Feng Ke, it actually met the need for fatherly love in her native family.
Feng Ke did not divorce when the two were together, but when she knew that Feng Ke was not divorced, she should have thought about staying away from this relationship.
But after she was far away, she was very painful, so once the other party divorced, she would rush forward without hesitation.
But we will find that in a relationship, she doesn't know what she wants.
Therefore, I always feel that for her, the missing part when she was a child is what she really wanted.
In some entertainment gossip, we can see that Zhang Jingying is not only humble but also abused in this relationship.
Until the end, she couldn't bear it, or she grew up, and then came out of this relationship, you said whether she was injured, surely, that was a relationship of nearly ten years.
How important is ten years to a girl? Naturally it goes without saying.
looked back and saw that the reason for the failure of this relationship was that she didn't know what the framework of the relationship was. She just entered the relationship because she met one of the needs.
The way she enters the relationship is like many girls who see a handsome guy wanting to jump up. She is in danger when she meets someone who cares about herself and jumps up. The truth is actually the same.
So, besides having no frame, what kind of personality does this girl have?
We generally understand men who are scumbags, men who play games, or men who are not focused on feelings. Some people also call them playboys. We will define these people as scumbags.
So, for a man with disagreeable emotions, he will feel that any love or dating with any woman is just enjoying the process of chasing.
Once this is over, the boy feels dull and wants to leave.
So, for such boys, there is only one way, which is to keep fresh at all times. If you can't, then choose to be with such boys and you will be easily abandoned.
Which girls are easy to meet a scumbag? First, it is easy to trust others.
Some girls are easy to believe in others, easy to believe in a relationship, and even tolerantYi believes every word the other person says.
I often say to girls: You must be clear about what the guy does, not what he says.
01
The frame of a relationship
1. Observe the other's circle of friends
The first step is to look at the boy's circle of friends, which is his social circle.
We can learn about a boy from his social circle and what kind of person he is. We often say that a person is the average of six friends around him.
No matter which aspect, wealth aspect, quality aspect, personality aspect, and moral aspect are the same.
So, we looked at his circle of friends, what kind of person we are.
2. Try to get along with each other
The second step, all we have to do is try to get along with this person as a friend.
When we get along with someone as a friend, we will find that some of his characteristics are something we like very much, but there are some that I cannot accept.
Next, we can try to see if those unacceptable parts will affect our core interests.
For example, a girl, she can't accept boy mommy, but this boy is good at everything, just a little mommy, then after understanding this, we leave early, we can't choose to change him.
It is not impossible to change a person, but this cycle is very long, unless you think, it is possible to change a person with five to ten years of love.
But in the short term, it is unrealistic to want to change the other party in one or two weeks or one or two days.
3. Appropriately warm up the relationship
The third step, when we get to know this person, the next thing we need to do is to warm up the relationship.
At this time, we can try to have some close contact with him, such as two people going out on a date, eating together, watching a movie together and so on.
02
can examine these points of boys
1. We are still talking about paying for relationship
, don't look at what he says, but what he does. The more boys give, the stronger the relationship we think.
His contributions, such as financial contributions, must have a certain relationship with his income.
We have to look at his contribution, the approximate proportion of his income, that is the money spent on girls, this money is not meant to be spent on two people getting along together.
For example, boys pay for every meal, but I think this is what boys should do. If he chooses gifts for girls carefully, he will spend money for some of the needs of girls, which is different.
Of course, in this process, girls also need to pay, we can't just ask for it. This makes it easy for boys to think that this girl is scumbag.
2. Are you willing to disclose that some boys at
confess that I love you very much when you come up, but the girl has talked with him for a month and hasn’t known any friends around him, or they know something for him Indifferent friends, or friends similar to customers.
So at this time, we are going to wake up, because in a good relationship, a girl must know his friends for many years.
As a girl at the same time, we also need to introduce our friends for many years to boys so that they can know each other.
Only the more friends we have in common, the stronger this relationship can be.
3. Whether to plan for the future
When boys first chase girls, they must plan for the future.
He might say: My dear, you are the one I love the most. I will go to many places with you, where we will settle down in the future, when will we have children and so on.
In fact, when a relationship first started, these sweet words can be ignored.
When we enter the third stage, at this time, we will examine his future plans.
such as, Mentioned meeting parents, mentioned the future, two people may come from different provinces, different regions, where will the two people develop in the future?
Let's take a look, this boy is in his career plan, did you plan into it? If there is
, then this boy is basically no problem, if not, then we need to identify it.
So, for the guys who are obviously playboy? How to identify them?
If two people have not confirmed the relationship between boy and girl friends, or have just met for a short time, for example, they have only met for two weeks or one month, if they are particularly anxious to promote the relationship, we must refuse.
Attention, it is worth to promote the relationship. It must be someone who has frequent contacts. Is it because I added his WeChat a year ago? The first time I chat with him now, we have known each other for a year. , There must be frequent communication in life.
03
What are the characteristics of more scumbag boys?
1. Only date the same person
If a guy is with you, you have never met his friends.
At this time, we need to identify whether this boy is really difficult to socialize and has social fears, or he is deliberately avoiding girls contacting other friends.
2. Every date is at night
. For example, I had a visitor before, the boy who was dating her, and every time he made an appointment during the day, he would say that he would work overtime until after nine o'clock in the evening.
Then every time they meet, the boys will drive. Take the girls to a more remote place for dinner. After the meal, the boys have asked them several times, otherwise they would not go back.
The purpose of this is very obvious. If he does this basically every time, even he will take the girls to his office, to his home and other places.
3. Make girls feel that they can’t climb up to
. If a boy is very talented, he has stayed in school, everything is good, and he is willing to spend money on girls, it’s so good that girls feel like they have never seen it before. This is also worthy of vigilance.
But boys are good to girls, is it possible? Of course there are, and we cannot rule out that there is such a sentence: "Nothing to do is to be courteous, or to steal or steal."
Why is he so good to girls when they are not familiar with them? The reason for
is: the better he treats girls, the more he wants to get her as soon as possible.
For example, the sex, money, or other things a girl gave him.
So at this time, we must identify, the relationship is too fast, absolutely not. As long as
keeps these three rules, basically the risk of early love can be avoided.
Author | Pu Fangyan Emotional Counselor, Level 3 Psychological Counselor, Member of Guangzhou Psychological Counselor Association, Psychological Service Volunteer of China Red Cross Foundation.
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