opened Weibo this morning and was immediately crying by a hot search. The content of this Weibo
is a Japanese variety show in which a 77-year-old grandmother gave her a "letter" to her 23-year-old herself. The program was recorded in the form of video and asked her to say a word to her 23-year-old herself.
As a result, what the old woman said was that she must say "OK" when her husband tells her, "After being born again, let's get married".
It turned out that this old grandmother married someone she didn't like at all because of her parents' decision when she was 23. Unlike her husband who is positive and full of illusions about this marriage, her attitude has always been cold and unwilling.
Even after the two became a couple, her husband sweetly said to her "after rebirth, let's get married", she still said "no" coldly.
was like this. Until ten years ago, after her husband went out for a walk in the morning, because of heart palsy, she never came back, and she never had a chance to say "OK" again.
Since then, she has regretted every day, regretting that she did not say the word "good".
I think the grandmother was reluctant to say "OK" at first, maybe it was just because she "rebelled" the way they met, so she ignored her sincerity, but with the passing of time and the lingering life, she has already fallen in love with each other.
However, she was stubborn, but because of the "good" sentence that didn't have time to say, she let the other party die in regrets, and also let the rest of her life be spent in constant regret.
In fact, many times, because of the stubbornness and pride in our hearts, we say something against our true intentions, thinking that it seems that only this way of disguising ourselves and hurting each other can we make ourselves The heart that is obviously full of love is placed on the high ground. In
"Mischievous Kiss", Jiang Zhishu did the same to Yuan Xiangqin.
Yuan Xiangqin has been full of enthusiasm for Jiang Naoshu from the very beginning, he is always pleased, has liked it for many years, and has been waiting silently.
But Jiang Naoshu always looked cold and stern towards her. Even after the proposal of "A Jin", he admitted his heart to Xiangqin and confessed to her, but after getting married, he never changed his attitude towards Xiangqin. On the wedding anniversary of
, Xiangqin went to him to discuss the celebration with full expectation, but he said coldly, “It’s not necessary”; obviously he was very close to a young and beautiful girl, but he used “doctor’s duty” as You don't even need Xiangqin to be jealous.
reprimanded her for being stupid and not self-motivated, and even Xiangqin ran away from home and didn't care about it. Instead, she said, "You don't need to think about it or know, she has only those places to go". The attitude of
made Xiangqin hurt everywhere, and even felt that he didn't love himself at all.
But why doesn't Jiang Naoki really like her?
He will carefully preserve every gift she gave him, and will be indifferent to her, just because he is jealous when he sees other boys treat her well. She was spurred everywhere, just because she was afraid that she would not be able to live a good life by herself when she was away.
When he was a soldier, he also said that Xiangqin didn’t know how much he loved her. Everyone thought she was afraid of losing herself, but he was actually afraid of losing her. If one day she is gone, he should How to do?
Perhaps, in the eyes of many people, he will feel that this kind of love is forbearing and restrained, but this kind of love, and this kind of love, makes Xiangqin suffer and pain every moment.
Love is something that makes people warm, but like the line in the TV series said, "If love can't be felt, is it still love?".
We always use self-righteous ways to express the love we think, and protect each other by protecting "the way we love ourselves".
So, this wrong way has caused the dislocation of communication, and the regret and misunderstanding of love. While leaving the other side bruised and bruised, he also made himself regretful and tortured. The root of all these problems is that actually does not know how to communicate effectively in intimate relationships.
In real life, the emotional state of many people is actually like this, so likeHow can we better communicate with each other and manage an intimate relationship correctly?
I provide you with the following suggestions and methods:
01
Don’t use emotion to dominate communication
Many times when people communicate, rationality tends to be easily suppressed by emotions, saying some wrong things, doing some wrong things, and passing them on to the other party. Some wrong information.
For example, a man was criticized by the leader in the company because of his work, and he was in a bad mood. But when he got home, he faced his wife's ugly expression.
Originally the table was full of rich dishes, and the man was hungry and just about to eat. The wife said: What to eat! When I came back so late, the dishes were cold, and then turned around and dumped all the dishes into the trash can.
It turned out that today is their wedding anniversary, and the wife cooked a table of hearty dishes early, ready to wait for the husband to celebrate after get off work.
, not only did the husband work overtime and the cell phone could not be connected. After returning home, he not only did not apologize, but also completely forgot about the incident, and did not even prepare a gift.
Because the two people had emotions, and the wife's act of dumping the vegetables, both of them became emotional in an instant, and a quarrel broke out. The anniversaries that should have been with He Meimei were spent in such a mutual verbal abuse.
In many cases, it is not because there is no love between the two sides, but because in our lives, when more or less of us are unhappy, our emotions temporarily overwhelm our reason and make us forget how to talk to each other well.
At this time, I would like to give you a piece of advice: deal with emotions first, and then talk about things.
Before facing each other, you can be alone for a while, sit down in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and breathe evenly. When
exhales, you put your consciousness on your shoulders and relax your shoulder muscles.
Or when you are angry, get up and pour a large glass of water first. Then straighten your legs, cross your fingers to your chest, and slow your breathing. Then focus on the heart and imagine it into any shape. After breathing for 3 minutes, you can obviously feel the emotional relief in the body, or even disappear.
After you stabilize your emotions, think about what to say to the other person.
02
Don’t interpret negatively to the other person
Many times, in an intimate relationship, the reason for lack of communication is not because the man is unwilling to say it, but because he "the more he speaks, the more wrong", so over time I don’t bother to say it.
Women are naturally delicate, sensitive and suspicious, and often over-interpret what men say. For example,
's wife bought a lot of things online, and there were a lot of piles at the express station downstairs, so she couldn't get it by herself, so she asked her husband to get it.
The husband went to get it, but because there are too many, so there are some lighter pieces left, so let the wife get it by herself.
then said: You bought too many things, I can't get it, you have some left to get it back. The wife of
became silent.
's husband patted the dust on his coat from carrying the courier, and said: "The courier is dirty, and the new clothes I just wore are dusted with dust." The wife of
remained silent.
Husband mentioned in the small talk that his colleague’s wife would live a life, and he even prepared lunch for him every day for him to take. He was afraid that the food outside was too greasy and he was not used to it.
Now the wife’s complexion is even more ugly, so she finally couldn’t help yelling at her husband: “Don’t you think I can’t live, do you know how to buy things and spend money all day? As for running me everywhere, picking faults everywhere. Is it?" The husband of
was also depressed by the unknown flames, so he didn't want to say anything to his wife at all.
In fact, the wife's behavior in this example is a typical "negative interpretation".
Everyone must have heard the idiom story of "the suspected neighbor steals axe". It's about a man who lost his axe and suspected that his neighbor stole it. So he paid attention to the neighbor's every move, and the longer he observed, the more he decided that the other party must be the axe-thief. However,
finally discovered that it turned out that he had forgotten his axe in the mountains two days ago when he was cutting wood.
people sometimesThis is the case. When he identified a thing, no matter what the other party said or did, it became the evidence of the incident in his eyes.
Sometimes the authorities are confused and the bystanders are clear. Therefore, in the process of communicating with the other party, we should reduce our guesses and guesses about the other party's behavior and words. This will only make us less likely to see the other party's true thoughts.
When the other party is unable to argue because of your misunderstanding, they will naturally choose habitual silence in this relationship.
If you have any thoughts or questions, you may wish to speak up and ask the other person directly. It is better than guessing and thinking.
I remember Huang Lei said:
"It's normal for two people to be quarrelsome in a relationship. Sometimes a small quarrel is good, but a big quarrel hurts your body. After a quarrel, take the initiative to speak out your ideas and communicate with each other. Then see if there is a misunderstanding and whether the problem can be solved.
must not give up passively, choose to be patient and reluctant to endure, muffled and silent, engage in cold and violent answers, then the last thing waiting for you is definitely a crash .Z2z
"
03
reduce the negative and strengthen
two people will always encounter some small frictions when getting along, maybe you think he has not done a little thing to make you angry, at first he naturally persuades you, and then the girls will still Because he didn't get his own point, he was more angry, which would make the man feel that the more I persuaded her, she would be more angry. After
, the man became annoyed, and he stopped persuading, and the news was slow to respond, so the girl began to freak out. The
contradiction escalated to "I think you don't love me anymore", and then made it even more troublesome and let him notice himself.
Until the boy finds out that if you are angry, just cool you down and you will be honest. When he is strengthened, he will be treated with cold treatment when he encounters contradictions later.
So, even if something really made you angry at the time, don’t be angry for too long. Learn to accept it when you see it. When you call again, you can talk about positive topics that make you all happy. Don't ask emotional questions as soon as you call.
is like training a small animal. You can’t always hit it when it doesn’t do well. Instead, you should reward it more when it does well and strengthen its positive behavior.
Human hearts are always fleshy, and love for someone will always be worn away in arrogance. Life is fragile. Maybe one day, the person who loves you will leave you, but you can’t do anything. When that can't be changed, I regret why I can't treat him better.
So while the one you love is still there, love with your heart. Don't deliberately distort the other party and pretend the truest self because of temporary stubbornness and so-called anger. When they leave, they will feel sad and regret again. There is only one guilt in life.
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