Hey~
we meet again~ how are you?
2020.11.25
Let the world change. I didn’t pass the time to move.
saw a piece of news a few days ago, to the effect that a man had an extramarital affair with a married woman and was caught by his husband and immersed in a pig cage. Netizens from all walks of life have different opinions, but Most of them are applauded. Z1z
Regardless of the moral and legal factors for the time being, only from a psychological point of view, derailment is such a dangerous thing. Maybe it will be ruined and even endanger life, but there are still many people who take the risk.
can't help but sigh: What is it for cheating? Some people say
is for excitement, others say it is for freshness, and some people say that cheating people are born to be bothered...
seems to make sense, but looking deeper, what is driving the cheating People seeking excitement? Looking for freshness? Or other superficial reasons?
Combining years of marriage and family counseling cases, behind the derailment is the overcompensation of these derailed people for their own "unmet needs"!
Overcompensation is a passive or active compensation behavior that a person takes in physical and psychological aspects due to a certain lack or satisfaction of needs.
In a specific consultation case, the over-compensation obtained by each case through derailment is different, but roughly it can include: sex, being loved, accepted, respected, self-worth and other physical and psychological Demand.
We can't help but ask, these needs of theirs should be met in a normal marriage, why is there still excessive compensation for derailment?
This is mainly due to unmet physical and psychological needs in early childhood and childhood.
There are some people who cheat. They also know that they are wrong, but they can't control themselves. They don't know why this happened. Some people will be in pain and unable to extricate themselves.
This is because of the derailment behavior, which is controlled by his subconscious. When he was a child, some of his physical and psychological needs were ignored, rejected, and deprived by his parents and other caregivers for various reasons. For example, he wanted to get the continuous attention and intimacy of his mother, but the mother might be busy Housework, or no parenting experience, etc., it is impossible to pay attention to him continuously, so he rarely gives him intimate hugs and kisses.
When his physical and psychological needs are not met, he will send a signal to his parents or other caregivers through his own way, but because of the limitations of his age and expression ability, but also due to the parents and other caregivers themselves The limitation of observation ability and nurturing ability, failing to pay attention to the signal sent by him, failing to give timely and appropriate response, or even not responding when he noticed it, caused him to meet his needs repeatedly and frustrated.
In the end, these unsatisfied physical and psychological needs were suppressed in his subconscious. When he grew up, he forgot these things, but the subconscious would never forget.
He is no longer the young child he used to be. He has a variety of abilities. These unsatisfied physical and psychological needs will be subconsciously manipulated to continue to satisfy him.
He is no longer the original young him, and because of long-term depression, these needs are no longer the simple attention and intimacy of the past, but have been extended and mutated, and the intensity and strength have also been amplified and promoted. He seeks excessive satisfaction.
Therefore, when he was a child, he did not receive the continuous attention and intimacy of his mother, and could have been compensated from his wife in the marriage. However, because his intensity and strength to satisfy his needs have been amplified, and the forms of satisfaction have become more diverse, it is difficult to satisfy his wife. Adding
, he will find that his wife has to take care of the children, work, and housework. Like his mother, he will not give him the attention and close compensation he expects, and he will look outside the marriage.
Some people may turn these unmet needs into work motivation and devote themselves to work and career; some people will turn these unmet needs into hobbies and enjoy them, but there will be more people. Driven by these demands, they continue to seek satisfaction and seek over compensation.
Once there is a suitable opportunity, he will happenOrbital behavior, seeking unmet needs such as attention and intimacy from an extramarital lover. Coupled with the lack of corresponding restraints and constraints in extramarital affairs, it will further distort and magnify his sense of satisfaction, causing him to have an illusion that over-beautifies his extramarital affairs and his lover.
What is your different understanding of derailment?
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