In a family, everyone cooperates to determine the behavior of all others.
People encourage each other, stimulate each other, restrict each other, open their hearts to each other, or hide their opinions.
-Fritz B. Simon
knows that there is a question
"How do you think that the biggest sadness of parents is that they become cautious in front of their children when they are old?" Class parents deserve to be careful, the highest number of likes reached 3.5w.
@苍海之水i
When he was in college, there was a boy in his class who always sleeps with with his head covered . It felt strange at the time: A big man sleeps with his head covered all the time? It was who was beaten by his dad to . When his dad beat him, he could neither run nor cry nor shed tears, otherwise he would only be beaten harder.
He dared to run into the house only when his father walked away. hid in the bed and cried silently , afraid to make a sound. I fell asleep when I cried, and then I developed the habit of sleeping with my head covered.
He said that after his siblings graduated from high school and went to work, they ignored his dad and rarely went home. They didn't answer his dad's calls. Because his father used to beat his brother and sister.
later he stopped answering his dad's call.
Now his dad is a lonely man. his mother, their three siblings, and their relatives ignored his dad. . .
@雨霖铃
When I was a child, I was about ten years old. Once I was not careful, was really careless and broke a bowl of . My mother had just given birth to a second child at that time, probably in my current state. I have enough work for myself, and I have to take care of the two babies, and I have to buy vegetables and cook for sanitation. My only psychological feeling all day long. Just tired and irritable. So can ignite her soaring anger with a little spark, , and then beat me.
Later, she broke a dish by herself, and even the dish was so bad that she couldn't use it anymore. She muttered a word, just sweep away the pieces.
...
and when she is old? I happened to meet me in middle age. There were a lot of things in my work, a lot of things in my family, and my two children were furious. My husband was not obedient. What can I do? I'm going crazy.
So sometimes she really has to look at my face to act, she is already old and relies on my old-age support.
doesn't have any tall moral stories, is the feng shui turns, you understand me, and I understand you.
@Anonymous user
My mother-in-law is a selfish, proud, and strong desire to control . Speaking likes to belittle others to praise oneself, habitually refute and deny others. If you don't do things according to her wishes, you will be rejected. Even if it is a small matter like washing the dishes, you have to follow her rhythm.
I have pointed out her problems in this area, but her logic is always based on "Even if the parents are wrong, they don't need to make corrections, and the children should be tolerated."
She thinks the child is at fault, and her parents correct it.
But if the parents are wrong, they can not admit it and do not change. (including when I persuaded her to eat less leftovers, she also felt that I had asked too much)
This is the 2.0 version of "Parents in the World".
She does not think that her children need equal respect as an independent person. All she needs is control and obedience.
I think the biggest sorrow of parents is not that they become cautious in front of their children when they are old, but that learns not to respect their children equally, can’t find boundaries, and feel that they are cautious and aggrieved.
is also more joyful:
@cross bone
I ask: you are not afraid that I will not be obedient in the future?
My dad: You have never heard anything before,
By the way, you will not be richer than me,
don't think of yourself too good.
me:? ? ? Are you afraid that I will pull your pipe?
My dad: I don’t go to bed at two in the middle of the night,
eats meat, vegetables, exercises, and milk.
you can live, let me talk about it
"giving you life is the greatest kindness to you"
carefully
is a child's power replacement after adulthood
"mother now finally knows to look at my face and talk, just like I looked at her face when I was a child The same"
is not that children do not understand filial piety and respect, but that they have not learned respect, understanding, tolerance, and patience since they were young. How can you expect children to suddenly "enlighten" as adults?
So this is not the "sorrow" of parents, it is the sorrow of children.
You ask those adults who are impatient with their parents and are always angry and quarrel, if feels distressed when yelling at their parents, it must be true.
This kind of contradictory and complicated emotions can never be experienced by a loved child. Zhihu also has many adults with strong psychological well-being. Those who criticize their parents are inhuman and ungrateful.
emotional value is the exchange of , parents did not provide, where do children learn how to provide good emotional value? The "cautious" nature of
parents is a kind of power replacement unique to Chinese families. Whoever has the money will listen to them.
After parents retire, their children’s income supports a family. At this time, children will have the right to speak in the family, and they are forced to accept this hereditary replacement relationship, which is passed on from generation to generation. It is not so much that parents are cautious. It is the continuation of the replacement relationship. How
can break out of this vicious circle is something worth thinking about.
is cautious,
is that parents realize that their children are also independent individuals.
Parents of older generations have not learned the ability to love, and are used to "controlling" their children. The cautiousness after old age is that parents want to keep that sense of security and maintain The connection between the child and the child.
At the same time, careful parents understand that children are independent people at the age of knowing the fate of life. They have their own affairs and family, and are afraid of causing trouble, so parents look forward to the future.
Zhang Quanling, who participated in the debate on "Wonderful Flowers", told an interview story.
She interviewed an old grandmother. Zhang Quanling felt that the other person had a special "old smell", so she asked the old woman, "How often do you take a bath?" The old woman
said, "I live alone at my age and taking a bath is very dangerous. If fell, how much burden would I have for my children in the second half of my life. "
In "My Dear Friends", an old man in his 70s, , in order not to cause trouble to his children, even put stickers on himself in front of the mirror. I have given advice and read it carefully every day. Parents like
feel wronged when they are young, and they are afraid of causing trouble to their children when they are old.
How to face the "cautiousness" of parents under different circumstances
accept the self who cannot "respect and tolerate"
In "In the Name of Family", Ling Xiao has not had family care since he was a child, and when he was an adult, he could not face his biological mother calmly. Even in the face of her mother's deliberate flattery, she is cold-faced.
Childhood trauma is difficult to repair, even if it is lucky to get a preference in adulthood.
What's more, many people do not have the same good luck as Ling Xiao, can meet loved family members and start life again.
If you are careful and it is your parents' compensation, then you can choose not to forgive and ignore the secular standards of filial piety. They have to pay the price for their mistakes.
Those who accuse others of unfilial piety, please remember that does not know the suffering of others, do not persuade others to be generous.
Don’t affect your life because of your parents’ negative emotions
58-year-old Mr. Ni lives in the corridor, eats, drinks, and Lhasa are all resolved in the corridor.
and on the same floor, his 30-year-old daughter lives, naturally, neighbors spread it everywhereGossip, saying that this girl is really unfilial and will be punished.
However, the neighbors did not know that this 58-year-old man abandoned his wife and children when he was young, and lived a life of drunkenness and gold. He has not fulfilled his father's responsibilities, and he still wants his children to be raised when he is old.
My daughter rented a house to her father due to public opinion and accusations around her, but her father messed up the house and was driven away by the landlord.
originally hated her daughter who had contact with her parents, and was overwhelmed by the gossip around her.
Later, she changed a way of expressing her anger. She rented a house to her father and said: I will give him money, let him stay away from me, don't contact me.
I think it’s best for all parents in the world to recognize one thing: Don’t let the relationship between yourself and your children become only blood ties and "I'm pulling you up with a shit and pee" Things are maintaining.
Respect children's personality, cultivate a healthy and equal parent-child relationship from an early age, but also leave a way for themselves.
Parent-child relationship
fluent egg
Psychological science, professional and attitude
self-empowerment, with the power to heal the soul
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