Seeing that this year is almost over, our little friends chat together and talk about coming home during the Spring Festival. My friend Xiao Bai said, I don't want to go home, anyway, every time I go back, I quarrel with my parents and get exhausted. It's too painful. Since I was little, no matter what problems I encountered, my parents' first reaction was to scold me immediately.
"I only got 90 points in the test, and I still have the face to go out and play with my classmates?"
"Why do you always do this? You can't do such a simple thing!"
"Why have you caught a cold again? I told you to wear more and you won't listen! "Z1z
's most heart-wrenching time was when I was studying in Japan. I couldn't write my graduation thesis. I called my dad and cried and was scolded by him-
. "You spent so much money going abroad. Can't write it? If you don't study well, come back!"
"At the beginning, you were going to study abroad, if you come back halfway, what can you do?!"
"How can anyone write it, but you can't write it? Come out?! Didn’t you study hard?"
I couldn’t help but quarreled with my dad, and was ridiculed by him again: "Look at your attitude?! After all these years of study, it’s been for nothing!"
feels like me and When my parents talked about anything, they gave them a reason to scold me, and every sentence was on my heart. As long as I explain, the end result must be violent fire from both sides, and then a long cold war. After every quarrel,
finally eased up after a while, and fell into a new round of quarrels, and then became less and less reluctant to communicate with them. Communicating with parents is harder than writing a paper, and I feel desperate to think about it.
There are always some parents who do not express their feelings directly. When a child encounters a problem, they will only get angry and either accuse or complain. Sometimes a statement of concern is spoken from your parents, but it becomes extraordinarily harsh and hurts you internally every minute.
can speak well, so why do you have to be upset?
Xiaobai said, my dad is a typical "knife mouth tofu heart", although speaks bitterly, but in fact, his heart is very soft.
obviously cares about my body and is worried about my studying and living abroad alone, but he just doesn't speak well, so he has to have different opinions. The more worried he was, the more violent he attacked me.
But even if I knew he was like this, I couldn't accept that he always "verbally violence" to me. I really want to have a home when I encounter problems, instead of being pushed by my parents as soon as I find them. But since it's so difficult to get along, keep your distance and avoid meaningless communication.
Actually, no matter how close we are to the people around us, we will encounter communication problems. Communication itself is very difficult.
Our parents are angry with us, perhaps because they have caused their own inner powerlessness. For example, Xiaobai encountered difficulties studying abroad, and her parents could not rush to her immediately, nor could they replace her to complete her graduation thesis. I couldn't let go of worrying about her, and thought I was unable to help her, so I had to turn this emotion into anger: Why did you want to study abroad?
can't help but quarrel with his parents, what should I do? We can't change our parents, but we can use some psychological tricks to prevent ourselves from falling into emotions. A truly mature person knows how to express emotions at the right time, instead of suppressing them and filling their hearts with weight. These methods are also applicable to the communication between you and other people around you.
01
Don't worry, listen to your parents' expressions first
When your parents are angry, don't rush to fight the war. Stop first and think about what your parents really want to express. How would you feel if you stood in their perspective? Do you want to fight? What is it for?
02
strike while the iron is cold, rather than quarrel while it is hot
No matter how intense your parents are, don’t deny their emotions. Because they have the right to express anger. You can express that you understand them and know that they are actually worried about you. But if you feel uncomfortable, you can leave for a while to avoid arguing with your parents. After each other's emotions pass, we will talk calmly.
03
communicate with your parents further and express your needs
if you bringIf you look forward to your parents, but are unwilling to express them, they will also find it difficult to understand your true needs. You can express your feelings and thoughts, what support you need from your parents, and what you don't want them to do to you.
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