The pace of modern society is too fast, and the pressure is often overwhelming adults. I believe everyone is no stranger to the hot topic on a certain platform "the collapse of adults is only a moment."
Adults tend to bear this kind of negative emotions personally, and many bad problems are often not easily declared. But adults also have their limits, and they also have problems that they cannot bear on themselves. Coupled with the instinctive needs of human beings for emotions, a romantic relationship arises.
However, in addition to secreting chemical hormones such as dopamine and serum amine to promote the sweet feeling between the two parties, people in a relationship also secrete some corresponding hormones to inhibit the production of excessive pleasure ; when this inhibitory hormone is too high Many, problems between lovers will gradually show up, and feedback to individual behaviors will become unprovoked or unnecessary quarrels.
When we were learning texts when we were young, the Chinese teacher also said that "Everything has a cause, course, and result". Quarrels between lovers will always result in reconciliation or breakup; here is another issue that is debated by the public: after a quarrel between lovers, they know that it is their fault but they cannot take the initiative to apologize, what should be done?
My friend recently encountered a similar situation:
She and her boyfriend have been together for half a year, and the relationship has been relatively stable. Recently, both parties have been busy at work, and she and the other party are always arguing about trivial matters; she actually I know that many times I "work" by myself, but I don't know why, but I can't apologize to her boyfriend properly. The boyfriend has started to be a little unbearable in the past few days. She is panicked but there is still no way.
"I'm afraid that as soon as I apologize to him, he will be aggressive or even more impatient, and I don't want to go there." My friend said.
This is the typical "catastrophic thinking": Whenever something happens, I tend to analyze the bad results clearly and make judgments not objectively . It's like a friend who thinks that the other party will kill him, so he simply doesn't take the initiative to find each other.
Secondly, whether boys or girls, in this case, you can reflect on whether you usually have a sense of inferiority: not necessarily material, often spiritual inferiority affects a person's life more.
Inferiority complex may originate from the original family, or from some process of acquired contact with society. Inferiority complex can lead to a reverse defensive thinking: Too much self-denial in the heart, unable to face any negative evaluation of the external environment, regardless of the source and degree of the evaluation.
So in many cases, the other party may only say a "non-positive evaluation" about you, and you will magnify the evaluation madly, and produce negative behaviors in order to resist the amplified negative evaluation.
However, feelings are always a matter for two people. When your target encounters a similar problem that cannot be solved, as the other half, you should try to find out whether the other party has similar traumatic experiences in the past. There is an old saying in
that "I have been bitten by a snake for ten years, and I was afraid of the neck strap for a while." If a person has experienced a major trauma, it will be a shadow in their own life at that time or later.
After we understand the cause of things, we need to proceed with the behavior modification in the process.
The wrong party who cannot apologize may wish to try to adjust their thinking. No one can correct their unreasonable beliefs at once, so we can choose to adopt the "middle value" approach.
"I did make a mistake just now, but he is my boyfriend, he likes me, and will not always catch a point to hurt me, so I will not be scolded if I apologize, not as serious as I thought." In the case of friends, this method can be used to simply adjust the status.
Back to yourself, the other party in a relationship can only help you analyze problems and accompany you to solve problems, but it is impossible to eliminate your problems directly. So the most important thing is that you love yourself, don’t speak bad things about yourself too much in your heart; usually set some small goals, such as apologize first, make communication behaviors first, and stop getting angry for a few days. The feeling of accomplishment afterwards can be used to ease your inferiority complex.
In the end, we still have to divideKnow the previous results and the current results. The things before have passed. The people and things that hurt you are not the people and things now. You need to separate the past and the present into two pictures.
In short, love should always be a beautiful and healthy emotional communication behavior. If both parties like each other, no matter who apologizes first, the most important thing is to respond and communicate.
I am Li Yang, I wish you happiness.
author | Li Yang
picture source | soruru
graphic editor | official
copyright, without permission, declined to reprint
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