文|北苏
01
Why do most of the feelings, there will be a significant gap before and after marriage?
In the relationship, there may be many people who feel this way. Before marriage, in the relationship, men try their best to make women happy, but after marriage, it is replaced by a woman trying to understand the man’s heart.
This kind of position conversion will bring a certain gap to women, and this gap will often make certain women gradually embark on a passive "course of courtship".
The difference between men and women and the division of labor between men and women in the family make women choose to take more risks after marriage, so women must constantly determine the attitude of their lover, and see that he loves herself, so that women are in the family. A sense of security.
is precisely this kind of care for the lover and the expectation of his feelings, which leads to the gradual imbalance of certain feelings. The more a woman compromises to please the other party, the less he can't get his love.
In this process of constant love and constant disappointment, it will be very hard and also very lost.
In this process of being betrayed constantly, what is even more painful is that he has worked very hard to be what he likes, and try his best to follow his mood, why he still doesn’t know how to cherish and is not willing Repent and not respond to love?
02
Feelings are unsatisfactory, family encounters betrayal, in this situation, the day is as difficult as a year.
But some women still choose to stay, staying means that as long as they are still together, there is hope; staying alive thinks that as long as he is better understood and tolerant, he may return; staying alive thinks that he may return He can't leave, he won't have to endure the mess after being abandoned.
Actually, you are staying because of the need for love and expectation in your heart.
is more clear. After experiencing betrayal, you who are constantly compromising, it is not that you never thought of leaving, but that you don't want to leave. You think that as long as you are a little virtuous, hardworking, and kind to him, you can exchange his love again.
But you have overlooked one point. The reason he betrays is because he doesn't love him enough. You have always been very tolerant to him, but he just doesn't love you enough and doesn't know how to love you.
Betrayal of the two words, do not need to explain too much, in the relationship, he ignores your feelings and puts you aside, it all shows that you are good to him and your dedication, and your love and love to him Expecting him to not accept and pay attention to it also shows that the way you have been loving him by "catching to him in exchange for happiness" is wrong.
He has betrayed, he has betrayed you when you poured his feelings for him, you must first think about the past, make an assessment of your feelings, and see if this betrayal is a temporary impulse , It is inevitable that he loves you not enough.
Before betrayal, don’t suffer blindly, and don’t compromise blindly. The more you compromise, the less likely he will see you. The more you compromise, the more he will remember the way you have been compromising in your relationship. The less you know how to respect you.
03
After feeling betrayed, you don’t have to show him a good look, and you don’t have to turn around and leave. It’s okay to choose to forgive, but you can’t be too innocent, don’t be a kind of "affectionate" woman .
How to make a person who has not paid enough attention to you to discover you again and to value you?
When experiencing betrayal, women often think that they will affect him through goodwill, warm him, and let him know how to return, but just like the point we discussed above: he betrayed because of not enough Love you, the reason why he doesn't love you enough is because he doesn't care about your kindness to him for many years after marriage.
So, you have to understand that the salvation after betrayal does not allow you to show a humble way of compromising yourself, nor does it allow you to compromise over the years. You only have to change and emphasize yourself. He will see your existence and remember to consider your feelings.
39-year-old Roy is a good son in the eyes of in-lawsThe daughter-in-law is a virtuous and capable woman in the neighborhood's impression, and a mother who will never be absent next to her child, but she is nearly 40 years old, but she has encountered a hurdle in her relationship.
After learning that her lover betrayed the family, she was also in pain, but she did not make trouble, nor did she mention it to anyone, but quietly reached an agreement with her lover, he broke off the outside relationship, and she forgave everything he did. .
Roy secretly rejoiced, thinking that she had saved her lover without crying or making trouble, but it didn't take long before she discovered that the last mistake and repentance of her lover were all lies, and that what he promised would be cut off is also a deception.
When she asked him why he hurt her again, he said that his betrayal was her fault. He said that he had no feelings for her anymore. She had been pestering him not to let go and bribed his parents. Indirectly trapped him, and restrained him with family responsibilities.
04
Does Roy have a lover who binds her?
She asks herself if she loves him too much, so she treats him well and treats his parents very well, because she wants to be happy with him, so she works hard to take care of him and his children. And hard work.
She cares about him, so she always cares where he goes after get off work, but she dare not urge him to go home every time she asks, she loves and compromises.
She thought that as long as he followed his wishes and made himself excellent in the family, he would be able to see her good, love her and not change his heart, but the outcome was not what he wanted.
At the beginning of the betrayal was discovered by her, she still had this idea to save the other person. In the end, of course, she also made her understand that in this relationship, she has been ignoring her love each other and compromising herself to cater to each other. The way she does not bring happiness to her, it will only make her more likely to be disappointed.
In the face of betrayal, compromise yourself and forgive the other person. Being this kind of woman is also difficult to exchange for the other party's change of heart. If he can betray, he will already ignore your goodness. The more you compromise, the less he will care.
Actually, only people who know you know that your compromise is not because of weakness, but because you care because of love, because you want to continue.
But in front of people who don't value you anymore, your compromise will only become a reason for him to further hurt you, and your affection cannot be exchanged for a lover's heart.
Message from North Su: Managing relationships is a homework. Perhaps from the moment you enter the relationship, this homework will not stop. Love must be methodical, and love must have its own principles and principles. The bottom line is that love must resist appropriately, and you must be independent and distinct before loving someone.
Even if a woman becomes a relatively disadvantaged party after marriage and is unwilling to have emotional turmoil, you must remember: when experiencing business relationships, love without compromise, forgive and not humble when faced with betrayal, and keep the other party Not the ultimate goal, but happiness is.
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