Husband only wears pants in front of my sister, am I an outsider? You have to learn to avoid suspicion if you leave your original family

Your husband and his sister are too close, which makes you feel uncomfortable. This feeling is normal.

"After taking a shower, I just wore underwear and I went back to the house", regardless of whether my sister is also in the house.

I believe that many people will feel a little uncomfortable after reading this paragraph.

Our most intuitive feeling is: two adults of opposite sex, there is no suspicion between each other.

This is inconsistent with the education we have received since childhood, and it also touched our moral bottom line.

So, your "discomfort" is normal, this is not your problem.

is uncomfortable, it may be because the other party "crossed the boundary"

Interpersonal interaction requires a certain sense of "boundary" ".

Whether this person is your partner, relative, friend, or stranger.

We set boundaries to clarify which behaviors are acceptable to ourselves and which cannot be tolerated in interpersonal relationships;

Similarly, we also need to perceive the boundaries of others and which are acceptable to the other party Yes, what makes the other party uncomfortable.

Only in this way can we adjust our behavior or suggest that the other party make adjustments.

In this way, we can get a comfortable and satisfying relationship with each other.

When you feel that the way your husband and his sister get along is beyond your "acceptance", it means:

His behavior is "out of bounds" by you ”.

Leaving the original family does not mean unfamiliar and "not in love" Separation from the original family and forming a new family of your own is a process of continuous growth and maturity.

In this process, we have to learn how to deal with the relationship with the original family.

A good relationship should be close but not controlled, bordered but not alienated.

This requires the joint efforts of all family members to achieve it.

It is undeniable, it is difficult.

Your husband has been in a close relationship with his sister since he was a child, and this relationship has been maintained for nearly 30 years.

After he left his original family and formed a new family with you, he probably hasn’t fully adapted to him. New identity-your husband.

The role of "husband" means that he needs to gradually realize that husband and wife relationship is the most important in the family relationship.

A healthy family, husband and wife will always be the first , followed by the children, both parents and other members.

At the same time, this role also means that needs to be completely separated from his native family .

The separation process may cause his anxiety and anxiety.

is worried that the family will become unfamiliar due to "separation" and become less intimate, and even afraid that they will mistakenly think that "you don't love us, you dislike us".

After all, we have been educated since we were young to "marry a daughter-in-law not to forget our mother". The boundaries of the original newborn family have always been blurred.

We often have a misunderstanding that our partner is unwilling to leave the original family and unwilling to understand our feelings.

In fact, it is not. In many cases, it is because the "enemy" is too powerful, and it is too difficult to separate from my family.

So sometimes, he clearly says that he understands your "discomfort", but still can't do anything.

He doesn't care about you, he just didn't grow up.

What will you do at this time?

Do you continue to blame your husband for "crossing the boundary"? Or choose to stand with him and support him to continue to "separate"?

"Separation" does not mean "do not love" .

On the contrary, it is to let your husband learn, how to love his family more boundary , how to give you more company and love.

And these, you need to tell him.

Your partner’s separation requires your support

You said, "I don’t want him to be embarrassed between family and love." "Also I don’t want their brother and sister to be so close.”

For these contradictions and feelings, you can try to talk to your husband.

In communication, you may gradually understand why their relationship is so close?

Maybe your husband will tell you, "When I was young, my mother was always away from home, and my sister brought me up." Or "When I was bullied by other children, It’s my sister who helped me out"...

At this time, your more emotions may be empathy and understanding, rather than "imbalance".

If you are still uncomfortable, you can try to express your dissatisfaction clearly, similar to "some of your behaviors make me feel unacceptable, such as what or something".

This can help your husband realize: He needs to make adjustments, he needs to respect your feelings, and he needs to adapt to his new role.

As I said before, this process may be difficult for him.

30 years of habit, suddenly want to change, you need your support and understanding.

Each of us takes the brand of our original family and goes to a new family.

Many times, even if they are physically separated, they are still stuck together psychologically.

But I believe, as long as you let your husband understand: "Separation" is not to sever the relationship, but to distance appropriately, not to be overly dependent, and independent of each other.

At the same time, let him feel that he has your company on the road of "separation".

He will definitely change.

How to love the native family with boundaries is a process that requires continuous learning.

I hope you can harvest and make each other comfortable and satisfied.

is written at the end