My aunt cried bitterly when she told me the bad news, so I hurried home from Beijing. It was already late at night when I got home. Grandma has been unwell for three days, and dad has been busy inside and outside for three days, and is exhausted physically and mentally;

When tears are streaming down my face, I can only express my longing for my grandma hypocritically by recording it in words... Because I owe her so much ~

I took my grandma out to play on the first day of the new year of 2019, and she was very happy.

My grandma has been unwell for three days, and my father has been busy inside and outside for three days. He is exhausted physically and mentally. My second sister and I asked him to rest first, and we would stay at the funeral for the first half of the night...

So I took out my computer and sat in front of the mourning hall, trying to finish the work of the past two days, and chat with my second sister about grandma!

The second sister said: "Grandma was afraid that she would not see a doctor for him. Grandma suffered a lot. If it weren't for the epidemic, grandma would have been fine. Our dad said he would celebrate grandma's 80th birthday next year, but he didn't make it in time..."

Grandpa passed away early. An old man will become fragile if he is alone for a long time. Everyone in our family is not good at this. Grandma is in good health, and she usually works in the vegetable fields when she can't have any free time. Yes, if you are not infected, if the local hospital accepts patients normally, if the hospital does not adopt the policy of "sending all -positive patients home regardless of age," the condition will not worsen, and grandma will not leave us so soon... (at the wake at 01:05 on December 29, 2022...)

The second aunt was worried, so she got up and sat next to me for a while. I said to go and rest. I had slept in the car, so I just stared;

She got up and limped twice, walked to the funeral, lit two sticks of incense, turned around and went back to the house... Her steps were much heavier, she had old illnesses and longing...

It was five o'clock in the morning My mother and aunt got up to replace me, but I didn't feel sleepy at all and didn't want to sleep;

refilled the incense 6 times in one night. Every time I saw the photos in the mourning hall, I asked myself, will we never see each other again? How could it be?

The body is lying in front of me, separated by a coffin, but it feels like it has been away from me for a long time, far away from me. It obviously happened today;

I can't believe it, and I can't accept it...The tears flowed down again...

December 29, 2022 05:18

After grandma left, the next day

there were many people at home during the day, friends came to visit one after another, and we talked a lot. At this time, we would forget about being sad;

I went to bed at 10 o'clock in the evening, fearing that there would be too many things to handle the next day, so I wanted to go to bed early. Tomorrow is the coffin sealing ceremony.

suddenly woke up after sleeping for a few minutes. He closed his eyes again but couldn't fall asleep. He could only force himself to close his eyes and rest. I don't know how long it took, but he was still awake.

Many images of grandma appeared in front of me, some smiling at me, some with expressions of illness and pain, some standing alone far away, and some blurry fragments. Tears flowed out uncontrollably, crying out in pain, unable to breathe, unable to restrain;

Because I really didn’t do anything, grandma left...

I kicked off the quilt, put on my clothes, and walked to the living room;

Dad said, "Go to rest, I'm not asleep!"

I cleared my throat and said, "Well , can't sleep! "

I sat heavily on the sofa, looked at the photos in the mourning hall, shed tears, and started sobbing uncontrollably;

said to my father: "When I close my eyes, it's my grandma. "

At this time, my father's eyes were also red, and he told me what happened that day for the first time:

Grandma was not feeling well at first and went to the hospital for a CT scan and MRI. The doctor said it was nothing, so go back;

I went to the hospital for the second time to find an acquaintance and said that grandma was shaking all over. The doctor said it was okay, go back! It was yang;

After the symptoms subsided for the third time, the condition worsened again, so I went to the county clinic and wanted to have acupuncture, but the old Chinese doctor did not dare to take it.

Grandma said: "I have a stomach problem. I'm not blackmailing anyone. Please help me take a look."”

( After hearing this, tears couldn’t stop flowing down my face. I knew she didn’t want to feel so uncomfortable. She was afraid of leaving so early and couldn’t worry about us~ )

Because grandma vomited a lot when she went out; but she finally came home. Dad carried grandma home. Grandma said her body hurt and asked her to wipe it;

After a while, her condition worsened, so dad and aunt rushed to the hospital again. Within a few minutes in the car, grandma completely lost her strength and died. He fell into his aunt's arms, and his aunt cried for grandma, and grandma groaned; his father quickly came down and pinched her. At this time, they didn't know whether to go to the hospital, because it still took 20 minutes to drive to the hospital, so they first asked the doctor at the nearby clinic. The doctor said that it couldn't be done, and the pupils were dilated... (December 30, 2022 00:50 At the wake)

I hate it, I feel pain, I feel bad ~

Because when an ordinary person is critically ill, hospitals in modern society do not provide inpatient services and do not give rational suggestions. They just send the whole family away with the words "Don't come, just go home~"; I can imagine how helpless and confused my father and aunt were at that time. They could only go home and wait for death, and there was no other way ~

Signs before death

Grandma's physical symptoms eased on the third day. She told her aunt that my body was no longer shaking. At least I could cook, eat and drink, and take care of myself. I didn't need you to wait on me and I wouldn't be a burden to you.

Just when we all thought grandma was getting better, her condition suddenly worsened.

Grandma said that she dreamed about grandpa. She always saw a piece of grass beside her, and there were many things behind the grass. She would occasionally lie down and squint, and her aunt said: "Mom, what's wrong with you?" Grandma came back to her senses and didn’t know what happened just a second ago!

My mother said that my grandfather acted similarly before he died! Maybe this is a sign...

The coffin sealing ceremony

The coffin was sealed at 11 am. The family members walked around the coffin. I stood and watched for a long time. Grandma was wearing a red octagonal velvet hat, covered with a quilt, stuffed with gold ingots . The aunts put away clothes, and dad used alcohol to wash grandma's face...

He slept there like a queen, a queen who would never wake up;

The coffin sealing ceremony began. The old master pounded long nails into the coffin rhythmically and knocked on the coffin. A cry broke out;

the aunts all chanted: "Mom, Mom, don't be afraid, I will build a house and tiles for you."

Repeat it over and over again until the coffin is sealed...

On the third day of the wake,

there will be a funeral and burial tomorrow. Everyone talked until very late. The men drank strong tea and sat silently in front of the funeral. Occasionally chatting a few words, it was another sleepless night...

December 31, 2022 01:31 During the wake

during the funeral

after all relatives offer sacrifices and kneel down in order, they will receive a corn stalk with white paper stuck on it. The men will hold the one with the root, and the women will hold the one without the root. They all walked out of the mourning hall and knelt outside the door;

After the funeral utensils were carried out, the eldest son's father would smash the casserole, and everyone stood up and followed the hearse to the burial;

As the person in charge said: "A filial son kneels down to thank everyone! "

Dad knelt down to thank him, and all the guests stood up to respond~

Grandma and grandpa are completely reunited ~

Send food to grandma

After grandma is buried, according to local custom, when the sun goes down, she will go to the grave to deliver food;

Deliver food to the grave on the first day , delivered it to the entrance of the alley the next day, and delivered it to the door on the third day, and then smashed the glass jar containing the rice. From then on, the yin and yang were separated, and the people of the two worlds were no longer bound...

On the day of the burial, I walked to the grave and was about to put down the rice and leave when I heard two people whispering in a low voice. ;I instantly became nervous and looked around but there was no one around. I suspected that it was the sound coming from the unfenced courtyard in the distance;

I didn’t hesitate and threw the rice in the jar on the grave. I turned around and went home. I passed by the small courtyard and saw that no one was there. I was still a little scared, but This is my dearest grandma. Fear should be a person’s instinctive reaction to these unknown things, and I have mixed feelings in my heart...

When I walked to the intersection, my sister and daughter-in-law who were waiting for me had turned around and walked back. I lit a cigarette, and my mind seemed to be blank.

We couldn't talk, couldn't look back, and could only walk home silently. The three of us lowered our heads and walked slowly, enjoying rare quietness and peace of mind...

After grandma left, I thought a lot ~

I wish all the elderly in the world not to be tortured by illness;

I would like to advise friends, what should you do and say to your loved ones? , be as early as possible and don’t leave regrets for yourself;

Life is meaningless, only family members are healthy and happy; be spiritually rich, materially contented, miss the deceased, and spend more time with the living; go home often~~

#life diary# #epidemic# #Are more elderly people dying than in previous years? Experts explain their doubts# #Media: Many rural elderly people have not survived this winter# #情情# #centenarians cured of new coronavirus infection and discharged from hospital# #shanxi headlines# #linfen headlines#