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For the convenience of reading, the following articles are all told in the first person, and the names that appear are pseudonyms.
My name is Zhang Jieming. I am 40 years old. I have been living alone since my divorce five years ago. Although the life is not very good, it is not too bad. The main reason is that I have no expectations for the future life.
Before, love was everything to me, and my wife and children were the spiritual pillars of my life. But since our marriage broke up, I no longer have any expectations for marriage.
No matter how beautiful the love is, it cannot withstand the passage of time. When the relationship passes away, all that can be left are the complaints against both parties.
If the material foundation is good, I can barely survive, but I am a man who can't make money. I can't satisfy my wife's requirements. My marriage can barely survive to this point, and I am really tired.
It's strange to say that before the divorce, I worked hard at work, but my performance just couldn't improve. I could only get a pitiful salary every month and barely make ends meet.
But since my divorce, I have been cheating on my career. Not only have I signed several big orders one after another, but my position has also been promoted.
Others say that about me, it seems that after the divorce, I put all my energy on work and my career, so I can achieve such achievements now.
Actually, I know that I am just lucky. Maybe God sees me as too pitiful and favors me specially.
Last week, I came to S on a business trip. On the high-speed rail, I unexpectedly met a woman of the same age as me, named Zhou Xia, who was also divorced. Maybe it was because we were in the same boat, so we chatted for a while.
Zhou Xia is a makeup artist, so she is particularly good at dressing herself up. If she didn't tell me, I would have thought she was in her early 30s. Zhou Xia said that she now works alone and works wherever there are clients, so she travels all over the country.
But she thinks this is good, at least she is busy every day and her life is fulfilling.
Zhou Xia is very talkative and humorous. Chatting with her makes me feel relaxed and without any pressure at all.
When we got off the bus, we left each other's contact information and said that if we had the opportunity in the future, we could travel to each other's cities together.
After arriving at S, I began to work nervously. During this period, I often thought of Zhou Xia. She is the only person who has brought me happiness in recent years. But we just met by chance, and I don’t know if we will meet again.
To my surprise, I saw her again soon. That day, I was having dinner with a client when I suddenly received a message from Zhou Xia. I clicked on it and saw a picture.
She is at the exit of S train station in the photo. She told me that her work ended early, and when she passed by S, she got out of the car and wanted to see me.
When I saw the message, I was immediately excited. I quickly called her and told her that we should meet for dinner in the evening. I was accompanying a client and asked her to find a place to stay and rest first. After
finished sending the message, I suddenly felt warm in my heart, as if the passion for life was suddenly ignited. I don't know what this means to me.
In the evening, I successfully met Zhou Xia. I hadn’t seen her for a few days. I thought she was even more beautiful than the last time I saw her on the train.
Zhou Xia told me that she has been thinking about me since the last time we said goodbye. She felt that we were very compatible with each other and wanted to see me again. He also said that I am a very down-to-earth person. There are really not many good people like me nowadays.
Zhou Xia praised me so much that I felt a little embarrassed. I said that I was actually not that good, otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten divorced.
While eating, we talked about our marriages again. The difference between Zhou Xia and me is that she is a very capable woman who can make money, has many ideas, and has many friends. But her husband is a man who doesn't seek advancement.
It’s okay if you don’t seek advancement, and you can be a good person, but at home, you don’t do any housework, and you don’t care about your children. You just hang out with friends all day long, just like before when you were not married.
Zhou Xia said that she got married so that the two of them could work together to make the future better, not worse. It would be better for her to live alone than to live with a bottle of oil.
Therefore, Zhou Xia decisively filed for divorce, and of course her children followed her. Her parents can help take care of her, and she can just concentrate on her career.
I told Zhou Xia that in fact, my career was in a mess before, and I was the kind of person who couldn't climb up no matter how hard I tried. But since the divorce, my career has been improving step by step, which is strange to me.
Zhou Xia said, maybe this is the arrangement of fate, maybe God deliberately arranged for the two of us to meet.
Listening to Zhou Xia's words, I feel warm in my heart. In fact, it's not that I haven't considered remarriage, but now I really don't have the courage to get married again.
But I do like Zhou Xia very much. When I stay with her, I feel that I am sunny, optimistic and confident. I loved this feeling, even obsessed with every moment I spent with her.
In the next few days, we visited many places in S, ate local food, and went to local attractions. The two of us, both 40 years old, were like young lovers in love, happily enjoying the happiness in front of us.
When I was walking in the park that day, Zhou Xia asked me what my plans were for the future. Would I like to follow her, go to her city life, let go of everything in the past, and start over?
Zhou Xia's words made me hesitate for a long time. I want to let go of the past, but I am not mentally prepared yet. Moreover, I am going to a completely unfamiliar city, and I don't know if I can adapt there.
Zhou Xia told me how rare it is for the two of us to meet someone who suits us at this age. She thinks we should both cherish it.
I didn’t answer her directly, I just said that I would think about it. After all, we don’t know much about each other. If we feel it’s inappropriate in the future and break up again, it will be more harmful to all of us.
Zhou Xia seemed a little disappointed with my answer. She didn't speak for a long time, and then we went back to our residences. Early the next morning, Zhou Xia told me that she had received a new job and was planning to leave S.
asked me if I had made a decision, should I go with her?
I rejected her, saying that after all, I still have a lot of things to deal with in my work and life. This time I came to S for a business trip, and I had to go back to resume my life, so we should be busy with our respective jobs for the time being. As for the future, we will think about it slowly and not be in a hurry.
That afternoon, I sent Zhou Xia away from S. When I was leaving, she hugged me and said that she was really happy to meet me. She hoped that I could give her an answer, and she was waiting for me.
Early in the morning the next day, I also left S and returned to my city.
In the days after
, I kept in touch with Zhou Xia. Sometimes she was very busy and took a long time to reply to me. Sometimes, we both had time and could chat for hours.
But after all, long-distance relationships face many problems. When we had almost talked about the topics we wanted to talk about, I suddenly realized that I was on the phone and didn’t know what to say.
Zhou Xia, on the other hand, is not as warm to me as before. When we are on the phone, we are often so cold that she doesn't know what to say.
In the end, we have less and less topics to talk about. Maybe our lives are no longer in sync.Even though I said that I would go find her after my affairs are settled, Zhou Xia no longer seemed to be looking forward to it.
Finally, this relationship lasted for four months and came to an end.
I feel really sad. After all, this love is really not easy for me, but it is extremely difficult to persist and maintain this relationship.
I don’t know if I can believe in true love again? Is the love of middle-aged people so out of reach?
Maybe we have long lost the persistence in love we had when we were young. Now, I think more about myself. After weighing the pros and cons, we can always make a choice that goes against our own heart.
But is this choice what we really want?
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