What is it like to be with people who have different views?
Just like what was said in The Moon and Sixpence: "You revere heaven and he worships authority. This is a different world view. You Standing on the side of conscience, he is on the side of the winner. This is a difference in values. You work hard for an ideal life, but he works hard to be a good person. This is a difference in your outlook on life. "
When we are with people with different values, we will feel heartbroken, helpless and even want to separate. Different values lead to different responses to many things.
At this time, good and effective communication is particularly important. When differences arise and conflicts intensify, active communication can calm each other down, listen to each other's ideas and suggestions, and start from a more practical perspective, without harming each other's relationship, and making things successful.
"Anyway, the emergence of differences in values is a good opportunity for lovers to re-examine each other and reconcile with each other." How to seize this opportunity to warm up the relationship between each other, the following 5 ways are worth trying.
♡ Pay attention to daily communication
There is a theory in psychology called " social penetration theory ": Self-exposure is the core of developing relationships. The higher the degree of self-exposure, the higher the level of intimacy in the relationship.
In other words, whether we are willing to tell each other our thoughts, interesting things in life, or complaints about each other is directly related to whether you are close or not.
"We are together every day, there is nothing to say."
"I can guess what her response is, but it is very boring."
The couple has been dating for a long time, and they have become more familiar with each other and have a tacit understanding. I always feel that it is useless to say it. Even if I don't say it, everyone understands it, so I won't say it at all.
As everyone knows, the more people do not communicate like this, the more problems will arise. How to effectively avoid the burnout period of this kind of communication? Focusing on daily communication is the best way.
Two people can selectively share the things that happened in the day, their own thoughts and opinions with each other. What they share is life and what they communicate are small things, but they can invisibly blend in with each other's values and increase their recognition of each other.
After all, the more time passes and the more familiar they become, the more slack they become and never proactively engage in daily communication, and the more difficult it is to deal with the differences between two people.
♡Don’t be more serious
"As long as it does not involve issues of principle, to a certain extent, we can do it for each other Choose to compromise. Being truthful can only mean that you don’t love the other person that much. What you love most is yourself. "
Compromising appropriately and changing for the other party does not mean that you are the weak one and you are being forced. If moderate changes can make the relationship between two people better, isn't this a good thing?
For example, if your boyfriend likes to wear casual clothes and you like him to wear formal clothes, forcing him to wear formal clothes all the time will make him unhappy. It is better to only occasionally wear formal clothes on formal occasions and wear casual clothes that he likes at other times. After all, the most important thing is that he feels comfortable when the clothes are on him;
If she disagrees with you and you always want to convince her and pretend to be based on your ideas, she may agree temporarily, but when she actually stays in this home, she will still be very regretful.
Women stay at home longer than men, so pretending to be her own preferences will make her stay more comfortable and enjoyable. What's wrong with making appropriate compromises?
♡Tell the other person your unhappiness in a timely manner
Instead of consuming each other with guessing, it is better to tell the other person your truest thoughts directly, and tell him your unhappiness and real needs in a timely manner. Mutual suspicion will only make each other go further and further away.
When there is a conflict of values between us and the other party, we will feel angry and uncomfortable, and we will feel angry and unwilling. At the same time, you may also be complaining in your heart, why is he like this? How could he think so?
Instead of sulking alone and thinking randomly in your heart, it is better to tell the other person about your worries and unhappiness, so that he can understand your mood in time and pay attention to your feelings.
But the premise is that the purpose of our communication is to solve the problem, not to vent our inner dissatisfaction and negative emotions.
For example, many times we may have different attitudes and stances on spending money. You are used to saving and spending money in a plan, but she may like to spend money to enjoy and live in the present.
You might as well say to her: "Our income is limited now and the money we save is also very limited. I feel anxious about this. I want to hear your thoughts."
Never say: "Every time you How can you save money if you spend money lavishly and have no plans for the future? "
This violates the meaning of our communication. We communicate to better solve problems, not to vent our inner dissatisfaction and vent our anger on the other party.
♡Convey your happiness to your partner
Everyone has a different definition of happiness. The happiness we understand may not be the happiness in the eyes of our partners. We will inevitably impose our own definition of happiness on the other person, and think that the other party should accept it as a matter of course. In fact, this is not the case.
We should not only tell each other our unhappiness, but also narrow the gap between you by telling each other your understanding of happiness, so that the other person can understand you better.
Only when the other person knows the things that can really make you happy, they will be more attentive to you and appear more leisurely in their daily interactions in the future. Otherwise, it will just be a waste of effort, thankless, and may even make you unhappy.
At the same time, share your happiness with the other person, shorten the distance between each other, and let him understand you from your better side and enter your life.
As a saying goes: "Two people who love each other can learn more about each other and add to their relationship by discussing the things that care about each other and the things that make each other happy."
♡ Don’t let anger take over your mind
When there is a conflict of values with our partner, we will feel angry immediately. They will involuntarily criticize, control, and accuse the other person to prove that their point of view is correct and to want the other person to listen to them.
Often at this time, we are easily controlled by anger and say things and words that we regret later, making originally small things and conflicts worse. When we want to make up for it, it may be too late.
We can practice deliberately to prevent anger from occupying our brains and stay awake to avoid the situation becoming serious.
Therefore, it is extremely important to learn to listen. We cannot blindly emphasize ourselves and express our own ideas, while ignoring the other party's ideas and attitudes.
Listening is also skillful. Learn to listen and listen patiently to what the other party has to say; do not overemphasize your own opinions and make the other party feel disrespected; pay attention to the shining points of the other party during the listening process and appreciate the other party more.
Zhang Chaoyang once said: "People must have strong values. Life without values and principles is very painful."
In relationships, we cannot lose our own values and bottom line of principles because of love, but two people will inevitably have conflicts because of different values. At this time, don't rush to deny this relationship and the other person, and don't rush to think about whether you are inappropriate.
Communicate well, express sincerely, listen carefully, and try your best to narrow the differences in values between you. Even if you have different values, you can live well together.
or above, please encourage us!
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