Loyalty is the bottom line of marriage. Whenever this red line is crossed, no matter how deep the relationship between husband and wife is, it will be affected. It can range from divorce and separation, to clean up the family, , or to the loss of reputation. After all, few people can accept their significant other's betrayal of marriage.
But there are always exceptions in everything, and there are still some people who choose to forgive when faced with the fact that their partner has cheated. Perhaps it is because they love deeply and are unwilling to give up the relationship.
Have you ever had a marital relationship with betrayal and how sincere it is? How practical is life for both parties?
45-year-old cheating woman: You have forgiven me, why are you still torturing me? Husband: It’s you who are atonement.
Narrator, 45-year-old Ms. Chen:
I am 45 years old and have a child who is studying well. He is good at studying and sensible. He usually does not worry me. I have a seemingly stable and harmonious family. However, in the past two years, it has become more and more difficult and my life has become worse and worse. Today, every day is a kind of torture for me. I cannot blame others for all this. It is all my fault.
I betrayed my marriage two years ago. At that time, I always felt that my married life was really difficult. I have been married to my husband for more than ten years, and our relationship has become weaker and weaker, and life has become more and more boring. Except for the two of us who can say a few words about the children every day, we are busy with each other at other times. We can't even say a few words when we sit at the same table to eat, and quarrels are inevitable. Sleeping in separate rooms has become our daily life. It is definitely disappointing, and this disappointment also led to my subsequent extramarital affairs.
I have had three extramarital affairs. The first one lasted the longest and lasted for nearly a year. It was an old classmate of mine. We attended a class reunion and left contact information. Because we were classmates, and his conditions were relatively good, I liked him quite a lot. In this way, we developed a good impression and further contact.
To be honest, I struggled with my first extramarital affair for a long time. On the one hand, I was moved by the joy and care that the extramarital affair brought me, but on the other hand, I was worried that my impulsiveness would lead to My marriage broke down, and eventually I got divorced. I didn’t dare to take that step. The reason I finally took that step was because my husband ignored me. He didn’t know how to care about me at all. After being extremely disappointed, I also chose to cheat, and I had my first extramarital affair.
The extramarital affair lasted for a long time. I also got a lot of satisfaction during the extramarital affair. He bought me gifts, cared about my life, and helped relieve the pressure of my life. It made me feel that it was a real relationship and that he meant his heart to me. I paid a lot to cover up the extramarital affair. If nothing else, I just talked about sleeping in separate rooms. I persisted for a year. During that year, my relationship with my husband basically consisted of a small quarrel every three days and a big quarrel every five days. We would quarrel no matter what, no matter what.
But I became disappointed with my relationship with my lover after he confessed his feelings to me. The relationship between me and him also gradually became distant, until we finally broke up.
Although the end of the first extramarital affair brought me some disappointment and sadness, it did not make me stop the extramarital affair completely. Instead, I pinned my sad feelings on the second and third extramarital affairs. Later, I gradually understood that extramarital affairs rarely have true feelings, but extramarital affairs can bring me more touching, more different cares and concerns, which is much better than marriage.
Just when I was addicted to the vanity and care brought by extramarital affairs and couldn't extricate myself, my husband's sudden discovery gave me a blow and brought me back to real life. Because of our marital discord, we often quarreled and slept in separate rooms. But one time I forgot to take my mobile phone when I was taking a shower. As a result, he saw the messages on my mobile phone, and the matter was revealed.
At that moment, I felt like the sky was falling. The previous dissatisfaction and complaints about my husband suddenly turned into guilt. All kinds of apologies, all kinds of regrets, all kinds of reasons to defend myself, but these words seemed to have no effect in the face of the fact of cheating. His scolding and anger towards me continued. Then came one after another, and divorce became the only option at that time. I cried and made trouble all night, from apologizing and feeling guilty to complaining and blaming in turn, just to alleviate my guilt and to get a chance to live a good life, because I had never thought about divorce. To me, extramarital affairs were just to pass the time and to entrust a relationship.
We had a cold war for more than half a month, and finally got married without divorcing. For the sake of my children and my life, in order to make him trust me, I wrote a letter of guarantee, promising that I would never do anything to betray the marriage in the future, and that I would live a good life in the future. If I couldn't do it, I would make up for my mistakes at the cost of leaving the house.
In this way, I returned to my family and started to live a good life. He also forgave me and was willing to give me a chance. But just when I thought my life could slowly go on in a good direction, reality gave me another blow, because these days were only torture for me.
In my life after returning to my family, I worked hard time and again to assume the responsibility of a good wife and mother. I cooked meals in different ways every day, and the house was always clean. I maintained enough enthusiasm to face life and my husband. In the past, we often quarreled over trivial matters, but Nowadays, even if he does something that makes me very unhappy, I will not be angry, I will tolerate it, and I will not be angry. After all, I am ashamed of him. However, I thought that my enthusiasm would make him truly forget the previous things and truly forgive me and live a good life. However, his attitude is still indifferent, and he even treats me worse and worse, especially in two aspects.
Firstly, in terms of finance, he withdrew all the deposits and applied for a new bank card. They were all stored in the new card. He would hardly let me interfere, and he would not care about my own salary at home. As long as I don't ask for money, he won't give me a lot of expenses. Sometimes even if I ask him for money, he will ask all kinds of questions, and even have to read the bill clearly, which makes me feel more and more like a nanny, an unpaid nanny. This family seems to have nothing to do with me.
The second aspect is his attitude towards me. After returning to my family, I have always made a lot of contributions to him and this family, and I have always treated life enthusiastically. However, he has always had a cold attitude towards me, indifferent, and he fell ill several times. I didn't feel well, so he just sent me to the hospital. After the examination, he prescribed medicine and came back. He only made do with cooking and eating. There was no emotion at all. I felt helpless. If it had been before, I would have had a huge quarrel with him, but now even if I have a temper, I can't express it to him.
These two aspects of things make me suffer every day. I don’t know how to deal with this marriage relationship, and I don’t know how to live a more free and easy life like before. I feel guilty and know that I did something wrong first. I have resentment in my heart. No matter how much resentment I have, I can’t express it. I can only endure such a life of seemingly closeness but still alienation.
There are times when I can't help it. We had a big fight about money some time ago. My brother's child is getting married and buying a house. He asked me to borrow some money, but when I asked my husband for money, he hesitated and refused to give it. I agreed to lend him 30,000, but he couldn't. It was my husband who was only willing to take 10,000 yuan and asked me to write an IOU before he would give it to me. We were a family, but he insisted on being so disrespectful, which made me embarrassed inside and outside. Finally, I vented all my grievances. I asked him:
"It's been a year." Yes, you have obviously forgiven me, it has been so long, I have written a letter of guarantee, and I have told you everything you know, why can't you live a good life, why do you keep torturing me! "
But he said:
"I didn't torture you, you were atonement. It's not that I don't want to live a good life, it's that we can't live a good life. When I see you, I think of your cheating. I also know that you are working hard and trying to live a good life, but I can't, I can't get over that hurdle in my heart. "
I asked him again:
"Then how can you get over that hurdle and how can you live a good life like before? "
He sighed:
"If you can't live with it, if you can't go back, just live like this. When one day you really can't stand it anymore, divorce. ”
His words made my heart It's been a year, but I still can't return to a normal life because of the damage caused by the extramarital affair. As he said, I can only live a makeshift life now. I don't want to get divorced because I haven't thought about how to live after divorce. I want to live a good life. , I want to live a good life, but because of the obstacle between us, I have been unable to live as before. But all this can only be blamed on me, my mistakes at the time, and my mistakes in the first place. If I could start over, I would never cheat or betray my marriage.
is written at the end:
Therefore, the harm caused by an extramarital affair is not only emotional. No matter whether the final result of the extramarital affair is divorce or forgiveness, the gap it brings cannot be truly resolved, as Ms. Chen's husband said, " Just like "Atonement", once the cornerstone of trust collapses, no matter how high-rise buildings are built behind it, no matter how much you try to make up for it, it will never be as strong as before. Extramarital affairs are like a pebble hidden in a mirror. It may look smooth before it is broken, but once it is broken, the crack can never be repaired, and the mirror can never be made whole again.
If your marriage is not going well, you may be able to make it better by changing your lifestyle and the way you talk. But once you cheat or betray, there will be no room for turning back.
Marriage is not easy, but it needs to be done and cherished.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-